07-06-2018, 10:34 PM
There’s a song in “You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown” (a musical, for those of you who don’t know I’m an actor and a musical theatre geek and just in general a weird dude) called “Happiness,” where each of the Peanuts talk about what makes them happy.
“Happiness is morning and evening / day time and night time too / Happiness is anyone and anything at all / that’s loved by you.”
I generally like to be an optimistic person, but for most of my life, despite an idealistic attitude and a generally cheery disposition, I’ve been chasing what made me happy.
You see, the thing most people don’t get about idealism and optimism is that it’s a philosophical focus on the good to come, the good that’s out there waiting somewhere and not necessarily the good around you, because oftentimes idealistic people don’t see any good around them but thrive on the idea that some day, it has to come.
I’ve lived a pretty nice life, all things considered, but five days before my nineteenth birthday, my mom died very suddenly and that left me feeling just very lost. She was a hero of mine and truly my best friend, the only person in the world whose opinion mattered to me. After that I got into a pattern where I began to attach my self-worth to what others thought of me, and it led to a lot unfortunate behavior patterns where I let people take major advantage of me. Girl I really loved, back in college, then an internship in 2015/2016.
I wasn’t really like this before (I mean just ask anyone who knew me on Chubbs DBZ RPG, I was obnoxious and pushy and didn’t really give a fuck what anyone thought about me except that they let me write with them) but it’s sorta who I am now, and I’m cool with it. Just have to remind myself not to let myself fall into it.
Which is hard. But if I’m being honest, this website and the opportunity to write a character like Mickey, who attacks the world with such hopeful vigor is so important to curbing that. I was gone for two years and low key denying that I was depressed and giving into some serious anxiety that entire time. But the moment I came back — and all the time I spent here in 2015 and 2016 — made all the difference in the world in my mental state.
Because not only did I get to write Mickey, who I’ve truly grown to love basically like my best friend, but I made other, real life best friends, and I feel really strongly that this community, in some small way, saves my life a little bit every single day. You let me come on here and play the most ridiculous character choice for a site like this and you don’t make fun of me, you support that and you show me so much love. And that makes a difference. That makes a world where sometimes one is disappearing, or slipping away before your eyes. It makes a handhold on a mountain you’re trying to climb.
It makes me feel happy, to be here, doing this thing, with each and every one of you. I just told my best IRL friend about the OV and he is astonished at how much I light up when I talk to him about it. And that is because of literally each and every one of you, in your own moments, in your own ways. Sure, of course, people are closer friends with people and blah blah blah and I’m the same way, I mean, it’s no secret that I think Alex and I are writing soul mates or that Wyatt and I are best bros or that Sammy and I have fond past times of Internet hugs when we needed ‘em or that Retane and I became good friends because we bonded over how important our characters are to us and etc etc etc.
But I am here to say that each and every one of you is so special to me in your own way, even if we talk less, or even if we may not get along, or even if we just don’t click, and I hope that you all go to bed tonight or wake up this morning with that thought in your mind: that to someone out there, a squirrelly little boy who stumbled into playing everyone’s favorite silly corporate mascot on a roleplaying website, you are a part of a special club, and big or small, you do a little to save someone’s life every day — probably multiple peoples’, if I had to guess.
And I’ve been feeling sad recently (bc of life things too, a few people know why, not just because the moves discussion got tense) and I’ve been wanting to say that for a minute because you’ve all been helping me through it every day without even knowing it, and tonight it just spilled out.
I love all of you. Happiness is all of you guys. Thank you.
“Happiness is morning and evening / day time and night time too / Happiness is anyone and anything at all / that’s loved by you.”
I generally like to be an optimistic person, but for most of my life, despite an idealistic attitude and a generally cheery disposition, I’ve been chasing what made me happy.
You see, the thing most people don’t get about idealism and optimism is that it’s a philosophical focus on the good to come, the good that’s out there waiting somewhere and not necessarily the good around you, because oftentimes idealistic people don’t see any good around them but thrive on the idea that some day, it has to come.
I’ve lived a pretty nice life, all things considered, but five days before my nineteenth birthday, my mom died very suddenly and that left me feeling just very lost. She was a hero of mine and truly my best friend, the only person in the world whose opinion mattered to me. After that I got into a pattern where I began to attach my self-worth to what others thought of me, and it led to a lot unfortunate behavior patterns where I let people take major advantage of me. Girl I really loved, back in college, then an internship in 2015/2016.
I wasn’t really like this before (I mean just ask anyone who knew me on Chubbs DBZ RPG, I was obnoxious and pushy and didn’t really give a fuck what anyone thought about me except that they let me write with them) but it’s sorta who I am now, and I’m cool with it. Just have to remind myself not to let myself fall into it.
Which is hard. But if I’m being honest, this website and the opportunity to write a character like Mickey, who attacks the world with such hopeful vigor is so important to curbing that. I was gone for two years and low key denying that I was depressed and giving into some serious anxiety that entire time. But the moment I came back — and all the time I spent here in 2015 and 2016 — made all the difference in the world in my mental state.
Because not only did I get to write Mickey, who I’ve truly grown to love basically like my best friend, but I made other, real life best friends, and I feel really strongly that this community, in some small way, saves my life a little bit every single day. You let me come on here and play the most ridiculous character choice for a site like this and you don’t make fun of me, you support that and you show me so much love. And that makes a difference. That makes a world where sometimes one is disappearing, or slipping away before your eyes. It makes a handhold on a mountain you’re trying to climb.
It makes me feel happy, to be here, doing this thing, with each and every one of you. I just told my best IRL friend about the OV and he is astonished at how much I light up when I talk to him about it. And that is because of literally each and every one of you, in your own moments, in your own ways. Sure, of course, people are closer friends with people and blah blah blah and I’m the same way, I mean, it’s no secret that I think Alex and I are writing soul mates or that Wyatt and I are best bros or that Sammy and I have fond past times of Internet hugs when we needed ‘em or that Retane and I became good friends because we bonded over how important our characters are to us and etc etc etc.
But I am here to say that each and every one of you is so special to me in your own way, even if we talk less, or even if we may not get along, or even if we just don’t click, and I hope that you all go to bed tonight or wake up this morning with that thought in your mind: that to someone out there, a squirrelly little boy who stumbled into playing everyone’s favorite silly corporate mascot on a roleplaying website, you are a part of a special club, and big or small, you do a little to save someone’s life every day — probably multiple peoples’, if I had to guess.
And I’ve been feeling sad recently (bc of life things too, a few people know why, not just because the moves discussion got tense) and I’ve been wanting to say that for a minute because you’ve all been helping me through it every day without even knowing it, and tonight it just spilled out.
I love all of you. Happiness is all of you guys. Thank you.
![[Image: trixiesig2018.png]](http://www.cytokineindustries.com/chevereto/images/2018/06/12/trixiesig2018.png)
![[Image: Jacksig.png]](http://www.cytokineindustries.com/chevereto/images/2018/04/13/Jacksig.png)