Move Creation Workshop

[Handsome Jack]

My suggestion for Wild Car is to make it into a Powered-up Form and an Assist, then take Moves for the laser headlights and trunk missiles. Sure, it'll be a bit more expensive, but you'll be able to make its abilities more in line with an actual car, at least in Powered-Up Form (PUF) mode. Drop PUF stats around 4/3/7/1 and Assist at 2/1/2/0. Now you have a great PUF and you don't need to remote control you car when you fight alongside it. Get yourself a knightrider style AI and you're set.

Course, you'll want Super Speed/Burst Movement to emulate actual car speeds, and you'll need to figure out how the damage done in your PUF will transfer to your normal form (I suggest airbag deployments and electrical shocks for minor damage and small to large explosions for major damage), but in the end you'll have a car that feels like an actual car.

[Takanomiya Hijiri]

Here are my recommended changes for your move, Hecate (in bold):

Shard Storm (300) (Ranged/Area of Effect)
A ranged attack that Hecate must charge for 10 seconds and expend a considerable amount of energy to use. This attack creates a two foot wide ball of ice that hovers at about 8 feet off the ground. After charging, the orb of ice shoots forwards up to 40 feet, at the speed of a crossbow bolt, before cracking into 24 sharpened shards which move just as quickly. Impaling targets in a 10 foot wide circle. The shards of ice are durable enough to easily pierce steel armor, and will remain present after the move has been used until shattered or melted. The orb has a maximum range of 40 feet, and will shatter immediately if it strikes its target directly. Hecate must remain stationary whilst charging this move and cannot use any other moves at the same time, as it requires her full concentration. Taking damage whilst charging this move will interrupt her and cancel the charge.

I've removed the summary lines, as those are somewhat pointless, due to most of the information there being already included in the main description of the move.

What wasn't included, I have added in, with the exception of the two uses per fight part, as that makes little sense in the context in which you gave it; the mention of it alongside stamina implied that she would not have enough energy to use it more than twice without exhausting herself... but because of the way it was phrased, you could have technically gotten away with buying numerous moves with the same two-use limit and using all of them twice per fight... which would have almost certainly cost you points when the fight was being judged.
In order to keep from being tempted to overuse moves, I would recommend simply sticking to vaguer  terminology (e.g. 'a considerable amount of energy') and trying to be realistic about it when writing the move in fights, rather than assigning specific limits to the number of times a move can be used.
That said, if you do want to add the two-use limit back in, it will probably still get approved.

I've also made a few other changes to add in required information and make certain things clearer. Someone else (probably Ebony/Dane) may have further suggestions, but I would say this is likely approvable as-is.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Warren:
"Warren can only use it 6x per battle, unless he uses 5 other attacks before using this again."
Explain what you mean here. This is a weapon move. Can he only swing it 6 times? Can he only hot someone with it 6 times? Can he only use the poison 6 times? It doesn't make sense. Perhaps you should set it on a timer. But, even then, I think you should lower the strength of the debuff instead. If you want a string debuff, have an actual charge time for the debuff attack or lower the duration of the debuff.

For the Car, an alternative form might also work, depending on if you're okay dropping some stats to get speed. But, yes. I would go with what Cell said.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Hijiri/Hecate:
Quick comment regarding this:
"The shards of ice are durable enough to easily pierce steel armor,"
That depends on your ATK stat. Not really the move itself. Instead, refer to the general strength of the move. Like, "this is weak", "this is moderately powerful", etc. You can still say that they'll usually piece into opponents and stay there.

[The Emperor of Mankind]

Master psyker (2100) requires ranged prof, ranged materialize prof, telepathy, area defence, buff, debuff, area attack

The Emperor uses his psychic mastery to attack his enemies, due to the random nature of the warp, the Emperor can only use up to 5 powers per round and can only use each once per round except for smite, this is taxing on his body and all of his concentration must be on the move to use it which means that he can't move at all while casting. He can be broken out of it by being attacked but it's difficult to do so.

Smite, Lightning shoots from The emperor's skull, hitting and shocking an enemy. This can be used multiple times but it becomes more and more difficult to use each time. This takes 25 seconds to charge with each consecutive use adding another 2 seconds to the charge time. The difficulty will reset as the round ends. This power hits instantly, is as large as a lightning bolt and has a maximum range of 30 metres before it disappears. This deals medium damage.

