01-15-2017, 03:25 AM
Thanks for the lookover! Now let's see here.
I've done major edits to Boomerang Spear (renamed to Trick Spear) and Green Soul Mode (same name), and edited in the suggested changes to Combat Steal and Justice Spear. Sorry for the extra work that the former two are causing.
The "old" Trick Spear is getting scrapped entirely because I can't seem to find the right words and I realized that it would be hard to include into an RP fight. Maybe I'll submit a revised version through the Move Approval in the future.
I've also added Ranged Materialize Proficiency to my purchases in the OP as it would be needed for Trick Spear (the new one) in its reworked state.
http://i.imgur.com/ckDeewb.png Here's the armored picture again, should work fine hopefully? (OP is updated with this picture too)
The armored image also contains a picture of Undyne's "short" spear - I believe that it comes to about 1,10m if we presume Undyne to be the size of a human adult. Either way its size is fine to me.
For the edits to Combat Steal and Green Soul Mode, bold means I have rewritten or added this part, and struck-through is for text that gets removed. Justice Spear and Trick Spear would be a mess if I did that because I edited a lot.
Justice Spear (900) (Physical Strength, Ranged Proficiency)
[spoiler]
Undyne wields her magic weapon, the Justice Spear (she usually calls it "Spear"), to attack her opponent. She can make one appear into her hand by holding it out for ~2 seconds and with minimal energy expenditure (she could summon 30-35 before becoming too exhausted and needing to catch her breath). She is also able to move freely while summoning a spear but due to the required focus cannot use other moves at the same time.
Undyne has two types of spears. Both types are made out of blue magic energy and are thus not quite as resilient as a metal spear, but can take two or three good hits before disintegrating into magic dust.
Undyne's "short" spear is 1,10m long (including the tip) and has a leaf-shaped speartip of about 15cm, with a pointy tip and sharp edges. Undyne is able to throw it up to 100m far, as it is much lighter than a metal spear.
If it is thrown the spear disintegrates shortly after hitting an opponent, an obstacle or the ground. Because it is so light its damage is slightly sub-par compared to regular thrown spears.
Undyne can also wield the "short" spears for melee combat, using them for stabbing or slashing attacks. Because they are wielded with one hand she is also able to dual-wield them.
The second spear, called "long" spear, is 1,80m long and with a 20cm speartip and can only be dual-wielded and used for melee combat. It's a more unwieldy weapon in close quarters compared to her "short" spear but has a greater reach when stabbing and slashing.
[/spoiler]
Trick Spear (reworked and renamed from Boomerang Spear) (300) (Ranged Proficiency, Ranged Materialize Proficiency)
[spoiler]
Undyne summons a spear that looks like her "short" Justice Spears (110cm long, of which ca. 15cm is the tip), in the air around her rather than into her hand. Summoning it this way requires ca. 3 seconds of concentration during which she can continue to move but not use other moves, and is more tiring than a regular summoning (5-6 summons in a row before she needs to recover), with the maximum distance from herself at which she can summon a spear being 50m, and at least 10m away from her target. The spear floats in the air until fully summoned then flies in the direction that it is pointing at as if thrown (~150 km/h).
The move is designed to hit an opponent from the sides, above or even behind rather than from the front, with the weakness that the spear's flight direction is set the moment that it is fully summoned - usually where her enemy is standing. Once it is in flight Undyne cannot change its trajectory, making it relatively hard to hit an opponent that moves around.
[/spoiler]
As for Combat Steal - I'm applying your suggested changes (thanks for that!) but can you explain why you think that the 30-second rule is unforgiving? Since normally it takes upwards of five minutes to summon an item in the Omniverse, stealing an opponent's weapon would effectively disarm them for the entire fight unless they have a way of resummoning their weapon early or steal it back - that's why I included the part that they can instantly resummon their weapon if they've been debuffed for 30 seconds and aren't able to resummon it faster or reaquire it.
