Appraising the First Avenger - C&C Thread

[Centurion]

I joined this site partly because I loved the idea and partly so that I could become a better writer. I've seen some stellar storytellers thus far, and I'd love to join their ranks. So, if you feel generous, a bit of your time and a lot of your opinions would be greatly appreciated. feel free to pick through any and all of my posts, but I'd personally prefer if you picked on more recent ones. At the time of this post, I'm involved in this thread: (http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...n=lastpost) and this one: (http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=6548). My writing tends to be consistent, so i have no real preference for which post you read. Even if you want to read a few to gauge my overall style. Overall, I would greatly apreciate some constructive criticism on my work. many Thanks!!

[Jade Harley]

AHH, EXCELLENT! You have a superb grasp of dialogue and character, the only complaints I would have is that there's a few typos here and there. Also, some of the time your characters kind of... float in space, y'know? Like, the setting crops up a few times, but otherwise there aren't very many vivid or descriptive things involved. Which is still GOOD, I'm not asking for a novel on the color of the leaves or exactly how the sun shone in their eyes, but maybe just a sentence to indicate their surroundings would help a great deal. Uses a few senses beyond sight, maybe. Just something to ground your characters every second post or so.

[Centurion]

After a while since the last time I've been appraised, I'm ready to bring my work back to the table. I recently started an NPC thread in the endless dunes (http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...5#pid91865) and I've been active for a while in this thread here (http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=6548). Mayhaps one of you wonderful writers could take the time to assess my works and give me some feedback? I'm more than open to criticism and excited to hear what you guys have to say. I'd really appreciate any and all effort you guys and gals would put into seeing how I'm coming along.

Thanks!