Dark on the Waters [Dark Data]

[The Vision]

If the Vision had a quarter for every time Ms. Ferguson did something brash that made things more difficult for the Vision, he calculated that by now he would have seventy-five cents, and in one year's time, perhaps another fifty. A currency that is frankly meaningless in the Omniverse.

The android rolled his eyes (an undetectable motion, as the Vision had no irises) and flew through the purple portal after the mutant. When he appeared on the other side, his first priority was to chide Ms. Ferguson. He quickly estimated this was to be a low, low priority.

His brain took three milliseconds to notice the pirates, and to decide accordingly as he recorded frame-by-frame Ms. Ferguson's admittedly well-performed flip kick. Still flying, the Vision hardened his body and tackled into a nearby pirate, knocking the dastardly vagabond off his feet.

> run "gazerbeam.exe"
Running...
Charging optical heat engines...
Completed!

The Vision's eyes flared and two hot beams of energy seared the torso of another pirate, dribbles of dark purple matter spilling out of his mouth. Another tried to skewer the Vision with a sword, but the android found it a simple matter to step to the side. His hand was outreached the whole time, as he had seen Thor do when summoning Mjolnir.

Clearly, it worked, the Vision thought, as he smashed the newly formed hammer into the skull of the pirate that tried to attack him.

Ms. Ferguson paused her own beatdown of the rogues to glance at the Vision's hand.

"You're Thor now?" she asked.

"Negative," the Vision said, his voice calm despite the physical exertion of lifting this heavy hammer, "I am the Adaptoid."

"Really?" the mutant said, smacking Tilda's chin with her elbow. A different pirate approached from behind, lifting her cutlass.

The Vision responded by forming a small pink portal around hip height, then swung his hammer through it. The legendary weapon warped through the wormhole and collided with the stomach of the pirate. She went flying, causing Ms. Ferguson to glance in confusion at the Vision. The android dismissed the portal. It was quite draining to maintain, after all.

"Affirmative," the Vision said.

"Kill them!" Tilda bellowed as she brandished her cutlass at Ms. Ferguson, and another swarm of pirates jumped from the bushes.

"Query: were you always able to reduce your body's density?"

"You're not the only one with new tricks," she replied, "And seriously. You can call me Claire."

"But your name is Clarice...?" the Vision asked, burning down a swath of pirates

The Vision swung one last time at one of the newly arrived rogues, and sent him flying into his shipmate. The hammer disintegrated and the Vision scanned his databases for the next optimal move. He found some new Adaptoid files.

> open "iceman.zip"
Opening...
: Iceman.exe
: ReadMe.txt
> run "iceman.exe"
Running...

His hands crystallized, ice crawling between his fingers. Then the Vision instinctively pointed his palms at the hostiles, as he had done for nearly 50 years. A wave of chilled water vapor expelled from his hands, coating the pirates in a layer of frost. They reacted with surprise, yelping and moving back as they felt their muscles slowed by the ice.

As Tilda charged at Ms. Ferguson, the Vision finally realized a profound understanding of Ms. Ferguson. He blasted Tilda with the frost, then punched her in the face.

The android, with no small amount of pride, looked at Ms. Ferguson with his realization, his fists still swinging at the pirates.

"Alert!" the Vision reported, "I have understood your wish for me to call you Claire. It is your middle name! Clarice Claire Ferguson!"

Ms. Ferguson, whose middle name was not Claire, sighed and kicked another pirate into a tree. "No, Vision. Listen, we'll talk about this in a second, okay?"

635 words, according to MS Word. I dunno if you guys wanna follow through that portal and fight with us?