Gaige V Scarecrow OoC

[Dr. McNinja]

Simple Rules:

Word Count: 1000/post
Post time: 72 hours from last post
Rounds: 2
SP: On
Damage Meter: On
Judge: Jade

Scarecrow has given me the permission to start. Sound good, Crow?

[Beta Ray Bill]

All sounds good to me.

[Beta Ray Bill]

Last post made waiting final judgment.

[Jade Harley]

Sorry it's taking me a bit you two, I'll have the results posted tomorrow!

[Jade Harley]

I said I'd have the results posted tomorrow. Since it's almost 12AM.... that works, too.

       Gaige's Stats                                         Scarecrow's Stats

  ATK: 4                                                      ATK: 2

  DEF: 2                                                      DEF: 3

  SPD: 3                                                      SPD: 2

 TEC: 1                                                      TEC: 3

ROUND 1

Damage sustained by Gaige (3): 2 damage points from bruising/bleeding around the mouth, 1 point bruising to the gut. (2 ATK vs 2 DEF.)

Damage sustained by Scarecrow (3): 1 damage point from unclear cause (Deathtrap, who has 2 ATK. Up against Scarecrow's 3 DEF, it's fairly weak), 2 points from minor cut to the right side of his leg. (4 ATK vs 3 DEF.)

ROUND 2

Damage sustained by Gaige (5): 2 damage points from syringe-scratches to neck, 1 point general bruising (2 ATK vs 2 DEF), 2 damage points from a cut to her back from Scarecrow's scythe.

Damage sustained by Scarecrow (5): 2 points from a weak bullet lodged in upper right arm(4 ATK vs 3 DEF, the bullet is from the lite smig that can fire can fire 48 weak bullets in 6 seconds, so it's a pretty weak injury), 2 points from a weak bullet to the chest, 1 point from claws to the face.

TOTAL DAMAGE SUSTAINED:

GAIGE: 8

SCARECROW: 8

Looks like damage isn't going to be playing much of a factor! You were also both on time with your posts. Great work!

Now, about writing quality. Gaige, I enjoyed your posts very much, but I feel like you may have been holding back. Your images were very moving and you certainly held your own, but sometimes things were left a little vague, such as the brief altercation between DT and Scarecrow. In Round One I was a little confused about who all the fear toxin hallucination people interacting with your character were, and with 1,000 words you could have delved a bit deeper into it or worked to bring a person unfamiliar with your character's source into the scene. There was also very little setting included in your posts. However, you certainly kept things interesting!

The visions themselves were frightening, the summoning of DT was handled well ("Deathtrap digistructed, tessellating into existence from bright blue three-dimensional pixels," was my favorite line), and you kept me engaged during the reading. Especially in Round Two with all the disturbing imagery and your character's believable reactions; it really pulled me in. Well done!

Now for Scarecrow! Your posts were equally as gripping as Gaige's, and your characterization of Scarecrow really bled into your writing. I caught myself sitting there and thinking, "Damn, that's some great villainy right there." While your mastery over language might not be as refined, I could really tell that you'd put your heart and soul into these posts, or at least something close to it! You made good word-choosing decisions many times throughout your posts, many of them evocative of very real, tangible sounds, sights, etc. Your last post of Round Two was exceptional, despite its shortness. BUT! It was short, man! You had 1,000 words to work with, more stuff could've happened in that time.

The thing that I liked the most about your posts was your characterization. Your character's actions and dialogue were pretty spot-on. Yet, you could've spent more words/time trying to polish up your character's movements/actions during the fight. Reading over your post in round one, most of it came across as "this happened, then this happened, then this happened". But, you spent much of that post ensuring that both characters exchanged damage-dealing blows, which I admire and think makes up for that. Still, this is something to watch out for in the future. Break up those actions into different paragraphs, give them some substance with comparisons, sounds, interactions with the setting, and split-second thoughts. Great job!

AND THE WINNER IS..........

BOTH OF YOU!

YOU PUNKS TIED!

You will both join the big brawl at the end. Congrats!

[Beta Ray Bill]

Is it possible to purchasea move before the brawl.