Dr. McNinja and the Cygnus Knights

[Dr. McNinja]

(ONE DAY AFTER THE EXTRACTION OF DR. GEARS)

Dr. McNinja slowly came to. He was pretty damn sure he had three legs or something. Maybe that was an arm. Honestly, he couldn’t be sure. There was a firm weight on the small of his back.

“Dammit, Gordito…” Dr. McNinja grumbled, “What did I say about waking me up?”

Dr. McNinja wondered why he was saying this. He soon realized it was because he had delivered a supine roundhouse kick at what appeared to be the remains of a rabbit on a tree trunk.

“Oh, I get it,” Dr. McNinja thought, “The rabbit’s splattered on the tree because I kicked it there.”

He walked over to the rabbit and stooped over to look at it closely. Blood, brains, guts everywhere. McNinja thought he saw a rib pointing out of somewhere. Prooooobably dead.

“Sorry, bunny,” Dr. McNinja winced.

He stood up straight and stretched his back. It took him a few minutes to realize he probably shouldn’t have woken up in a damn forest in the first place.

“Wait,” he thought, “I shouldn’t have woken up in a damn forest in the first place.”

Nice going, doc.

He whirled around and saw the swirling purple tide that had suspended itself vertically. A portal, McNinja assumed. A time port-

Then it all came to him. Omni. Flying turtles. Charles Gears. More flying turtles. Darkseid.

Darkseid.

Dr. McNinja was now fully awake. Coherence rebuilt itself. Well, clearly it didn’t, because that sentence just made no sense. Dr. McNinja hopped lightly onto a tree and listened out for any sounds of danger. He got… way too many. He heard crickets chirp, and not in the awkward silence way, because this place was very far from silent. Birds were tweeting all around him, crying out their glorified form of booty call like they always do. Monkeys, somewhere? Shimmering noises, too, although in McNinja’s experience, that was probably going to be noteworthy in some way. A thousand rivers must have been flowing through the ground, like veins. With a great deal of effort, (the least Omni could do was let McNinja keep his super-senses!) Dr. McNinja managed to isolate the noises he was looking for.

Grunts. Groans. Snarls. Clinks. (?) Grunts.

“Oh good, I think I landed in a Tolkien book,” Dr. McNinja muttered.

He had heard what sounded like a whole troop of grunty-snorty thingies. They were speaking a language, clearly, because the noises they made to each other sounded like call-and-response. Maybe even a work song? That would explain the clinking he heard, those might be chains and shackles. Slaves?

“You wish,” the voice in his head chuckled.

“Yeah, no, those are weapons,” Dr. McNinja admitted.

He hopped silently, attempting to move closer to the noise. Several times, he wasn’t sure if he was going the right direction, because his hearing wasn’t exact anymore, (“Dammit, Omni,” he cursed) but eventually he landed on a branch overlooking the troop he was thinking of.

“I swear to God, we’re only missing a Frodo,” Dr. McNinja scowled.

In front of him was a legion of at least 20 orcs or goblins. He never understood the difference. Point is, there were a lot of generic fantasy baddies. They were, for the most part, shaded like an avocado that was left in the sun for one too many years. Their ears were clearly meant to be pointy, but they were shriveled and grimy, much like, well, an avocado that was left in the sun for one too many years. As a matter of fact, he saw a lot of similarities between these orcs and rotten avocados. That probably said something about their hygiene. Two of the orcs, sweating entire waterfalls, were dragging a small wooden cart. There was a wriggling potato sack. What a cliché kidnapped person. It was too cliché. McNinja almost wanted to punch out these orcs just for doing something so unoriginal.

Doc rubbed the handle of his katana. On the other hand, considering how much weaker he was in the Omniverse, he was not looking forward to another fight. He didn’t even have most of his weapons: just a katana and a flashbang he just figured out how to use. And that took hours of meditation. He needed to get the hang of this Omnilium thing soon, or this was going to cause a lot of problems.

He felt around in his pocket for the flashbang. He had just the one right now. This seemed like a good time to use it, if he were forced to fight. The formation of the troop was rather slipshod, as if they didn’t expect an ambush. That made McNinja’s job a lot easi-

“Meep!”

Clink. Shuffle grunt.

God, even their eyes were like rotten avocados. Now Doc was in the mood for guacamole-

Wait, how come he can see their eyes?

“Mon Dieu! * ” one of the orcs cried.

“Quel imbécile! ** ” another cried.

Dr. McNinja gulped. French-speaking orcs were the worst. They were all staring at him now. He looked to his right. There was a little blue bird-thing that he couldn’t really see because the damn thing flew away he was so screwed-

“Calm down, McNinja,” he thought, “Maybe they can’t see me.”

“Allonsy! *** ” an especially large orc yelled angrily.

“Omelette du fromage! **** ” they all roared at once.

Panicked, Doc could only reply, “I AM NOT AN EGG”

The orcs readied their weapons. Several of them had bows and arrows, but they didn’t even need them. The large orc, who must have been the leader, threw a titanic battleaxe at McNinja. He lightly jumped and dodged it, landing on another branch.

“Nice try,” Dr. McNinja chuckled, “But now you don’t have your weapon.”

The orc replied, "How can you be so sure, monsieur ***** ?"

He reached behind him, pulling another battleaxe out of his loincloth, and chucked that one too. Doc shifted his center of weight slightly to the left, and the 3-meter axe whizzed by within a hair of his face.

“Okay, you cannot have any more in there,” Doc muttered.

"On the contrary, monsieur ****** ..."

The orc’s grin became even wider. Suddenly, his arms started moving in a flash.

Axes.

Everywhere.

