Bonus Request Topic/Quest Turn-in Topic

[Luci]

Gangsters, Grudges, & Ganking
Personal
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Takanomiya Hijiri
11,993 words
67,556 characters
Arin (NPC Prime of Cassandra Myst)
2,827 words
15,663 characters

I award the Participation bonus in this thread to Cassandra Myst and Takanomiya Hijiri
I award the GREAT bonus for this thread to Takanomiya Hijiri.

Takanomiya Hijiri OM Earned: 1351.12
Cassandra Myst OM Earned: 156.63


I’m only grading Hijiri, although Mysty contributed to the story as well, not enough was written to give it a full judging. I do think she played her NPCs well, and fit very much the theme and feeling of the thread, writing very naturally with Hijiri.

Mechanics: Spelling/Grammar/Rules
Pretty good.

Plot/Pacing: I don’t know about the pacing of the thread. You built up a whole chunk of plot that ends up being a vignette. Don’t get me wrong, vignette’s are cool, but it kind of clashes with your Style.

The Plot was excellent; a self-contained story that push Hijiri’s personal plot forward. His transformation was likewise spectacular. The action scenes came through very naturally as well, although the frame-by-frame pacing made the fight lag a little longer than I would have prefered.

Characterization: Oh jeez Steve and Arin are beautiful. From the car, to the secondaries, to the attitude, everything. I like the way they lean in to the omniverse, joking around about the omniphysics.

Hijiri, as always, is a well thought-out character with realistic actions and reactions. His character and his plot move together seamlessly, as Hijiri pushes his own story forward with internal consistency. He is rapidly becoming one of the most terrifying beings in the Omniverse.

He also pushes his story directly into Luci’s; so points there.

Aesthetic/Creativity: First off, the storm troopers were amazing, the whole encounter was hilarious. Steve and Arin bring some light-hearted antics set against a backdrop of ultraviolence. The whole thread had a very Tarantino/Deadpool kind of vibe.

The final fight was epic, both dramatically gritty and action-packed.

Style: Hiriri your writing style has a very high ceiling. You write a lot of words, yo. In my opinion, if you’re going to use a bunch of words they should be good words. This is where you succeed. You make every one of your many words count, and you make every scene interesting and worth reading.

Writing Chemistry: Yes and no. Yes, you guys wrote great together; I love that campy gangster sh*t. Still the difference in word count between posts is a little weird. It’s not to say you guys didn’t write a good thread together, but maybe next time talk about how long you expect your posts to be.