Terrifying visions, The emperor fills the mind of an enemy with visions of torment and what scares them most, making them more likely to keep their distance and attack less for up to 30 seconds depending on their TEC vs The Emperor's TEC with the minimum amount of time being 10 seconds and adding 5 for each TEC point the emperor has over the target. It takes 20 seconds to charge and will not be as effective against foes with suppression or enhanced senses. This can hit an enemy within 50 metres. Suppression will make the hallucinations transparent and enhanced senses will not detect them, letting the prime know that they don't exist.

Gaze of the Emperor, The emperor's eyes blaze in vengeful fury and as his rage is made manifest and he shoots twin red beams through his eyes at the nearest target. It will almost always pierce the target but will only deal the amount of damage that would've happened if it dissipated on the enemy's skin. He can not move his head while using this move and the beam only extends 20 metres. It takes 15 seconds to charge up and can be detected by fire appearing in The Emperor's empty eye socket. The lasers travel as fast as a bullet and do slightly less than average damage.

Psychic barrier, The emperor forms a psychic barrier that covers an ally's 'skin', which will give them a shield that can absorb one hit from an enemy before shattering. This takes 20 seconds to charge and will cover the ally with a clear blue substance that is intangible. If not shattered, it will disappear after a minute. This can target any ally within 20 metres.

Nightshroud, The Emperor summons a shadow out of the warp, covering an area within 10 feet of The Emperor in a 6 metre high and wide bubble. From outside, it will look like a section of the world is now in twilight but people inside will see the rest of the battlefield in sunset levels of light. This takes 15 seconds to charge and will fade after a minute, enemies with enhanced senses will be able to completely ignore the bubble.

Psychic maelstorm, The Emperor summons the full force of the warp to defeat his enemy, after a 35 second charge the emperor releases a barrage of psychic attacks against an enemy. For every enemy prime or assist (or major NPC like a storyteller written space marine) within a 20 meter by 20 meter area, the minimum number of hits will rise by one, every other hit gotten by getting the difference between Emp's TEC and the Enemy's TEC, if the number is positive it adds that many hits and if it's negative it doesn't add any and can take away that amount of hits long as it doesn't go below the minimum. The attack looks like a purple mist moving extremely fast in a circle with lightning and occasionally claws being seen within it.



Most of these changes were in relation to http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...19&page=22 and I added in another power
@failz, if you are reading this I am fine with the last comment you made on this and I can't think of an appropriate cooldown for this move so I'm leaving it like this until I find one.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Emps:
Firstly, most of this move is useless. You are a slow moving skeleton in a chair. No one is going to let you charge for 20 seconds without hitting you. I suggest you go for smaller charges and smaller effects.

Smite: Needs homing.
Barrier: This is weak for a 20 second charge move. One hit is nothing, dude. And it won't block a supermove. Reconsider this.
Psychic Maelstorm: No. This is influencing the damage with your TEC. For the number of shots to change, the damage would have to be the same and be split between each shot. It may also add 600 to the cost. Since 300 for the main thing, 300 for variable shot count. Also, what's the minimum number of hits? Also, I don't really get your description of this. Does it shoot everyone in the area? Or lots of projectiles? How fast do they go?

[The Emperor of Mankind]

I'll get to the other things tomorrow but you should be looking at the moves in a vacuum, don't think about the move as if it was just Emps using it but if it was Ebony, Summer or Erik also using it.

[Takanomiya Hijiri]

@Hijiri/Hecate:
Quick comment regarding this:
"The shards of ice are durable enough to easily pierce steel armor,"
That depends on your ATK stat. Not really the move itself. Instead, refer to the general strength of the move. Like, "this is weak", "this is moderately powerful", etc. You can still say that they'll usually piece into opponents and stay there.

