Hello, World!... Whoever You Are.

[Moira]

“I’ll be watching… and waiting…”

The words hung suspended in her ears as she lay in a heap, and she slowly started to stir.


On the ground lay Moira, a swashbuckling voodoo pirate guilty of consuming around half the sea's mass in alcohol alone in her career. The gal was out like a light one moment and awake and quite literally kicking the next! She gave her groggy eyes a rub and felt around on the ground for her hat before her eyes slowly creaked open, eventually finding her peaked cap and placing it atop her head. In her hung-over stupor she scrambled to her feet with her fists drawn, clearly ready to lay out any blank-faced hooligans much like the one she had seen in her dream.


Now, Moira was certainly no stranger to waking up in strange places after wild nights filled with more rum than anything else, but this particular area was unlike anything she had ever seen. She wasn’t known to be loud to begin with, often mumbling incantations to herself and only raising her voice to spout commands or insults to her literally mindless crewmates, but her current situation rendered her completely speechless as her tired eyes widened upon taking in the sights around her. A large fountain was the first thing that had snagged her attention, the fluid glistening and shimmering in the daylight.


Taking a step forward to the seemingly ethereal fountain, she stumbled right over her pride and joy of a weapon, accidentally kicking her shield a few feet along the marble platform and catching herself on the fountain’s rim. She never performed well after a long night of partying with her fabric friends, her not-so-fine motor skills reflecting this quite clearly. Her eyes lit up upon turning around and seeing her celestial warhammer lying flat on the ground, as well as her purple wooden shield a few feet away. A smile flashed onto her face for the first time since she had arrived at… well, wherever she was. With a flick of the wrist, the armaments disappeared with a brief spark of light. Her weapon situation handled, she decided to take a look around, peering into the distance.

[Desman Black]

“There is nothing here.” Danny said, his head low and cape dragging across the ground. “Literally nothing at all. NO!  I CAN NOT GIVE UP!” The Sexbang looked around the scenery before spotting a structure off in the distance. “Over there.” He said pointing a finger over to the object of desire and placing a hand on Brian’s shoulder, which the ninja quickly sweeping it away; his permanent death stare still glued on their face. “We can ride to it on my noble and majestic steed. COME BARRY-NICORN, I SUMMON THEE!!!” The spandex-clad man stood there in a majestic pose, that soon turned awkward as nothing happened. “I said: BARRY-NICORN, I SUMMON THEE!!!” Still nothing. “Let’s just go on foot.” Sexbang went into a naruto run, Brian just walked.

It didn’t take long for the duo to arrive at the fountain, as soon as they did however. “Do not worry civilians, I, Danny Sexbang, am here to save you and, if you're a woman, give you the most pleasurable time of your life!” This obviously gave Moria a startle, enough to make her fall backwards into the fountain's water.

When our ‘superhero’ heard the splash he quickly turned his head to see the woman lying under the water. He gave her the cheesiest smile and put out his hand, pulling her up. “Hello there beautiful.”

Before she could reply, or comment on the music she could swear she heard fill the background, the superhero figure begun to sing.

“If I, I get to know your name. Well if I, could trace your private number, baby…”

The man lend Moira down the steps of the fountain into a spontaneous dance routine, throwing her away and circling around her.

”All I know is that to me, you look like you're lots of fun, open up your lovin' arms; I want some, want some.”

Before the tattooed pirate could object, the relatively handsome man pulled her in and dipped her.

“I set my sights on you, And no one else will do,”

she could swear that she heard more then one voice with that secound part.

”And I, I've got to have my way now, baby”

“All I know is that to me, you look like you're havin' fun. Open up your lovin' arms. watch out, here I come!”

Suddenly Danny picked up the girl by her hips, spinning her around above her and probably making her dizzy.

“You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round, Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round. You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round, like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round.”

The background music slowly faded as the man put Moira down, the culprit of the music walking up next to his 'friend' with his permanent deathstare. "So, what do you think?"

[Moira]

The girl was… absolutely bewildered, to say the very least. The inevitable dizziness caused her to stumble over backwards right onto her rear, her eyes squinting and eventually focusing on the two vibrant figures before her. She took a moment to collect herself, grasping locks of her hair in her fists and wringing it out, in hopes of drying it off after her less than graceful trip to the fountain’s bottom. Her attention then focused on these two curious men towering over her, her mouth agape as she tried to find words to convey her current feelings… whatever they were. Surprise? Fear? Maybe a bit of amusement?


