Bonus Request Topic/Quest Turn-in Topic

[Jade Harley]

Hoping to get this one possibly evaluated for at least "great", Please provide feedback in how I can further increase the level of my writing.

Link to topic: Link
Quest or Personal Storyline?: Personal storyline/bounty hunt
Participating characters (please list): Hecate Rothchild, Warren Zimmer, Cirno, Dane Regan
Total character count including spaces (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable): Hecate (21,754) Warren Zimmer (4,390) Cirno (7,680) Dane Regan (5,656)
Total word count (excluding bbcode, images, etcetera. Please do separately for each member if applicable): Hecate (4,002) Warren Zimmer (826) Cirno (1,450) Dane Regan (999)

third time is the charm? or is this thread not eligible for anything?

Hold your horses, dude! It's certainly eligible for a Participation bonus, so don't worry about that, you guys are all getting some extra OMs.

Hecate Rothchild: 111.88 OM (Participation. Only 2,056 words of your posts were written with other players' characters involved, so these are the only posts where the participation bonus applies.)
Warren Zimmer: 43.9 OM (Participation.)
Cirno: 76.8 OM (Participation.)
Dane Regan: 56.56 OM (Participation.)

Since Hecate was the only participant in this thread who would have had the word count needed for a Great Writing bonus, I've only included feedback for her. It is contained by the spoiler tag below!

[spoiler]You would have been able to get that Great Writing bonus, but unfortunately there were a significant amount of writing errors, such as a lack of punctuation in areas and the use of run-on sentences. For example, in the quoted portion below, there were several areas where a comma or even an entirely new sentence would have been needed. This made some areas seem clunky, even if your characterization and the actual ideas you were trying to express were great content.

It's all about presentation. I've added a bolded comment in this quote to point out one change I personally would have made, but see if you can identify any other punctuation errors or changes you could have made.

The man walked right up to Warren without a word and clamped an iron grip on Warren's shoulder [Here would have been a good place for a comma!] he began to finally speak. His voice seemed very fitting of a man such as him as he first introduced Warren to her then casually explained that he had placed a bounty upon her head. This confirmed her suspicion on what he had done beyond any reason of a doubt

There were also several spelling errors, like the ones in the quoted section below. You occasionally forgot letters, and your use of ellipses ("...") instead of a comma confused me a little. "..." is used to add emphasis, not list things. Still, I liked your inclusion of details like the heavy breathing and the appearance of Fort Zimmer-Rothchild.

Standing before Hecate was the two small children….”No not children.” She thought as she looked at the pair. The smaller one seemed to have the experience eyes of a veteran soldier, it was a trait that Hecate assumed few would have unless they had seen...done...or experienced something truly life altering. The other though taller in stature seemed more lacking in confidence. The heavier breathing had been a tell tale sign of at least some form of wound, tho Hecate opted to not say anything regarding that, instead she listened to the small warrior.

Overall, just look over your posts before you post them. Check for punctuation, spelling errors, or any mistakes that might affect a reader's enjoyment or harm their understanding of your writing.

You have a great foundation and certainly enough raw content output, it just needs a little fine-tuning to really elevate your writing to the best it can be![/spoiler]