Pansy Gits!

[Kaptin Bluddflagg]

“Mistah Nailbrain, set course fer plunder!”

The final words of the great, brutish captain echoed in his own mind. One of the few things he could remember clearly as he floated through emptiness. It was a great black void, like space, but without all those shiny lights. Well, there was one shiny light...wait no, that was a person! Looked more like a humie, or maybe one of those pansy Eldar! The git was grinning at the good Kaptin, but he couldn’t really see anything but the shape and that cheeky grin! What right did he have to grin like that?! Bluddflagg opened his mouth to try and demand some answers before he cut this git down to size but...he couldn’t speak! what kind of foul pansy trickery was going on to deny a Kaptin his voice?! Yet, as if he had spoken anyway, the shiny grot over there started speaking, and just like some pansy Eldar, he seemed to be talking absolute nonsense! To be honest, Bluddflagg was just a bit too angry to really pay as much attention as he probably should, so it was quite likely that his own fury kept him from understanding some of what he was told. All Bluddflagg really grasped, was that the git’s name was Omni, that there was some shiny orb of stuff in his hand, and that this naff grot talked far too much! No, calling this git a grot was too good for him! Bluddflagg was going to have to come up with a new word, a worse word to describe this pansy! Then, suddenly everything went white, as the grinning figure vanished.

*****************************

Water ran over his face, flowing between the massive, tusked teeth of his jaw. Bluddflagg was...laying in water. Wait, where the Zog had that naff git gone?! Bluddflagg’s arms heaved himself up, pushing against the stone floor of the fountain as he threw himself upwards. A low, guttural snarl escaped his mouth, a small red eye, well in comparison to the rest of his bulk, glaring about. Water dripped off the edges of his hat, water dripping down his arm, and off the heavy, metallic pads of his shoulder armor. The snarl rose in volume as he got his feet out from under him, as he found himself staring at just...white, it was just a big white room! What kind of naff Zog was this?! “Where are ya, ya git?!” Bluddflagg roared, his voice deep and guttural, rumbling like a rockslide as he stepped out of the fountain. He was furious, his Spacey Hulk, his crew, all the boyz he’d gathered, and all the fancy loot and Dakka he’d accrued during that whole frantic and chaotic war! Admittedly it had been tons of fun, but now all of it was gone! Where was it?! “Where’s me Spacy Hulk!” He roared up at the featureless white sky. “Why, when I find ya, I’m gonna pound ya inta Squig Goo! I’m gunna mount yer skull on me wall!” The Kaptin started to rant and rave for true and sure, his arms waving and surging as if he were searching for something to grab and beat the stuffing out of! That, was when he caught a glimpse of something shiny, someone walking right up to him. He turned, his bulk shifting surprisingly quick for someone of his massive, twelve foot size, but still not especially fast. The figure took a step back quickly, a hand going to the barrel of a strange looking shoota he had in his hand.

The git with the black rifle was dressed head to toe in white, shiny armor with a few black streaks here and there. His helmet looked weird too. However, of all the gits Bluddflagg had ever seen, only one race of pansies were both this hilariously small, and this ridiculously shiny and slick looking! The pansy started to speak, but Bluddflagg ran roughshod right over the unprepared soldier, “I shoulda known you sneaky Eldar Panzies were behind this! Didn’ gettin’ all your boys stomped on Typhon teach ya?! Ya don’ mess with Kaptin Bluddflagg!” His red eye rolled up, to see more of the Eldar gits behind him, about eight of ‘em, with the same black rifles. None of those cheating Eldar psyker types either.

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding Captain.” The shiny git started to say, but then, Bluddflagg stepped forward, and his fist slammed into his helmet. There was a sickening crack as the massive, half ton bulk of the Ork boss slammed through that fist. The helmet cracked, and his body went hurtling backwards, soaring back to come to a sliding stop severl feet past the further Stormtroopers. “Since ya panzy gets have fergotten. Well then, ol’ Bluddflagg’s jus’ gonna have to remind ya! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGH!” With the titular battlecry of the Ork bellowing from his mouth, Bluddflagg began hurtling forwards, his foots stomping on the seemingly blank white floor as he rushed the other soldiers.

