[Serious] Depression

[Kvothe]

I can't tell if I'm ego-masturbating or depressed. I've been friends with most of you and don't feel like posting this on facebook for like obvious reasons.

So nothing really seems to excite me or make me happy, other than video games. I play way too many. Like, upwards of four hours a day on workdays and 12 hours a day on non-workdays. I probably spend more time playing games than sleeping. But I can't tell if it's actually fun or if it's just not-explicitly-boring. It passes the time. Otherwise, I'm kinda peeved and not happy.

Like seriously. Nothing else is exciting. Every girl I've dated has ended up not exciting after a month at most; my job isn't exciting; I learned to play piano when I was younger and haven't found it exciting for years; photography doesn't sound exciting. Writing doesn't sound exciting.

I dunno. We're supposed to be diverse people with many interests, but I only have one. It's not that I'm thoroughly unhappy, I'm just not really ever happy. What is this? Do any of you experience this sort of thing?

[Omni]

I jump from one big thing to the next to keep myself excited. Little things don't excite me. Big things do. I have to have a big project, an obsession, a massive goal. This is the most significant manifestation of my having Asperger Syndrome (the others are no longer apparent in me, but this one is a permanent part of who I am). It's likely a trait that many folks have in varying degrees, and it's obviously more common in wrtiers and nerdy types. We're just wired differently and don't get the same dopamine rush that most folks do from smaller activities. My goals are often long-term, my biggest has been in the works since I was about twelve years old. If I'm not actively working towards the goal, I get the same way. If I am, everything else seems better. Videogames are more fun. The people I meet are more engaging. It's because I'm happy, I'm contented. I dunno. It's hard to quantify.

Are you on any medication?

[Kvothe]

I'm not. That too sounds kinda dubious, though considering the rut, I'm open to trying it.

[Omni]

If it's not something you've experienced in the past, I dunno if it will work. My brain has always latched onto things in that way. I get something and it becomes my obsession. I never really consciously looked for that thing, it usually just found me. If I don't have an obsession I just drift from activity to activity not really enjoying it that much. As I gradually became more conscious of this, I realised I had to stop dicking around and do things like make the Omniverse, work on my book, go to Japan. It's like when you have too many games or books and you just drift from one to the other. You have to pick one and complete it. I'm working on this.

[Kvothe]

I meant medication, not the goal thing. The goal thing sounds good too (and I do tend to have a big project that I trot out when people ask me what I'm up to; but they kind of just never happen).

As far as too many games, I know the feel; I'm fairly certain half of my steam library has never been started up =p

[Omni]

Medication is worth trying. For some folks it really helps. For me, I absolutely refused medication until I became heavily suicidal, which was back in 2011. It helped get me out of that "every day is fucking hell" stage. Personally I think it should be something reserved for if you're heavily depressed, but definitely consider it if you think you're getting to that stage because if you're on the way there then it's better to take action sooner than later. But this is just my opinion on the subject, you be the judge and do what you think is best. Some folks just have chemical imbalances, and that's that.

I eventually went off medication because I think it exacerbated this problem though, which is why I asked. Just as it can take away your pain, it can numb you to enjoyment.

[Ganondorf]

I have a similar issue. I can usually work up excitement about something for a month, at best, then I tend to move on. I don't know if you can really label it as depression, as I don't have any of the other manifestations of the illness, but I do get bored easily. I'll usually play a game until about the end then start something new in an endless cycle of half-beaten games. As for your job... I don't think most people are really excited about work. I know I'm not. I'm not even satisfied with what I do, but it's a paycheck so I guess that's enough for now.

Waning excitement is one of those things that almost everyone has to deal with. New things are exciting, whereas the things we've done more often tend to get dull.

The only real advice I can give you is twofold. First, you can attempt to invest yourself more fully into something to stave off the waning excitement. Secondly, you can try to involve others in the things that interest you and hope they can motivate you to stay excited about it. Which is something I try to do. It helps, for awhile.