Speaking to anybody that wasn’t a part of her crew was something she had always struggled with. Moira probably had around twenty social interactions with real people her entire life, and the… flamboyance of the pair certainly didn’t make this encounter any easier. At long last, she stammered out a statement, mumbling to the very best of her ability.


“W-What… the hell was… who are you people?...”


The girl clearly lacked a silver tongue- perhaps she traded it for some more kegs of rum during her career. Nonetheless, she slowly got to her feet, dusting her tight black pants off and taking a step back from the pair. Glancing from them to the fountain, she extended her hand for a handshake, hoping to whatever god there was that he wouldn’t start spinning her around again.

[Desman Black]

“I’m glad you asked M’Lady” Danny said, lifting her hand up and bending over to kiss it, before turning to his black-Clad comrade. “Ninja Brain, start playing using those conveniently located instrument statues on the fountain.” The Ninja disappeared in a puff of smoke before reappearing at the fountain. Danny backed away from the girl as the music begun to play… before rushing towards her and started to sing.

”Running really fast.”

Mere moments before hitting Moira, the sexy man in blue spandex jumped over her, going into a frontflip.

”Jumping super high. Flipping over shit.”

Danny sexbang landed perfectly next to his ninja buddy, the ninja in question focusing on a peddle on the brick on the ground.

”Making stuff explode.”

Suddenly the brick exploded,startling the maiden once again.

”Flipping over more shit.”

As Danny sang this last point point both of them flipped of the fountain in front of Moira, if she wasn’t distracted enough by the men she probably would be wondering how the music was still playing.

”Fighting lots of guys. Writing kick-ass jams. Doing other things. Giving you the sauce.”

As Sexbang sung each sentence, he took out from in the back of his spandex that was covered by the cape, a clearly photoshopped image of Danny and Brian stading on a mountain of dead bodies, a music sheet, a chess board, and a bottle of tomato sauce.

”That's what we do cause…”

Danny finally pulled out his blue bass, despite it not adding a thing to the music.

”We are Ninja Sex Party, Shooting music all over your body. I'm Danny Sexbang, Check out my kung fu.”

The singing spandexed man flailed his leg into the air before getting uncomfortably close to Moira.

”I'm getting sexy. (unh!) I'm getting sexy for you. And Ninja Brian, is fast and deadly. Stabbing dudes and then writing tasty med-”

Suddenly the music stopped and Danny took a few steps back from his seductee before turning to the black clad ninja who was now in front of a random guy of about the same height of him are wearing a white shirt. “Ninja Brain, why did stop the music for?” The ninja just turned and death glared Danny. “What do you mean your stabbing didn’t kill him?” The Jewish ‘hero’ responded to the silence of Brain, who immediately replied back by stabbing the guy several more times, blood not even appearing on the knife or shirt. “That is strange…” Danny thought out loud to himself.

[Moira]

The gal’s eyes had widened as she witnessed the man charging headlong at her and she quickly brought her arm over her face accompanied with a flash of light, summoning her starmetal shield strapped to her forearm and holding it defensively at her front, her eyes peering over the top. It had seemed that her quick reflexes were gradually coming back to her after her hangover, though it didn’t necessarily mean much seeing as how the figure in blue dramatically leapt over her. Nonetheless, she kept her aegis raised over her body as she warily watched the display.


Now, despite her caution, the witch did find her leather boot tapping idly against the ground to the rhythm of their performance. A slight smile formed as it was obscured by her shield, which she soon lowered, seemingly popping it right out of reality with a flick of her wrist. Unfortunately she’d soon regret this as the spandex-clad stranger leaned in uncomfortably close, her eyes widening again as the very opposite happened to her cautious smile.


Once the vibrant show finally grew to a close, she decided to give the pair a round of applause- quite frankly hoping that this gesture would… calm them down a bit. She loved music as much as the next guy, but these two were absolutely perplexing, and the one in black brought her some serious bad feelings. Finally she spoke again, her awkward silence probably not doing her any favors, doing her very best to ignore the man who was repeatedly being stabbed in the background.


“H-Hullo, Danny. ...Brian.” Her voice was quiet as her gaze surveyed the two of them, her brow furrowed. She brought her hand up to introduce herself, almost as if she was waving without a shred of confidence behind it. “Name’s uh… Name’s Moira. Moira Branwen.”

