Genesis of Apotheosis

[Gamzee Makara]

~Gamzee~

My head rolls slowly away from Karkat to stare at Strazio, purple pupils boring into him. My face is unreadable, lips not making for a smile or a frown. I open my mouth to speak to Straz, but no sound comes out. The words escape me, my tongue chasing them as they float into silent void. My mentor kinda gives me this strange look before leaning directly into my field of vision. He waves a hand in front of my relatively catatonic face. I couldn't respond, even if I wanted to. My hands absentmindedly play with the doll that Mistress Guu left me. Gently, mind you. Wouldn't want to hurt her.

"The fuck is wrong with you, then?" He mutters, almost to himself. "Did your head really get fucked in all that hazy mess or-"

Karkat, bless his crimson soul, raises a hand to stop Strazio's inquisition. "We're good to go whenever. Please give us a just a moment, and return to us when you have finished your preparations. Thank you."

That may have been the nicest, most polite thing Karkat has said to anyone in the history of anything. This time, it's Strazio's turn to be speechless. He sheepishly scratches the back of his head and stares at us, like we're a couple of crazy homeless folks or somefin'. I'm still gazing at Straz, eyes glazed over as if covered in a cloudy sort of film. Kinda makes it hard to see, really. Karkat did not break line of sight from me once during this exchange, and is still intently staring. I can feel his eyes.

"Rrrriiiight...Well don't be too long. I'm basically done," The mage says, turning to leave. But alas, my words finally get their shit together.

"Where are we going, Strazio?" I ask, the normal tint and lilt to my voice oddly absent.

He stops for a moment before turning to face me once again. His eyes search mine for something I don't think he'll find. "What did you just call me?" He asks, a curious if somewhat worried tone in his voice.

"Strazio. It's your name, isn't it?"

His face screws up slightly in a sort of mixture between frown and grimace, before walking back the way that he came. Dunno what his problem is. Hope he's okay though.

I think I'd cry out right now, if I had the willpower to do so. Well I mean I do, probably, but why waste the energy? I've got all these little bright flashes of lives I ain't ever lived, people I ain't never seen and so, so much more. They swimmin' so violently in my head that the shit feels like a motherfuckin' hot tub, bubbling and boiling and steaming. I want to make sense of it all, but I just...can't. Whenever I try to reach out to a certain memory, like a burning village, or a room filled wall to wall with- um...whaddaya call 'em? The things with the paper and the-

Books. They're called books.

I turn my attention back to Karkat, trying not to get frustrated. I begin, closing my eyes and delving deep into my brain. Metaphorically, though. Feel like that shit would hurt in a literal sense. I dunno, man, it kinda hurts right now. I feel hands on my skull, and Kar's thumbs press gently into my forehead. Don't really know why he's doing this, but it sure is giving me a comfy feeling amidst all this soup-brain. I mean honestly, I ain't in any sort of real pain or anything. It's just a very, very uncomfortable feeling, physically and emotionally. As if someone scraped a chalkboard, or I had just walked in on someone doing something they don't want others to see. The Guu plushie, which is fast becoming my favorite animate object ever, hugs and squeezes my fingers gently.

I take it back. There is an incredibly thin line of pain and sorrow piercing the back of my skull. It doesn't quite reach my face.

-----

-Karkat-

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK.

It's like I'm spectating a movie starring me, the main character, a woefully, terribly oblivious protagonist. And polite? Why in God's name am I being nice? A dull pain buzzes in my left temple. It felt weird to say that word. God. I don't reallu know how I feel about...any of that. Tearan's 'gift' or his 'death'. It all just seems so superfluous, and cruel in an odd way.

Mmm. Cruel isn't the right word. Unfair, maybe? I mean, the guy just sort of dumped all of this everything on us, all of this knowledge and responsibility and each other and-

Then he left. Without a word. Or were there words? I don't recall. I just remember being sucked into Tearan knows what and then being violently expulsed. Expulsed, I say. It wasn't exactly pleasant. And now, I've got oh so many voices in my head other than my own. I'm starting to imagine this is how Gamzee feels regularly - which can only be swell compared to how he's feeling right now.

What just happened? Do we even have a right to know?

Yes. Yes, of course we do. Tearan taught us that much. I'll give the bastard that much.