How to Troll your Mayor

[Guu]

It was early morning, just outside the peaceful town of Langweilig was a harem. The rustic village slept soundly this early, while the harem had only just started to close. Ladies of different shapes and sizes said goodbye to their paid lovers for the day as they parted for home. While the humans left for Langweilig, anything variant left for the long trip to the next town over or even further. While they were tolerated in their place of work, they knew they weren’t welcome in town.

But while most of the prostitutes were packing up for the journey home, a woman entered the harem no one had ever seen before. She was a scantily clad blonde haired lady who walked through the place as if belonged there. No one batted an eye at the strange woman, too weary from the long night to ask too many questions.
The woman walked across the harem, stepping over cushions and beds a like, and headed towards the back. She stood by a door, which she scanned carefully.
‘Manager’ read the sign on the door.
Slowly, the women’s flesh began to melt. She started to shrink as he body slowly shaped into a puddle of water at her feet. Eventually, she disappeared into the liquid. The water started to move on it’s own as it slipped under the door.

The puddle slithered into the dark room, then it slowly began to reform into a human shape. But instead of turning into the woman, this time it transformed into a little girl with short pink hair, dead bored eyes, and a little pink dress held up by a yellow scarf. The girl named Guu
The little girl headed for the filing cabinets, where she dug around files with names on them. She sifted through them until she stopped at one file in particular.
“Earnest Drumm,” she whispered to herself.
Guu recognized the name, she had been reading about him earlier on the Dataverse. She opened the file and quickly skimmed through it. As quickly as she had found it, she already put the file back into its place and shut the filing cabinet.
Her senses told her that no witnesses were near the door, so she shifted into a puddle of water again, sliding underneath the door once again, reforming as the scantily clad woman.
She headed around the back of the building where the locker rooms and showers were located. All of the ladies had already cleaned up and gotten dressed, so the lights have already been shut off, giving Guu the cover of darkness. She walked along the rows of lockers, each one labeled with a different name. She stopped when she came across the locker of Amelia Salts. Pressing her ear against the locker door, she carefully turned the combination lock, listening to each click of the mechanism. Slowly but surely, she got the door to swing open.
Inside the locker was a random assortment of items; photographs of family, jackets, clothing. Then she spotted it.
‘A diary! Perfect!’ She thought.
She reached and grabbed for the book. Sitting down on a nearby bench, she skimmed through, looking for a particular date. After five minutes of digging, she found the particular entry she was looking for. Reading it real quick, she had a snicker at what she found.

Satisfied, she shelved the book back into the locker and firmly closed it. She simply walked through the harem, saying good-bye to several other women on the way, and heading out through the front door.

Upon safe enough distance from the whorehouse, Guu, shifted back to her default form and took a nap on some tall grass.
“Tomorrow would be a very interesting day.” She said to herself.

[Guu]

Hours later, just before the morning could transform into noon, Guu lay in the grass still, her eyes glossed over in an ocean blue hue, a little line of drool rolling over the corner of her mouth. Suddenly, she blinked, and her eyes were back to the familiar black color. Moaning wearily, she slowly sat up, stretching and yawning at the same time. Her vision blurring into focus, she looked ahead of her. She expected to see Langwailig town in the distance, but something was obstructing her view.
It was a door. Guu stood up and inspected it. It was a bright banana yellow wooden door just sitting there in the middle of the field, not connected to any house, just sitting there by itself. The grass on either side of the door grew normally and didn’t see any imprint of a house that used to be there. The condition of the wood was pristine, more pristine than any door that sat out in the open had any right to be. Not to mention, she couldn’t remember the door being there when she chose this spot to lie, so she figured that it must have been placed there while she was sleeping. However when she shook on its sides, she found that it was firmed planted in the ground.
‘High class job for something that happened without my notice.’ She thought to herself.
But the weirdest thing was her senses. While she couldn’t see anything connected to the door, she could feel a long hallway connected to it and disappearing beyond her reach. She faced the only side with a handle and grasped on to it. Locked. She inspected the handle more closely and saw a keyhole amongst its gold finish.
Sitting down on the grass, she glared at the door intently.
…before getting bored and leaving.