“AARAGGHLAGAAH”

*Oh my God!
**What an imbecile!
***Let's go!
****To battle! (lit. Cheese Omelette)
*****sir.
******sir.

[Dr. McNinja]

It was everything Dr. McNinja could do to dodge all of the axes flying towards him. He saw at least three whiz by four inches from his face, and he had to get into three different full splits in mid-air and still got cuts all over his legs. Spinning and twirling in the air, he unsheathed his katana and deflected several of the axes flying towards him. He wriggled his body so that he would fall in swinging range of the gang leader. Once he got into range, still falling, he slashed at the orc.

CLANG

Dr. McNinja flipped backwards and readied his sword. The orc had pulled clearly his main axe from his loincloth. It was… well, humongous. It had blades like hardened charcoal, and azure gems that studded the handle. The edges of the blades were sharpened too many times over the years, but the sheer mass of it would probably make the sharpness of the blades rather unimportant. The orc grinned as he brandished this monster.

“Shall we dance, monsieur? * “

* sir?

Dr. McNinja gripped his katana tighter and scowled.

”I don’t know how to dance,” he replied.

The orc snarled and charged forward, deftly swinging the axe, despite the enormity of it. Doc bent backwards, Matrix style, and saw the formidable blades flash before him. He swung his arms to pull himself up with momentum, but the movement hadn’t given him enough force to be ready to strike back. As a result, the orc was able to swing the axe again in the opposite direction. Doc barely guarded himself with his katana, and flew backwards from the force of the axe.

Tumbling over his head, Doc managed to regain his footing on the forest floor. Still, the force of the blow forced him to kneel to catch his breath. He prepared himself to engage again when, to his horror, he saw his katana stuck in the ground several feet in front of him.

“Very good parade * , monsieur[i] ** ,” the orc chuckled, “But now you have lost your [i]epeé. *** ”

* parry.
** sir.
*** sword.

McNinja stayed on his knees, creating a quick plan for survival. He still had one flashbang in his pocket. Maybe…

He smirked. "Who said I needed it?”

“Against my camarades? * " the orc growled, “Surely you will.”

* comrades.

The other orcs were now growling. Several of them had their bows prepared; deadly arrow tips gleamed in Doc’s eyes. More still lifted their own axes, snarling and drooling over each other.

”Okay,” Doc admitted, ”You’re probably right about that. I hope you don’t mind if I get it?”

“But monsieur, * how will you possibly retrieve-"

* sir

McNinja grinned, then pulled the trigger on his flashbang. He held onto it, then punched the orc in the face with it as hard as he could.

“Sacrebleu! * ” the orc shouted, “Get hi-!”

* Oh gosh darn.

BANG

McNinja collapsed onto his hands and knees, doing his best to stay up. His stomach felt like it was boiling, and he sealed his mouth in case his innards decided they no longer wanted to keep the food in his belly.

Thirty, twenty-nine, twenty-eight...

He managed to struggle to his feet, clenching his fists so hard the nails were making them bleed. Thankfully, the flashbang was having a similar effect on the other orcs.

Twenty-five, twenty-four, twenty-three...

McNinja lunged as hard as he could away from the leader, who was moaning softly in pain. After he got out of range, he took a moment to regain his balance and for his headache to subside a bit.

Eighteen, seventeen, sixteen…

Doc crawled over to his katana and wrenched it from the soil. Still disoriented, he rolled on his back, barely landing on his feet.

Fourteen, thirteen, twelve…

He hoisted himself onto his feet, leaning his weight on a tree branch. He felt it break, but by now, he was able to stand up straight. Doc weighed the katana in his hands to make sure it was ready for the massacre about to happen.

Nine, eight, seven…

Now or never. Dr. McNinja stumbled forward, and watched his vision reassemble together. He prepared his katana to charge forward, and then…

Three.

He sprinted forward, using the training of his childhood to channel all of his power into his feet, moving supernaturally fast.

Two.

Doc gripped his handle more tightly. This was going to be awesome.

O-

It was instantaneous. Seven orcs collapsed onto the ground, a flash of black and white behind them, blood streaming from their necks.

n-

Three more, then two more, then one more orc collapsed onto the ground, after having barely processed the death of their comrades. The flash of black and white was now cutting down two more, and was gradually slowing down.

e.

The orc leader tore the flashbang off his face and snarled. Immediately after, he let out a small whimper. His entire gang was bleeding on the ground, choking for breath. He looked down. Hopefully, the ninja hadn’t taken out his axe. No, the axe was still in his hands. His armor was a little damaged, however, from the tip of the sword sticking out of his chest.

The leader turned around, having realized what had happened. He found himself looking eye-to-eye with the masked devil.

“But monsieur * - How-“

* sir.

Dr. McNinja smirked and raised his foot, resting it on the repulsive belly of the orc leader. He opened his mouth, and said one simple word.

”Base.”

Doc kicked the orc over. The orc collapsed onto the ground, blood pouring like a fountain from his wound. There was something rainbow-y shimmering from it. Doc pulled his katana from the stomach and cleaned it on a nearby tree trunk, then sheathed it. He observed the shimmer more closely. Omnilium. He stuck his hand out, and the Omnilium infused into his arm. He felt that familiar surge of power again.

“So,” a voice droned from behind, “Another Prime.”

Doc whirled around. He thought he had heard Dr. Gears. Instead, what he found was a short, chibi man with blue hair and a monocle. Doc wasn’t entirely sure how his presence made sense in any universe, but there he was.

”What’s it to you?” Doc replied.

“To be completely honest, I am in desperate need of your help.”

Dr. McNinja stood up and rubbed his shoulder, which must’ve been bruised in the fight. ”Um, I’m flattered, but I don’t think you’ll want my help. I’m still new around here-“

“After what you did to the French orcs?” the man scoffed, “You’ll be just fine.”