[Desman Black]

“Merry," Danny said, accepting her offer of a handshake with a cheeky smile. “What a beautiful name for such a beautiful lady.”

“Moira...” She corrected softly.

“Yes, Morene. So, Do you mind if me and Ninja Brian accompany you on your qu…” Before he could finish his sentence the relatively handsome man realized that his companion was no longer beside him, neither was the guy from earlier. “Ninja Brian where did you go?”

Looking around revealed Brian to be at the other side of the fountain, flipping off anyone who got enough to see him. “Oh there you are Bria-” The ninja quickly turned his head towards Danny, before just as quickly grabbing his neck with both hands. “Oh Brian, You're such… the joker.” was Danny’s only reaction to his attacker, his voice horse and unstable from the choking.

[Moira]

Wiping her hand on her black corset, she looked up with a frown, only to see one of her new acquaintances being strangled by the other. She leaned in to get a closer look, her wrinkled, sodden cap drooping down over one side of her head as it tilted in confusion.


“Accompany me on my... quest?” The briny buccaneer couldn’t help but crack a nervous smile at the sight before her. The sheer absurdity of what she had seen upon waking up could easily be compared to any kind of fever dream, perhaps she was still unconscious after all…


Nonetheless she began to circle around the pair, her leather boots clunking against the brick platform as her tattooed eyes remained glued to the two of them, the sun reflecting off of Danny’s shimmering blue cape and spandex. She nodded slowly, but not before glancing around the fountain to see if there was anybody else, anybody at all! With a sigh she came to the realization that these two were probably the best she’d find in terms of companionship for now, with the exception of her first mate. Her eyes lit up as her closest friend came to mind- The gal figured that she had gone long enough without him, and quite frankly she was disappointed in herself that she had gone so long without even considering him!


After a while she finally spoke with her persistent nodding. “I uh, sure… As long as you keep a firm grip on that companion of yours. About as firm as his grip on your jugular, to be exact.” As soon as she completed a full circle around the duo she dropped to her knees, clasping her hands together as she eyed the two of them.


“I presume you two wouldn’t mind if I were to bring my first mate along for the journey, yeah?” She had already closed her eyes and parted her hands, holding them in front of her as she finished her proposal, doing her best to concentrate as her hangover continued to cloud her thoughts like a mildly irritating plague.


Breathing deeply, she kept her eyes clenched shut as she attributed every fiber of her being to summoning her partner. Eventually the sound of Danny’s gagging began to fade before a loud hum as her fingers began to tremble, her face starting to grow red as she did her very best to force her pal into existence. It seemed like forever as she sat meditating on the ground, and it was probably taking her even longer outside of her little summoning ritual. After around twenty minutes, a flash of light sparked before her and her eyes shot open as her… companion… fell to the brickwork with a quiet little squelch. Moira slowly got to her feet and dusted her knees off as she panted softly, smiling in satisfaction. “Y-Yes! Rise, U’rszak!”


Initially, the most apparent aspect about her friend, whatever it was, was its smell. The creature absolutely reeked, a strong scent of seawater and decay permeating throughout the immediate area, as if the creature had been dragged through the bilge of Moira’s ship on the way here. The figure twitched and writhed before flopping onto its back, revealing its front and the innards that bursted ungracefully from its belly. It was a teddy bear… or rather, what was left of one. Moldy green tentacles slithered and shifted as they erupted from the bear’s ripped tummy seam, flailing and slapping against the ground as if looking for something to cling onto. ‘Claws’ fashioned from shards of bone dotted the teddy’s loosely stitched paws like weeds in a field, the bear’s right eye completely missing as its left, composed of a crusty black plastic button, darted around the fountain, focusing on the two strangers before Moira.


The girl leaned down and picked the bear up accompanied with a genuine warm grin- a first for this place. The teddy twitched as its tentacles snaked around her fingers, and she held him up in front of her face, peering at Danny and Brian over the bear’s frayed ears. “You two, m-meet my first mate!” Its discolored head tilted from the left and right as its arms slowwwly reached outward toward the two, the fabric stained green from algae and who knows what.

