Move Creation Workshop

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Warren:
Bomb:
>Back to an earlier comment, what makes the move tiring? You cut that part out on one of your edits. Add it back in. (The bit where you said kicking the ball is the tiring part)
"This has power dependent on his ATK versus the DEF stat of an opponent."
>Delete this comment, it's not needed.
"This is moderately powerful."
>A nitpick, but change this to say that the "explosion" was moderately powerful. As there are multiple parts of this move.

Scythe:
>Go through the move checklist for what you need to add. Make sure each variant of that move has that information. At the moment, it's not even clear how he executes each think his scythe can do. If you're unsure, split it up into 3 paragraphs.

Baseball Bat:
>No, that's too strong. The concussion thing needs a charge time.
"The bat dependent on Warren's DEF versus the Tec/Attack of an opponent"
>Explain this further.
>Go through the move checklist in the moves page of the rules. It's also in the top posts of move approval.

[Takanomiya Hijiri]

@Warren -

Fumbled Play - (900 OM, Physical Strength, Debuff, Ranged Proficiency, Area Attack): 


Fumbled Play is a scythe that takes Warren about 12 seconds for him to create. This scythe is a weapon that can be used for melee purposes by slashing at his opponents. The scythe has a poison that makes a person weaker for 10 seconds when injected. The Scythe also has a ranged attack, namely releasing an arcing crescent shaped wave of energy at an opponent with each swing that deals moderate damage, like the melee of the scythe does. The Scythe's ranged attack has a range of 150 feet in any direction when it is swung. This cannot be re-aimed when it is used. In addition, swinging the scythe exhausts Warren, so he cannot use it in combat for prolonged periods of time. 


Baseball Bat (300 OM, Physical Prof, Debuff.): 

A purple, gray and black baseball bat. This is used by Warren to debuff an opponent by trying to smack them anywhere he can, though typically he goes for the head, to cause them a concussion. Each hit will cause them a 2 second concussion, and this can be stacked up to 5 times when it is used on an opponent. The bat dependent on Warren's DEF versus the Tec/Attack of an opponent can clash with such weapons as legendary swords, lightsabers, energy swords or really just any other melee weapon. The Baseball Bat is a simple weapon, but is one that Warren will not often use because of his favor for the sport of Football. 

These moves are... not worded as well as they could be. You've missed out some essential information and added in a fair bit of unnecessary information. Here's how I would recommend writing the scythe:

Fumbled Play - (900 OM, Physical Strength, Debuff, Ranged Proficiency, Area Attack): 


Fumbled Play is a very heavy scythe with a [number]-foot-long shaft and a [number]-foot-long blade, which takes Warren about 2 seconds to summon. The scythe can be used in melee, but also has a ranged attack, which takes the form of a [colour], crescent-shaped wave of energy of equal size to the blade, that will travel in a straight line towards his target when swung towards a target outside of the weapon's reach. This crescent wave deals the same amount of damage as a normal swing, has a maximum range of 150 feet, and travels as fast as a bullet. Using it has no additional energy drain beyond the amount of effort needed to swing the scythe. Being cut by the scythe (either in melee or at range) also saps the target's strength noticeably for 10 seconds.

I left most of the values empty for you to fill in, but reduced the summoning time by ten seconds, because 12 is just way too massive a flaw... if you really want it, though, feel free to put that extra digit back in.

The bat is just a bat.
All it needs is a length and weight, basically. Hitting someone on the head hard enough to concuss does not require a move, or Debuff proficiency.

[Dane Regan]

@Hijiri:
I disagree a bit with:
"This crescent wave deals the same amount of damage as a normal swing, has a maximum range of 150 feet, and travels as fast as a bullet."
It's a fast ranged attack with a fire rate as fast as he can swing. For it to be as strong as a melee hit it would need a charge time due to the bullet speed of the ranged attack.

Also, if the poison is with every attack, then it would only be 600 OM.

[James Knight]

Fumbled Play - (900 OM, Physical Strength, Debuff, Ranged Proficiency, Area Attack, Homing, Remote Control Prof.): 


Fumbled Play is a very heavy scythe with a [10]-foot-long shaft and a 12-foot-long blade, which takes Warren about 2 seconds to summon. The scythe can be used in melee, but also has a ranged attack, which takes the form of a purple, crescent-shaped wave of energy of equal size to the blade, that will travel in a straight line towards his target when swung towards a target outside of the weapon's reach. This crescent wave deals the same amount of damage as a normal swing, has a maximum range of 150 feet, and travels as fast as a bullet. Using it has no additional energy drain beyond the amount of effort needed to swing the scythe. Being cut by the scythe (either in melee or at range) also saps the target's strength noticeably for 10 seconds. This can also be remote controlled should he miss his opponent,  Warren can change the direction of the wave so that it is more likely to strike an opponent. In addition, this will home in an opponent for 15 seconds. 