Doc scowled. ”Alright, let me be frank. I don’t know if I can trust you. I don’t know what you want with me, or if you have a vendetta against Primes, or what. I don’t even know your name.”

“My name is Neinheart,” the man replied, “And you don’t have to trust me. Not yet. Not until you meet the Cygnus Knights.”

”The what knights?”

Neinheart turned his body slightly, beckoning McNinja to follow him. Doc frowned, then cracked his knuckles.

”Can you keep me safe from…” Doc paused. ”Someone’s following me. Someone powerful. Can you guarantee protective custody?”

“Doctor, and I’m assuming you are a real doctor, (unlike a certain alien we once happened upon), I am begging you to assist me.”

”This is begging?” Doc thought.

“Do you really think I will be able to promise such a thing?”

Doc thought for a moment. Neinheart was… frank, at least. He missed that in people.

“What I can promise is the service of our Cygnus Knights in your defense. We are not a laughable ally, Doctor. We can be formidable. We defend our whole world, where we come from. But what we face now is beyond our abilities. We need Primes like you, Doctor…?”

Neinheart then stuck out his hand. Dr. McNinja glared at him suspiciously, then tentatively held Neinheart’s.

“McNinja,” he replied, “Dr. McNinja.”

Neinheart smile. It was a smile that you knew was a good one, a benevolent one, one that you could trust, but at the same time, one that you couldn’t possibly trust at all. It was the smile of an angel that had lived under demons.

“Let me introduce you to the Knights."

[Dr. McNinja]

(ONE AND A HALF DAYS AFTER THE EXTRACTION OF DR. GEARS)

Dr. McNinja followed Neinheart deeper into the forest. Neinheart was a short man, to say the least. He was possibly around 3 feet tall, giving Doc the impression that he was a chibi character. To support this argument, he was dressed like some sort of celestial librarian from an anime. Neinheart’s hair was the shade of a clear morning sky: light, blue, and thin. It was tied into a tight ponytail that moved surreally stationery through the entire journey. He was wearing similarly light blue robes that were lined with stems of gold which wrapped around the base of the robe. Over it, he wore a white cloak, similarly adorned with golden lines. Humorously enough, Neinheart donned a monocle. Dr. McNinja had never seen someone wear a monocle. It was a life-changing experience.

“You’re sure we’re going the right way?”

“Of course,” Neinheart said, “Ereve is just over here.”

“You realize we’re in the middle of nowhere?” Doc snapped, “This is literally just a forest. There is no way that a city as big as you described would-“

“Hush,” Neinheart whispered.

“Don’t tell me to-“

“Hush.”

Doc scowled. “Yeah,” he whispered, “Don’t do that.”

They stood in silence for a long while. McNinja had no idea why they had stopped. He couldn’t help but feel anxious. Slowly, he shifted his hand upwards. He cringed at the sound of his jacket shifting. Neinheart seemed to notice.

“I’m not going to attack you, you fool,” he snapped, “I’m listening for our ride.”

Doc didn’t relax his arm. His fingers brushed against the handle of his katana. "Our ride?" He tensed up again, and scanned their environment. There were plenty of trees he could use for jumping. The ground was scattered with dead leaves, so moving on the ground silently would be difficult. He was now gripping the handle very tightly.

”What exactly is our ri-"

A pile of leaves somewhere erupted. Doc instinctively yanked his katana out of its sheath. He gripped it tight, bent his knees and prepared himself for the bat-

“Oh, no, that’s cool," Doc muttered, returning the katana to its sheath, “Portals can be harmless. I’m cool."

Neinheart raised an eyebrow. The portal was an indistinct pool of blue and white light that shot up from the ground, spiraling into the sky. It shimmered waterfall noises through the entire forest. Neinheart gestured towards the portal.

“Shall we?”

”Well," Doc protested, ”Last time I jumped into one of these, I ended up in the tyrannical rule of the dinosaurs, then I ended up in this hellhole, so… No."

“Shall I push you in?”

”You can try," McNinja chuckled.

”Let me,” someone behind the doctor growled.

He felt a foot kick him from behind. Doc whirled around to look at the face of his attacker. Even in this weakened state, nobody should have been able to sneak up on him like that. Not unless-

Not unless they were another ninja.

Doc whirled behind him and saw another ninja, smirking.

”See you in Ereve,” he muttered as Dr. McNinja fell through the portal. The lights of the portal swallowed him, and burned his skin as if they were flames. Suddenly, he felt speed - pure speed, not the feeling of movement, but the abstract concept of it, embodied, physical. The concept of movement was dancing around Dr. McNinja. And around it, something red. Something yellow. Lightning bolts, in some deadly dance with each other.

Then everything went black. When Doc opened his eyes again, he was standing again, the portal directly behind him. Neinheart and the ninja were standing beside him. Neinheart smiled.

“Welcome to Ereve,” he said.

Dr. McNinja let in his surroundings. It was actually quiet beautiful. Songbirds were warbling peacefully somewhere. Next to him was a dome of marble strands, intertwined into a delicate net that seemed soft enough to sleep in. The dome itself was about the size of the dome of the White House, actually. It was completely open, and had less the appearance of a dome and more the appearance of a gazebo. Which was good, considering that inside it rested a humongous bird.

It was hard to pinpoint what kind of bird it was. It had a swan’s form, but its ruffled feathers and its beak resembled more of an ostrich. In fact, upon closer observation, the beak was actually flesh as well. To add to its bizarreness, McNinja observed, it was probably around 25 feet long, fully extended. It was also 10 feet tall. Doc wasn’t sure if this was a bird or a building.