[Illidan Stormrage]

While I don't necessarily have a solution, I think part of this is just growing up. You get set in a routine, you don't see new and exciting things every day, things become predictable, etc. I don't think it's something inherently wrong or unique to anyone. I'd imagine the only way to fix it would to be constantly trying new things or throwing out your old life for a new one (eg. move halfway across the world). When things become stable and comfortable, they aren't going to excite you all the time.

[Nightwing]

Some medications have been proven to help with what your describing while others bring on problems you never had to begin with after prolonged exposure. It all depends on your chemical levels and biology honestly.

Personally I can say they helped me. For a period of time I abused benzodiapines (un-prescribed) not knowing that because they actually were helping me, my using and eventually mixing them with other substances was slowly but surely making me worse. After a few incidents I was admitted into a psychiatric facility having induced a psychosis by my unhealthy habits. While some of you thought of taking your own life I dreamed of others being taken. People close to me, people I just met or didn't even recognize in the most brutal ways. Eventually I even thought to act those dreams and thoughts out. It was a real dark, not nice place to find myself in. Eventually it left me alone in a air conditioned room in the winter time with a paranoid schizophrenic who saw demons for a roommate.

After doing what I needed to get to out-patient treatment I had a period of just blah. I could sit in a room for hours staring at a wall completely conscious of it but unwilling, unmotivated by any thought that crossed my mind. Then I decided to try something new. I started Kung Fu for some time, combining with p90 x for a few months. Weened myself off the anti-psychotics when I felt the time was right and started towards a better life ever since.

Once I felt "normal" Kung Fu was left on the side and work took priority, then eventually some social interaction ultimately leading to the birth of my son. I've felt untouchable ever since.

Now while I'm not saying go out do Kung Fu and have a kid, what I am trying to convey is that even though this period seems rough it will pass. The best thing you could have done is post here because you are acknowledging you are not alone. Just be sure to remember that.

[Nanoha Takamachi]

This should be self-evident, but my first and foremost suggestion for these sorts of situations are that if you aren't seeing a mental health professional already, I'd highly recommend considering it. A councillor, psychologist or the like will be able to properly assess if you should see a psychiatrist and, then, be prescribed any sort of medication. As folks here have already noted, medication can be pretty bad for you if you're taking the wrong stuff, too much of it, or mixing it with stuff you shouldn't. Don't at all consider taking anything without proper professional advice.

All that said, I'd really recommend seeing a professional psych or councillor, assuming you aren't already (in which case, keep seeing them unless you feel they aren't getting you the results you need, and then you need to look for someone else). I've been seeing the same psychologist for about 12 years now, and just being able to go see him (not very often at all now) has been pretty invaluable to me over the years. Rather than just being someone to talk to, they're also people who have a huge weight of knowledge and experience in talking to people with similar problems, and have access to huge amounts of associated information that can be used to help you out. Finding someone who suits you and you enjoy talking with is really crucial, though, so keep looking til you find someone you're happy with.

So, with my typical see a professional advice out of the way, I'd totally back up Greg on his whole finding a longer-term goal in life sounds like something that could really help you out. It needs to be some solid, concrete, challenging and also engaging. I'd be surprised if you find something that works right away, but that's just life I suppose. Keep trying new things, keep looking into different projects or goal or what have you. Keeping busy is the best way to avoid stagnation, and over time you'll find yourself working on longer-term stuff you're actually really interested in, and that more often that not leads to a pretty good time.

[Magus]

Kvothe, you and Link have basically described what's been going on in my life, heh.

So, I don't know that that helps you, but at least it shows we're not all battling this bullshit alone.

Things have been very bad for me lately, which is why I haven't really been motivated to write much (honestly starting up again helped a lot at first and now I've gone down again).

I think Greg is right about that 'having an obsession' thing. I just realized I pretty much always had one my whole life until the last few years, when things have been the worst. Now... that doesn't really help since I don't know what to do about it, but, it might help in that at least I understand the problem now.

I dunno what to do for you, man, but I'd advise against medication if they try to prescribe you citalopram, or at least be really careful considering it. I was pretty miserable when I started taking it, and full-blown suicidal afterward. It was not an improvement.

I haven't felt like taking my own life in a really long time, but I feel like I might be swinging back that way, and for that I've gotta go do... something.