Ada Bluevale

[Ada Bluevale]

Character name: Ada Bluevale

Character source: A character from my fantasy novel.

Character history: Since the day she was born(from clay), Ada Bluevale has heard many promising things that would await her when she came of age. Submitting to becoming the Goddess of Life, Lalvo would do anything to secure her fate as such.

Though when Lalvo is suddenly kidnapped by Aether soldiers and forced into the slave mining camps, Lalvo is more determined than ever to finish what she's started. Compelled into doing what she's told, Lalvo soon finds herself envisioning the truth about why she's forced to mine for the Aether King.

Discovering a critical mystery that will unravel itself, changing Ada Bluevale insight on what's right or what's more important towards her calling. She ends up sacrificing herself for the greater good too safe everyone.

Physical Description: (originals only)


She has pointy ears, white hair, whiter than snow and eyes that are freakishly green like grass. Her blood pulses black for she has magic from the gods above. The only thing that she likes to wear is a brown tunic, sort of like what a monk would wear.

Stats:
ATK: 2
DEF: 1
SPD: 3
TEC: 4

Starting Proficiencies:(1000 OM) Ranged Proficiency

Starting Powers:(1200 OM) Stealth

Starting Moves:(300 OM) Slash - she can throw out from the palms of her hands little whip like strings that glow purple. They then whip the opponent and disappears. There is no charge and takes about 2 seconds to attack with this. It has little to no damage but puts a deadly poison into the victim(though takes 2hrs to take affect)

I confirm that I have read and agreed to the Rules of Conduct.

[Omni]

Hello there and welcome to Th'Omniverse. You need to include a description with all moves. See the other joining forms for examples and please read up on the moves rules for full details. Also, you have 10 stats to distribute, you only used 8.

[Kopaka]

Hi! Thanks for your interest in the Omniverse. In the interest of getting you joined up as soon as possible, I'm going to offer you some advice to fix your profile so that your character can be accepted.

I'll break it down by section to help keep things sorted.

1. Character History: This seems mostly okay, but it's talking about someone named Lalvo Le-gil and your character is named Ada Bluevale. Are they the same person, and if so, how did her name get changed? In addition, your history mentions her getting 'born from clay'. Does this mean she's an artificial life form or a golem, and is she already the goddess of life, or is she only 'in training', per se? Finally, your history needs to mention at what point Omni takes her into the Omniverse.

2. Stats: Ada's stats only add up to 8 points and you're given 10 to work with at the start, so you have 2 more to put a anywhere you want.

3. Starting Moves: I'm not sure if you're still working on this, but you need to describe what Ada's Kamehameha attack is capable of. I see that it's 600 OM, so is it a super move or does it have two functions?

Also, on a final note, paying attention to typos will go a long way. In addition, you don't need to put <br> tags in your post to create spaces between lines.


Hope that helps!

[Ada Bluevale]

I have updated it I hope I did it right this time. Sorry for not doing it correctly the first time

[Mickey Mouse]

You're so fine, Ada, no worries! It's looking great so far, just so you know. Ada's a very cool character, I've just got a few questions looking the app over.

1. I'm going to assume that Ada is taken into the Omniverse and out of her homeworld upon her sacrificing herself. That sound right to you? If so, can you just make that clear in the history? Just a little tacked on bit at the end.

2. As far as Slash goes, let's go into some more details with it:

- Do the whips have a specific range?
- Omni can correct me if I'm wrong on this, but if the whips stay attached to her hands when she attacks an enemy, I think that would require Physical Strength instead of Ranged Attack Proficiency, just a note. Same cost, just switch that up if you would. (Nope, Ranged goes for whips too -Omni)
- You're gonna need to add a little bit more down-side to this. Adding a more specific range to this might suffice; if the whips can't reach too far, or if they open up Ava to attacks because her hands are busy conjuring the whips, then that would count as a down-side. You don't need much more since you already said it doesn't do much damage, but yeah.
- Also, I don't think deadly poison is going to fly; you're welcome to have the whips have harmful lasting effects, like perhaps causing the enemy to be disoriented, but anything labeled "deadly" or "fatal" probably is gonna have to go. Also, if you choose to have the whips do something like disorient the enemy, you're going to need to also purchase Debuff Proficiency and the move will raise to 600 OM because it has more than one use and therefore is variable.

So yeah, think about these little notes, tweak up your profile, and post again in here letting me know when you're done and I'll take another look! Also, if you have ANY questions, feel free to ask and me or another mod or member will certainly help you out as much as you need. Welcome to the Omniverse, Ada!

[Omni]

Having a move take two hours to take effect is also a little ... much. Might wanna weaken both the effect and the downside.

To sum up, all I would say is that we need for that move is a range on the whips and a little bit more specific on what they are/look like (does she actually throw the strings or ...?). And maybe reduce the time it takes otherwise they'll be useless in a fight (no fight is gonna last two hours). And be specific on what the poison does. Debilitate/disorient? (You'd need Debuff Proficiency for that). Death is not allowed.

[Mickey Mouse]

Thanks for the correction, Omni, and sorry about that mistake on my part, Ada! <3