He couldn’t tell the exact size of the beast, because it was wrapped around itself, seemingly sleeping. Its neck curled around so that its beak would be tucked under its breast, and its wings were covering the entire ground under the dome.

Clearly, the bird wasn’t asleep. At the approach of Dr. McNinja, it gently and serenely lifted one wing. A wing that big should have caused some sort of commotion at all, but nobody was scared, and nobody was blown back off their feet. It seemed this would have happened all the time. Doc could believe that. After all, there was a girl under that wing.

‘Young’ was probably the best word to describe this girl. She looked like she could be eight years old, at most. She wasn’t only young, but innocent. There was something untarnished, even… virginal. If there were any way to say that without sounding so creepy, Doc would probably have said it. She had long flowing blonde hair that was so light it was practically white. She wore a long blue dress that seemed to flow around here in tides of serenity.

“Dr. McNinja,” she addressed Doc as if the words danced on her breath, “I have been expecting you.”

Dr. McNinja cleared his throat. ”Um… Hi.

“I am Empress Cygnus,” the girl continued, “I am the ruler of the Maple World. We are… unfortunately, we are in need of assistance. I was hoping you could help me.”

”Well, your Majesty,” Doc grumbled, ”With all due respect, kicking someone’s toushy into a suspicious portal isn’t the best way to ask them to help you.”

Cygnus turned her head, causing her hair to shift slowly, as if her head was underwater. She glared at Neinheart.

“I thought I told you to be gentle.”

“Please, Empress,” Neinheart scoffed, “I am not one to kick anyone’s… toushy. The offender was Eckhart.”

Cygnus sighed.

“This is of little import,” she whispered, “Doctor, I have a task for you.”

”Okay,” Doc said, ”I hope you have medical insurance or something around here. These bills can get nast-“

“Medical?” Cygnus giggled. “No, doctor, we will need… your other skills.”

“With all due respect, er, Empress,” Doc stammered, “I do ninja work strictly for personal favors. And I don’t know any of you. I-I’ve never even heard of you. H-how can I trust you enough to-to-to lend you my sword?”

Cygnus frowned, her face infantile. She was clearly hurt by what Doc had said. McNinja wasn’t entirely sure how the young Empress was expected to rule a whole world if one denial from a complete stranger brought her nearly to tears.

“Because, doctor,” Cygnus replied, “It’s related to Darkseid. He has a bounty for you, you know.”

“Really, now?” Doc scowled. “I ran into him not so long ago, and I saw the official bounty board. I’m not on there.”

“Not officially,” Cygnus murmured, “But word travels fast underground.”

“You don’t seem like the ‘underground type’,” McNinja scoffed.

“Show respect to her Highness!” Neinheart snapped.

“It’s alright, Neinheart,” Cygnus said, “No, I am not. I have friends who are.”

“Such as..?”

A click of boots against tiles.

”Me.”

“Okay, that time, I heard you-"

Doc whirled around. In front of him stood five rather flashy-looking people.

“Okay,” Doc admitted, “Didn’t hear all of you."

To the very left stood a woman who was honestly a generic fantasy elf. She had green hair and what was practically a bikini made out of what seemed like cabbage. Regardless of the, shall we say, excessively flattering outfit, she held herself with a pride and with an honor that Doc had only read about in books about King Arthur. Slung around her shoulder was an elaborate vine that had been bent in the shape of a bow. It was tightly wound by a thin wire of silver, and the notch was replaced with an elaborate fan of gold. In other words, a generic elf.

Next to her was a maybe fourteen-year-old girl. Her scarlet hair matched the crimson cloak she wore, and a staff with a golden wreath wrapped around an orb of flame as if she held a miniature sun. Despite the menacing outfit and the impressive weapon, she seemed very bubbly. Her hair was ruffled and unbrushed. One end of the cloak was tucked away somewhere. And to top it off, she had cheerful green eyes and a childish grin.

To the very right was the ninja that had kicked Dr. McNinja into the portal earlier. Neinheart had said his name was “Eckhart.” It was as if adding “heart” to the end of your name was very popular in Ereve. Eckhart stood menacingly, as if he was doing his absolute best to not be noticed while introducing himself. His face was mostly covered with a mask, the design of which was an amalgamation of the two drama masks into one. On his wrists were impressive-looking gauntlets, adorned with a round gem the color of red wine. Attached to his jet-black battle armor were several chains, each holding a bottle of some potion or other. This was all cloaked by an elaborate sable cape outlined with white fur.

The second to the left was a… well, a pirate, clearly. He was an extremely tanned man with orange hair. The hat he wore was an almost cliché buccaneer hat, skull-and-bones and everything, except it was blue. The rest of his outfit seemed to match the “blue pirate" theme. He was wearing a cocky grin, and his eyes seemed to be constantly scanning you, sizing you up, like a martial artist… No, more like a boxer. He was even wearing knuckles with extremely sharp spikes on them. He brandished them as if he were challenging Doc in his mind.

In the center stood a blond man in literally shining white armor. He was wearing headgear that had wings sticking out of the temples. He had a sword sheathed by his waist, laced with gold and rubies. His face was considerably noble. Everything about him screamed chivalry, and his shrill blue eyes looked as if they were willing you to surrender. This was a man you did not want to anger. Not only because he looked like he could kill you by unsheathing his sword, but because if this man did not approve of your actions, you had failed some moral test.

“That was me,” the noble one chuckled, “My boots are quite heavy. Pleasure to meet you, Doctor. My name is Mihile.”

He held out his hand. Doc tentatively shook it. The pirate then punched him boisterously in the shoulder. Despite the deadly spikes, it actually didn’t hurt.

“Ahoy! They call me Hawkeye,” he shouted.