Guu slowly walked into the main town of Langweilig. It was a very unusual town, many of the buildings had a 19th century America aesthetic, but some of the newer buildings looked like something you’d find in a modern day city. A good two thirds of the inhabitance dressed in full pilgrim outfits, looking perfect, clean, and traditional. The final third (largely composed of young people), dressed in modern day clothing, many of the men wearing t-shirts, the women mostly wore tanks, all with witty catchphrases and sayings. Many of those people were burying their faces in Dataverse Devices to avoid eye contact with the more devout people in town.
She wandered around town for a while before, getting a number of confused and frightened glances because of her large vacate eyes… or maybe it was her lack of fingers. Either way, it was clear her appearance wasn’t winning her any popularity points. She just casually went on her way until she found what looked like the town hall. She just straight up walked through the front door, getting disapproving glances from finely dressed men and women.

Once inside, she made her way though the hustle and bustle of busy political folk going about their day. Some guards were eyeing her up something fierce. She tugged at a random secretary’s dress. She turned to look at Guu, and was greeted with the face of a pretty young girl with gorgeous red eyes and a smile to die for.
“Can you please take me to the mayors office,” she said the cutest voice she can muster, “I want to thank him for working so hard.”
The young secretary felt her heart melt a bit.
“Why yes! He’d be happy to hear from one of our younger citizens!” The secretary said.
She lead the way and the guards seemed satisfied by this, probably thinking she knew the secretary. She was lead down a hallway to a big door with the words “Mayor Bart Higgins” written on the door. She rapped on it several times, prompted a scruffy voice to call them in.
Sitting behind a neatly organized desk was a wide built man. He had blonde hair, which was styled in moose to hide an obvious bald spot. His frog like face was clean-shaven with side burns running down passed his ears. He wore a beige suit and red tie. He looked completely absorbed by some documents he was looking through.
“Sir?” She said. He finally looked up and noticed the little girl with her. “This young citizen wanted to speak to you about your work in the town.”
After a brief pause, the mayor’s face jumped from a scowl to a fake smile. He was a seasoned politician all right.
“Well, I always welcome the imput of our younger citizens!” He said with a friendly look on his face.
“That’s what I told her!” The secretary stated pleasantly.
“What was it you wanted to tell me little one?”
Guu shyly took a few steps towards the desk. Taking a deep breath, she looked him directly in the eyes and said:
“You have a diaper fetish.”

The secretary dropped her documents and covered her mouth in shock. The mayor’s face transformed into one of fear and paranoia. He was a seasoned politician all right.
Guu’s eyes shifted to normal, no hint of a smile anywhere.
“I read about it in the diary of a prostitute you frequent. You really like to see her in diapers.” She said plainly. “I’m not judging, in fact, I support your hobbies, I just wanted to let you know what I know.”
And with that, she walked out of the office while the two were frozen in shock. However, before she could make it all the way down the hallway, the mayor leapt out of his office, pointing a finger at Guu.
“Guards! Arrest that girl!” He yelled.
Suddenly, the guards from before rushed and surrounded her, holding her in place. The Mayor walks over to Guu and glares her in the face.
“You are under arrest for trespassing, fraud,” he began, but then he looked at her arms, which were now lacking fingers of any kind, “and shape shifting. You will get the full punishment for being a degenerate and freak in our town. Take her away!”
And with that, Guu was carried off.

The guards carried her deep into the basement of the town hall where the walls were lined with dank and dirty cells. She was thrown in one cell with a bunch of young people, all of them with their faces buried in dataverse devices. Guu guessed they let them keep those so there wouldn’t be a riot amongst the prisoners.
She wasn’t surprised that Langweilig, as well as the mayor lived up to the reputation she had read about. She figured she would wind up in a jail cell after not too long, and she expected her punishment to be an execution, which is the common punishment for being ‘freakish’ in the town’s eyes. Looked like she had her work cut out for her in this place, not that mattered, she welcomed the challenge. She pulled out her dataverse device and joined the other youngin’s with their time killing.
“So what are you in for?” Asked the teen she wound up sitting next to.
She responded by stretching her neck until her head touched the ceiling, causing everyone in the cell to recoil in horror.

