Conspiracy Theorist's Vlog [M]

[Guu]

Ready to hear truth that’ll blow your mind?


Coruscant Created the Underverse

That is correct! Many think Diablo made it, but he is merely a robot puppet that bows to the emperor. You want proof? I’ll give you proof!

See, long ago, Palpatine was one of the first primes in the Omniverse, around the time Diablo came to power. Coincidence? I think not! He built Diablo way back when. He did it so people would focus on the existence of pure even instead of his gay relationship with one Aragorn!

That’s right, they weren’t just friends, and he created Diablo to distract from that!

No one thinks it’s suspicious that there were so few people in the Omniverse back then? Palpatine wouldn’t let more people into the world because he knew that some of them would be smart and see through his ploy. Omni had to bring more Primes here just so one day someone will see through Palpatine’s plans and find out about his love affair.

I mean, it’s so obvious. Why do you think Palpatine and Aragorn are so obsessed with each other? They must have banged, but no one found out about it until now because of Diablo.

You want more proof? I got it!

What is it that Diablo wants more than anything? Power? Well, who else likes power? Palpatine!

That’s right! Diablo got that trait from the emperor himself!

And who was the first one to escape the underverse? A coruscant loyalist, that’s who!

Also, why do you think they call it the Underverse? Because if you spell it differently… Underwear… As in what Palpatine imagines Aragorn in! The fires of the underverse represents his burning passion for the king! It’s all connected!

People think I’m nuts, people think I’m crazy but they just don’t see the truth like I do, they don’t see my brilliance!

Some more connections, Diablo is famous for wearing Blanes plain white briefs, so does Palpatine! They both use the same deodorant when they want to! I know these things because I say so! Ain't it amazing how blind other people can be! I want to be in a threesome between these two, the emperor wants to as well, but he doesn’t want his gay secret to be out so he keeps his guards close so I can’t fuck him! He thinks I’m sexy! Aragorn too! They just don’t know it yet!

And you know who else is a hell? Palpatine’s government! That’s another connection! Have you ever wonder how long Aragorn’s penis is? I try to find pics but they are always shapeshifters in disguise and he won’t let me fuck him so I may never know, which is a shame. No homo obviously

Please support my patreon. Remember, if I get $500 a month, I’ll record myself banging a palpatine body pillow. It’ll be amazing, but I need the money first, this job is expensive!

Was researching the Empire recently, and I heard they banned body pillows recently, is that because they don’t want me banging Palpatine? You see, it’s all connected!

Anyways, the underverse is a secret plot by the empire so Palpatine and Aragorn can meet and have their love making sessions. They make everyone think it’s inescapable, they make everyone think people get banished there all the time, but really it’s just their love nest. Aragorn goes down there, Palpatine takes off his Diablo costume and they get down right there on the underverse floor. I dare you to try to tell me I’m wrong! You can’t prove it can you!

In conclusion, the Underverse was created by the Empire. Thank you.

[Guu]

I've been getting a ton of flack for my last one. I just want to say, fuck you sheeple, it's not my fault you can't accept the truth!

Now on to the theorin'!


Guu is not a child

That's right, you heard it here! She's not a child at all, but a full grown adult masquerading as a child! Just think about it, how can a child lead an entire kingdom? How can she do half the things she does? How can a child land a hot boyfriend like Gildarts? And don't give me that prodogy bullshit, just look real hard, she doesn't even act like a child. I bet if you told her fart joke, she wouldn't even laugh because she's not a child. 

So what is she? What is her purpose? It's quite simple my friends.

Guu is a lab experiment to make an army of child soldiers. Yes, you heard me, and Palpatine went with little girls so people would think he's a pedophile, because he wants to hide his gay affair with Aragorn. It's all true, read between the lines!

God Gildarts is hot, why did he wind up with a girl like Guu? It's not fair, there is not justice.

She was able to fight off Gilgamesh because of her child soldier abilities! Where do you think she got all her powers? The ability to get her head cut off and not die? The ability to survive being burnt alive? She's way too powerful to be just a mere child!

Don't be sheeple folks! The truth is out there!

[Guu]

Huge break through guys! I was at a male strip club last night (to specify, I was there for research,) and I encountered him! He had grey hair and everything! He was just getting a private show by one of the dancers there. I approached him and I told him straight up that I knew it was him, and he actually confirmed it! It's true! He told me straight up!

"Give me a BJ in back and I can be your Palpatine."

His exact words! And the fact he wanted sex with a man proves his gayness and thus his love for Aragorn!

Wanting to learn more, I did go back with him. He was quite decently sized if you wanted to know. Uncut surprisingly. Sadly, I didn't get any more info out of him, he was gone after two or three quick ones as well as one from the rear. However, I do no regret it as I am proud to do anything for my audience!

Though seriously, no homo.