“Uh… ahoy,” Doc mumbled, rubbing his arm.

“I’m Oz!” the girl in red chirped, “It’s really nice to meet you!”

“Uh, you too.”

“Irena,” the elf in green hummed, “Pleasure.”

"Uh, right.”

Everyone turned to Eckhart, who shrugged.

“What?” he grumbled, “We’ve met.”

“You’re going to start this up again?” Mihile hissed, "With our guest?!”

“Uh, Mihile, please calm down-“ Oz mumbled.

“No!” Mihile roared, “I have had it up to here with this shadowy knave!”

”Calling each other names now, are we?”

”At least I do it to their face, you backstabbing-“

Neinheart cleared his throat. The two immediately stopped bickering and turned heads.

“Thank God,” Irena muttered ‘under her breath’, “I was about to slip on all the testosterone around here."

Tension bubbled uncomfortably around the five. Hawkeye winced and mouthed ‘Sorry!’ to McNinja. Doc smiled awkwardly, eyes squinted nervously.

“Uh, nice to meet you all too!” he replied. “I’m uh… Doctor McNinja. Which I'm... sure... you knew. Sorry, what was that about me being a guest?”

“Well,” Cygnus chimed, “You surely would stay, at least the night?”

Everyone watched him carefully. Doc managed to give an awkward grin.

“ImaybeuhIdontknowletstalkaboutsomethingelsek?”

Cygnus frowned briefly, confused. “Pardon?”

Doc looked around him. These people actually looked pretty genuine. They needed his help for something and, for all knew, they were not only benevolent, but cartoonishly so. It certainly didn’t help that they were all half his height. It was like being approached by Munchkin soldiers.

And plus, they seemed to be going up against Darkseid. Or so Cygnus said.

“They may just be collecting the bounty,” the inner voice told him.

“Then I’d kick their munchkin toushies,” Doc replied.

“Five people in heavy armor just snuck up on you. Their munchkin toushies would kick you."

“Actually, you know what? I’d be glad to help,” Dr. McNinja belted out.

Almost instantly, everyone started cheering. Even Neinheart seemed to relax a little. The only person who looked unhappy was Eckhart.

“But!” Doc interrupted. Everyone grew silent again. “But, I would like to know what I’d be doing here first.”

Cygnus grinned.

“Well, that’s a simple question,” she said, “We want to make you a Cygnus Knight."

[Dr. McNinja]

“You want to make me a what?”

“A Cygnus Knight,” the young Empress replied, “Only if you’re willing, of course.”

“And if I don’t want to?” Doc muttered suspiciously.

Cygnus sighed. “Then we will have to respect your wishes. You may stay here in our sanctuary for as long as is convenient for both you and the people of Ereve.”

McNinja paused to think, weighing his options. “Aaaaand how do I become a Knight?”

“You would have to go through the standard diagnostics training. And then a brief skills examination,” Neinheart interjected, “Afterwards, you would choose which division of the knighthood you would join.”

Doc shrugged. “Sounds simple enough. How long does it usually take to-”

“Six years.”

“SIX YEA- Holy shit!” Doc muttered. “I spent less time getting my doctorates!…Sort of. Anyway, I don’t have that kind of time - okay, let’s be honest, I mean patience. I don’t have that kind of patience. Can’t I just take the exam now?”

“Of course,” Neinheart snickered, “Choose your opponent out of these five.”

The Head Knights all prepared their weapons and stared Doc straight in the eye. He nervously turned to the blue-haired advisor.

“Aaaand how many of your recruits make it out of this fight?”

“All of them,” Neinheart assured, “Though the medical wing tends to fill up during our examination periods.”

Doc chuckled nervously.

“Uh… Lovely.”

“Choose Irena! You can sneak in closely-”

Eckhart eyed Doc out of the hole in his mask.

“Don’t be stupid, just pick the archer! She’s useless if she can’t-”

Doc stared back through the hole in his own mask.

“This is a terrible idea. Do you ever listen to me?”

“I choose Eckhart,” Doc announced. Everyone in the room frowned in confusion, except Ereve’s resident ninja.

“Naturally,” Eckhart muttered, smirk on his face.

“I'm confused, doctor,” Neinheart mumbled in Doc’s ear, “you’re trying to win, yes?”

“So I picked the easiest match,” McNinja replied.

This irritated Eckhart. He adjusted his gauntlets and reached into his pouch, pulling two throwing stars that could not possibly have fit in it.

“Toe-to-toe with a Prime,” he mumbled, “This should be fun.”

Eckhart chucked the shuriken. Doc nimbly side-stepped them and drew his katana. Eckhart had no other visible weapon besides his throwing stars. All McNinja had to do was-

SCHLK


The throwing stars landed in his back. How was that possible? Unless the stars were homing devices or something…

Random numbers started flashing above Doc’s head.

“What the he-”

Eckhart suddenly unleashed a barrage of throwing stars, creating a whole torrential storm of sharp, flying metal. The more he threw, the more purple he seemed to glow, and a black fog was starting to take shape behind his back in the shape of wings.

Doc dashed up a wall. These stars were definitely homing in on him. They bent their path in the air, striving consistently to land their target. As Eckhart threw more, they began to seem faster and more intent. McNinja found himself jumping from wall-to-wall to avoid them, even somersaulting between streams and deflecting many with his sword. Finally, he lunged forward and stabbed at Eckhart.

Eckhart abruptly cried out, “DARK SIGHT!”

Doc frowned and muttered, “What?”

POOF

Eckhart had vanished completely, and Doc slashed smoke in half. He muttered, “Cheap trick,” and listened for movement. Unfortunately, the others were muttering about the fight, and it was hard to isolate the sound with his nullified powers (THANKS OMNI) until he heard very noisy clicking.

