Staying at a friend's house - a handy informative guide

[Omni]

Staying at a friend's house - a handy informative guide

We all find ourselves in need of relying on the generosity of others from time to time. But these situations can be fraught - it's easy for tension to develop when stepping into someone else's personal space. I've created this handy guide to help smooth things over.

STEP 1 - Get settled in
Make a space for yourself if there isn't one already. Get your things unpacked. You'll want to make sure you have enough room, so move the host's furniture if you need to.

STEP 2 - Stretch your boundaries
Now that you're in, you'll want to start filling up some of the space. Make sure there are no gaps in the host's kitchen. If they have a fridge, start filling it up. You should be aiming to try and get most of the space. This establishes dominance early on. Remember - the host is catering to YOU.

STEP 3 - Establish Ground Rules
Now that you've established physical space, it's time to start occupying mental space. If anything needs doing around the house - taking out bins, buying new toothpaste - be sure to remind the host. It's their job, after all. Make a point of doing only your own washing up; if you have friends or family around for meals or drinks, it's the host's job to clean up.

STEP 4 - Begin to Detach
If you have any problems, whether real or transient, make sure you discuss them with your host. Be calm but persistent. Start to insist upon certain things being done your way. This is just as much your house as theirs, after all. Gently remind them of their role as host and that any promises of rent you have made are negotiable.

STEP 5 - Detach Completely
There's no reason for livability to get in the way of a good house arrangement. If you have any latent mental health issues, this is the time to let them out. If it helps, falsify or simply hallucinate events - this helps the host know that logic isn't going to stand in the way of you getting what you want. By now you should be starting to feel pretty integrated in your new home.

STEP 6 - Get Asked to Leave
What? Dunno why this is here. Greg?

STEP 7 - Call your host a Fucking Cunt
FUCK YUO HITLER

[Thaal Sinestro]

I will move to England and begin to negotiate our living situation now

[Monkey D. Luffy]

I have a feeling all of the above has happened to Greg, thus inspiring this wonderful guide XD.

[Omni]

My male family members are the best, and have no sense of entitlement whatsoever that spurs my brain to vent in garrulous ways.

[Eighteen]

This sounds like so much fun <3