NEO HYPER Book Club #2 (28 may - 11 jun)

[Gilgamesh]

I'll be doing my review post by post so prepare for that

Straizo-
I was a little lost in the beginning but that was due to me not reading your previous threads. You quickly catch up the reader so that was pleasant.
"weathered women with soft white hair" not sure if it's just me but this seems like a contradiction. A weathered woman I think of as rugged and the soft hair proves to be opposite to that.
That plot twist with the granny being in on it was nice. It was a pleasant fight scene.
Sometimes you could do better by showing rather than telling.
for example, you blatantly hit the reader in the head with "This was his power, he could control his blood and turn it into a macabre weapon. " You could make this better by demonstrating this power, which you do with the blood tendrils. That would be super cool and unexpected to a new reader and familiar to an old reader.

Gildarts-
You write very clear scenes but sometimes you word things weirdly, for example "A rain of rock " just reads weird even though I know what you mean. You do this a lot with sentences that make sense but could be worded slightly different to make it easier on the readers eyes.

"A single pull of her reflex and out came the cry of her readied gun as his flesh was littered in hot lead." this has the same problem.

Straizo-

"“Christa” she answered curtly, the barrel of her rifle stilled jammed against the man’s temple. Isaac stood up and raised his hand in a non-threatening manner." This is great. I learn a lot about both characters with a simple interaction. It also made me smile.

So you have in giant text the "BANG BANG BANG" while this provides a great contrast to the earlier statements the visual draws the reader to it immediately. All the suspense was lost cause I already saw the soldier was getting shot. This would have had a better effect if

So i love the contrast in character's you portray. Isaacs mercy and helplessness with Christa's jaded, killng nature provide for great banter.

Gildarts-
Is Smitty the bartender? You never named him before so I have no clue.
You still create great scenery and have very vivid imagery. This is a strong suit of yours.
Not sure if it's intentional but with your posts combined with Straz's I feel like Christa is the antagonist to the story. I immediately connect to Issac and like the character a lot. Your point of view solidifies that and make him more likable by contrasting it with your character's. If this is intentional, great!

Straz-
"She grabbed the glass and eyed Isaac’s offer carefully. Her sharp eyes scanned his weathered face for signs of deception. He offered no trickery and instead gave her a soft smile. Reluctantly she clinked her glass against his and they downed their respective booze. Isaac finally felt the kick of the liquor and tapped his hand on the counter. “Alright, you win. I’m at my limit” he lied. Even after the incredible amount of alcohol he consumed the Bloodlance could have kept going, but he could tell Christa wanted the victory more than him.
She laughed at him and patted him on the back “what’s wrong old man? Can’t keep up?”

Isaac shrugged and raised his hand in surrender “I guess not.”"

This was a primo interaction. You create a great love for the duo and I'm becoming more attached to the characters.

“We heard you an’ your girlyfriend here were causin’ some trouble, bad-mouthing our boys and such.”

Oh fuck don't piss Christa off. You dun goofed.

“Yeah!” Christa swung the boot of her weapon into the thug’s chest, knocking him off balance “because we’re about to fuck this place up!”

YEEAHP. This is satisfying. Great job

Gildarts-
"RESPECT THIS!" -Great A+ banter. This is great.

Great fight scene. Thrilling, nice banter but again you fall into the same trap in which you have awkward phrasing.
"The voice of reason. What a surprise. "- Great insight into your character's mind.

Overall the rest of your posts show the same tendencies in which you two keep on helping with your strong suits and compensating the other's weaknesses. For Straizo I would recommend a great bonus and Gild you're very close to exempllary but for now I wouldn't give a bonus just due to the awkward phrasing