[Hiro Protagonist]

.......whoever is behind these, you are truly not well. Please contact your nearest public health office for personal care and a scheduled appointment. The Empire cares about each of its citizens, especially when they are in need of assistance.

[Guu]

To everyone who has concerns of my mental health, my only response is it is not good to let your jealousy outweigh your reason. Just because I was smarter than you to figure all this out first doesn’t mean you can deny what is obviously and clearly the truth!

Also, everyone that’s been calling me gay, I’m sorry I can’t be your adonis, but I’m only for the ladies… for the most part.

With that out of the way, on to the theory!



Omni is the Manifestation of Aliens

How can this be? How can aliens have the power to create a whole universe? Well, it’s quite simple. The omniverse is a computer simulation created to hide us from the truth!

And what is that truth? That Palpatine is gay as fuck!

That’s right! He hooked us all up so we may never learn of his freaky sexual ways! He put us all in little pods at birth, connecting us through wires to a big machine that harvests the electricity from out bodies, and then uses that electricity to power his giant black dildo! Then he watches the simulation. Ever get that feeling, men of the omniverse, that feeling that you are being watched in the shower? That’s the emperor! He’s watching you and playing with himself!

Creeped out? Oh, I’m only getting started!

Every time a man does something cool in the Omniverse, every time the dopamine program runs on a man, a signal is sent to a device strapped to his genitals. He gets off on your victories, it also gets off when you are in pain too! The suffering of all men in the omniverse is only to his pleasure!

And of course, from the background is Aragorn, a man reduced to a permanent sex slave because everyone else is trapped inside his evil perverted digital dungeon.

Sick shit, am I right?

It only makes sense this world is a simulation. I mean, how can an old geezer like the Emperor be one of the most powerful primes in the Omniverse? And how can a little girl like Guu rule a kingdom? It’s like something out of fiction, a computer fiction!

The Emporer is quite the devious sort, the perverted devious sort that secretly wants me! That’s the only reason he’s kept me alive so long, he wants me so bad. Of course, you all know that I’m above that shit, I like the womans after all. Did I make that clear before? I feel people get the wrong idea about me. I only report on gay people, I’m not actually am one. Ya got that? I like the breast and vaginas.

Speaking of which, Palpatine clearly doesn’t like the breast or vaginas! He likes the D! My D! Aragon’s D! All our Ds! It’s why we are here in the Omniverse, he wants the D! And are we going to sit here and give it to him?

I propose an initiative. Sometime in the next few days, every man in the omniverse needs to get laid with another man, show the emperor that he can’t have our Ds, we can keep them all to ourselves! Just think, he’s up there screaming, seeing all his puppets having sex without him. He is madness! We got to take a stand!

So that’s the plan, we’ll have a big ass all male orgy in the streets of Coruscant! Don’t worry, it’s not gay, we’re doing it for protest! Let’s show the gay Palpatine that we are straight with a conga line all across the city. That’ll show him!

Who’s with me?

[Guu]

I must repeat and I don’t take this lightly, I AM NOT GAY! It’s important to know that I am very straight and none of you can argue against that! And yes, I know I did have sex with that one guy, but that was for the science! I mean, if you had a chance to squeeze info out of Palpatine, would you do the same? The truth is way more than just facts, it’s a feeling!

Also, as I stated before, I’m not suffering of any mental illness, my mind is entirely my own and I don’t want some overpaid shrink telling me what to think. Keep your filthy mind control techniques to yourself sheeple!

Now for today’s conspiracy, I have a very special offer.

I have discovered that my semen has magical properties that cure homosexuality. Every man I have sex with is cured forever of their curse that is the gayness.

Now keep in mind, while I still consider homosexuality a choice, having a choice and offering a cure is basically the same thing. It is possible to be chosen to be infected of in something that you chose. Make sense? Good! Still a choice, just now a curable choice.

Anyways, all you go to do is have sex with me and you’ll be cured of the gayness! While I disaprove of that sort of thing, I’d gladly do it to save as many men as I can possibly can!

Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay of course, it’s just the worst possible thing you can possibly do and that makes it wrong in every way. It’s what I believe in firmly, so that makes it a fact.

So any guys that wants to be cured by me, just send me a red alert to: ct@conspiracytheoryblog.net


I await curing all of you!

[Guu]

My homosexuality cure method has been a huge success! It’s been working so well for some people, I’ve had some come in multiple times! Feels good to help people!

And remember, it’s not gay if it’s for medical reasons!

Hey, maybe I should charge for my services! Considering how many lives I’ve touched, I doubt people would mind paying a bit to keep me from going under!

Blog money only gets you so far.

Now on to the theory!


Women in the Omniverse are the Spawn of Evil

That is correct! Everyone woman in the Omniverse is evil, and can shoot lasers from their vaginas. You need proof? Have you ever seen a woman’s vagina in the omniverse? I sure haven’t, case closed!