“Got you now, you son of a-”

Doc’s words were cut short by a huge throwing star. Huge didn’t quite do it justice. The shuriken was about the size of a small car. It flew by him, and the wind as it passed by pushed McNinja back a little. He looked to see where the monstrosity had come from…

When he saw Eckhart on a ledge, holding at least six more.

“Déjà vu, * ” the French orc taunted in his memory.

* a phrase used to describe a phenomenon of having the strong sensation that an event or experience currently being experienced has been experienced in the past.

McNinja fans, see “Dr. McNinja and the Cygnus Knights #1”!

Doc jumped in between two that flew at him, which, having jammed into the marble ground, shattered into a million more throwing stars that all readjusted their course to chase him. Doc jumped a back-flip, used another of the giant stars to lift himself higher, managed to twirl in mid-air, slashing his sword in random spinny directions, hoping to deflect as many as he could. The third monster-star broke and coursed another wave of tiny throwing stars.

“They’re like the slimes in Minecraft!” Doc screamed, “AND I’VE NEVER PLAYED MINECRAFT.”

The other three formed a neat little triangle for Doc to jump through. He rolled on the ground to catch his momentum, then reached into his pockets for…

Oh yeah. He lost his weapons. All he had was a flashbang.

“Sh*t.”

With a flurry of cuts, slices and bloody THUNKs, Doc was carried by the tide of shuriken. He was in a daze of pain and horror, as he watched as a thousand knives seemed to fly past him like bats-

Exactly like bats, actually.

Doc knelt on the ground, bleeding from every sliver of his skin, and looked up. He checked his body quickly - several arteries were cut. His internal organs were all but busted. He was a minute from dying.

And he was going to take this sucker out.

“That… *cough* That all you - GUH - got?” he spluttered.

Eckhart smiled and waved his hand. The anthills of shuriken that had formed were now floating up, hovering, slowly rising until they were all in the air, waiting to cut through Doc again. They grew little bat wings, and the holes in the middle of them split into two, glowing, purple eyes.

“They are bats,” Doc thought, “Which means they’re living things, right?”

Eckhart waved his hand again. The millions of bat-shuriken all charged.

“Alright, fake Batman,” Doc roared, “Let’s see how you like this!”

He chucked his flashbang forward onto the first bat he saw and ducked out of the way. There was a shrill noise as the thousands of bats all felt the immediate effect of the device. Wave after wave collapsed on itself, clattering on the floor, until a sizable mountain of throwing stars stood in front of him. The wings seemed to shatter like glass as they fell. It was as if Doc had actually killed the damn bats.

Thirty seconds passed as Doc struggled to stand up again. He pulled whatever energy he had left and stood up, bearing his sword to prepare himself for another onslaught. Eckhart stood at the top of the ledge, scowling.

“I usually have something clever and doctor-related to say in moments like this,” Doc mumbled, “But I think one of your Batarangs are wedged inside my brain.”

Eckhart looked ready to murder him, and laugh while doing so, in the most gruesome way imaginable. After a moment, he sighed.

“Well,” he mumbled, “I’m out of stars.”

Neinheart stared in disbelief.

“But how did you-”

Doc raised a finger, and sheathed his sword.

“I eat lots of fruits and vegetables in the morning,” he said, “And plenty of exercise throughout the day. And downtime is important. I read a lot in the afternoons. Or I kill ninja zombies. That happens too, on occasion.”

Everyone stared at him blankly.

“Well, the fight’s over,” Eckhart muttered, leaping down onto the ground. He waved his hand and all the stars blinked into nonexistence. “We can go to bed now-”

“I don’t think so!” Doc cried out.

He sprinted forward and slapped Eckhart in the face. He slapped him reeeeally hard. While laughing, “HAHAHAHAHA I BEAT YOU”

Eckhart collapsed onto the ground, the pain and humiliation hurting his very soul.

“I will kill-”

The fine physician interrupted him by poking several key pressure points, paralyzing him instantly.

“There,” Doc sighed, “We can keep him there for a while now. Any complaints?”

Neinheart scowled. Empress Cygnus was trying to be upset, but she couldn’t help but grin. Hawkeye, Oz and Irena were all looking around nervously, when Mihile shrugged and broke the silence.

“Works for me.”

Neinheart sighed in exasperation, then announced, “Having skipped six years of training, Dr. McNinja, you have passed the examination. You are now a Cygnus Knight. Congratulations.”

The commanders all clapped (except for Eckhart, of course, who was still paralyzed) and Dr. McNinja grinned stupidly.

“Wheee!” he mumbled, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I request a short naptime. I think I have about enough blood left in my body to keep an onion alive.”

Oz frowned and chirped, “Onions don’t need blood-”

“Eeeexxxactly,” Doc muttered, then collapsed onto the ground in a bloody heap.

Neinheart rolled his eyes. “Someone get that man an orange potion so we can move forward with the knighthood ceremony.”

Everyone fidgeted, afraid. Only Mihile stepped forward.

Years later, when Mihile was asked why he was courageous enough to help Doc, he responded thus:

“HA! Courage? No, it was gratitude!” Mihile roared in laughter, “The man beat up Eckhart for the fun of it! That makes anyone good in my book.”

Mihile picked up Dr. McNinja and sighed. “Another addition to the medical bay,” he mumbled.

[Dr. McNinja]

Doc woke up in the medical bay. There was a weird humanoid thing, with a beak. Oddly enough, it had a snout, like a dog's, almost. However, the rest of its body was covered entirely in feathers, except for a small purple vest and a matching hat with ear-flaps. It had uselessly tiny wings twitching on where its shoulder blades would be, and one long feather for a tail.