Meh. The weak/powerful thing isn't something I'm a fan of myself, since it lacks context. I may not have specified this clearly enough in my edit of the move, but by 'steel armour' I was referring to real-world-strength medieval platemail (meaning that the shards are stronger than ordinary crossbow bolts, as those would generally only dent steel plate armour).
Move strength also depends on drawbacks in addition to ATK, and this one has both a long, stationary charge-up and a significant fatigue cost, which could be argued to make the power-level justified despite Hecate's comparatively low ATK of 2.

That all said, in retrospect I agree that adding a note to say that it depends on her attack would still be wise. For instance:

[spoiler]

Shard Storm (300) (Ranged/Area of Effect)
A ranged attack that Hecate must charge for 10 seconds and expend a considerable amount of energy to use. This attack creates a two foot wide ball of ice that hovers at about 8 feet off the ground. After charging, the orb of ice shoots forwards up to 40 feet, at the speed of a crossbow bolt, before cracking into 24 sharpened shards which move just as quickly. Impaling targets in a 10 foot wide circle. The shards of ice are durable enough to easily pierce real-world-strength steel plate armor at Hecate's base ATK of 2, and will remain present after the move has been used until shattered or melted. The orb has a maximum range of 40 feet, and will shatter immediately if it strikes its target directly. Hecate must remain stationary whilst charging this move and cannot use any other moves at the same time, as it requires her full concentration. Taking damage whilst charging this move will interrupt her and cancel the charge.

[/spoiler]

That said, Hecate, if you would like to make this move weaker (in order to increase the odds of it being approved first time), you could change the strength so that the shards would only be powerful enough to dent steel plate... or maybe even just remove the word 'easily'... as you do only have 2 ATK, after all...

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Emps: I mean, even then. You're standing still for ages. People will hit you. You won't get to use them. Also, a round is about 10 minutes, usually. So you can use that number instead in your first paragraph.

@Hijiri: You can just say that they're strong, sharp and will pierce most opponents. It doesn't need to be needlessly complex with references to attack. If you want to see if you can smash concrete with your move, look at your ATK stat and then look on the table. If your move has a charge time or drawbacks and is really powerful, you can bump it up a bit on the table. As long as you're not expecting to shred steel armour of someone with 5 DEF with your 2 ATK, you're good. The powerful thing is just so people can have an idea whether it sits a bit above or below where 2 ATK does on the table. Also, I'd say that this shouldn't really be piecing full plate with 2 ATK. Maybe with 4 or 5 ATK. Not with 2. I guess the numbers all seem like a big fudge to you, but you'll have a lot less strife if you just write down how comparatively strong or weak it is compared to your general strength.

[Daniel]

Shard storm (300) Ranged/Area of effect A ranked attack that Hecate must charge a considerable amount of spiritual energy to use, This attack creates a two foot wide ball of ice that hovers at about 8 feet of the ground. After 10 seconds of charging the orb of ice cracks into 24 sharpened shards that accelerate at about the speed of a crossbow bolt. Impaling targets in a 10 foot wide circle. The shards of ice are fragile to an extent but can easily pierce armor. They have a maximum range of 40 feet.

Stamina Drain: this attack requires a considerable amount of energy making it pretty draining Hecate can only use this attack at most 2 times without resting.

Range: this attack has a decent range of up to 40 feet.

Area of effect: this attack peppers a ten foot wide area with a considerable amount of projectiles.

Damage: this attack deals moderate damage but relies on multiple hits to deal anything more than moderate damage.

Utility: this attack has a high stamina cost with a ten second charge time as well as a small delay before firing. The shards of ice remain on the ground/ in objects they penetrate and can cause small obstacles for people to maneuver around .

Shard Storm (300) (Requires Ranged Prof, Area Attack Prof) - Hecate Focuses for 10 seconds, during which she can move at walking pace, and defend herself, but use no other moves, as she forms a ball of ice in the air. The ball of ice is 2 feet in diameter and hovers roughly 8 feet in the air above Hecate. After the 10 seconds of focusing her energy are up, the ball of ice explodes into 24 pieces of sharp, blade-like, icicles that cover an area of 10 feet in diameter (but always miss Hecate). These icicles travel at the speed of a crossbow bolt and are slightly stronger than a crossbow bolt. The move only requires a moderate amount of energy to use and using it too often will tire Hecate out.

Is this like something you're looking for, Hecate?