[Guu]

Guu killed time for the next few hours. She trolled the heck out of some dictator on twitter, then followed and unfollowed him several times just to see his reaction. Spoilers: it was priceless. Although she knew deep down that her antics probably got him a base on the dataverse, it was still worth it.
She got another blog post written. She was kind of surprised how much feedback she was getting from other people. Sometimes she forgot how attention her dataverse stuff has been getting as of late.
She got to know some of her cellmates a little better. She was quite correct to assume she was in a temp holding cell. Most of them were in there for petty crimes, like theft, vandalism, and streaking. Many of them were most likely going to be released at the end of that day.
“Huh, I wonder why they put me in here.” Guu pondered out loud.
“Well, they probably didn’t want to waste too much space on someone who’s just gonna…” But the teen stopped himself and suddenly looked uncomfortable. The whole group started to shy away. Guu completely understood.
As the hours went, she had one of the teens hold her phone as she shot another video for youtube. But before she could upload it, a group of guards approached the cell door.
“Guu.” He said bluntly, opening the cell door. “It’s time.”

Guu was carried in chains up a flight of steps and out of the town hall. She was lead through the village, down to a town square where a large group of people had gathered. Some were just hurrying in due to the short notice. In the middle of the circle of people were two large wooden poles in an upside down “L” shape, a rope strung up on it with one end tied in a noose. As Guu is lead to the center, several villagers glared curiously at the strange girl, somewhat surprised to see a child stepping up to the noose, but only a few looked horrified. A strange man stepped up wearing a strange uniform straight out of a renaissance fair.
“I want to remind all you that there will be no hooting or hollering as soon as the deed is done. Please keep your voices down at all times. Thank you.”
He stepped down, and the mayor took his place. The mayor pulled out a piece of paper to read from.
“The girl formally known as… eck…” He began, wincing at the name. “…Guu… is guilty of trespassing, fraud in attempt to frame a political figure, and being a shape shifter. While the first two would have only warranted a jail sentence, the third is punishable by death.”
He glances at Guu, who is just standing there, not even reacting to what he’s saying. She’s just starring of into space. The mayor gives her furious glare and continues.
“While the courts recognize your right to life, we cannot, in all righteousness, let a shape shifter live, as they are a danger and threat to our community and our well being.”
He rolls up the paper and gives Guu one more glare.
“May Omni have mercy on your soul.”
He storms off as the strange man motions Guu to the noose. He places a small ladder underneath it and then places her on top. He fits the noose around Guu’s neck and then steps away.
Guu just looks bored at the on watching crowd.
Suddenly, the man kicks the ladder, knocking it out of the way, anticipating a sudden stop from the little girl.
But instead, she lands harmlessly on the ground below. Her chains fall to her feet, no noose around her neck.
Confused, the man set the ladder back up again, placing Guu back in her place. He kicked the ladder again to the same result, but this time, he saw what was happening.
“Bloody hell!” the man said. “She’s shape shifting her head to be thinner so she just slips through!”
The mayor, watching with much ferocity and anger, is quick to jump in.
“Better go home folks. Looks like we have another weird one on our hands” he said to the crowd. The townfolks begin to disperse. “Come back tomorrow as we decide on what to do.”
And with that, Guu was dragged off.

[Guu]