“What the hell,” Doc muttered.

“Relax, I’m a friend,” the bird-man replied, “Now drink up.”

The bird-man tipped a glass bottle into Doc’s lips very slowly. White liquid, with the texture of milk, poured into his throat. The taste, however, was nothing like milk.

Doc sat up, sputtering and spewing the liquid all over the bird-man.

“AGH! God dammit, that’s gross!”

“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU”

“Relax, man, it’s fine!” the bird cried out in fear as Doc picked up his blade from his bedside table, “You’re just recovering after your fight with Commander Eckhart.”

Dr. McNinja scowled, then realized that his mask was not on. He was about ready to skewer this little pigeon thing. He stuck the tip of his katana under its chin.

“Where is my mask,” he muttered, his voice dripping hate.

“I-i-it’s by your t-t-table,” the bird whimpered.

Doc quickly sheathed his sword and found the black cloth. With a swift and deft movement, he retied around his face, concealing his face again. After his identity was once again secured, he stormed up to the bird and picked it up by a feather on its ear.

“I have three things to say to you,” Doc muttered furiously, "One. You do not touch the mask. Two. You tell anyone what I look like, you so much remember it, I will lobotomize the memory from your brain. Three. You do not touch the mask. Am I understood?”

“Y-y-yes, sir,” the bird whimpered.

“Good,” Doc said, then dropped him on the floor. “Now what the hell were you poisoning me with?”

“I-i-it’s a white potion. It.. It uh… regenerates your health.”

Doc snickered. “Voodoo medicine. This is just colored cough syrup, isn’t it?”

“Take a sip,” the bird said. He finally managed to stand up, rubbing his head where he had been attacked.

Oh, it had to be poison, now. Doc rolled his eyes and murmured, “Whatever. I’ll just do that trick Dad taught me once.” He took a quick swig from the bottle…

…and felt much better.

It was as if energy was coursing through his body, coating it with sheer power. His heart seemed to pump harder, but at a more steady rate. Previous aches or bruises seemed to burn off his skin pleasantly, like the feeling of a strong soap on dirty skin.

“Okay,” Doc thought out loud, “Looks… like voodoo magic works here.”

“Not voodoo magic,” the bird proudly said, “Skilled alchemy.”

McNinja scoffed. “What’s the difference?”

“I take offense to that!” the bird screamed, then thinking for a moment, seemed to shrivel as he added, “Sir.”

Doc rolled his eyes, but pocketed a few vials anyway. They might be helpful in the future.

“Anyway, uh…” Doc waved at the bird for his name.

“Kiriwing,” the bird replied.

“Uh… Kiriwing,” Doc nodded, “So what happens now?”

The bird shrugged. “I think they approved you as a Knight. Which means you have go to your knighting ceremony.”

“Where’s that at?”

"I don't know. Ask Neinheart. He should be at the Seat of Shinsoo.”

“Shinsoo?”

“That’s the giant bird that watches over all of Ereve,” Kiriwing explained, as if that was totally normal, “It fell asleep in the heart of Ereve, where the Emperors’ Throne used to be.”

Dr. McNinja cocked his head. “How’s it watching over Ereve if it’s asleep?”

Kiriwing frowned, then shrugged. “Hell if I know. She’s supposed to be magic or something.”

Doc scowled and started walking away. “Well, thanks for the heal, Kiriwing, and the potions. I’ll see you around.”

“God, I hope not,” Kiriwing muttered under his breath. Doc pretended not to hear. Kiriwing’s reaction was justified. After all, Dr. McNinja had just come heartbeats away from killing him.

Dr. McNinja strolled along the bright green grass, in which light trickled like a river as it waved in the wind.

"God, I hate magic," he thought.

[Dr. McNinja]

[TWO DAYS AFTER THE EXTRACTION OF DR. GEARS]

Dr. McNinja ran down the dusty path lacing through the neon green grass of Ereve. Ancient columns grew upwards, like marble trees. As he raced along, he saw many more of the bird humanoids with dog snouts that he had seen before. Many stared at him as he raced along. Some muttered. One jeered at him. Dr. McNinja couldn’t figure out why.

When Doc finally arrived at the Seat of Shinsoo, all of the Head Knights were already there in a circle around Empress Cygnus. There was a hell of a crowd surrounding them, sitting in bleachers. They were also bird-people, but donned in elegant and embellished armor. Neinheart was near the archway that lead to the huge dome, ready to greet our hero.

Cygnus somehow looked powerful, almost sacred. She clearly hadn’t done anything since the fight, but the young ruler had donned a necklace marked by a large, cyan diamond in the shape of an oval. It was beautiful, and indefinable, literally. The shape seemed to mutate from oval to square to diamond to triangle. The colors seemed to leak out of the gem, and its reflective light waved like seaweed in clear waters.

Neinheart caught Doc’s eye and smiled. “Hello, doctor. I assume you’ve had a full recovery?”

“Uh…” Doc stretched his shoulders. “You can say that. Those potions of yours are quite good.”

“Thank you.”

“Even if they’re quack doctor medicine,” Doc thought to himself silently.

He followed Neinheart. Approaching the circle, Doc waved to the Knights. All but Eckhart acknowledged his presence. Doc looked at Mihile, mouthing, “Still pissed?”, to which Eckhart interrupted, “Yes.”

“Eckhart, be still,” Cygnus snapped, “It is time for the doctor to be knighted.”

Eckhart grumbled, but soon enough he was as still as a statue again. Cygnus cleared her throat.

“Right,” she said, “Doctor McNinja. Please enter the circle.”

