Fountain of Old Biddy

[Monkey D. Luffy]

"...ffy..." a faint voice resonated.

"...uuffy..." again, less muffled, yet indistinct.

"LUUUFFY!!" the jarring voice quacked clear as a whistle.

"WAH!!" the boy shrieked, jolting up from his slumber, encumbered in stupor. Beads of sweat licked his neck as his panting came to a still. That voice...all too familiar, yet impossible to be real. The person he cared for most crying out his name. No, a dream; a nightmare.

"Ah...?" the rubber boy murmured as he peered forward, the ocean of nothingness washing away his befuddlement, swallowing him in curiosity.

Luffy took to his feet, his head still fuzzy. He teetered a moment, his balance wavering. If he didn't know any better he'd assume to have been asleep for days. Wait...he didn't know any better. He didn't even know where the hell he was. The last remnant of memory he could muster was preparing for a journey to reunite with his beloved crew, and was now amidst a sea of boundless white without a soul in sight.

"Oooohhh!" Straw Hat's eyes glittered in awe, marveling at the towering structure before him. Water splayed in all directions from the peak, trickling down layer by layer.

Tak Tak Tak Tak!

Luffy's footsteps echoed to the inconceivable edges of the blank canvas as he beelined for the fountain. Not particularly spectacular, but it was the coolest thing in the immediate area; and it didn't take much to entertain little rubber brain. As he drew close enough, a memory sparked to life within him. Memories of an infinitely encompassing dark void, in the midst of which something spoke to him. No, someone. This was not the voice from before.

“My name is Omni. This is not the world you know. This is the Omniverse. You interest me, so I have ma...”

"Oy, do you poop?" Luffy interrupted and shot an index finger, rudely disregarding the being's incessant jabber.

"..."

Proceeding on, the bizarre creature manifested a vibrant glowing orb in front of straw hat. It's limitless color a stark contrast to the stranger's drab appearance.

"WOAHHH! LOOKS YUMMY!" Luffy proclaimed excitedly, shining stars replacing his pupils as drool spilled from his maw. He shoveled the vivid sphere wholly into his mouth, a large lump forming in his throat as he forced the ball of light down.

"BLEGH!" the pirate rejected in disgust, spewing saliva upon the incandescent floor. The alleged master of the realms explained to straw hat what he'd been gifted with, however Luffy was uninterested, occupied scoping out the landscape, or lack thereof, when far-off archways caught his eye.

Sheen!

A glint of light danced around the pirate captain before fading beneath his scarred abdomen. He had coalesced with the aforementioned Omnilium. Gazing into his open palm, Luffy balled a fist, sensing the lifeblood of the realm flowing through his veins.

"Welcome to the Fountain of Infinity. Here is where your prior journey ends, and new journey begins. The choices you make from here on out will dec..."

"Ehh? Fountain of Old Biddy? Shishishi, what a stupid name!" he interjected, mocking the embodiment of omnipotence.

"Oy, Pasty Boy, where is this place? Why did you bring me here? I need to go meet up with my crew now." Straw Hat queried, insulting the white silhouette.

"..."

It was in that instance he remembered, his crew! Reaching deeply into his pockets, Luffy extracted a handful of white slips, each sporting the individual names of his comrades.

"Zoro...Nami...Sanji...Usopp...Chopper...Robin...Franky... Brook," he catalogued, laying the paper fragments out in front of him. Several moments came and went without a shred of movement between the Vivre Cards. Luffy grimaced in chagrin, swiping up the slips with a single sweep of his palm.

Suddenly, the rubberman felt a rustle inside his shirt pocket. Digging into his cardigan, he removed a blank paper shard. Unlike the others, this one wriggled wildly, pointing toward the southwest doorway. The nameless Vivre Card had imparted a destination for the pirate captain. For the time being, it was apparent he could not return to his own reality, thus his only hope of escape was to continue forward.

[Smith]

“...I'll be watching... and waiting.”

As the darkness turned to bright light, Captain Buggy was left wondering just what the hell that flashy bastard was talking about. Omnilium? Gold, silver, and jewels were all the splitting human cared about. And what was up with that idiot's flashy white body? Eyes closed and chin in hand, Buggy mulled it over as the wind tossed his cloak and hair. He was still garbed in the stolen apparel he'd acquired in Impel Down and it bothered him on a subconscious level. The white tricorn and cloak covering his striped prison clothing would need to go as soon as he got back his treasure.