[Hecate Rothchild]

Shard storm (300) Ranged/Area of effect A ranked attack that Hecate must charge a considerable amount of spiritual energy to use, This attack creates a two foot wide ball of ice that hovers at about 8 feet of the ground. After 10 seconds of charging the orb of ice cracks into 24 sharpened shards that accelerate at about the speed of a crossbow bolt. Impaling targets in a 10 foot wide circle. The shards of ice are fragile to an extent but can easily pierce armor. They have a maximum range of 40 feet.

Stamina Drain: this attack requires a considerable amount of energy making it pretty draining Hecate can only use this attack at most 2 times without resting.

Range: this attack has a decent range of up to 40 feet.

Area of effect: this attack peppers a ten foot wide area with a considerable amount of projectiles.

Damage: this attack deals moderate damage but relies on multiple hits to deal anything more than moderate damage.

Utility: this attack has a high stamina cost with a ten second charge time as well as a small delay before firing. The shards of ice remain on the ground/ in objects they penetrate and can cause small obstacles for people to maneuver around .

Shard Storm (300) (Requires Ranged Prof, Area Attack Prof) - Hecate Focuses for 10 seconds, during which she can move at walking pace, and defend herself, but use no other moves, as she forms a ball of ice in the air. The ball of ice is 2 feet in diameter and hovers roughly 8 feet in the air above Hecate. After the 10 seconds of focusing her energy are up, the ball of ice explodes into 24 pieces of sharp, blade-like, icicles that cover an area of 10 feet in diameter (but always miss Hecate). These icicles travel at the speed of a crossbow bolt and are slightly stronger than a crossbow bolt. The move only requires a moderate amount of energy to use and using it too often will tire Hecate out.

Is this like something you're looking for, Hecate?

yes this is perfect

[The Emperor of Mankind]

Master psyker (2400) requires ranged prof, ranged materialize prof, telepathy, area defence, buff, debuff, area attack

The Emperor uses his psychic mastery to attack his enemies, the Emperor can only use up to 5 powers per 10 minutes and can only use each once per those same 10 minutes except for smite, this is taxing on his body and all of his concentration must be on the move to use it which means that he can't move at all while casting. He can not be broken out of it by anything short of a supermove but most opponents will take advantage of the giant skeleton staying still.

Smite, Lightning shoots from The emperor's skull, hitting and shocking an enemy. This can be used multiple times but it becomes more and more difficult to use each time. This takes 25 seconds to charge with each consecutive use adding another 2 seconds to the charge time. The difficulty will reset as the round ends. This power hits instantly, is as large as a lightning bolt and has a maximum range of 30 metres before it disappears. This deals medium damage.

Terrifying visions, The emperor fills the mind of an enemy with visions of torment and what scares them most, making them more likely to keep their distance and attack less for up to 30 seconds depending on their TEC vs The Emperor's TEC with the minimum amount of time being 10 seconds and adding 5 for each TEC point the emperor has over the target. It takes 20 seconds to charge and will not be as effective against foes with suppression or enhanced senses. This can hit an enemy within 50 metres. Suppression will make the hallucinations transparent and enhanced senses will not detect them, letting the prime know that they don't exist.

Gaze of the Emperor, The emperor's eyes blaze in vengeful fury and as his rage is made manifest and he shoots twin red beams through his eyes at the nearest target. It will almost always pierce the target but will only deal the amount of damage that would've happened if it dissipated on the enemy's skin. He can not move his head while using this move and the beam only extends 20 metres. It takes 15 seconds to charge up and can be detected by fire appearing in The Emperor's empty eye socket. The lasers travel as fast as a bullet and do slightly less than average damage.

Psychic barrier, The emperor forms a psychic barrier that covers an ally's 'skin', which will give them a shield that can absorb one hit from an enemy before shattering. This takes 15 seconds to charge and will cover the ally with a clear blue substance that is intangible. If not shattered, it will disappear after a minute. This can target any ally within 30 metres.

Nightshroud, The Emperor summons a shadow out of the warp, covering an area within 10 feet of The Emperor in a 6 metre high and wide bubble. From outside, it will look like a section of the world is now in twilight but people inside will see the rest of the battlefield in sunset levels of light. This takes 15 seconds to charge and will fade after a minute, enemies with enhanced senses will be able to completely ignore the bubble.