Both the ranged, and the physical version are moderately draining on the stamina of Warren to use. As such, he does not like to use this scythe for prolonged periods of time. Every physical contact of the scythe with an opponent will inflict the poison. 

Foot Bomb V1 - (600 OM, Debuff, Ranged, Area Attack Proficiency.) 



The Foot Bomb is a bomb that looks like your traditional football. This bomb takes Warren about seventeen seconds to create. During the creation of the bomb Warren can move around as much as he likes because the bomb does not take that much effort for him to create. This can be kicked 75 feet from him and when he kicks it, it travels at about 40 MPH. The kick is the tiring part of the move. The bomb can explode 1 or 2 ways. After being kicked, and landing where it was kicked it will explode automatically after about 15 seconds. However, if it should hit anyone, or anything the bomb will also explode. The Gas Cloud can cover about 20 feet, and the explosion is about 35 feet in diameter but at the center of the explosion, the explosion is more powerful in terms of damage. The Gas Cloud released by the explosion is poisonous, and for 10 seconds will take away 1 Tec from an opponent temporarily. They can undo it one of three ways. Powering up, or getting out of the cloud. The third way is to destroy the cloud of poisonous gas that has been released by the Footbomb. This is moderately damaging on Warren's stamina reserves, and has a 20 second cool down for just this move upon completion. The Footbomb Warren uses appears to be made out of a purple crystal, with obvious circuitry inside of it. The Footbomb is a move that taps into his love of foot ball, and also mad science. 


The bomb takes him 17 seconds to create. The bomb will remain for thirty seconds, and he must use it within that frame of time, or he will have to create the bomb anew. The explosion is moderately powerful. The kick is tiring on Warren, which is why he does not often use this move. 

[Dane Regan]

@Warren:
No. This is too strong. For multiple reasons.
>Your ranged attack homes at the speed of a bullet, and is 12ft wide. I.e. no one will be able to dodge it. Thus, it will have to be a lot weaker than a normal melee swing. Homing attacks need either large drawbacks, or will be weaker in strength. And, even if your ranged version wasn't homing, being bullet speed would mean if definitely would still be weaker than the melee swing unless you gave it a charge time.
>A strong 10 second long debuff just for swinging your scythe is too strong. No. Tone down the time and strength.

I'll review the rest of the move once you balance it. But, I do have two more comments.

>This should cost 600 OM, the poison is not a variant. It's in every attack.
>10ft is big. This is a very big scythe. If you want to keep that size, perhaps add it being slow, unwieldy, hard to use in close (6ft or less) range, and hard to block with as drawbacks. And it being tiring to swing. You'll still need more drawbacks, or need to nerf the strength, but that would be a start. Also, for the staff size, 8ft would be a better blade length. 12 ft is disproportionately large for a 10ft staff size.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

(I'm also Dane, if it's not obvious)
@Warren:
Only just saw your edit. I think the foot bomb is good. Send that to approval when you're ready. But change the price to 300 OM. It doesn't cost 600. It does the same thing every time - hence 300 cost. Cost is based on the number of variants, not the number of effects.

[Hecate Rothchild]

Winters Kiss (300) Debuff Proficiency (Limited to Dark Hecate) An attack best used as an ambush or on a target Hecate is seducing. Hecate channels a large amount of her spiritual power into her lungs for no less than 20 seconds during this time she is unable to move anything but her arms and upper body.

Hecate locks lips with her target in a deep kiss and exhales the full power of the spiritual power in her lungs filling her opponents lungs with a super cold blast of magic that can cause ice to form inside of the target coating the insides of the lungs with ice crystals causing a great deal of pain and some damage. This move increases the stamina cost of attacks and movement for a short time. The effect is drastic enough that moving away from Hecate after being hit with this would cause any noram mortal to collapse from the pain. However this effect only lasts for a 20 seconds making the window of opportunity to use this hard to time.

Stamina drain: The charge up time requires Hecate to be stationary and drains a good amount of stamina. Hecate can not use this attack more than once in a fight.

Range: Close range only, can only reach someone within kissing distance.

Damage: This attack inflicts moderate damage, however it does cause a great deal of pain on the target

Debuff: Makes movement harder due to immense pain, increases the stamina used by affected opponent, until effect wears off.

