Bonus Request Topic/Quest Turn-in Topic

[King Ghidorah]

Thread: Heat of the Moment (http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=5313), submitted for Great/Exemp Bonus
Artefact Quest
Characters: Android Seventeen
Word Count: 23,893
Character: 136,762

*fires the Bonus Cannon*
Great Writing Bonus: 683.81


This was some fine writing. Stylistically, it could have done with some proof-reading, particularly in the early posts (repeated words, words that were replaced but the word they were replacing wasn't deleted, the occasionally twisted sentence-structure), and the dialogue was a little bit stilted in places, but I genuinely laughed at the magical and mysterious ore 'anthracite'. In terms of plot-structure it all followed quite naturally, and I liked that you managed to work the extremely high mortality rate of the astronomers in as a justification for Julius not wanting the artefact. The fact that both the dragon and the heroes that killed it were all still in the volcano's magma-chamber came as a nice twist, suggesting an interesting story in and of itself.  

It would have been nice if some of the astronomer's besides Julius had received more development, but you were juggling a ton of npcs (possibly a few more than you needed?).  

Honestly, the only thing really keeping this from Exemplary was the spotty proofing.


    #JiggyKoopaNever4get

Someone with greater powers than I will be along to cater you some delicious Omnilium crepes.

Log updated! - Jadedit.