In reality, women used their laser vaginas to carve out the omniverse, every mountain, every crevasse, all cut from laser vaginas.

Every single one was built by the empire for two reasons:

Palpatine didn’t know how to program so he needed people in the game to shape his computer simulation.
So we don’t think Palpatine was gay.

He knew someone like me would come along eventually and discover his evil simulation of terror, so in a ditch attempt to throw me off, he created women to fool me into thinking that he may not be gay if he wanted vagina’d people around.

But no, I was not fooled!

Laser vaginas play a big role in our world. You know the laser guns that storm troopers use? Yeah, flesh lights. Try fucking one sometime, it’s amazing.

But most important of all is that the laser vaginas are the source of all omnilium. Yep, that rainbow colored stuff that supposedly comes from primes? Woman piss that out their vaginas on a daily basis and it turns into the glowing rainbow laser balls we all know and use as money.

And the fact that it’s rainbow laser is more proof of Palpatine’s gayness! I mean, it’s rainbows and stuff! Because the gays stole the rainbow from us! Did you know that? It used to be all about the spectrum of light, but now every time you see a rainbow, it’s for the gays. It’s true, omni makes those for Palpatine, because he’s a creation of Palpatine.

My god Palpatine, why must you tease and fuck me already.

For science of course!

You know, I’m so sick of primes pretending to be the best thing since sliced Hitler, but really, they aren’t shit. I mean, secondaries have Omnilium, I have a few coins of it in my pocket, they aren’t special! I mean just because they'd can absorb it - oh how amazing, we should worship them! They don’t say it but they all want us to worship them. Primes are evil! They get their name because they are primed for world domination!

It’s scary shit!

Back to women and their laser vaginas. Once a month, they’ll fire all lasers at once, and they act angrier at this time of month entirely so they can chase people away before they fire all cylinders.

And before someone goes on about most cases of PMS are bullshit, shut up, I saw it on TV a lot so it must be all true!

Also, they use their sexual powers to seduce people into the dark side, it’s all a facade, a trick! They are out to trick us! But I’m smarter, I’m immune to their effects!

Not that I’m gay, I’m very much straight, but my mental prowess protects me for the control of the womans!

Beware the womans!

Fans of this blog may want to read this: http://omniverse-rpg.com/showthread.php?...0#pid87320

[Guu]

The man can’t keep me down! Thanks to your support, I’ve made bail! I’m so lucky to have all of you! It truly warms my heart! I love you all!

Platonically of course.


Unless you are. Female fan, then unplatonically.



The empire tried to silence me by claiming my good deeds were male prositution! Well they'll regret ever crossing me! They just don't want the truth to get out!


Anyways, onto the theory!




Prime Agents of EPD are Glorified Pimps!


Shocked? You know I was! For more definite proof, look at this photo of Judge Dredd:

Look at that leather! He’s practically adorning bondage gear! Imagine him holding a whip and the image is complete! He’s the biggest pimp of all! He tries to pull off the tough cop act but he is huge on the gay sex!


I know, because he sent hundreds of male prostitutes to my house! He even made sure that they all paid me so it would look like I'm the prostitute, that jerk! It was all to test if I would sleep with guys, so the Emperor would be free to hit on me!


Of course, I don’t sleep with men, i was clearly awake the whole time!


In fact, one of the men was dressed as Palpatine! Yes, I asked him to dress like him (for the science of course,) but the fact that it was so easy for him to fill that role proves that he’s done it before, and who has he done it for before? That’s right, the Emperor!


He’s so egotistical that he wants to fuck himself!


In fact, he has cloning facilities just for that purpose! Why do you think stormtroopers stopped using clones? Because they are busy making emperor sex slaves!


In fact, I wouldn’t be shocked if he decided to clone me! Wouldn’t that be shocking?


To think there’s a lab out there somewhere with hundreds of copies of me, all of them in pods, naked, with their dicks hanging out.


Excuse me, I have an erection from thinking of women. I need to take a five minute break from writing.






I’m back! Did you guys miss me?


Well, I guess you guys wouldn’t since I’m not live blogging this. I guess I could edit that erection break out, but I’m big on free thought pieces like this. Everything I write is just free form, and I never look back!


Now that I think about it, I wonder if any of my old post have embarrassing shit on them.




Eh, I’m sure it’s fine.


So where was I? Something about clones? I don’t remember.


I wonder if the Emperor has a leather outfit. I bet he’d look incredible in it! I mean, imagine him holding a paddle, about to whack that ass! Oh god, that would be incredible!


Platonically of course!


The emperor is evil! End of story!




Oh yeah, if you like my material, please support my Patreon! We are close to the highly coveted $1000 benchmark where I release my research tapes. I’m glad all of you have an appreciation for science as much as I do!