11-06-2017, 10:12 AM
Oh, goshdangit, forgot all about this. I'm SO sorry, guys. Here's my judgment, with a weaknesses vs strengths format:
Ash's weaknesses were a lack of attention to detail in some areas and excessive detail in others, I'd advise paying more attention to describing actions and injury in the future. Strengths included dialogue, good sentence structure, and a healthy dose of humor.
Desman's weaknesses were a scattered thought process when writing and a lack of strong descriptive language. Strengths included an admirable attention to character, humor, and being an adorable robot.
Aquamarine's main weakness was a tendency toward repetition, using the same words over and over again (sometimes in the same paragraph!) Strengths included a nice focus on the battle itself, with moves described and an exchange of injuries allowed in a way that didn't seem to tip too far in favor of any one side.
Revan's weaknesses were about the same as Desman's, I would recommend trying to really allow an even focus on both your character's headspace and the ongoing fight. Still, kudos for really driving the character's influence on the struggle home!
Ebonywood's main weakness was probably a slight lack of personal flavor, I know I would appreciate some strong metaphors and maybe more really powerful, physically-affecting words, but overall this was some solid writing. A superb and conscious relating of events, like a memory. Great job.
Yet, the fused state of Black Ash ultimately carried through. It was the most interesting part of the fight and it's focus, and the peculiar cooperation between these two characters is something I personally liked, while the warring personalities of the other three characters logically couldn't help their cause.
THE WINNER IS: BLACK ASH!
Ash's weaknesses were a lack of attention to detail in some areas and excessive detail in others, I'd advise paying more attention to describing actions and injury in the future. Strengths included dialogue, good sentence structure, and a healthy dose of humor.
Desman's weaknesses were a scattered thought process when writing and a lack of strong descriptive language. Strengths included an admirable attention to character, humor, and being an adorable robot.
Aquamarine's main weakness was a tendency toward repetition, using the same words over and over again (sometimes in the same paragraph!) Strengths included a nice focus on the battle itself, with moves described and an exchange of injuries allowed in a way that didn't seem to tip too far in favor of any one side.
Revan's weaknesses were about the same as Desman's, I would recommend trying to really allow an even focus on both your character's headspace and the ongoing fight. Still, kudos for really driving the character's influence on the struggle home!
Ebonywood's main weakness was probably a slight lack of personal flavor, I know I would appreciate some strong metaphors and maybe more really powerful, physically-affecting words, but overall this was some solid writing. A superb and conscious relating of events, like a memory. Great job.
Yet, the fused state of Black Ash ultimately carried through. It was the most interesting part of the fight and it's focus, and the peculiar cooperation between these two characters is something I personally liked, while the warring personalities of the other three characters logically couldn't help their cause.
THE WINNER IS: BLACK ASH!
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Gamzee Makara Wrote:S’aight. After all, dogs have a tendency to motherfuckin’ bite.