Genesis of Apotheosis

[Gamzee Makara]

~Gamzee~

I just-

What even is-

Motherfucking miracles. That's it. That's all this place is. That's all these people are. I'm having sensory overload, something I never even assumed was motherfucking possible for someone so used to overloading his senses. If I was capable of having a seizure right now I think I would. Like if you could turn on seizures at will? But I don't know why you would wanna do that illness to yourself. I guess maybe to prove a point, kinda like I myself am trying and failing to accomplimish.

But whoa. Everything that is happening is happening and that is happening, you feel me dawg? I previously thought I was pretty enlightened, but nah son. Fuckin' dark as shit in my thinkpan compared to this noise, this pathway of imagining. Hey, you could make a religion out of this.

Maybe that's the point, I dunno. There's so much I want to know, but I dunno how to know, you know? Like where do I even begin? I can't formulate and contemplate all my thoughts into some questionable thoughts. There's just

so

MUCH.

I still ain't even gotten over the fact that the Strazberry still tasted like a strawberry. Like okay, I get that we're all the same thing and everything is us. There's some similar shit to be found in the teachings of the Mirthful Messiahs. But in such a situation, wouldn't the strawberry...you know. Taste like Straz? I guess!? I'm just so exploded in my mind, bro. Like that Tearman just blew my mind. That's where that saying comes from, right? Just not being able to comprehend and shit, so everything just explodes. All the words are a jumble jamblin' away, and they're dancing a jig with the letters inside themselves. Because like, if everything is the part of everything, the letters are just as much a part of the word as the word is a part of them and-

Aight. I need to calm down. My head hurts.

It's less of the accepting that the universe is one big mixing bowl of mixers, and more of understanding how that makes all this crazy shit happen. I'm pretty well versed in miracles, if I do say so myself. But only in seeing, acknowledging, and accepting them, never actually learning how they worked. Karkat himself was always on my briefcase about how I never knew what I was talking about but that's because I didn't want to know, you know? Knowing why a miracle is a miracle makes it less of a miracle. It takes away what makes it special, if that makes sense. The whole point is to not know why it happens, just to experience it happening. Somehow, though, I feel like what the Tear guy is tryna teach us is going to require a complementarian understanding of both.

Becoming god, huh? I dunno if I jive with that, to be honest. I already wasn't too up for holding a position of power back on Alternia, but getting almost-murdered by that God Anal guy really didn't give me the warm fuzzies when I think about real live people becoming deities. I walk up to Tearman and lightly tap him on the shoulder.

"Yes?" He responds promptly, turning to face me- whoa he has pretty eyes. They're like, green. A deeper green than I've almost ever seen. Almost. I can't help but feel like that hue is shared with the slime, and while I know it's sheer coincidence, I can't help but let loose a slight shudder.

"...May I help you, Gamzee?" Ah fuck. Didn't mean to seem rude.

"Uh...Yeah, I think so," I begin, my eyes floundering around the room in an attempt to stray away from his emerald peepers.

"So like, I'm sorry I ain't giving you a lot of context here, but can you maybe expand a little on what being a God means to you? Because just that phrase, that collection and order of words. It kinda gives off a bad vibe, when ya think about it a certain way, I guess. If that maybe makes sense. If it don't I mean I wouldn't mind elaboratatin' but you seem like you know a lot so i just thought-"

Tearman adopts a strange look on his face before holding a hand up, politely silencing me.