HIS TREASURE! That white jerk had flashily forgotten to mention that part! If this Omni was right, Buggy's treasure was in a whole other world. The thought brought tears to the pirate's eyes; tears he tried to hold back with his free hand. Captain Buggy would make that flashy liar pay for this!

Suddenly, a realization hit Buggy as the wind began to pick up. That's it! Omni was flashily lying to him! Obviously the guy was a Devil Fruit user and was attempting to keep Buggy from his destiny. Chuckling, Buggy dropped a fist into his left hand and nodded solemnly. Of course. It was so simple. Omni was trying to horn in on his flashy treasure. Trying to get Buggy to forget about the One Piece. The fool should have known such tricks wouldn't work on the great Captain Buggy the Star Clown.

Having finally gotten a grip on the situation, Buggy opened his eyes to confront Omni and regain his dignity. Only with his eyes open did the splitting man finally take in the world around him. It was white as far as the eye could see. Several dark splotched dotted the horizon, and just below him a large fountain sprayed water high into the air. It was beautiful, in a way, though the lack of gold irked Buggy. And Omni was no where to be seen either. With a scowl twisting his make-up, Buggy took a step... and the reality of his situation hit him. The. Fountain. Was. Below. Him.

A shriek escaped the splitting man as he fell, turning into words as he passed the fountains apex.

“YOU FLASHY BASTARD!!!”

THUD!

The flashy white landscape was completely unforgiving on Buggy's poor body and for a moment, he just lay there whimpering without moving. Slowly, the captain pulled himself up and began dusting himself off, wincing over the more tender areas. Nearby, a boy in a hat waved flashily at Buggy, a broad grin on his face.

“Oy! Buggy! How ya doing?”

Forcing a smile on his face, Buggy returned the wave and lied, “Not bad. How are y-?”

That boy!

“You! What are you doin' here, Straw Hat!?”

As Luffy opened his mouth to answer, a sneer twisted Buggy's face and he laughed.

“Gyahahahaha! You flashy bastard! I'll make you pay for using me as a flashy shield!”

The memory of that day still burned in Buggy's memory, like it was yesterday. Which it was. The clown pirate was caught in a vortex, and thinking Luffy had saved him from that fate, was shocked when Mihawk's sword cut him in two. And that's discounting the many slashes afterward and the embarrassing moment with the Muggy Ball. But he'd get his revenge now. With a flashy flourish, Buggy's daggers appeared between his fingers. Holding his right arm forward, he chanted, “Bara Bara Cannon!” His forearm separated and... fell limply to the ground.

Seconds passed as both men silently looked at the groundborne appendage. Breaking the silence, Buggy shouted, “My arm was just asleep! Get ready for it now, Straw Hat!” His other arm rose. “Bara Bara Cannon!” And... another soft thud sounded as Buggy's other hand fell to the ground directly in front of him. The clown pirate was furious now. Yelling at the top of his lungs, he prepared his most deadly attack. “Bara Bara Festival!”

*****************

Luffy stood over Buggy, grinning that flashily infuriating grin down at him.

“Sorry I can't stick around, Buggy! I gotta get going! Lemme know when you pull yourself together.”

The pile of human pieces on the ground glowered up at the rubber man and said nothing. They wriggled impotently, but none flew, and they were too far apart to recombine on their own. So, as Luffy began to walk away, Buggy started shouting.

“Stop! STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP! You can't leave me like this, you flashy bastard! Help me out!”

[Monkey D. Luffy]

"Eh?..." Straw Hat pondered, tilting his head to the side like a Labrador. Abashed, he gazed at an immobile pile of Buggy-bits. "Hey Red-Nose, get it together already, kihihihi!"

"ERGH! WHAT DID YOU CALL ME FLASHY BASTARD?! GO AWAY BEFORE I KILL YOU!" The scattered clown squealed, somehow able to speak sans vocal cords. His giblets of a body rattled with rage, but rattle was the pinnacle of their mobility.

"Ohhkay, see ya!" Luffy jested with a wave, turning his back to Buggy and scampering off.

Twitch.

