The Decent into Madness (Test Post)

[Gwendolyn]

The darkened streets of Minas Tirith did not seem as quiet or empty to Koal as others would have perceived it. The voices...Damn the voices. They were an ever-present torrent of screaming noise and insane whispers. But Koal knew every single sound by name. They had haunted his nightmares for months now, and the time was more than adequate for him to become acquainted with his tormenters. He left hand began to twitch again, and his head pounded more heavily than before, sending his hand pressing to his forehead in a rather quick and volatile manner.

"Why do you keep doing this to me?" The young teen's voice was raw and quiet from his repeated nightmares; from the screaming that they would bring on. His face twisted into a sneer as he replied to himself, "You did this to yourself Koal, and you know that this is a just punishment." His dark chuckle broke off with a bout of violent coughing, blood staining the rocky cobblestone road as he continued to choke. He was on his hands and knees in the dimly lit street, tears streaming down his face and splattering on the ground with a soft patter, patter, patter noise.

He slowly struggled to his feet, his body betraying his will, his hand now twitching uncontrollably, his movements jerky and irregular. His breathing was also ragged and forced, his lungs struggling to take in air and push it out again.

Alexia, his first victim to fall to the demon's blade

Faust, the scientist who had made Koal the monster he was

Mother, an innocent who was killed for her son's actions

The list extended in Koal's head as he made his way out of the city, his feet bringing him closer to the nearby forest. His footsteps became increasingly steady until you could hardly notice the hitch in his stride. It was always worse in crowded places. Koal didn't know why, or how, but he knew it was better when there was no one around. So he lived as a hermit. The only reason he was in town was to get supplies for the next week, and he dreaded those days with a passion.

His footsteps continued on...

[Aadibah]

screaming voices

I wouldn't use "voices" so quickly after the previous sentence. There are times in writing where this does work, but personally it feels like repetitiveness.

He left hand

"His"

sending his hand pressing

Same issue as before with using the same word too quickly.

volatile manner

This is more of a personal nitpick, but I would say "violent" instead.

soft patter noise

Try instead "with a soft patter, patter, patter noise". Makes it sound slower, with short fits.

killed for his

Just "by his actions" is alright.

from the city walls

Try "the tall walls that made him feel so claustrophobic".

steady until you could

Again most likely a personal nitpick, but I'd go with "until one could".

Overall, I like it. 8/10, you gave effort, probably should try more show rather than tell (show Koal's reactions, his movements, his facial expressions, his physiological processes) which I admit is very difficult to avoid and I find it hard getting past a lot myself. In the end though, I like it, good stuff.