Kill the Numbers [Dark Data]

[Kuzuru]

Word of calamity had traveled fast across the Steppes. Distant news crews had begun to capture action footage of the impending assault on the Koopa Kingdom. Even errant pleas for help flashed across Dataverse message boards like a S.O.S. smoke signals in the night. Brave souls across the realm rallied to defend the turtle creatures. Though not all who answered the call were what you could describe as virtuous. Some were drawn to battle like moths to a flame, unable to keep themselves from being consumed by conflict. Kuzuru was one such being. The demon cared not for the kingdom and its subjects, but the impending scent of bloodshed sent his mind buzzing. An itch crawled up his spine and try as he might to resist the unyielding urge he was but a slave to his impulses. Carnage carried a drum and the hapless demon marched along to its Pied piper staccato. Not that he minded. Killing was what he was good at, perhaps the only thing he was good at. It was after all man's inherent violence that first spurned his creation. When primitive man first raised a sharpened stone and dashed open the head of his fellow Kuzuru was born. Every act of slaughter after that was just gravy, baby.

The demon had shucked his coat and T-shirt in favor for what some would call a "wife-beater" shirt. For a moment the demon pondered the moniker "wife-beater". He had never had a wife, so would the shirt still be considered a "wife-beater" shirt? He shrugged. Perhaps they meant that he beat other people's wives? Which, while true, was not something he actively tried to do, for you see he was what one would call an equal opportunity beater. At any rate he was getting sidetracked and missing a perfectly good battle because of it.

"Clappy," he shouted over his shoulder, "let's get going, I want to make sure we get there while everyone is still fresh, sloppy seconds isn't exactly my idea of a fun time."

The strange robot wheeled in behind him, "you've got it!"

With companion in tow the demon moved towards the exit. He pressed his palm against the access panel and after a few seconds hidden mechanisms began to creak and whir. The massive stone slab that served as their door slid to the side at an excruciatingly slow pace. Once the stone had moved far enough for Kuzuru to comfortably slip through he stepped out into the open air. His pupils dilated as the sudden bloom of light assaulted them. Thick clouds of volcanic smoke rumbled overhead, swallowing acres worth of blood-red sky. A stone's throw away Kuzuru watched a fresh lava flow trundle down the slope of a nearby mountain. They themselves were standing atop a small landing carved into the side of a, hopefully, dormant volcano. The demon smiled and took in a big gulp of fresh air.

"Can you smell it Claptrap?" The demon asked.

With an enthusiastic tone the robot responded, "no, but that's because I was built without a nose."

"Well, I was," Kuzuru said, "and I smell the beginnings of a damned good day."

He turned towards the lava rock stairs and caught sight of a man clad in a tan cloak standing on the final step. The stranger stood taller than any man that Kuzuru had ever met. His eyes were of a ruby persuasion and his skin, what little was exposed, carried a rough almost scaly look to it. Strangest of all was the spine-covered tail that curled out from the cloak's rear-end. It seemed to move of its own accord, slithering about like some kind of rattlesnake.

"Ah Kuzuru," the man said, "I'm glad to have finally met you, I'm here on behalf--"

"Not interested in solicitors buddy," Kuzuru cut the stranger off, "I've got places to be."

"Yes well, I won't take but a minute of your time," the stranger continued, edging his large frame in front of the demon's path.

Kuzuru raised an eyebrow, "this better not be something stupid like girl scout cookies, what do you want?"

"I'm here on the behalf of the Nebula Foundation, we have a proposal that we think you'd find most intriguing," the stranger said.

"Go on."

"What we're trying to create here is an unified Omniverse," the messenger continued, "a place where petty differences can be cast aside and true co-operation can be achieved, unfortunately this requires us to break a few eggs, so to speak, by now I'm sure you've heard of the assault on the Koopa Kingdom, yes?"

Kuzuru exaggerated a yawn, "that's actually where we were heading before you so rudely interrupted us, you better speed it up cause I'm getting a bit antsy here friend-o."

"Right, well, in short we're afraid that our current, assets, are a bit lacking, and with the incoming tide of misguided interlopers we might not see our dream come to fruition," the messenger said, "what we're looking for is exactly what you seem to offer."

"And that would be?"

"An unrequited lust for bloodshed," he answered.

Kuzuru chuckled and responded, "well, looks like you guys do your research, what do you have in mind?"

The stranger held out a scale-covered paw. In his palm were several black squares that, upon closer inspection, appeared to be microchips.

"These will grant you a kind of power that Gods would squabble over," he said, "and all we ask for in return is that you act as a shock unit against the Koopa Kingdom."

"Well shit buddy, that's all you had to say," Kuzuru said, "I'm all about cracking heads, hand those bad boys over and we'll make some turtle soup."

The recruiter smiled and handed them the darkchips, "you've made the right choice."