"AGH! Wait! Don't leave me!" fending away his grudge, the big-nosed pirate pathetically pleaded for help from his self-proclaimed nemesis. Halting in his tracks, the rubber boy shot a glance, and a light bulb blinked to life above his noggin'. Time to have some fun! He sprinted back and rustled with Buggy's remnants, who gasped in relief. Accepting aid was a small price to pay with the alternative being stuck as a heap of chum.

"Voila!" Luffy declared, holding out his arms as if presenting a masterpiece. In his eyes it was. A wily grin curled ear to ear as he giggled mischievously to himself. Looking down, the splitman noticed his feet appeared far closer than they ought to.

"..."

His face and ass were inverted. He was an ass-face. Or a face-ass.

"DAMN YOU! PUT ME BACK THE RIGHT WAY!!!" Buggy squawked, steam pouring from his ears, which were positioned on his butt cheeks. At this point Luffy was rolling on the ground grasping his stomach in laughter, further provoking the clown. He was going to cause that rubber bastard serious pain, just as soon as he was back to normal.

Grrrlll...

Luffy's tummy gurgled. He couldn't even remember when he last ate, unless you include that grotesque rainbow ball, which tasted like rusted pennies dipped in laundry detergent. MEAT! A nice juicy t-bone floated above Straw Hat amidst a thought bubble.

POP!

A dagger slickly pierced the fantasy cloud, snapping Luffy back to reality, or rather, omnility. Regaining focus, he noticed Buggy had managed to rearrange himself properly, albeit sporting a storm of malice shrouding his countenance. Just as the clown captain was moments from dicing up his flashily smug antagonist, an extended palm grabbed hold of him by the shoulder.

"Come on Red-Nose, let's find some adventure! And meat!" Luffy commanded, heaving his spare arm toward the fountain and grasping tightly. Buggy hysterically waved his hands back and forth in protest. He was well acquainted with Straw Hat's reckless nature.

"No no no no no! Let's talk about th-" his objections fell on deaf ears, the rubber boy abandoning his footing and propelling the duo toward the southwest archway like a pebble loosed from a slingshot.

"YOSH!!"

"YOU FLASHY FOOOOOOL!!!..."

[Monkey D. Luffy]

Fwoom!

Straw Hat soared over the endless white with a frantic Buggy in tow. Tears streamed behind the clown's bulging peepers. He knew Luffy was a magnet for trouble and wanted no part of it, simply wishing to escape this fluorescent hell.

"WOOHOOO!!" the rubber boy cheered. Flying through the air was so much fun! Strange though, the wind he was used to whisking his face seemed far less dense. Hell, he didn't even need to grip his hat for fear of it flying off as he normally would. This was an odd place for sure!

Weirdly, his descent began far more hastily than normal. In the recent past, he could launch himself several hundred feet at a time, but before even peaking at thirty he started to plummet. Shit! He was about to crash!

"Gomu Gomu no..." Luffy mumbled, plugging his chops with a thumb and blowing forcibly. His body swelled with air and expanded to inhuman proportions, dwarfing his red cardigan. He'd become a giant rubber bouncy ball.

"FUSEN!"

Glomp.

Straw Hat's body impacted the snow white terrain, his soft, blimp-like exterior cushioning the harsh landing. Like a fat spring, the pirate gum-gumball ricocheted back into the air.

"DAMN IT STRAW HAT, LET ME GO!" Buggy demanded, flailing about as the duo skipped along the ground like an oversized tennis ball. After several bounces, Luffy came skidding to a halt as his body deflated. "You trying to kill me you flashy bastard?!" The clown pirate barked, flourishing a pair of knives. His eyes burned red with rage, but not as red as his round nose! Kahahaha!

"Oy Big Nose, you want to leave this place don't you?" imposed Luffy, tilting his hat up slightly as he gazed forward. "Of course I do! I want my flashy treasure! And to get away from you before you get us into yet another bad situation! As soon as we—"

Buggy was silenced when his eyes drifted up. Mere yards in front of them stood a towering gateway, confined between a set of overhanging palm trees.

Snap

"What did you call me?!" The splitting captain had quite the delayed reaction.

"I bet there's treasure for you in there! My crew could be waiting for me too...and MEAT!" Luffy encouraged, bright stars shining betwixt both his and Buggy's eyes. It was settled, let the adventure time begin! Both captains took a leap of faith and charged through the mystery door, hoping to find that which they desire most.

"Let's GOOO!!"