Omniverse News Network - Live Broadcasts

[Guu]

The familiar jingle plays, as the visage of Ron Burgundy’s silhouette is visible on screen. The camera pans in as his form is slowly lit up into being visible.

“Hello, Omniverse. I’m Ron Burgundy with your evening News.”

Behind Ron, a picture of a Gengar with the caption “Rogue Pokemon”

“In recent news, a rogue Pokemon has been loose on the Nexus. Based on eyewitness reports, it has been confirmed to be the Ghost Pokemon, Gengar. There has been no word from the PLF if it is an operative, but its actions suggest that it’s acting on his own volition. While it mostly doesn’t attack, only limiting itself to scaring people, it has been noted to attack people in their sleep. Authorities from both Camelot and Coruscant have issued alerts to not sleep in the Nexus until the matter has been dealt with.”

The picture shifts to the image of a strange creature with the head of a chicken and the body of some dragon thing with the caption “More Rogue Beasts.”
“On the topic of rampant monsters, the body of a cockatrice was discovered in the woods near the township of Langweilig. Authorities state that the creature was taken down by three currently unidentified primes who were helping in the search of a little lost girl in the area. While the one beast has been felled, tracks suggest that many more Cockatrices are in the forest. The woods have been declared off limits to civilians for the time being.”

Picture fades into an image of a forest fire, with the subtitle “Uncontrolled Blaze.”
“Continuing on the Tangled, the blaze is still going on, however, thanks the help of Albus Dumbledore and his volunteer mages it appears to be contained to a certain area of the forest for the time being. However, the fires have caused a number of unexpected stampedes towards the Nexus gate, killing several and injuring many. It’s only the most recent tragedy to befall the area as of late. Several towns in the Tangled have already held large memorials for those that have been claimed by the fires and plagues.”

Image shifts to the picture of people having a barbeque. Caption reads “Big Feast.”
“In a surprising turn of events, the dozens or so fishmen bodies that turned up in the Vasty Deep didn’t go to waste. They were bought up by the inhabitance of Gourmandise Island who promptly used what was left of the corpses for meals and such. The PLF has been quick to express outrage, claiming the bodies have been desecrated, and there have even been threats of a PLF attack on the island. The islanders responded with the message: ‘Totally worth it.’”

following interview was written by Inlumia

An image of Inlumia dancing and singing is shown in the background.
"In other news, the prime Inlumia has been tracked down and we are going to try to interview him regarding various things he has done. More recent of which is him hosting a really wild party. From what I can tell, the death toll is roughly half and expected to increase with sunrise."
Suddenly it shows the field, with parts censored out, and shows the devastation sunrise caused.

"Hello Inlumia. This is Ron Burgandy from the Omniverse News Network. I would like to have a quick word with you."
Inlumia shrugged. "Are the neighbors complaining about the noise? This always happens when I try hosting a small get together! Sure we were loud enough to wake the dead, but they weren't complaining!"

While he was saying this a zombie rose to it's feet, wavered, and leaned against a tree to literally puke his guts out, much to the horror of the Gremlin sleeping against the tree.
Inlumia paid it no mind, until the zombie came over to him, and said "Great party dude!" before shambling away.
Inlumia simply said, "see, they even like it!"

Ron was a bit stunned, "Ah, no, that's not it. In fact, we don't know about any complaints. I wanted to interview you about a few different things, but first, what do you mean small get together? If that's a small get together, I'd hate to be about a really wild party!"
Inlumia is dead serious and replied, "When we have a wild party, realities are destroyed. Omni and Diablo combined don't have jack on us. Pray to whatever deity will listen that we never have a truly wild party anywhere near you, because normally the death count includes Gods, and large parts of realities. If I could be sure Secondaries were the people Primes try to summon and not just clones, I would gleefully summon a few million into wild parties just to kill them."

Ron just moved on.
"What are your plans for the Dark Mage Guild?"
"To ensure it retains its legal existence and is not twisted. It provides useful services to the communities and give Dark Mages an opportunity to make a living through ways other then crime. This means we are less persecuted for no good reasons!"
"And the Healing Order you made?"
"Same reason, but I have to add, the core of it was not my creation, but the Sex Mage guild's work. I just provided a small legal nudge here and there."
"And what about the assassin guild?"
"It was pre-existing. Most of those members are decent people who honestly believed they were killing evil people. When the truth of the people behind them was revealed, that death cult broke up, and I got the assassins, and another fragment that's helping the Healers. I admite I converted most of the members of the Healer order and the assassins to Goddesses of my faith."

"About death cults, what are your plans for the Nidhogg tournement?"
"Non-existent, since this is the first I've heard about it. Still, the name Nidhogg rings a bell."
After a bit he said: "Now I have it! The Nidhogg is the Dragon that lives trapped in the roots of Yggdrassil and gnaws on one of the 3 main roots, trying to free itself. It also devours souls of the most damned in an afterlife. He is prophesied to eventually be freed at the twilight of the Gods."
Ron was very interested at this! "This is the most we've managed to learn about the Nidhogg."
"When you've been around the true Omniverse for a few centuries you pick up a thing or two. What else can you tell me about the tournament?"
"Just that the winner will be eaten by a giant snake they claim is the Nidhogg, the World Wyrm."
Inlumia paused for a moment. "I see. The World Wyrm was not one of the Nidhogg's titles. It belonged Jörmungandr. I'm more interested in the sacrificial aspect of this. A tournament to glorify a god thing is actually a mass offering, with the crowd's rejoicing in the death being praise to the God. Every single death would also be an offering to the god thing. Also, I doubt any Prime would be allowed to contend. After all, if the Prime respawn at the nexus, what kind of offering would they be?"
"What are your plans now?"
"Once I finish up some matters, I will look into it."

One last question, "Since you have been helping Camelot so much, what do you think about Coruscant?"
"I have not had a chance to examine it myself in order to form an opinion. I also must remain neutral. Except for the Dragons, any benefits for Camelot are side effects of me helping those who were abandoned or despised by most society in Camelot, and not me trying to help Camelot as a whole. I should not have been needed in Dalaran at all."
"What do you think about Camelot?"
"I've been to much worse. I think the people in charge are trying to do the right thing, but have a lot of problems to deal with. The cold war they are having with the Empire would not be helping things either."
“Alright! Thank you very much for your time!” Ron said.
The footage of Inlumia ends and cuts back to the studio.
“Well, that is it for this evening’s news. I’m Ron Burgundy. Stay classy Omniverse.”