Mind vs Matter

[Ash]

Bounty Hunting: Dane Regan and Clownpiece vs 13-Jzall vs China

Ignoring the intro, not matter how hilarious it was to imagine Dane's phone flopping around in the air like a Magikarp.

13-Jzall
DAMAGE: 20/20 - DEFEAT
This was already an up-hill battle fighting just Dane, between teleporting, reckless attacks, and the slight level advantage he had, but then Clownpiece came in and tipped the balance even more. China helped rebalance it with his neutral stance, but by then the damage was already being done.

Notes:
[spoiler]Pros
Each post that you made was an improvement over the last. I didn't like the fact that you just posted a large text block for the first, but sure enough the second had spacing between the action. I didn't like how it was all clumped together still, but your third continued to show progress. It feels you have made a conscious decision to take more from this fight than just the experience. I appluad the growth shown in just a few short posts.

Cons
-Lack of multiple pronouns: Using '13' as the only way to address your own character got repetitive and boring. I would take some time to find other ways to describe your character, and perhaps add it to your Roster so other's can make use of it. =3
-While I loved what imagery you've painted in your posts, I felt like there were times when you could have elaborated in details. It looks like you rushed through the posts; Perhaps it was just because you didn't know how to but it was dissapointed by the lack of details.
-Unused words: This goes hand in hand with details. You had about 200 extra words you could have used to fill out the post.
-Some missing words: I don't like to critisize Grammar, because I am not perfect. But your posts lacked a word here and there. I had to guess a couple times what you were saying, but like.. Everyone does this once in a while so it wasn't too high on my list of gripes.
-PvE: I didn't see a lot of use of the fodder elements, there was a bunch about the fire but it feels like you ignored the axemen completely. Just something to keep in mind.

Summary
In short, I suggest you take the time to proof read and give your posts a little extra love, I know you are capable of it~! I believe in you.[/spoiler]

Dane Regan
DAMAGE: 19/20 - Winner?
Lucky SoB. GTFO of the fire you insane idiot...
Betweent he exploded arm, broken foot, and the fire that you decided to stand in... You get the idea.

Notes:
[spoiler]Pros
I was on the edge of my seat for a good portion of your posts. I laughed at all the puns - because I love stupid humor like that - and I was holding my breath at all the action. I like Dane as a character, he's such a dick. You have a lot of comedy in your post, I approve.

Cons
-Hard to Follow: I was not lost for all of the action, but there were times when I had to back track to understand, and even then I had to confirm what I was reading with the quotation box at the end.

Summary
You are pretty good bro, but work on getting your point across in the post instead of in the box. (I know the stuggle.)[/spoiler]

Clownpiece
DAMAGE: 8/20 - Winner!
Get that boy(Dane) a leash already.
Not even the Hell Fairy is immune to fire, nor is she immune to the weight of a ceremic beast or a bullet to the collar bone.

Notes:
[spoiler]Pros
Everything. Just... Liked everything.
Okay, going to be honest; Went into this thinking I'd just be rolling my eyes at CP the whole time. But damn it if she wasn't a good character. And damn you for being a good writer. You have just so much to work with too. Your roster is just so filled out. (Unlike your.. Chest... or Something insulting...)

Cons
There were only a couple of times that I was lost. But I'm honestly having a really hard coming up with something to say here. So maybe I'll just keep typing to make it look bigger and move on to China. Blah blah blah. Okay, cool. Moving on.

Summary
Just keep what you are doing, dude.[/spoiler]

CHINA
DAMAGE: 18/20 - The REAL Winner!!
He's my favorite~! <3
And really effed up after all that. xD

Notes:
[spoiler]Pros
This character is the best. His mannerisms, his stupid intelligence, his animalistic ways. Like.. I fully expect him to be put in a cage before his RP career is done but I am sure it won't be the end of it. Very interesting indeed. I love his terms, especially calling everything 'yum-yum'. Your posts are both entertaining on a humor level and well written. (Also, I feel you pain. Deleting half your post is all I did in DA.) But dang it if your character wasn't so fun to route for. Poor thing.

Cons
-Hard to Follow: I think this is a creative choice, you are writing in psedo-character. Just be aware that it can get confusing.
-Lost: Hand-In-Hand with the above, there was a point where China was attacking CP and until you started using the pronoun 'she' and 'her' I was like 100% sure you were attacking Dane.

Summary
I want to RP with China so badly now. I love what you are doing here, but don't sacrifice too much detail. Keep up the great work.[/spoiler]


FIGHT SUMMARY - Winner(s): Dane and CP
It definately was a fight that gave Dane more trouble than he asked for, but the winners are Dane and Clownpiece. I believe winners are are choosing to kill their prey. (Good luck Dane convincing CP not to just kill you and claim the bounty for herself.)

As for China, if there's anything left of him, his life is in their hands as well. Just note that he does not have a bounty and is both in pieces and in a pathetic state. I suggest he run if challenged - if he can.