The two nameless guards carried Guu back down into the jail. Instead of being one of the temp cells, this time she was carried deeper into the prison. She was brought through a pair of steel doors and down a long hallway with rows upon rows of barred up cells, all containing female prisoners. She was brought down into a secluded white room where she was locked up in. The only thing in the room with her was a set of black and white striped clothing.
“Change into that.” Grunted a guard from behind the door.
Remembering the box incident, she decided to make things a little simpler on herself. She took the prison outfit and swallowed it in one gulp. And then she focused her mind.
‘A spell that changes my clothing instantly.’ She thought to herself as she shut her eyes and to focus on that phrase.
The Omnilirium appeared in front of her, and after a few minutes of focus, it encompassed her whole body, fading into her essence. Suddenly, as if in a jump cut, she was in her swimsuit. Then, after a brief pause, she was suddenly in her junior detective outfit.
“Perfect.” She said out loud.
The guard rapped on the door.
“You’re taking a lot of time in there, missy. Hurry it up!” Yelled the guard.
“Oh yeah…” Guu said bored.
Suddenly, she was in her prison uniform, which was a black and white stripped dress. She decided to go without shoes as per usual. She walked up to the door and knocked in response. The guard opened the door.
“Come with me, I’ll take you to your cell.” He said as he turned to lead the way. “Don’t worry about your old clothes, one of the other guards will get them for you.”
Guu followed him down the hall. Another guard passed them and went into the room. He walked in expecting to find the pink dress and yellow scarf lying around, but found nothing but a clean white room. He scratched his head puzzled, before shrugging, burying his face in a dataverse device, and going back on his patrol.

She was lead down the hall until she was stopped in front of a cell with three beds but only one occupant: a young brunette woman, just barely out of her teenage years, her arms and legs covered in dragon tattoos. The guard opened up the bars and ushers Guu in before slamming it shut.
“Sylvia, you have a new bunk mate!” The guard yelled before walking off.
The girl rolled over and glanced at Guu from the corner of her eye.
“Great, I’m stuck with a little brat.” She said before going back to her dataverse device.

Guu climbed into her bed. She plugged her headphones and blasted music from her favorite anime shows: Awesome Precure, Navelgelion, One Suit Gundam, ect. Then she focused her energy on summoning. She summoned all the outfits she could remember from her days with Hare. Her fancy outfit, that cat costum she wore that one time, even her winter outfit; every single one she could remember.

Outfits she summoned during the night.

She was sure to swallow every single one after-the-fact. When she began having a harder time thinking of other outfits she used to have, she summoned duplicates in case of battle damage.
After that, she settled down to do some dataverse stuff. Trolled that dictator guy again, uploaded that video from earlier, and wrote a blog post. But after a while, her cellmate started to bitch at her about how she was keeping her up, so she eventually caved and went to sleep.

The next morning, she woke to a guard clanking the bars of her cell.
“Time to get up, Guu.” She climbed out of bed and out of the cell with the guard. He led her up the stairs and out of the town hall, over towards the town square where once again a large crowd as gathered. Except it’s a bigger lot this time around. A man leaning on a giant axe awaits her.
Guu shifts her clothing into her default outfit and walks up to the center of townsquare and willingly rests her head on the chopping block, causing several people to gasp at her cooperation. The man with the axe walks up next to Guu. He raises his axe high into the air and then, with a half second pause, drops it back down towards her neck.

See what happens on youtube!

[Guu]

As Guu was dragged off, she shifted into her prison uniform once again when no one was looking. She let the guards carry her once again. On the way back into the jail, her hearing picked up a little bit of a conversation.
“Boss says they are going to try the fire next. They should have the wood ready around 2 this afternoon.”
This sent her brain racing. She could be immune to sharp objects when she can see them coming, and she knew she couldn’t be hung, but fire…
She liked the idea of walking out of the flames like in that film “Exterminator.” Espousing witty retorts while sporting laser eye. But she didn’t want to bet she could survive such a situation. She’s never been burned alive before, but it can’t be any fun.

Dumped off back in her cell, she thought long and hard on a solution that would save her from a fiery death. She considered just escaping, as she could slip through the bars and even find a way through the big metal door quite easily. But she felt like she had come so far already. She couldn’t back down now.
Eventually, she came up with an idea. A flimsy one, but it was an idea none-the-less. She started to summon something. As the object slowly came into shape, it eventually caught the attention of Sylvia.
“What are you summoning?” She asked puzzled.

After setting up her plan and spending some time on the dataverse (even trolling that dictator again,) 2PM seemed to roll by too fast. The sliding door of her cell swung back open.
“It’s time, Guu.” Stated the guard.
Guu was sitting on her bed. Slowly, and kind of precariously, she climbed to her feet and stumbled around as she walked over to the guard.
“Nerves finally getting to you, huh?” Asked the guard, picking her up. “It’ll be over soon.”
He locked up the cell and moved down the hallway. Meanwhile, Sylvia was desperately trying to silence a knowing laugh.