Psychic maelstorm, The Emperor summons the full force of the warp to defeat his enemy, after a 35-second charge the emperor releases a barrage of psychic attacks against an enemy. For every enemy prime or assist (or major NPC like a storyteller written space marine which will only add 1 unless given stats) within a 20 meter by 20 meter area, the minimum number of hits will rise by one, every other hit gotten by getting the difference between the Emperor's ATK and the Enemy's TEC, if the number is positive it adds that many hits and if it's negative it doesn't add any and can take away that amount of hits long as it doesn't go below the minimum. The attack takes the form of a swirling green vortex that fires out as many small bursts of lightning as there are hits, enough to hit everyone in the radius.

I don't think that smite needs homing since I removed the automatically hitting bit.
Changed the end of Psychic maelstorm and switched the first TEC to ATK
Made barrier a bit faster to charge and gave it a longer range
Put in the 10 minute suggestion and changed it so that it can't be interrupted but as you said who isn't going to attack the giant skeleton in the chair....

[Dane Regan]

@Emps:
No. Split it up into different moves. There's not reason why this all needs to be part of the same move. It's needlessly complex and wordy. There's no point for it. I get that you've got the 'cooldown' thing, but I don't think that's enough. These are all separate moves bundled into one just for the sake of making a big move - that's what it looks like to me. I could understand 5 psychic things shoved in one move, maybe. But not this many.

Smite:
Needs homing. This hits instantly and you made no comment about it needing to be aimed. Summer's lightning bolt doesn't need homing because he has to aim it with his hand. The way you worded your move makes it seem like it just instantly travels from Emp's skull and hits someone.

Barrier:
You can buff the shield strength or reduce the charge time. Also, I'm going to say no. If a move was charged for 30 seconds, it wouldn't block it fully. Describe the shield as being strong, and that it can roughly block about the same amount of energy Emps put into it. Or, you could simply say that 'some attacks significantly stronger than the shield may not be fully blocked'. But, you are throttling yourself by having it shatter if someone throws something weak (like a bucket) at it.

Psychic maelstorm:
Still gonna say no. Damage should be split between the number of projectiles. Also, stats tend to effect how a move impacts someone, not the move itself - so I'd say no to this. Just have a move where you can split it into up to X projectiles, where the total damage stays the same. Furthermore, even if this was valid, the reduced number of projectiles would be based on the foe's DEF.

"He can not be broken out of it by anything short of a supermove but most opponents will take advantage of the giant skeleton staying still."
And your own bucket, lol. Marisa is gonna steal it and splash you. (But you don't need to include a comment about that)

[Summer]

Healing Light (Sonny) (Healing, Ranged, Ranged Materialize, Area Defense, Buff) (300): Sonny bends the skies to his whim, breaking up any cloud formations just enough to make way for a beam of light to pierce through it, but not changing the weather drastically. By staying still and maintaining his concentration, he can train this beam of light on any ally within 30 meters of him that he can see, applying healing magic to them so long as he can keep the light on them. Since it requires his utmost concentration, the healing effect is stronger than natural regen would be, but it’s still not enough to really swing a fight. Rather, the strength in this move lies in that those under the effects feel no pain, and their abilities cannot be interrupted. He can track an ally so long as they do not move too quickly or erratically (He can track SPDs equal to or lower than his TEC), and he can maintain this spell for minutes at a time due to the low energy requirement. It does, however, require him to stand perfectly still, making him a sitting duck, and prevents him from using other moves. The effects of the light cease the moment he stops concentrating.

Gust (Summer) (Ranged, Ranged Materialize, Area Attack) (300): Summer channels the power of the wind over the course of a quick second (during which he can move but can’t attack), calling up a short, powerful gust at the location of his choice (within 30 meters of him) and in the horizontal direction of his choice. This roughly cylindrical burst of wind measures about 2 meters in diameter and blows over an area about 5 meters long at approximately 45 m/s, lasting for an instant before dying out. Anyone and anything that is caught within this gust (including himself) is shoved in the direction of the wind, pushed with a force as though Summer had pushed them directly, making it dependent on his ATK vs their DEF. Occasionally, multiple people can be caught within the gust, in which case the force is divided evenly amongst everyone. A simple application of wind. It takes little energy outright, but gets more energy intensive the further he summons it. When used up close, he can use it frequently, but must be sparing in its uses at 15 meters and more out.

