Bonus Request Topic/Quest Turn-in Topic

[Luci]

Limits of Skill
Quest or Personal Storyline: Personal Storyline
Participating characters (please list): Ricter Casenger
Total character count including spaces: 96,898
Total word count: 18,576

I AWARD THIS THREAD THE GREAT BONUS
OM EARNED: 968.95

MECHANICS (SPELLING, GRAMMAR, RULES): Much better, and thank you for not using colored text. On that note, there is something you can do to help differentiate speech, and it happens to be grammatically correct. You just add a new line when a new character is speaking. Check out the spoiler below if you are interested.

[spoiler]
ORIGINAL
Again, causing him to take a moment of reprieve before he would rear up again for more attacks, the battle was beginning to get a bit more heated as Ricter avoided another slam from them, all the while calling out. “This is insane! What will any of this accomplish!?” Of course the other doctors behind the glass could hear them, Dr. Sorrel soon pressing a big button on the other side, letting the speaker turn on again before saying, “As much as you think it will, keep it up, your doing well.” However instead of stopping the microphone and allowing it to cut off she would turn back to the other doctors asking them.

WITH LINE BREAK
Again, causing him to take a moment of reprieve before he would rear up again for more attacks, the battle was beginning to get a bit more heated as Ricter avoided another slam from them, all the while calling out. “This is insane! What will any of this accomplish!?”

Of course the other doctors behind the glass could hear them, Dr. Sorrel soon pressing a big button on the other side, letting the speaker turn on again before saying, “As much as you think it will, keep it up, your doing well.” However instead of stopping the microphone and allowing it to cut off she would turn back to the other doctors asking them.

[/spoiler]

PLOT/PACING: This is my favorite part of reading your threads. You would expect a 18k word thread to be very flowery, to have over-descriptive writing. You would expect the plot to drag on, with the action being sparse and most of the thread building suspense. This is not the case with this thread. If anything, your descriptions are sparse and you have little inner-dialouge. Literally the whole thread is plot and action, it doesn’t slow down at all.

CHARACTERIZATION: This is a broad catagory, covering both how well you stick to your character, as well as how much they grow. I think Dr Sorell was an intriguing character, who more than once broke the trope of a typical lady doctor. I know that introspection is not a big part of your writing style, but I would have liked to see a little more character development from Ricter over the course of 18k words and a possibly traumatizing adventure.

AESTHETIC/DESCRIPTION: Here we have good and bad. Your description of the treant dying was beautiful. The actions scenes were outstanding. I think when it comes to the visual aspect of telling a story, you’ve got it down. I think you should apply the same skills you have with describing the visual aspects of the story to describing the emotional aspects of the story.
CREATIVITY: Top marks. From the characters, to the plot, to the setting, everything was very unique.

OVERALL: It’s great to see you using the Omniverse as intended; for fun and epic storytelling. Looking forward to reading more from you!

*Fiscal irregularities resolved!*
-Kelly