Other than that, for simplicity's sake I'll just scrap the "steal multiple weapons from multiple opponents" thing.
Here's the reworked move:
[spoiler]
Undyne forcefully steals an opponent's weapon (a move manifesting as a physical item, such as a sword, a gun or a spellbook) in the midst of combat to then use it against them, rather than "just" mimicking it. While this has the added benefit of depriving an opponent from their weapon for a while it's a risky move that requires Undyne to get close to her opponent and tear the weapon from their hands, usually taking some damage in the process. Undyne's combined ATK and TEC must also be higher the opponent's ATK and TEC for her to be able to rip the weapon from her opponent's hands.
Undyne can only perform this attack after witnessing the usage of an opponent's weapon. If it's a weapon with multiple uses she is only able to use the variations that she has seen.
For obvious reasons Undyne cannot steal weapons that are a part of or attached to her victim, such as claws or a fixated helmet. She can also not steal a weapon if it is the only one her opponent has available to them - this goes against her moral code on fair fights. Similarly she cannot have multiple weapons stolen at a time though after her opponent regains their weapon she can discard the one she has and steal something else. from the same person, though she can steal one weapon from each opponent in a fight if she's facing many of them.
Because the weapon is unfamiliar to her Undyne is not quite as skilled or effective with it as its original wielder. As with all mimicked moves she cannot keep the weapon for longer than an hour before it falls apart into raw Omnilium.
Finally, unless the individual whose weapon is stolen is able to wrest it from Undyne again or they otherwise re-obtain it early, they are able to instantly summon or produce a new one after 30 seconds of losing it to Undyne. They can also summon a new weapon if they have this functionality built into their move.
[/spoiler]
Green Soul Mode - gotcha, I wasn't certain about how the debuff would be too powerful though 5 seconds is a bit short, and being able to use it less than 3-4 times in a fight is a little overnerfed... debuffs are difficult to balance.
Here's a revised version which is hopefully better: rather than a full snare it's a heavy slow, it can be broken out of, and Undyne is also debuffed to prevent abuse (it's intended to be a "you can't run away now so you must fight me" debuff, not one for Undyne to run away). On the other hand Undyne has no move restrictions anymore. If 15 seconds of duration sounds too much to you I can also do 10 seconds - again, not sure how much would be considered overpowered.
[spoiler]
Green Soul Mode (300) (Physical Strength, Debuff Proficiency)
Undyne needs to have a Justice Spear in hand to be able to use this attack. She charges it with a vast amount of glowy green magic, taking ~3 seconds during which she cannot move or use other moves and a good chunk of her stamina (casting it twice in a row would leave her dizzy and exhausted, needing to catch her breath), then when the opportunity presents itself swings the spear at her opponent (until that point it remains ready to attack with energy as long as is needed, with minimal energy drain for upkeep). The green energy not only makes the spear transcendent, meaning that it swings through an opponent's body without causing physical harm, but as they are hit it forces them into "Green Soul Mode", or "Duel Mode". This debuff lasts for ~15 seconds, during which an opponent is unable to move at more than a walking pace, though they can still freely move all their legs. Super Speed/Burst Movement, Teleportation etc. all continue to work based on the user's "real" Speed, not the debuffed one.
Green Soul Mode also causes Undyne to be debuffed in the same way and for the same time as it's meant to force her opponent into a fight, by rendering them unable to flee.
Opponents in Green Soul Mode can break out of the debuff as early as after 5 seconds if their combined DEF and TEC matches or surpasses Undyne's, by brute-forcing through the effect for one second. If the debuff is broken early this way Undyne is also freed from it.
After Green Soul Mode wears off Undyne cannot apply it to the same opponent again for at least one minute. It also does not work on opponents that are fighting more than one individual at that time (such as if Undyne has an ally or an Assist on the field, or even a wild animal that indiscriminately attacks them both).
