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Move Creation Workshop
@13: Sorry for the delay dude, had some stuff to do and got behind on my posting. Anyway:
[spoiler]
(11-05-2017, 03:26 AM)13-Jzall Wrote: 13 loads a special pellet into his gun and when it fires it lightly dusts the opponent with the 22cm cubed of fire dust. The area it reaches is around 1.5 meters left to right and up to down (from 13's perpective) and 3 meters forward in a cone shape (again, from 13's perspective). It is almost impossible to miss if the enemy is close enough and the amount that they are covered by, 1/4 the amount of a powder grenade to 1/2 of a powder grenade, will depend on how far away they are. It is reasonably silent and can normally be used to burn down a wooden wall or door, this will take between 30 seconds and a minute for the door to be weak enough to kick down. It won’t deal any damage initially, but follows the rules for 13’s powder grenade which means that any friction on the dust will cause it to burst into flames. For example, trying to rub it off would be enough to trigger it. 13 will have to exchange the entire barrel of his gun if he wants to switch the type of bullet between normal and powder which takes 5 seconds, it holds 5 bullets and takes 4 seconds to reload. The dust will fall off naturally after about 15 seconds without being set alight, if the dust is on fire then you will have to wait for it to burn out which takes around 1 minutes and 30 seconds or you can brush it off which is easier if you brush it off as soon as possible. The fire will deal minor damage while it is still on. It can be fired once every second but no more dust will be added until all of the dust from the previous shot has fallen off.
[/spoiler]

I've added some annotations above signifying things you can omit, and some minor words I think you should include.

Quote:13 loads a special pellet into his gun
This makes it sound like there's only 1 shot, but this:
Quote:it holds 5 bullets and takes 4 seconds to reload
Says there are five special bullets. Which is it? The latter?

Quote:then you will have to wait for it to burn out which takes around 1 minutes and 30 seconds
That's a long time, you'll probably have to decrease that.

Besides this, I think you should make a comment clarifying the dust doesn't stack with your other dust moves (and add that comment to your other fire dust move as well - which will bring it back to the move approval to be upgraded).


Messages In This Thread
Move Creation Workshop - by Omni - 07-25-2015, 03:25 AM
RE: Quick Questions II - by Clownpiece - 11-13-2016, 11:10 PM

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