However, unbeknownst to him, these weren’t some pansy Eldar guardians or any form of Eldar at all. They were in fact Stormtroopers, and though the one who had been trying to speak with the newly arrived Prime had been taken off guard by Bluddflagg’s tendency towards violence, the rest were prepared. Immediately the standing eight storm troopers spread out, three going to the left, three going to the right, and two just backing up directly. Rifles were raised and pointed, and a hail of energy bolts began to fire forth, a stream of red bolts of energy filling the air, seeking Bluddflagg’s gigantic green body! Naturally many of them hit home, he was a massive, green juggernaut of rage and muscle after all. Thus, multiple bolts slammed into his arms and sides, leaving stinging black welts and burns over his arms, and along the leathery tunic he wore over his chest. Yet...these just seemed to infuriate the great Ork further. He roared as he just hurtled along. The bolts from the two in front of him slammed into his chest, one hit his jaw, leaving a long, black streak along his chin, but he just refused to stop! He rushed forward, and a leathery green fist rose up, before slamming down. Both stormtroopers though managed to dive out of the way, avoiding the fist as it slammed into the featureless white ground with a heavy crash. Without skipping a beat though, Bluddflagg turned, his fist dragging out and up in a vicious backhand towards the stormtrooper that had dodged to the Ork’s right. This time, he struck home, his massive bar of an arm striking him full on in the chest and sending him hurtling backwards.

Without stopping to see if he’d taken down the git, Bluddflagg twisted to face the one on his left, and was rewarded with a full taste of blaster fire unloaded right into his stomach! He roared out his rage as he felt his clothing tear and burn away, the blasts impacting on muscled green flesh, burning it severely, but not managing to penetrate beneath. The stormtrooper had a brief moment to wonder just what the hell this Prime was made of, before Bluddflagg’s fist slammed into his head, sending him slamming into the ground as his helmet cracked and shattered from first the impact with fist, and then with the featureless ground. Yet, he still had six gits firing upon him...and the git he’d backhanded was picking himself back up, the sweep not having had the concentrated force of a full on fist to the face. What Bluddflagg needed was a weapon, but the pansy shootas were too small, he wouldn’t even be able to squeeze the trigger of these guns, and they didn’t have choppa’s of any kind! Then...an idea occurred to the crafty freebooter, and his massive jaw managed to twitch into a grin, even with the constant fire blackening his hide and tearing apart his shirt. His arm reached down and gripped the stormtrooper by his ankles, pressing them together, his massive hand able to easily wrap around both. Then he hefted the fallen soldier up, and turned towards one of the groups of three. Once again the battlecry of the Ork erupted from his massive, fanged mouth, as he rushed forward, swinging the stormtrooper around like a flail!

[Thor]

Thor had traveled to many worlds in his fight for justice within the nine realms. This was nothing like those times. It was darkness. It was empty. He had traveled to other worlds, but it had always been a rush. Not this waiting. Where was he. Why was he here. It was probably Loki's doing. Any minute he would awak--

Loki was dead. This was no joke of his dastardly brothers. Then a soft glow filled the darkness. A man of shapeless features floated with him in the darkness. This man was the source of the light. It was clear in Thor's mind that the darkness belonged to him.

"Where am I creature!" Thor demanded. "You have no right to call me to this emptiness! I am Thor Odin son, and heir to the throne of Asgard! You cannot --" Then Thor heard the man say:

There are rules. I will explain them only once.

Thor Listened.

Thor stared at the multi-colored orb in his hand. So this was to be the new Infinity Stones. The new source of ultimate power. Then Thor stopped and looked at Omni.

“You will not be alone in the Omniverse. There are others. Of course, they, too desire Omnilium. Do not fear death. For as long as you interest me, you will be reborn."

Thor smiled. "I never fear death."

With a few more words Omni was gone.

Thor awoke to the sound of rushing water. And Battle. Thor rose to his feet. He was standing in a fountain. but that was a minor detail, because in front of him a massive green bulk of muscle was slamming away at more than a half-dozen man dressed in white armor of unfamiliar design. Luckly the god of thunder was familiar with weapons and the ones being used of the Hulk were very similar to those used by the dark elves of his own world. Thor was glad to see something familiar. even if it was a the green rage beast from New York. At least it was on his side. That however meant that he was also on its side. Thor launched his hammer at a group of three of what he supposed must be Omni's men (what with the white armor and all) and charged toward the same group unarmed, and roaring almost as mightly as the green man he was come to the aid of.

His hammer smacked into the first unsuspecting trooper with a loud thunk, knocking him hard off his feet. That however gave the others enough warning to turn there rifles onto Thor. He leaped onto one of the clones taking a point blank rifle to the chest before he could knock the weapon from his hands. Thor wrestled back and forth with the clone making sure his buddy couldn't get a clear shot. Then suddenly Thor was on top hand raised to the sky. His hammer returned to his hand in a whoosh of intense momentum, before he brought it down on struggling trooper's head. The trooper stopped struggling. Thor began to rise. A searing pain flooded his back, dropping him back to his knees. The other trooper, no longer worried about hitting his comrade, was firing at will. Thor rose to his feet. The trooper narrowly missed his second shot. Thor Charged. The third shot hit, and so did the forth, but then Thor was upon him. He to fell to the might of Mjolnir.

