The Joys of Fatherhood.

[Ganondorf]

My youngest just puked in my face. I was lying on the bed and picked him up. Right between the eyes. Aside from the blindness, and stink of the actual act, I have milk curd in my nose still. It's awful. That is all.

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

If it makes you feel better my older sister vomited in my face one time....but I doubt that does. At the time it was such a joy as well, albeit really gross.

[Ganondorf]

Let me explain the magnitude of this to you. My son puked my wife's breastmilk into my nose. And the stench and burn tells me that it's still there. Right now I have bodily fluids from three people in my nose and it is unpleasant.

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

That sounds rather unpleasant. Saline spray might help, if you have any laying around. Did you get the sneezes yet?

[Ganondorf]

No, but I think it's been running down the back of my throat.

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

Yeah that sounds really uhmn disgusting actually. Reminds me of all those winter colds I would get when I was younger, and all that mucus build up would just shift down and burn the heck out of my throat.

[Omni]

...*pat pat*

[Inlumia]

. . . Omni, when you pat them, make sure your ready for them to bring up more.

Just remember, as they get older, things can and sometimes do, get messier.
My sister and her family stayed with my mom and I while between houses. They moved to their new place 2 weeks ago, and we are still cleaning up the mess the kids left, including poop that has probably been hidden in place for at least 3 months.
I can also honestly say their dog eats pizza much more neatly then the kids.

[Omni]

That's hilariously horrible.

The guy who lives in the flat next to mine insists that his place is cluttered, not unclean. And it is cluttered. Filled to the brim with Star Wars books and piled high with stuff on every surface. But I had to evict a giant bee-thing from there the other day (he's allergic to them) and it was stuck behind the oven. There was literally like, brown soot covering the area around the oven and window. I dunno like ... you can't take the time to do a single wipe of all that into a bin?

[Inlumia]

That's still better then my sister and brother-in-law.
They asked me and my mom to come over and take care of their dogs while they visited my father for 3 days. Mom actually had to tell them to get ride of a garbage bag of dirty diapers. We were still finding them over the place.
I think they mowed only once or twice in seven years living there, including when they sold the house.

The poo I mentioned? In the parent's bedroom, and they never even noticed the smell. That's how used to it they are. I have been to tips. I have seen occupied houses with kids running around and holes in the walls large enough that when the kids wanted to see who was coming they just pocked their heads out, and the front yard strewn with rubbish, and the adults not caring anything about it (That was just one house.) I have been to farms and smelt open sewers and pit toilets on stinking hot summer days, but I never smelt anything as bad as my sister's old house. You know a place is in bad condition when maggots are comming out of the carpet.

Oh, pieces of advise I learned from watching my sister's and brother-in-law's failings.
Don't give kids every large drinks just before bedtime. They tend to wet the beds if you do.
Take the time to toilet train them; don't assume it's something they will pick up on their own. Trust me, having to check a 4 year old to see if she's the cause of the foul smell that just came in can get annoying.
Clean the kid's potty occasionally. Don't just leave it there for a week!
If you change nappies, do not just dump the dirty ones in the bin and leave there stinking up the house for a few days. Put it in the bin outside!
Discipline the child, but make sure they know why. If you don't they will run wild or not understand why they are being punished. Telling them to stay in their bedroom for 5 minutes because they delibratly rammed their younger sister's head into a brick wall doesn't cut it when they have an I-phone, lots of games, and you let them out after only a minute.
If you give them a gift of money, don't just go taking it back latter just for a pack of smokes
Judge the advise you are getting by how the children of the advisor turned out. If they include violent drug addicts who are part of gangs, accept the advise of someone whose kids turned out well instead.