Guu was carried out into the town square. A pile of wood was stacked higher than she stand on her feet. In the middle was a wood pillar. As per usual, a huge crowd of people had formed a circle around to see the execution. The guard climbed up the pile of wood and tied her down on the pillar, making sure to tie her down in multiple places. He noticed that her skin felt really wet, but he wrote that off as sweat.
The guard turned to face the crowd.
“Once again, please refrain from hooting and hollering as the execution is underway.” He said politely. He looked towards the mayor who gave an approving nod. “Also, please turn off your dataverse devices.”
Considering that video Guu learned about earlier, she was not shocked at that last announcement.
“Anyways, shall we begin?”
The guard stepped back from the pile of wood. He pulled out a matchbook (which wasn’t very fitting of the era he was going for in his dress.) He scrapped the match against the box, sparking a new flame to life.
With a flick of the wrist, he sent the match flying into the pile of wood. Slowly the wood started to blaze, the fire spreading through inch by inch. The people watch Guu intently, who has yet to change her facial expression. Many assumed she was just embracing her demise. The fire soon spread to the whole pile. And slowly the fire got so big, that she simply disappeared in the flames.

Hours go by and the fire slowly dies down. Everyone has long since given up on watching the fire and went on with mingling amongst each other. The Mayor is talking to the secretary from before.
“Was it all worth it, sir?” She asked.
The Mayor was silent for a second before giving of a sigh.
“You know our rules, and you know what she did. That can’t be taken back.”
“She was just a little girl though…”
“She was a monster, nothing could change that.”
The mayor started to walk away.
“It’s all over, that’s what matters.” He said contently.
But just as he said that there was a scream, many members of town, including the mayor rush to see the source of the distress. A woman is covering her mouth in shock. There, lying in the alleyway was Guu, perfectly intact. She lay napping with a little bit of drool on the side of her mouth.


Earlier that day, Guu was summoning on object she just knew would save her life. Slowly, the omnilirium took shape. Sylvia watched intently as she slowly realized what the shape looked like. Suddenly, the om finished, and on the ground was a perfect dummy replica of Guu made of a rubbery substance.
Suddenly, guu turned into a large puddle and moved herself over the puddle, than shapeshifting her colors to become a second coating of paint.
“Woah!” exclaimed Sylvia, but she covered her mouth, realizing how much noise she was making.
With Guu’s body all over the dummy, she shifted her weight around to move the individual limbs. Slowly, she got the dummy to climb to its feet. Stumbling around, she eventually got it to sit on the bed. Then, she moved off of the body and shifted back into her normal self, sitting next to the dummy on the bed. Sylvia just looked dumbfounded.

Just before 2PM, she turned into a fluid and coated the dummy once more. As the guard approached the woodpile, she started to drip off her fake body. By the time the fire had started, the pool of water known as “Guu” had already slipped away, hidden in the alley where she could rest off the abuse of her powers.


Guu woke early the next day in her cell. A smiling Sylvia was there to greet her.
“What’d I miss?” Guu asked.
“Haha, well, from the tweets, the Mayor is certainly pissed. From what I hear from the guards, they’re putting your execution on hold as they figure out what to do with you.” Sylvia explained.
“So I guess my stay has been extended?” Guu said.
“Yep, I’d say so.” Said Sylvia. “But at least they won’t kill you for the time being.”
Guu slowly sat up in her bed. Sylvia went to climb onto the top bunk, but suddenly, she stopped to look back at her.
“I just wanted to say, what you did was pretty cool.” She said, then climbing the rest of the way, landing on the bed with plop.
Guu lay there, wondering what to do next. She pulled up her dataverse device, hoping to distract her from her thoughts. However, something caught her eye, something that would make her life more difficult in the coming days.

To Be Continued in “Guu’d Vs. Evil” of the Tangled Green.