[Kaptin Bluddflagg]

The element of surprise was a tricky thing, and something that Kaptin Bluddflagg had never really been able to properly grasp. That was why he'd had Spookums, one of those strange Commando Nobs, that had actually understood how to be stealthy. Spookums had just done all the stealthing for him, but he didn't have Spookums here, did he?! The powerful freebooter rushed forward as blaster fire assailed his form, tearing his shirt and blackening his skin. In places where the skin had already been blackened and crisped by blasters, it was starting to crack and exposing red, oozing musculature, blood starting to leak out if it didn't boil and cauterize from the blasts. All in all, while the good Kaptin had absolutely no intention of stopping his attempt to duff every last one of these gits, the more cunning part of his mind was aware that, if he did not think of something rather quickly, he might just find himself getting dakka'd before his enemies could get duffed! The boss needed to think of something, and while he was thinking he plowed into one of the two groups of three, swinging the limp body of the other pansy around like a flail. Naturally the three stormtroopers, having seen him coming, were not so easy to take. They had split up, like the original formation, one to the left, one to the right, and one going straight ahead, and as usual, Bluddflagg went straight for the forward one!

The poor git was backpedaling, and didn't have the time or maneuvering to avoid it as his buddy came hurtling in from the side, hitting him in the side and sending him sailing off, getting a good two meters before he hit the white ground sliding. However, Bluddflagg was taking multiple stinging hits from both of his sides....but strangely enough, it felt like only two gits were firing on him. The massive Ork whirled around, roaring at the top of his lungs as he swung his flail about, clipping another storm trooper and sending him onto his back, while the other jumped back out of the way. The good Kaptin used this opportunity to see what was going on...and there was some other git fighting the other pansies! He was taller and had more muscle on him, and was using some kind of hammer...Eldar never used those, and no Eldar ever got that big, which made the strange newcomer...a humie! Now, humies and tricksy Eldar sometimes had a tendency to work together, but they clearly weren't here, this Humie was coming in strong and had already floored three of the gits, but...the seventh git, the one Bluddflagg had backhanded, but not killed, was leveling up to fire upon the son of Odin. So, while Bluddflagg pursued one of the stormtroopers with his flail he roared out. "PANSY ON YER BACKSIDE HUMIE!" Before he managed to hit with his flail, sending the stormtrooper sprawling onto his front. Not one to waste an opportunity, Bluddflagg rushed forward and slammed his boot down on the git's head, crushing it with the sheer force. That left two more of the gits for him to take care of, assuming the humie didn't get dakka'd by the other storm trooper.

[Thor]

Thor whirled as he heard the Ork's roar of warning. Thor had a moment of confusion as he tried to remember if he had ever heard hulk talk, then he saw the trooper pointing a rifle at him. There was a whoosh and a smack as Mjolnir flew through the air and smacked into the clone's helmet.

"Shall we finish them together my massive comrade?" Thor shouted across the white expanse that was their battlefield.

[Kaptin Bluddflagg]

The stormtroopers were tough gits, there was no denying that. They could survive light or less focused sweeps and attacks from Bluddflagg for instance, and had been clever enough to split up to try and keep from getting lots of them taken down in one hit. They might have even taken down Bluddflagg if left to their own. After all, they'd still have three troopers firing in sustained blasts at the goliath of an Ork. Yet, Bluddflagg wasn't alone, another Prime had just jumped up right out of the fountain, weapon in hand and diving into them! With two primes, both remarkably sturdy, and both remarkably tough, things had taken a far worse turn for the storm troopers, it had given Bluddflagg the reprieve he'd needed to keep from getting whittled down. Still, Bluddflagg did have one question, why did that humie git have his hammah and Bluddflagg didn't?! The humie must've just been holding it, and Bluddflagg must have set his down next to his kaptin's chair or something. That must of been when the Eldar warped him to this freakish white place.

Either way there were just two left, and Bluddflagg grinned as he turned to the last two, "Let's try an' save a git eh humie? I want some answers from dese pansies." This was a terrible situation for them and they knew it. The worst part was that one of the primes had a hard hitting ranged attack, at least with Bluddflagg distance was a good defense. The ork dropped his flail as he started walking towards them, but the storm troopers were going to make one last stand. One of them turned to Thor, raising his rifle to just open fire, while the last started backing up as quickly as he could, while firing at the ork. More shots slammed into his twelve foot bulk, opening up extra cracks on his blackened burned skin, and by Mork that stung! Bluddflagg roared as he started charging towards the last stormtrooper, to bowl him over and plant him onto the ground, so that heavy, meaty green fists could start slamming into head and chest again and again! Orks were NOT supposed to feel pain, that was not how it worked, and these pansy gits were going to pay for even thinking of changing that!

