NEO HYPER Book Club #1 (14-28 May)

[Sasuke Uchiha]

Gimmie that OM! *Crunch!*

I read this story’s precursor, so let me just say, I’m excited already. I’ve finished the first half of the first post and already I am reminded of how envious I am of your talent. You have a nice way of creating a flow with your story that not only keeps the reader intrigued, but asking what’s going to happen next. (Suspense) You seem to do this effortlessly. 

In his conversation with Roll, she mentioned that the ‘dragon slayers’ were already the buzz in Coruscant, much to the chagrin of the imperial news networks. It seemed that most of the middle- and lower- classes saw the group as something akin to rockstars, but the Empire’s bureaucracy was attempting to downplay the incident, given the fact that two of its most recent Primes had taken part in defeating a menace to the Kingdom.

I love world building and I love how you’ve given us the Empire’s perspective on the then current event. Kuddos.

While his visor was also gone, Proto Man retained his sunglasses, because you should always protect yourself from harmful UV rays!

Question, does Proto wear his sunglasses at night? I’m just asking, no offense. Don’t mess with the guy in shades, oh no.

The Ashen Plains was an abysmal place. For all its crime, malice, and lack of liberty, Coruscant was still a more hospitable verse. Overhead, the skies were a menacing shade of red that was unlike anything Proto Man had ever seen. Even the clouds, where they were present, were black and ominous. All the nearby landmarks were dark mountains of some sort, whether they were active volcanoes, calderas, or natural formations. Far to the northeast, one mountain jutted far above its peers. Based on information pulled from the Dataverse, he could wager a guess he was looking at Death Mountain, which was home to the verse’ population of dragons.

Superb scene setting skill here mate. I’m there, you brought me. It’s miserable, you bastard.

I enjoyed Heatman’s part in this post. I like how he intends to use the zones hazardousness to deal with Proto. A lot of us get caught up in super powered battles and forget that clever conflict is just as fun, if not more for the reader.

I loved the eerie pleasantness of the conversation between Heatman and Proto, right before Proto calls out Heatman for roasting some travelers.

I like how I dunno where this story is going, in a good way. I thought this was Proto vs Heatman, now maybe its Proto and Heatman Vs ??? Good stuff.

OH SNAP. Cell Delta. *eats popcorn*

Everything was a blur. One second, Proto Man and the cyborg were engaged in a standoff, and the next, hell had literally burst forth before them. The initial upsurge of lava blasted a cone of molten rock miles into the crimson skyline of the Ashen Plains. Something else exploded nearby, but before the android could get a grasp of the situation, a hand closed around his wrist. He caught just a glimpse of Heat Man’s stout figure before the other Robot Master yanked him off the rim of the volcano.

I could honestly quote almost every passage of this thread for praise, it’s that good.  

The way you open a post is impressive and really grounds the reader and readies them for the ride they’re in for. I try to model the opening of my posts after your style and I feel like it’s one of the better things about my writing, so I couldn’t give you enough praise for this.

I did feel as though you might have done away with the villain a tad too quickly in this scene, but I’m sure you won’t disappoint with the final showdown, so it’s no biggie.

“It’s this place,” Proto Man whispered, referring to the Omniverse as a whole. “Whatever the Omniverse may be, it’s clear to me that it’s some sort of cosmic dumpster...”
“Dumpster? A trash receptacle?” Heat Man asked as a look of confusion spread across his features.
 
“Sorry,” Proto Man replied, realizing that the machine lacked the skill to appreciate his wordplay.

 
 I Lol’d at Heatman’s not understanding of Proto’s cosmic dumpster joke. Little elements like that really put a polished shine on a story.

Oververse mentions. Nice. I remember when this was, the hype around you going to meet Omni was real. Aaaaand ended on a cliff hanger with Cell Delta popping back up, good, it would have ended flat without it. Nice work.
 
O0o0o0o0o0o0o NOOOOOOO! Heatman!

“The last individual to pull this off was a bipedal turtle,” he added as he removed the tattered remnants of his coat.

Wartortle cheap pop, you dog. *Eats popcorn loving it*

OHHH SNAP! Heatman for the win. I’m glad it was him who blasted that sucka. Nice. The feels.

Awwwwwwwwww, he gave himself over to Proto so Proto could get a nice flashy new move. Lol, Great story. It falls 500 short of the word count for exemplary, but I don’t care, I say you deserve it for this story.