[/spoiler]
I've done major edits to Boomerang Spear (renamed to Trick Spear) and Green Soul Mode (same name), and edited in the suggested changes to Combat Steal and Justice Spear. Sorry for the extra work that the former two are causing.
The "old" Trick Spear is getting scrapped entirely because I can't seem to find the right words and I realized that it would be hard to include into an RP fight. Maybe I'll submit a revised version through the Move Approval in the future.
I've also added Ranged Materialize Proficiency to my purchases in the OP as it would be needed for Trick Spear (the new one) in its reworked state.
http://i.imgur.com/ckDeewb.png Here's the armored picture again, should work fine hopefully? (OP is updated with this picture too)
The armored image also contains a picture of Undyne's "short" spear - I believe that it comes to about 1,10m if we presume Undyne to be the size of a human adult. Either way its size is fine to me.
For the edits to Combat Steal and Green Soul Mode, bold means I have rewritten or added this part, and struck-through is for text that gets removed. Justice Spear and Trick Spear would be a mess if I did that because I edited a lot.
Justice Spear (900) (Physical Strength, Ranged Proficiency)
[spoiler]
Undyne wields her magic weapon, the Justice Spear (she usually calls it "Spear"), to attack her opponent. She can make one appear into her hand by holding it out for ~2 seconds and with minimal energy expenditure (she could summon 30-35 before becoming too exhausted and needing to catch her breath). She is also able to move freely while summoning a spear but due to the required focus cannot use other moves at the same time.
Undyne has two types of spears. Both types are made out of blue magic energy and are thus not quite as resilient as a metal spear, but can take two or three good hits before disintegrating into magic dust.
Undyne's "short" spear is 1,10m long (including the tip) and has a leaf-shaped speartip of about 15cm, with a pointy tip and sharp edges. Undyne is able to throw it up to 100m far, as it is much lighter than a metal spear.
If it is thrown the spear disintegrates shortly after hitting an opponent, an obstacle or the ground. Because it is so light its damage is slightly sub-par compared to regular thrown spears.
Undyne can also wield the "short" spears for melee combat, using them for stabbing or slashing attacks. Because they are wielded with one hand she is also able to dual-wield them.
The second spear, called "long" spear, is 1,80m long and with a 20cm speartip and can only be dual-wielded and used for melee combat. It's a more unwieldy weapon in close quarters compared to her "short" spear but has a greater reach when stabbing and slashing.
[/spoiler]
Trick Spear (reworked and renamed from Boomerang Spear) (300) (Ranged Proficiency, Ranged Materialize Proficiency)
[spoiler]
Undyne summons a spear that looks like her "short" Justice Spears (110cm long, of which ca. 15cm is the tip), in the air around her rather than into her hand. Summoning it this way requires ca. 3 seconds of concentration during which she can continue to move but not use other moves, and is more tiring than a regular summoning (5-6 summons in a row before she needs to recover), with the maximum distance from herself at which she can summon a spear being 50m, and at least 10m away from her target. The spear floats in the air until fully summoned then flies in the direction that it is pointing at as if thrown (~150 km/h).
The move is designed to hit an opponent from the sides, above or even behind rather than from the front, with the weakness that the spear's flight direction is set the moment that it is fully summoned - usually where her enemy is standing. Once it is in flight Undyne cannot change its trajectory, making it relatively hard to hit an opponent that moves around.
[/spoiler]
As for Combat Steal - I'm applying your suggested changes (thanks for that!) but can you explain why you think that the 30-second rule is unforgiving? Since normally it takes upwards of five minutes to summon an item in the Omniverse, stealing an opponent's weapon would effectively disarm them for the entire fight unless they have a way of resummoning their weapon early or steal it back - that's why I included the part that they can instantly resummon their weapon if they've been debuffed for 30 seconds and aren't able to resummon it faster or reaquire it.
