Omniverse News Network - Live Broadcasts

[Proto Man]

“Hello, Omniverse. I’m Ron Burgundy. I’m here to bring you the most reliable news’ source in the Omniverse.”

Ron shifted in his seat as his eyes found the overlay next to the teleprompter that told him what was being projected on the green screen behind him.

“In the news today… Crime on Coruscant’s bottom tiers is at an all-time high, with reports of nearly a half dozen gang-related crimes on Tier 5 within the last twelve hours alone. Local residents say that the Empire’s response has been, and I quote: ‘Half-hearted at best’. When asked for a statement, a representative for King Bradley replied that these accounts are untrue, and that stormtrooper patrols in the area have increased by nearly three hundred percent in the last week alone.”

Ron paused to take a long sip of scotch from one of two nearby tumblers. He missed San Diego, but he loved nothing more than the Omniverse’s lax regulations on drinking on the job. Nothing helped him tell the news better than a glass or two of fine scotch imported from Camelot’s highlands.

“In other news, there have been reports filtering in that Darkshire’s resident champion, Argento Camarinos, has returned from a fruitful expedition to the Black Gate. Our reporters in the field were unable to reach the paladin for information, but many of the locals say the story is that he killed several of Diablo’s still-active lieutenants who may have been attempting to reactivate the Gate. The rumor is that Argento has added two members of the garrison to his retinue and intends to venture into Silent Hill.”

Ron stopped once more and glanced at the horrifying graphic of the nightmare town that his crew had found. Just looking at it made him reach for his scotch glass and take another slug.

“For those of you unaware of the significance, Silent Hill was a famous tourist attraction and a mecca of modernity in the Pale Moors before Diablo’s forces started pouring out of the Black Gate. After a period of isolation, the town was swallowed by a dense fog, and since then, the only individuals to escape have been primes who had to resort to suicide. Needless to say, Omniverse News Network will be following this story intensely in the coming weeks.”

“In other news, we’ve heard reports of a fresh prime activity in the Endless Dunes and the Tangled Green. Some welcome the influx as it brings with it a fresh influx of omnilium and attention to these regions, but more often than not, these influxes may lead to fresh conflict between the existing power players. It’s been a few months since we heard that Ganondorf and Enel got into a fist fight, and since then, activity around the Gerudo castle has been minimal. Attempts to get a statement from villagers have been fruitless up to this point.

Ron glanced over and saw that a picture of Samus Aran was now above his right shoulder.

“It also seems as if Samus Aran and her retinue of murderers and anti-Imperial lackeys have managed to vanish into the Vasty Deep. The admiralty in the area have been unable to locate the trio despite the heavy damage sustained the Aran’s vessel as she blasted her way out through Coruscant’s Gate.”

The news man had to suppress a smirk. He’d always been amused by the bounty hunter, and he was glad to hear they hadn’t locked her away in Impel Down.

“Our last piece of news is undoubtedly our most mysterious, and this is not a lie, Omniversians. At our board meeting this morning, the very fabric of space was torn open above our head, and a solitary pamphlet drifted down before the event horizon sealed.

“The pamphlet contained a simple message,” Ron picked up the photocopy from his desk. “And I quote: ‘Come on, come all! The preparations area nearly finished! In just a few months’ time, the stage will be set, and the competition will unfold. Spread the word. Ready yourselves. There will be more to come later, my lovelies.’ The note bore no signature, and analysis was unable to pinpoint where the material may have come from, but needless to say, it piqued our interest, and I think it probably piqued yours as well.

“Until the next time. I’m Ron Burgundy. You stay classy, Omniverse.”