(05-17-2018, 01:18 AM)Ash Wrote: Same Shit, Different Day
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Ash, The Storm Demon
Characters 22451
Words 4173
I award the GREAT bonus to this thread
OM Earned 224.51
You really start out with seven paragraphs about Ash summoning and riding a horse and make it awesome. We learn so much about Ash and it is done so subtly that you can't even feel your head being shoved full of Ash-related trivia.
You then ruthlessly convert a standard random-encounter into a drama with a simple perspective switch, and introduce us to the lovable npcs very smoothly. You are also able to show us the epic nature of Ash's power from the eyes of the NPCs, a brave choice that paid off. You end the fight in classic Ash fashion.
You then zoom in to show what the character feels is important; the lust-demon is less interested in fireside chat with all the novel characters and more interested in her tryst, which is why we have an overlong focus on their flirtations. Even in your final post, Leon and Ash's parting get's all the attention, while the many miles from Camelot to the Nexus and unabashedly consigned to a single sentence. Savage expectation subversion.
Keep up the good work! P.S. dibs on judging Ash's next thread!
EDIT by Blink: Updated OM