[Desman Black]

The Jewfroed man gave a genuine smile at this, putting his hand out and shaking the dolls hand. “Hey there, I’m Daniel Sexbang, and that over there holding the knife in the air is Ninja…” Danny did another check to make sure his first observation was correct. “Ninja Brain, what are you planning to do with that knife...” The Ninja just stayed in completely still, the death stare on his face able to burn through steel. “NO YOU CAN NOT DO THAT!!” Danny suddenly blurted out, despite Brain not anything. “Stabbing other people teddy bear’s just isn’t cool dude. How would you like it if someone hurt one of your ones.”

The ninja finally moved, his arm lowering down to his side. His stance said he had surrendered, but his Eyes still burned, of course, they were always like that. Without warning though, his arm suddenly arced forward, placing the knife that was meant to be used on the bear in Danny’s chest, causing the man to clutch it in instinct. Slowly he turned around to Moira and Wheeze out a sentence, the knife still stuck in his chest. “Where are we off to… M’lady.”

[Moira]

“Euh, are you sure that this ninja cohort of yours ain’t a bit…” Moira used one hand to bring her teddy to her shoulder, letting it cling to her shirt’s fabric, while her other hand wavered in circles, as if trying to find the proper term. “...Problematic?” A low groan erupted from U’rszak and the pirate promptly brought her hand to her shoulder to caress his head- it seemed that the bear was as perplexed as its owner.


“Who, Brian? Absolutely not!.. Just a little overzealous!” Danny’s words wheezed out with an apparent difficulty, understandable for being stabbed right in the chest.


With a shrug the pirate tapped her boot’s lead toe against the ground. As honed as her exploration skills might have been overseas, she was clearly quite clueless as to where this strange world would take her. She pondered for a moment and gave her boot a stomp, pointing northeastward. “This way.”  It was evident that she was clearly just pointing in a random direction judging by the uncertainty in her voice. Nonetheless she continued to eye the pair in their... endeavor, waiting with anticipation for them to finish whatever they were hoping to accomplish.

[Desman Black]

The group had been walking, in silence, for a while now. Why the two couples hadn’t initiated contact with each other was a mystery, but it probably had something to do with the fact that Danny had a hard time speaking with a knife lodged in his chest, and Moira was probably too afraid to ask anything with unlikely duo’s… ’enthusiastic’ attitudes.

But then, the silence was broken. “M’Lady, would you like some music to brighten up your travels?” Danny’s had seemed to have mostly recovered from his ‘friend' stabbing him in the chest, but neither of the relatively handsome men gave her a chance to react to this, or allow her to even answer the question, as the music started playing.

”Looking back on when I
Was a little moppy headed boy.
Then my only worry
Was for Christmas what would be my toy
Even though we sometimes
Would not get a thing
We were happy with the
Joy the day would bring”

Sexbang seemed to be ‘subtly’ dancing along to his own music as he walked with moira to wherever they were going.

”Sneaking out the back door
To hang out with those hoodlum friends of mine
Greeted at the back door
With boy thought I told you not to go outside
Tryin' your best to bring the
Water to your eyes
Thinkin' it might stop her
From woopin' your behind

I wish those days could come back once more
Why did those days ev-er have to go
I wish those days could come back once more
Why did those days ev-er have to go
Cause I love them so

Do-do do-do do-do do-do do-do-do-do…”

And so the man with the Jew-fro sang 70’s and 80’s rock songs as they traveled, some of them even calming or depressing, especially compared to the hyperactiveness of the rest of their songs.

[Desman Black]

By the time they got to the gate, our quartet had already split into their own separate conversations. Moira and her teddy about what they were going to do while Danny and Ninja Brian were talking about whether Moira has any piercings.

“You can get those down there?” Danny said, a tone of horror in his voice. “Ew… Why would anyone even…”

Before Danny could finish his sentence, a shadow starting looming over him, when he looked up, a massive archway of equally huge vines and bark. “How did we miss that on the way here?” Ninja Brian said nothing. “Oh yeah, I guess that’s tru… Wait, what’s wrong Ninja Brian?”

Brain had turned his head to stare at something off in the distance, looking at himself the Sexbang Superstar thought it looked familiar… with its eyes of flame and teeth of steel. “It’s the manticore!!!”

Turning to the girl. “Moana… I am so sorry I have to leave you alone in this cruel uncaring world but to protect you from the beast, I must let you go.” Suddenly the tall man with the hair of chocolate lent down and kissed Moira on the lips, followed by a longing stare form the man before pushing his ‘love’ away, through the portal never to be seen again.

“Now Ninja Brain, Let’s make this worth it.”