The physician nodded and solemnly stepped into the ring. There was a sharp beam of light from the Empress’ necklace that seemed to cut the sky in half.

“Whoa,” Doc mumbled.

“Skaia, the conscience of Shinsoo, who is the steed of our Goddess, has declared you as worthy. Ereve celebrates your coming and shelters your passing. May your successes be the flowers of Ereve, and may your failures be the seeds that they grow from. I, the elected Empress of Ereve, hereby declare that you, Dr. McNinja, are fit to be a servant of the Maple World. May the righteousness of the Goddess guide your blade, Cygnus Knight!”

The crowds cheered, throwing confetti into the air as a golden column of light erupted from where Dr. McNinja was standing. From each of the Head Knights, small multi-colored orbs hovered and materialized, revealing themselves, and somehow, Dr. McNinja knew that they had always been there, watching, knowing, guiding, for no logical reason other than to play. These children spirits illuminated the column even more, coursing massive light through the ground. Now the light seemed to illuminate Doc’s very insides, shining every bone, muscle, veins. It echoed through his entire nervous system, coating it with sanctity. The five spirits danced around Dr. McNinja, and a woman composed entirely of golden light descended from the skies. For one, brief moment, Doc saw the truth of the universe, and that it was beyond understanding. The woman smiled and lifted her hand, and blessed him. For her, it must have been an effortless triviality, but for the poor man standing there, it had burned every moment of consciousness, manipulated physics entirely within him, and this mortal, for a moment, was powerful beyond imagination. For one shining moment, Dr. McNinja was beyond the universe, beyond logic, and above the cosmos; he had transcended from reality itself.

And then it was gone.

All that was left was one of the spirits that had been dancing. It glistened dark purple, and black steam rolled up the sides of the orb. It had two horns that jutted out from its top, and Dr. McNinja felt nothing but sheer responsibility. He had a duty. The deeds that needed to be done, the deeds that others were afraid or morally conflicted to carry out, were the deeds that he was born for.

And the spirit saw it.

Dr. McNinja’s soul seemed to leave his body and he and the spirit danced in an instant of time, and they felt a love for each other that was beyond anything humanly comprehensible; it was erotic and platonic, it was devotion and hatred, disgust and respect, in one ballad of knowledge.

The high he felt ended. The spirit was no longer visible. Doc felt himself again. Dazed, he stumbled a little before Hawkeye held him by the arm, supporting him. The physician gasped for breath. He no longer could remember the… the orgiastic feeling of… of beyondness. He could only remember that they happened.

And in the fullness that followed, Doc realized that the feeling of transcendence felt… hollow. It was insubstantial. Somehow, that was okay, because the existence he led during that moment of transcendence was something… superior to existence.

Doc looked at the other five. It was now he noticed that the crowd was gone. But that was… insignificant.

“I saw things-” he spluttered, “Things beyond… It was more than… It was nothing, and more than everything… I can’t… I can't explain it, but it was so... so big...”

“Aye, matey,” Hawkeye grinned, a look of melancholy on his visage, “We all felt it, too.”

Doc could only childishly respond, “Really?”

Everyone nodded. Irena slowly replied, enunciating each letter, “A long time ago.”

“You’ll want to sit with what happened for a bit,” Neinheart added, “It can be quite traumatic.”

“What was that, though?” Dr. McNinja gasped. He hadn’t noticed that he was crying.

Neinheart sighed, then answered, “We have no idea. But it’s been happening for a while. Our best guess? Something so powerful, something that can make us understand things that we were never meant to understand?”

“A goddess.”

Neinheart nodded. “A goddess.”

Dr. McNinja took one last breath, then sighed. The world had stopped spinning. He smiled at Hawkeye and said, “I’m okay.”

“Yer in need of some shore leave, matey,” Hawkeye insisted.

“Okay, now you’re just trying too hard with the pirate talk,” Doc mumbled, “And I’m fine. Just tell me what happens now.”

The others shuffled uncomfortably. Eckhart was glaring at Doc the whole time, unmoving. Neinheart cleared his throat and replied, “Well, the five spirits you saw… One of them chooses you as an apprentice of their arts. You… probably shared a moment with them.”

“Yeah. It was like a- Like a-”

“A dance?” Mihile added helpfully.

“Yeah,” Doc paused, “Exactly. Like a dance. With the purple spirit. Is that important?”

“Well,” Neinheart shuffled again, “you study under the Head Knight of the spirit that chooses you. Do you remember which person the purple spirit came from?”

Doc thought back to moments before the Goddess (ugh, he thought, magic) arrived. The five spirits… The red one from Oz, a green one from Irena, a blue one from Hawkeye, a yellow one from Mihile. Which means the purple one was from…

Neinheart saw the realization dawn on Dr. McNinja. Even though he could only see the eyes, the instant change to horror and disappointment was very clear.

Eckhart glared at Dr. McNinja.

Dr. McNinja glared back.

“Congratulations,” Neinheart lied, then proclaimed weakly, “You’re a Night Walker.”

[Dr. McNinja]

OoC: I need to kill these guys off, I hate leaving them hanging.

"For as long as you interest me, you will be reborn."

That seemed to be the rule for Primes. And for as Neinheart was aware, it could also apply to Secondaries. Even as he philosophized about the situation, he felt the makeshift campy the Knights had made fade into obscurity. Yet this was not like being unknown, or just ignored. Or maybe it was. Maybe, maybe obscurity in the Omniverse was the same as obscurity in the real world.

You just... disappear.

That's what the other Knights had done, and now it was his turn.

Neinheart could feel it. He could feel his body fading.

Fading.

Fear.
Fear.
Hopeless.
Surrender.
Desire.
Lament.
Resentment.
Rage.
Blame.
Fading.
Gone.