11-17-2017, 07:09 PM
(11-17-2017, 06:19 PM)Cobalt Wrote: “Hand zappy thing?”(requires Physical Strength) – 300 OM
This device would only be notice by either touching it or being affected by it, or close observation. The device itself appears to be a thin, wide spaced chain-mail covering the user's right hand and a thin black rectangle stretching lengthwise across his right gauntlet. Upon activation of this device a low hum and small electrical arcs would sprout from his hand when contacting metal. Only stunning for 2 seconds for unarmored victims. The device seems quite make shift, it can only be used three times before burning up, and requires a ten second recharge after every use, it has a tendency to overheat while idle, to the point that using it after two minutes would either burn it out, or severely shock the user instead of the intended target.
I've poked and prodded this a few times and it still proves unsatisfactory. This is my latest edit, What can I do to fix it?
First off, from the looks of things, you're stunning someone for 2 seconds. Prolonged effects like that require the debuff proficiency.
Secondly, I don't think the move reads as clearly as it could, which is likely leading to some problems.
What I gather from reading it is:
>He has a thin chain gauntlet on his right hand, and there's a black rectangle on the back of it.
>He can reach his hand towards someone, and sparks will fly towards them and stun them (but the exact range of this is unclear).
>That person is then stunned for 2 seconds.
>He can only use it 3 times during a fight.
>He has to wait 10 seconds after each use to reuse it.
>If he turns it on and doesn't use it for 2 minutes, it might zaps him instead (or becomes unusable).
But:
>It is unclear whether or not it does damage (does it just stun, do damage, or both?)
>There's no information about how long it takes to turn on, or turn off, or if it's just instant (although I'd assume it's instant if you don't say anything there).
>You seem to suggest people wearing metal will be stunned longer, but don't say how much longer.
>There should be some information on what the stunning does. It's not strictly required, but I generally find it's better to be specific.
>I'm not sure whether this is touch based, or just a very short distance.
Suggestion:
Based on what Omni said in your joining app, and some things I think you should add, you could change the move to say (changes in bold):
“Hand zappy thing?”(requires Physical Strength, Debuff Proficiency) – 300 OM
This device would only be noticed by either touching it, being affected by it, or close observation. The device itself appears to be a thin, wide spaced chain-mail covering the user's right hand and a thin black rectangle stretching lengthwise across his right gauntlet. Upon activation of this device, a low hum and small electrical arcs would sprout from his hand when contacting metal. Cobalt can use the weapon instantly by aiming his wrist, and the electricity arcs up to 2ft towards the target. This feels like a painful shock if it hits, but doesn't do any damage - its main purpose is to incapacitate the target by stunning them. If Cobalt's ATK is equal to the opponent's DEF score, this stuns for a couple of seconds. If double or more, it stuns for up to five seconds. If half or less, this stuns for a second or less. The device seems quite makeshift, it can only be used three times before burning up and requires one minute to recharge after every use. It also has a tendency to overheat while idle, to the point that using it after two minutes would either burn it out or severely shock the user instead of the intended target.
Or, take a crack at doing something similar yourself, if you'd prefer. Since I don't know if the above mirrors your intentions.
Also, welcome to the Omniverse dude.