06-03-2018, 10:24 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-03-2018, 10:25 PM by Wyatt the Swift.)
(06-01-2018, 08:26 PM)Shantotto Wrote: The paper swordsman and the midget mage.
http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=9995
Faction Quest/ Personal storyline.
Participating characters: Shantotto, Serraph, Emps
Total word counts: Shantotto (5,231) Serraph (4,163) Emps (197)
Total character count including spaces: Shantotto (28.901) Serraph (23,467) Emps (1096)
I award Serraph Quarrere and Shantotto the Participation Bonus as well as the GREAT bonus for their thread.
I award the Participation Bonus to The Emperor Of Mankind
Serraph Quarrere OM Earned: 469.34
Shantotto OM Earned: 578.02
The Emperor Of Mankind OM Earned: 10.96
Serraph’s Judging
Mechanics: Spelling/Grammar/Rules
About the same level as me, so room for improvement. Like Luci, you write Serraph with an uncommon tense, so I feel your pain.
Plot/Pacing: Excellent. You drive the plot forward very naturally, and while Serraph maybe be verbose and booklike his descriptions are very reader-freindly.
Characterization: I like Serraph. He is more than a magical bookworm, and we get to see some that in his reactions to the plant disaster and his relationship with Shantotto.
Aesthetic/Description: You stick very naturally to Shantotto’s style. Your action scene was truly, Post #6 was something special.
Creativity: Good marks again for Post #6, which I assume is Serraph using his Cero move? The mysterious woman in your last post was also a very intriguing plot thread to leave drifting around.
Shantotto’s Judging
Mechanics: Spelling/Grammar/Rules
Fantastic
Plot/Pacing: Interesting. You write with the steady narrative of a fantasy novel, but your plot moves at something closer to action-fantasy. Your conversations between characters are generally seem more focused upon than the action. This is ok, it creates a pretty cool effect actually.
Characterization: Fantastic, you really drew me into this character, and were consistent in her motivations and style. An adorable reimagining of a stuffy old wizard, a poised and competent mouse-mage. I would have liked to see her character develop a bit more, but maybe we will see it in a longer thread.
Aesthetic/Description: This is where you really pushed above and beyond. The flowery way you describe the world is in keeping with Shantotto’s character. The way you describe her movements and especially her spells are beautiful.
Creativity: Another place I think you excelled a lot. The way Shantotto navigates the quest, the way she realistically approaches and overcomes challenges, this fits with her character and draws in the reader.
Writing Chemistry: Fantastic, with a notable exception towards the end. Serraph and Shantotto are made for each other, and the aesthetic of your thread reflects that.
Cool thread!
-----Wyatt Incoming---------