Utility: This move is to enable quick assassinations, it is a high risk high reward move.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Hecate:
>20 seconds is a long charge time, I reckon you could probably only have 10, or 5 - I mean, if someone is waving a sword at you, kissing them is going to be really hard.
>How long does she keep the charge? I'd assume she doesn't have to kiss someone instantly.
>Perhaps add something about how long the kiss lasts?

[Hecate Rothchild]

@Hecate:
>20 seconds is a long charge time, I reckon you could probably only have 10, or 5 - I mean, if someone is waving a sword at you, kissing them is going to be really hard.
>How long does she keep the charge? I'd assume she doesn't have to kiss someone instantly.
>Perhaps add something about how long the kiss lasts?

the 20 seconds is mainly due to the fact i don't want this to be a n attack that she can use willy-nilly, but rather is one that requires planning, forethought and a target who is unsuspecting its more of a self imposed limitation to prevent me from abusing it

She can hold the charge as long as a minute,

will do.

Much abliged

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

Sure. I don't have any comments besides those, so you can probably post your next iteration in move approval.

As a side note, can you link your roster page to your profile. It's on the 'edit profile' section.

[Mega Man X]

I've been reworking a couple of weapons I haven't purchased yet, in hopes of making them a bit more effective or practical. I'd like some further review here before trying to submit them again.


Silver Stinger - 300 OM (Requires Ranged Proficiency, Debuff Proficiency)
A special weapon obtained from the data of Hornet Man.EXE. It takes a second to switch to and from this weapon, with X's body shifting into a white/gold color scheme.

While equipped, the X-Buster can fire a large silvery cone like a spearhead. This projectile travels at the speed of an arrow accurately up to 15 meters, provided X is not moving and able to aim properly. The stinger pierces whatever it hits and injects a paralyzing venom into the area, immobilizing it for up to 10 seconds unless immediately removed. This duration can be replenished (but not increased) with successive hits.

This weapon, after firing, requires 2 seconds to cool down before firing again. This weapon can only be used 15 times before needing to be recharged; this cannot be done during battle. Depleting the weapon also fatigues X notably, similar to overuse of the X-Buster.


Rose Splash - 300 OM (Requires Physical Strength, Debuff Proficiency)
A special weapon obtained from the data of Plant Man.EXE. It takes a second to switch to and from this weapon, with X's body shifting into a green/pink color scheme.

While equipped, the X-Buster can lash out a 10-foot plant-like whip when swung, similar to a vine or rose stem. The whip persists for just a couple of seconds, long enough to snare something with its prickly thorns and rip it away with a firm pull. This can temporarily rip weapons, shields, or other equipment from an enemy, though he must take care when doing so; an enemy with enough strength can yank X to them in retaliation. Though X can use this weapon while moving, he must be standing still to use it most effectively.

This weapon, after firing, requires 2 seconds to cool down before firing again. The weapon can be shot while moving, but X needs to be standing to still to pull at his best effect. This weapon can only be used 10 times before needing to be recharged. Depleting the weapon also fatigues X notably, similar to overuse of the X-Buster.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Mega Man X:
Just pasting the currently approved versions of your moves here, for reference:
[spoiler]
Silver Stinger - 300 OM (Requires Ranged Proficiency, Debuff Proficiency)
A special weapon obtained from the data of Hornet Man.EXE. X can equip this weapon in a flash, shifting his color scheme into a white body with yellow-gold armor, and he cannot use any other special weapon until he reverts to normal. When used, the X-Buster fires a large silvery cone like a spearhead, traveling at the speed of an arrow up to 20 meters accurately before falling out of trajectory. The stinger injects an immobilizing venom into whatever it impacts with, stunning the damaged area for 10 seconds unless it is deflected or instantly removed. Striking a stunned area multiple times will not stack or replenish the duration. X can only fire one shot per second, and can only ever fire 20 stingers without recharging the weapon at a safe base. Firing this weapon too frequently can tire out X, and depleting the weapon will exhaust him similar to overuse of the X-Buster.

Rose Splash - 300 OM (Requires Ranged Proficiency)
A special weapon obtained from the data of Plant Man.EXE. X can equip this weapon in a flash, shifting his color scheme into a green body with pink armor, and he cannot use any other special weapon until he reverts to normal. When used, the X-Buster fires a shotgun blast of plant thorns, like deadly flechettes. The blast of thorns can only cover an area 10 meters out in a 1-meter-square area. Charged version fires a shotgun of seeds instead, which explode into a patch of lashing vines 1 second after they hit a surface. X can only fire one shot per 2 seconds, and can only ever fire 14 shots without recharging the weapon at a safe base. Firing this weapon too frequently can tire out X, and depleting the weapon will exhaust him similar to overuse of the X-Buster.[/spoiler]

Silver Stinger: Changes would be fine. But, as far as I can tell, you've made this move harder to use (lower range, less ammo, longer recharge) with no real benefit. The new wording is better, however. I know the original was approved without, but I think you should give a rough size of the stingers. Like, "two inches long" or something.