Other than that, for simplicity's sake I'll just scrap the "steal multiple weapons from multiple opponents" thing.
Here's the reworked move:
[spoiler]
Undyne forcefully steals an opponent's weapon (a move manifesting as a physical item, such as a sword, a gun or a spellbook) in the midst of combat to then use it against them, rather than "just" mimicking it. While this has the added benefit of depriving an opponent from their weapon for a while it's a risky move that requires Undyne to get close to her opponent and tear the weapon from their hands, usually taking some damage in the process. Undyne's combined ATK and TEC must also be higher the opponent's ATK and TEC for her to be able to rip the weapon from her opponent's hands.
Undyne can only perform this attack after witnessing the usage of an opponent's weapon. If it's a weapon with multiple uses she is only able to use the variations that she has seen.
For obvious reasons Undyne cannot steal weapons that are a part of or attached to her victim, such as claws or a fixated helmet. She can also not steal a weapon if it is the only one her opponent has available to them - this goes against her moral code on fair fights. Similarly she cannot have multiple weapons stolen at a time though after her opponent regains their weapon she can discard the one she has and steal something else. from the same person, though she can steal one weapon from each opponent in a fight if she's facing many of them.
Because the weapon is unfamiliar to her Undyne is not quite as skilled or effective with it as its original wielder. As with all mimicked moves she cannot keep the weapon for longer than an hour before it falls apart into raw Omnilium.
Finally, unless the individual whose weapon is stolen is able to wrest it from Undyne again or they otherwise re-obtain it early, they are able to instantly summon or produce a new one after 30 seconds of losing it to Undyne. They can also summon a new weapon if they have this functionality built into their move.
[/spoiler]
Green Soul Mode - gotcha, I wasn't certain about how the debuff would be too powerful though 5 seconds is a bit short, and being able to use it less than 3-4 times in a fight is a little overnerfed... debuffs are difficult to balance.
Here's a revised version which is hopefully better: rather than a full snare it's a heavy slow, it can be broken out of, and Undyne is also debuffed to prevent abuse (it's intended to be a "you can't run away now so you must fight me" debuff, not one for Undyne to run away). On the other hand Undyne has no move restrictions anymore. If 15 seconds of duration sounds too much to you I can also do 10 seconds - again, not sure how much would be considered overpowered.
[spoiler]
Green Soul Mode (300) (Physical Strength, Debuff Proficiency)
Undyne needs to have a Justice Spear in hand to be able to use this attack. She charges it with a vast amount of glowy green magic, taking ~3 seconds during which she cannot move or use other moves and a good chunk of her stamina (casting it twice in a row would leave her dizzy and exhausted, needing to catch her breath), then when the opportunity presents itself swings the spear at her opponent (until that point it remains ready to attack with energy as long as is needed, with minimal energy drain for upkeep). The green energy not only makes the spear transcendent, meaning that it swings through an opponent's body without causing physical harm, but as they are hit it forces them into "Green Soul Mode", or "Duel Mode". This debuff lasts for ~15 seconds, during which an opponent is unable to move at more than a walking pace, though they can still freely move all their legs. Super Speed/Burst Movement, Teleportation etc. all continue to work based on the user's "real" Speed, not the debuffed one.
Green Soul Mode also causes Undyne to be debuffed in the same way and for the same time as it's meant to force her opponent into a fight, by rendering them unable to flee.
Opponents in Green Soul Mode can break out of the debuff as early as after 5 seconds if their combined DEF and TEC matches or surpasses Undyne's, by brute-forcing through the effect for one second. If the debuff is broken early this way Undyne is also freed from it.
After Green Soul Mode wears off Undyne cannot apply it to the same opponent again for at least one minute. It also does not work on opponents that are fighting more than one individual at that time (such as if Undyne has an ally or an Assist on the field, or even a wild animal that indiscriminately attacks them both).
[/spoiler]
"(Note to self: insert quote & picture once I find stuff)"
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