[Thor]

That was it. It didn't matter how angry this green brute seemed. He was not the Hulk. The Hulk did not have plans. He smashes everything. And the Hulk did not bleed. Hulk he might not be, but this brute was a good fighter and he was right. Thor had no answers. The men before him might.

The sound of an energy rifle being fired brought him back to the fight in time to see the bolt of energy heading straight for him. Unfortunately, he did not have the time or skill to avoid such a blast. As the force of the blast struck Thor he thanked the gods that he had come to this world fully armored. Thor raised his hand as his hammer returned from its flight. Then he looked at the trooper who had shot him.

"I will not be saving this one."

Thor swung his hammer like a laso over his head before releasing it only to grab onto the leather lanyard at the last moment. Using the superior momentum of his magic hammer to pull him, Thor flew hammer first at the retreating trooper.

[Kaptin Bluddflagg]

With that, every last stormtrooper was down. It left Thor with some scorched and slightly damaged armor, and Bluddflagg looking as if, well as if he'd been set on fire! By Mork but Bluddflagg would never get over how much damage those pansy Eldar could do. For fragile little gits they could do some damage if you let them. Still, Bluddflagg's pansy was definitely dead, and apparently so was the last one that Thor had just taken down. The ork Kaptin scratched his chin in thought. Zog but his burned and blackened chest stung like a burna had been taken to it! Orks were just not supposed to feel pain, it made it impossible for Bluddflagg to think!

"Urgh, Zog dis stings. Still, good work humie, ya fight pritty good. Still...not really sure what ta do now, pansy gits probably plan ta leave us 'ere until we starve." Wait, then how would they get out? If they were those warp spider blokes that would never stand still, then maybe...but these gits were definitely not warp spiders, that means they had to have some kind of exit somewhere else. One of those webway gates or something like that. "Wait...dey can' be, dey don' 'ave tellyportas." He muses aloud, before he nods, "I don' know what dey did wif me choppah, shootah, or me boyz, but dere's bound ta be an exit around here somewheres. I don' often travel wit humies, but yer pretty handy in a fight at leas'. Iffen ya want, ya can tag along until I find me crew and me Spacey Hulk." The gutteral, deep voice of the Kaptin offered. He'd give Thor a bit of time to respond, and then it was time to walking, setting just straight off in front of him.

Oh Gork preserve him, but his chest hurt even worse now that he was walking! The moment he found that pansy git, Omni, he was going to duff him harder than anyone had ever been duffed before!

[Thor]

Thor looked at the soldier he had just killed. His helmet dented inward from the blow that had ended his life. He looked around the vast whiteness that surrounded, and at the other mangled corpses of the clones that laid around them. The majority of them were obviously the Ork's kills but he could see that a sizable number had fallen to his hammer as well. Then the Ork began to speak. Thor could understand most of the words themselves, however, when added togerther the Ork's words were very hard to understand. Thor thought he got the gist of it though. The brute was without his weapon and do to his proven strength in battle saw Thor as a worthy travel companion.

"I am Thor. Son of Odin the All-father, and as you have shown strength and courage in battle I will continue to travel with you until our paths no longer allow for it. Now tell me your name comrade!" Thor spoke with the dignity that is breed into all Asgardians and with the eloquence expected of a prince, but his grip on Mjolnir never loosened. This thing which called comrade was unknown to him, and he did not have Heimdall's judge of character. He would travel with this warrior but he would not depend on him.

[Kaptin Bluddflagg]

The humie spoke like most humies, which was strangely and a bit stupidly. Of course, Bluddflagg might be one to talk, but it was all a matter of perspective. Still, he wasn't half bad for a humie, he hadn't stopped to ask questions, he'd just jumped in and duffed some gits! If only more humies acted like him. In addition, Thor was also at no risk of Bluddflagg turning on him anytime soon. While Thor seemed like he'd be great fun for a good fight, Bluddflagg was a bit too tore up for another fight right now, and in addition, Thor's hammer just looked far too tiny for the goliath's own hands. He'd rather have his own fists than that puny thing. Sure it might work great for some humie, but Bluddflagg's fist was bigger than the entire hammer itself! Ah well, no use duffing a dead Ork.

