Let's Read: Book Club #9

[Gilgamesh]

First book club lets go

Monster Meets King:

Perfect writing 10/10. Just Kidding, anyways even though this is my own topic I know I am not perfect. I feel like is use too many Pronouns or Names in a row. One paragraph I would decide to use only he and the other would be all Gilgamesh's and I feel like even though it was way worse at a point, that it still continues to be a problem for me at least. I also feel as if I develop my dialogue more than I develop the scene around it, I'm not sure if I'm the only one that feels this but I just have an easier time writing what people say, however I occasionally break character just to solve a plot problem that Gilgamesh would not do in a normal circumstance.

As for Eudocia's writing, I really enjoy the extra insight into what her thought's are and the way she speaks. While she may be polite and reserved she has an entire conversation in her head, something that I forget to do. I personally find her contradicting politeness very funny in contrast to the bloodthirsty demon that lurks beneath her innocent smile, the various scenes where she asks to eat children and where she plays with 'Gevi." Her childlike innocence is also perfect for Gilgamesh's plans…muahahah. But for real they do flow along very well and they don't clash.

One criticism I have is that it isn't really clear when she is in thought or when she is speaking. Sometimes you have her thoughts in italics and her speaking in bold and sometimes there isn't anything. During those points it disconnects me and it causes a break in the writing and I assumed she's thinking before I read any further. I also did this very atrociously before but it would be easier to read if you had speaking parts in a completely separate paragraph, it helps make the paragraphs into shorter bite-size chunks and it is much easier on the eyes. That's it though, your writing is very nice.

Cinnabon Isle Arc:

I personally couldn't find a lot to critique about, the story is very good, as i've read most of it before. I like the way you write but sometimes I find myself confused and I have to go back because sometimes you contradict yourself. Such as the fight with the Infernape i feel like I had to reread it several times because I felt like it was missing something.

On the positive side, this was very well written and I cannot help but love whenever Buggy speaks because you write him hilariously! It's so funny and the scene with the bleeding crown made me chuckle. Slowking is awesome and while Buggy may be annoyed with him, I certainly am not. You also create good suspense through the use of dialog of NPC's. I do not know what else to say, this was very well written.

Between the Velvet Lies:

Reading some of Dio's past works I'm very glad to see some of my suggestions being noticed . You use a lot less Dio's now but his cockiness still continues to be a source of humor throughout the post. Your use of comedy and Dio's abusive nature even to the evils that would terrorize a normal human being is also pretty enjoyable to read. The use of dialog is very nice and the transition from the hectic beginning to the satisfaction that Dio sees at the end. Also your use of vocabulary is very nice and paints a very nice picture.

Some criticism i have is that sometimes, particularly that one LARGE speech, it feels like he is talking forever, while you could have easily broken it up into smaller chunks with some description of the servant's reaction and wincing to his verbal abuse. Also i appreciate that you broke your sentences into smaller chunks where they were more bite size, but you still tend to abuse commas while you could easily have made something into two sentences. Otherwise it was a very nice post.