Guu'd vs. Evil (Discussion)

[Gilgamesh]

I'll have Guu trabsform at the beginning of the post and Gil transform in the middle of the post of that's alright.

[Guu]

Alright, just keep in mind, you only have two SP to spend.

[Gilgamesh]

Yeah, I'm not sure if I want to make you start out with a Gil transformation or use it for the next two rounds.

[Guu]

Here's what her transformation to Adult Guu kind of looks like for ref (sorry about quality): <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="https://youtu.be/dySVW8CYCQE?t=16m18s">https://youtu.be/dySVW8CYCQE?t=16m18s</a><!-- m -->

Here's an image of the transformation in progress in case the video quality didn't make it clear.


Also, I don't have any or those wrestling moves yet, so don't use any of those in the fight or we'll have to edit them out in post. xD
Just have her do hand to hand combat with the occasional malleability.

[Gilgamesh]

Just posted and Guu had used her Adult Guu Form. I would appreciate if you also used Runes of Babylon and just as a side note. Ea is a one of a kind weapon so he can't draw it multiple times.

[Guu]

Round three is a go: <!-- l --><a class="postlink-local" href="http://omniverse-rpg.com/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=1971&p=15609#p15609">viewtopic.php?f=22&t=1971&p=15609#p15609</a><!-- l -->

As requested, Gil transformed and will remain that way for the rest of the fight.

[Gilgamesh]

Fight finished! All ready to go for judging!

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

Alright, I'll get to it by the end of the week.

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

Just a heads up - I'll start the review tonight after I get home late from work. I'll have it up by the end of the weekend - if not tonight.

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

First, I just want to say - you both wrote very well together. Sometimes….I had to go to the top of the post to make sure I knew who in fact was writing it. The cohesive aspect of this fight made it incredibly enjoyable to read, but really really hard to come to a verdict. Without any further stalling though here’s the breakdown of the scores and comments to go along with them. If you can do simple math you can see who won without reading to the end. But, I put a lot of effort into this and I really would appreciate if you read my opinions as well as just the raw score, as they are where the numbers came from in the first place.

You also might note that two of the categories I use to judge the quality of writing have been changed to better suit the nature of combat: Story has become Realism for reasons that I shouldn’t have to outline but will. As the fight in itself doesn’t necessarily need to be a self contained story, but rather an event in a n overarching story arc, I felt it proper to instead include a section which would determine which of the two fighters utilized both their own abilities and their opponent’s in a believable way. Additionally this amended category would also include fatigue and injury representation.

The second category that has changed is Awesomeness - which was basically my entertainment as a reader. Instead this has been named Cohesion (and does have to do with my overall enjoyment and immersion). The reason for this is simple: you may be competing with one another however, you are writing TOGETHER. Your posts need to flow neatly and events need not be repeated. Likewise your styles (of writing) need to mesh well. You can’t have one person writing verbose and another writing single paragraph responses. Otherwise, there’s this disjoint feeling to the fight as a whole.

That said all categories are out of 5 with a perfect score being 20. For reference 9-10 is an average score. 11-14 is above average, 15-18 is great and 19-20 is near perfect.


Gilgamesh:

Style: 3.5 - It is quite obvious in this showing that you took my advice to heart. There is certainly less telling and more showing in your fights. However, I still find in some of your posts instances where I felt like the pacing jarred itself from the rest of the battle. Because, it would suddenly shift from prosey description to: Guu did this then Gil did that and so on and so forth. Pronouns are your friend. In this instance it would have been perfectly okay to use names less and instead use he and she. You need to find variance in the ways you can describe your actions. I think the word count restriction here is to blame - as I felt that certain points (especially the transformation of Guu) would have benefitted from a Tolkien type treatment.

Realism: 2.5 - I’ll be honest, I felt like your fatigue was non-existent. You wrote about your injuries very well, highlighting each and every one of them however, there was no point in the entire fight where I felt as though Gil was truly pulling from the depths of his energy reserve to truly deal significant damage to his opponent. Additionally, your portals - from my perspective - seemed to be summoned way too easily.

Grammar: 2.5 - I started this out at a 4 as you seemed to be doing just fine in this respect. However, each post had at least one or two errors that distracted me and broke my immersion. In one case it was the improper use of a word; in another instance it was a fragmented sentence in combination with occasional tense confusion. I do honestly think that some of these things stem from trying to mimic your opponent’s style of writing to make the combat flow nicely between posters, but at the same time, a few extra minutes proofreading and you may have picked up on them.

Cohesion : 4.5 - I mentioned at the start that at times I had to check to make sure I knew who was writing which post. You guys seriously did that good at immersing me with your posts that sometimes I sorta forgot that two people were in facing competition. That is what I like to see. This section is near perfect and only deducted for a few slight differences in description and pacing.

Total: 13/20 - Above Average


Guu:

Style: 4 - As a writer you have a very distinct style. You switch between tenses keep your paragraphs tightly together and get to the point fairly quickly. Your dialogue is humorous, yet serious, and there wasn’t a real single point in the fight where I felt you were just listing out your actions against another player. Instead you attempted (and succeeded) in a flowing narrative. I scored you slightly higher as I felt you did less of Guu did this and Gil did that than Gilgamesh himself and did not repeat yourself as much.

Realism: 2.5 - Again same as Gilgamesh really. Great job utilizing all your abilities and his while representing your injuries decently. However, fatigue is barely mentioned and I honestly couldn’t tell if Guu was even strained (tired) at the end of the combative. Yes she was hurt, but whether or not she was physically drained - I don’t know. You might have benefitted from dragging out some of your move descriptions to draw me into them more coherently, but I’m a verbose writer and that is just my preference. I like reading all the details and when there is stuff left out I find it harder to believe given situations.

Grammar: 3 - Like Gil there were a couple errors that distracted me. However, they weren’t as many total and I found your switched tensing and person narrative easier to flow. I didn’t notice any misused words or any sentence fragments. Is it perfect no, but not nearly distracting enough for me to lower your score more than a couple points.

Cohesion: 4.5 - Near perfect, see my comments for Gil above as they still apply. Great teamwork in a competitive setting. All fights should learn from this example and flow as well as you two did throughout the duration of this match.

Total 14/20 - Above Average

Final Notes: Stats were taken into consideration in the sense that I judged your realism based on them and in conjunction with your transformation, powers and moves. While 2.5’s may seem on the low end, I only took that much off because of fatigue not being represented. By the end of a hard fought battle I should feel the desperation in your character's, not just see their physical injuries. Both of you were true to what I believe your characters are capable of, you just need to fine tune how draining each of your Moves are and the like.

Verdict: Guu is victorious and has determination over how the battle ends (the final post).

You guys made me nitpick to decide a winner: shame on you both (kidding)! But, yeah that was really hard to grade - well done.

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

Oh, you both get 6 points of accumulated damage by the way. Sorry I had that in my notes and forgot to put that up. One serious injury for both seems appropriate given the plot of the battle.

[Guu]

Done: <!-- l --><a class="postlink-local" href="http://omniverse-rpg.com/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=1971&p=15934#p15934">viewtopic.php?f=22&t=1971&p=15934#p15934</a><!-- l -->

Gil can use the topic to rp his leaving of the Tangled before we ship it off for Participation.