"Da name's Kaptin Bluddflagg! Da tuffest Ork in da galaxy." He says proudly, thumping his chest...and then immediately groaning as he cracked his blackened skin even more. He was going to duff that Omni git twice! Still, with that, he would head off, picking a random direction. It would be a good two hours before they got anywhere though, although Bluddflagg had absolutely no knowledge of that, or that the direction he took was leading them in the direction of a gate shaped like two palm trees arching to meet each other...the gate to the Vasty Deep.

[Thor]

Bloodflag? It sounded like a name more suited to the Ice Giants of Jotunheim, but if Thor was to be honest if his large green friend was dark blue he would look like one. He said he was a captain though, which mean't formal military training of some kind, and that was always welcome at Thor's side. Bloodflag had also said he was the best in the galaxy which was good because, despite his primitive looking armor, it meant that the captain new of space travel in one form or another. He knew of advanced technology and how it could easily seem like magic to those who did not know better. The captain beat his chest at the remark about being the best and Thor could see he immediately regretted it. Then the captain started walking away. Thor caught up and matched strides with the captain, patting him of the back heartily.

"Worry not Bloodflag! Once we escape this barren place," Thor motioned to the white expanse around them. "we will find drinks worthy of men and we will drink them well! We will feel not the wear of battle nor shall we ponder the strangeness of our plight. Let us walk fast, that we might drink to oblivion all the sooner!"

Thor, now done with talking, quickened his step in the direction of the portal.

[Kaptin Bluddflagg]

Oh Bluddflagg had good, proper training alright, that was for sure. Of course, Ork training barely qualified as it. Ork training came in the form of fighting, killing and looting, and the bigger the Ork the older, tougher, and more experienced they were. Bluddflagg himself had been looting and raiding planets across a small swathe of his home galaxy, and now even had the privilege of stating that he'd brought down a newly risen Daemon Prince under his belt, with the help of his boyz of course! A lot of humies though tended to recoil or back away, and those that didn't weren't too different from Orks in their past times and likes. This Thor fellow was a strange case. He spoke all right and proper like that blasted inquisitor, and yet didn't seem to mind traveling and even talking with an Ork at all! He was even offering to share a drink with Bluddflagg! It was a very unusual situation for the Ork, but not an unpleasant one. It was...interesting to speak with a humie like this, and besides, they were both on the same Rok together here, trapped in this Naff void by those pansy Eldar. Strange that no others of them had shown up though, maybe they'd given up.

Either way, Bluddflagg just kept walking with a nod to the statement, minutes ticking by, slowly winding further past an hour...and Bluddflagg was starting to feel a bit better. He was still blackened and burned, but his cracks had closed up, no longer bleeding, and there were only a few lines of red visible on the blackened torso of the Ork. Still a long while before he was at full fighting strength again, but much better...and then his red eye spotted the distant gate. "Ah? Wot's that..." He leaned forward a bit more, red eye narrowing to focus, he saw swirling lights...in some kind of arch. "Dat must be dem pansies tellyporta! C'mon Thor, let's get through it afore they close it on us!" Bluddflagg stated, picking up the pace, managing to go into a lurching jog at least. It hurt, but not as much as earlier, and the prospect of being able to get out and somehow contact his Spacey Hulk and crew was enough to offset it!

[Thor]

Thor walked beside his new found companion with relative ease and comfort, but as minutes wound themselves into and hour and more time still past Thor began to grow weary of their blank and sterile surroundings. Then he saw the gate, now close enough to make out the palm trees that framed it. The captain saw it too, shouted something about a pansy teleporter and ran off as fast as he could toward the ever swirling lights. It seem to not unlike the gates between Asgard and the others of the nine realms and yet somehow unlike those gate. Somehow unfamiliar. But Thor was never one to dwell on such things. Instead of running after his companion Thor halted. He began to twirl his hammer, allowing it to gain the momentum it needed, before launching it forward and letting it pull him forward with it. With that Thor flew past Bloodflag with a laugh and toward the portal.

[Kaptin Bluddflagg]

Bluddflagg was quite looking forward to getting through, even if the gate took him into an entire Mork damned group of those Eldar pansies, anything was better than this Naff place! He did wonder momentarily, as he realized Thor wasn't following after him...but then the man just hurtled right past him, rushing forward as if the hammer itself was pulling him along! It was definitely impressive at least, that could definitely not be denied. Still it just made him try to eke out a bit more speed from his lumbering gait. "Oi, don' think yer gettin' too far ahead ya git!" Bluddflagg called back as Thor rushed to and into the portal. The Ork captain was right behind the god of thunder, running right into the swirling lights, as everything went bright, and he lost all track of where he was.