Rose Splash: This doesn't need debuff. It doesn't leave any lingering deliberating effects.
"This weapon can only be used 10 times before needing to be recharged."
A bit of a nitpick, but you didn't say anything about how recharging works for this move. I'd assume it's only out of battle like the other - but you didn't add that comment it. Also, you should give a rough speed of the Vine.

[James Knight]

Fumbled Play - (600 OM)


Fumbled Play is a very heavy scythe with a 4-foot-long shaft and a 6-foot-long blade, which takes Warren about 2 seconds to summon. The Scythe can be used in melee, and when it is, each swing of the blade is moderately draining on the stamina of Warren. The scythe when used as a melee weapon possesses a single special property. Once every 55 seconds, the Scythe can release a poison on contact that would slow down an opponent greatly when it comes into contact with them, with the blade actually touching them. The Scythe's ranged attack is a crescent shaped 3 foot wave of energy that travels at the speed of an arrow. 

This move requires that he take a minute to recharge it, and during recharge he cannot use either function of the Scythe, either the ranged, or the melee.

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Warren:
>List the proficiencies at the top.
"Fumbled Play is a very heavy scythe with a 4-foot-long shaft and a 6-foot-long blade"
>Why did you make it so much shorter? Also, I think you don't understand scythe proportions - the blade should definitely be shorted than the staff. Ebony's is 5ft long with a 3ft long blade, for example. But you could easily have done 10ft long staff with an 8ft blade.  I just don't think these current numbers you're using make sense.
"which takes Warren about 2 seconds to summon"
>Can he move? Or does he have to stand still?
>Should cost 900 now, since you have the basic attack, poison attack, and ranged attack. Before it was 600 because all attacks had poison, so it was just melee and ranged.
"Once every 55 seconds, the Scythe can release a poison on contact that would slow down an opponent greatly when it comes into contact with them, with the blade actually touching them."
>How long does the poison last?
"The Scythe's ranged attack is a crescent shaped 3 foot wave of energy that travels at the speed of an arrow."
>How does he use the ranged attack?
"This move requires that he take a minute to recharge it, and during recharge he cannot use either function of the Scythe, either the ranged, or the melee."
>I don't follow. What does? The ranged attack? Or just from general usage? Why wouldn't he be able to use the melee function? Does it get de-summoned or something?

[Jack Darby]

Fumbled Play - (Physical Strength, Debuff, Ranged.) 


Fumbled Play is a very heavy scythe with a 8-foot-long shaft and a 6-foot-long blade, which takes Warren about 2 seconds to summon. The Scythe can be used in melee, and when it is, each swing of the blade is moderately draining on the stamina of Warren. This can be summoned while moving, and does not require much effort on his part to make the actual scythe. It should be noted that the scythe is not a regular one, but is actually poisoned. The poison takes 15 seconds to take effect, but when it does it will reduce the speed of an opponent. The blade itself is capable of poisoning an opponent with every slash. Each slash of the blade's poison only does 3 seconds of poisoning. These can be stacked up to 3x. The ranged attack of the scythe is a 6 foot crescent wave of energy thaat can be done while slashing with the scythe. This, like the other attack is moderately powerful. However, it has no poisoning property. It travels as fast as an arrow, and has a range of about 100 feet in any direction. It cannot home in, or be redirected, though a later upgrade to it will. 

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Matt:
>Add the cost, as you can either do a ranged attack, or a poisoned melee attack, it's 600 OM.
"but when it does it will reduce the speed of an opponent"
>By how much? Will it make their body a bit sluggish? Or force them to move really slowly?
>This needs area attack, since the wave is 6ft.

[James Knight]

Fumbled Play - (600 OM, Physical Strength, Debuff, Ranged.) 


Fumbled Play is a very heavy scythe with a 8-foot-long shaft and a 6-foot-long blade, which takes Warren about 2 seconds to summon. The Scythe can be used in melee, and when it is, each swing of the blade is moderately draining on the stamina of Warren. This can be summoned while moving, and does not require much effort on his part to make the actual scythe. It should be noted that the scythe is not a regular one, but is actually poisoned. The poison takes 15 seconds to take effect, but when it does it will reduce the speed of an opponent. The blade itself is capable of poisoning an opponent with every slash. Each slash of the blade's poison only does 3 seconds of poisoning. These can be stacked up to 3x. The ranged attack of the scythe is a 6 foot crescent wave of energy thaat can be done while slashing with the scythe. This, like the other attack is moderately powerful. However, it has no poisoning property. It travels as fast as an arrow, and has a range of about 100 feet in any direction. It cannot home in, or be redirected, though a later upgrade to it will. 