[Reece]

@Emps:
No. Split it up into different moves. There's not reason why this all needs to be part of the same move. It's needlessly complex and wordy. There's no point for it. I get that you've got the 'cooldown' thing, but I don't think that's enough. These are all separate moves bundled into one just for the sake of making a big move - that's what it looks like to me. I could understand 5 psychic things shoved in one move, maybe. But not this many.

*cough*Meta-Magic*cough*

Sounds like someone doesn't want any rivals encroaching upon their position as owner of the number 1 most expensive move. =P

On a more serious note, I approve of the way Emps has done this. The alternative would be to copy/paste the cooldown description into every one of these moves separately, which would take up much more room in total... I'm honestly not sure what the point of this objection was. There is no reason that this cannot remain a single move.

[ElFailzalot]

@Emps:
No. Split it up into different moves. There's not reason why this all needs to be part of the same move. It's needlessly complex and wordy. There's no point for it. I get that you've got the 'cooldown' thing, but I don't think that's enough. These are all separate moves bundled into one just for the sake of making a big move - that's what it looks like to me. I could understand 5 psychic things shoved in one move, maybe. But not this many.

*cough*Meta-Magic*cough*

Sounds like someone doesn't want any rivals encroaching upon their position as owner of the number 1 most expensive move. =P

On a more serious note, I approve of the way Emps has done this. The alternative would be to copy/paste the cooldown description into every one of these moves separately, which would take up much more room in total... I'm honestly not sure what the point of this objection was. There is no reason that this cannot remain a single move.

*cough*the difference being Meta-Magic is one move that does the same thing with a bunch of variables whereas this is a bunch of completely different things which are all moves on their own rolled into one complex mess for the sake of 'muh 15k OM move'*cough

In reality, the real alternative would be to like...make a note in the roster about all of his psyker moves having the universal cooldown, if that's what he wants to do? Everyone has been saying this move is needlessly complex and it needs to be split up. Because it does need to be. This isn't even a single Move, it's several of them rolled under one for no clear reason aside from what appears to be bragging rights about having the most expensive move.

It's just been a suggestion and advice up until now, but now it's not anymore to put an end to this headache. Master Psyker will not be approved as one Move. Split it up into separate parts.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Summer:
Healing Light:
So, the healing rate of someone focusing on Regen? And no pain and move interruptions.
I will say, if you're aiming for the increased healing rate, the rules say:
"Alternately, you may focus and expend energy to increase your healing rate by 3 to 4 times..."
Hence, I think you should clarify how much stronger than natural regen. If you're not suffering much fatigue, I'd say maybe twice as fast as natural regen.
Lastly, you may want to specify that the healing rate is based on Sonny's DEF (like it would be if he was regenerating without using SP). With 5 DEF and double healing rate, that'd be ~half a minute to close a small cut (and longer to heal it fully) - although you don't need to include that baseline in the move (but adding a side comment about it might be useful).

Gust:
This is basically the same as Ebony's telekinetic shove (except with wind). But with a shorter range, and with the same strength at ranges (except it's more tiring to do so). So, yeah. This'll be fine.

[Hecate Rothchild]

Looking into a Summon Ice golem move or super move for Hecate, anyone able to provide a bit of insight into that? namly I want to use an "Ice totem" to act as a catylist for the construct.

[Dane Regan]

If you want a Golem, your best bet is an assist. (You could shove an ice thing into the ground if you wanted and say it's the source of it or something like that).

Or, if you'd prefer, you could just have a super move where it appears and beats someone up for a bit before disappearing.

If you want an actual normal move, you will need to control the Golem with ranged and ranged control proficiencies. And you'll need to focus on it. There's some comments on how the pricing and stuff for that here: http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?tid=2693

[Hecate Rothchild]

the golem is more of a disctraction to allow hecate to charge up for bigger "Boom"

How do assists work?