C&C Masterthread

[Okor]

You've got the mechanics down, I can definitely understand what's happening in your writing. The issue I feel is that you need to present it better. Come up with some ways to refer to your character other than 'Gaston' for a bit of variety, and start adding some more powerful imagery. Someone being shot with a crossbow is a statement of fact, but adding the meaty thwack of the impact, eyes rolling back, hands desperately clutching at the shaft, etc. make it much more interesting to read.

"What? Rabbit, no fighting! That's...that's for tricks!" (The healing had apparently not helped his brain)

This is... not ideal. Conveying information in parenthesis is kind of lazy. Try to show us what's happening (Drool, more babbling, YELLING, erratic movements, etc.), rather than simply tell us that Gaston's suffered brain damage.

So yeah, you got the basics down, now you have to work on adding all the lovely little details that make writing come alive.