The attack in it's melee form forces an opponent to move really sluggishly unless they somehow overcome the poison, or are able to hold out for the maximum 9 seconds that they can be affected by the poison at a time. When not in use, the Scythe turns into a coin which he keeps in his pocket for his own use. 

[Ebonywood Hellscythe]

@Warren:

@Matt:
>This needs area attack, since the wave is 6ft.

The attack in it's melee form forces an opponent to move really sluggishly unless they somehow overcome the poison, or are able to hold out for the maximum 9 seconds that they can be affected by the poison at a time.
>No. That's a bit too strong in my opinion. Unless you add a further drawback, or make it limited use, or allow people to slowly gain a temporary immunity/resistance to the poison over the fight. Since, as it stands, he can just poison someone again once after been poisoned and keep them sluggish for most of the fight. I also don't think you should allow the time to stack up to 9 seconds. Keep it at 3, unless you want to add further drawbacks. Or reduce the potency.

[Hecate Rothchild]

Shard storm (300) Ranged/Area of effect A ranked attack that Hecate must charge a considerable amount of spiritual energy to use, This attack creates a two foot wide ball of ice that hovers at about 8 feet of the ground. After 10 seconds of charging the orb of ice cracks into 24 sharpened shards that accelerate at about the speed of a crossbow bolt. Impaling targets in a 10 foot wide circle. The shards of ice are fragile to an extent but can easily pierce armor. They have a maximum range of 40 feet.

Stamina Drain: this attack requires a considerable amount of energy making it pretty draining Hecate can only use this attack at most 2 times without resting.

Range: this attack has a decent range of up to 40 feet.

Area of effect: this attack peppers a ten foot wide area with a considerable amount of projectiles.

Damage: this attack deals moderate damage but relies on multiple hits to deal anything more than moderate damage.

Utility: this attack has a high stamina cost with a ten second charge time as well as a small delay before firing. The shards of ice remain on the ground/ in objects they penetrate and can cause small obstacles for people to maneuver around .

[James Knight]

Fumbled Play - (600 OM, Physical Strength, Debuff, Ranged.) 


Fumbled Play is a very heavy scythe with a 8-foot-long shaft and a 6-foot-long blade, which takes Warren about 2 seconds to summon. The Scythe can be used in melee, and when it is, each swing of the blade is moderately draining on the stamina of Warren. This can be summoned while moving, and does not require much effort on his part to make the actual scythe. It should be noted that the scythe is not a regular one, but is actually poisoned. The poison takes 15 seconds to take effect, but when it does it will reduce the speed of an opponent. The blade itself is capable of poisoning an opponent with every slash. Each slash of the blade's poison only does 3 seconds of poisoning. These can be stacked up to 3x. The ranged attack of the scythe is a 6 foot crescent wave of energy thaat can be done while slashing with the scythe. This, like the other attack is moderately powerful. However, it has no poisoning property. It travels as fast as an arrow, and has a range of about 100 feet in any direction. It cannot home in, or be redirected, though a later upgrade to it will. 

The attack in it's melee form forces an opponent to move really sluggishly unless they somehow overcome the poison, or are able to hold out for the maximum 9 seconds that they can be affected by the poison at a time. When not in use, the Scythe turns into a coin which he keeps in his pocket for his own use. Due to the amount of energy that this costs him, Warren can only use it 6x per battle, unless he uses 5 other attacks before using this again. 


The Wild Car (???,  Remote Control Proficiency, Homing, Area Attack, Physical Strength, Ranged.): 

The Wild Car is a gray and black, and purple colored sports car that is used by Warren for a few attacks. The first of the attacks will cause the car to appear around him, with himself in the driver's seat. When this car materializes, he will use physical strength to smash the car into an opponent and this attack has low power. The second attack of the car involves him flicking a switch inside the car. When this is flicked, the trunk opens up and will rain down missiles on an opponent, that will home in on them, and target a wide area. The third option for the car is that Warren can be outside of it, and control it via a Playstation Controller that will appear in his hands. This can allow him to control the car remotely and have it attack an opponent with the lasers that are it's head lights, or the missiles. 

I really need help on the Wild Car.