Let's Read: Book Club #9

[Sarah_Kerrigan]

Just Some Regulations:

• Please follow all site OOC rules to the letter.
  
• Format can be whatever you’d like providing that you follow these rules.
  
• This shouldn’t need to be said, but please be respectful and offer positive comments. Negativity in any form is highly discouraged. While pointing out all the errors may seem useful – to you – it certainly doesn’t make that person feel good. There are ways to help someone improve without nitpicking. As a rule of thumb try to have 5 Positives for every 1 Negative (courtesy of resident teacher protoman).
  
• The above doesn’t mean you can’t criticize, but there’s a way to do it without being negative. For example, make suggestions – don’t say something about the topic is ‘wrong’ or poorly written. Maybe point out a confusing section and suggest revising it for instance, or even offer what you think may have worked better in that situation. Additionally, you could offer to proofread a member’s next post for them – be helpful instead. Positive reinforcement will keep people writing and reading here.
  
• While you’re free to develop your own way of critiquing and commenting – I wouldn’t recommend making a ‘scoring’ scale. This isn’t competitive and you’re not grading topics. Instead, only offer advice and comments in whatever format you wish. Maybe offer directions the Plot can go from there (whether that is into a new topic or not).
  
• As there is a flat rate of 100 OM for participating, I feel I need to include this: please do not skim, thoroughly read before posting. If you skim – especially the wordy topics – you’re likely to miss a lot. In addition, please put actual effort into your written responses. I don’t want to have to put up a word count requirement for these; so please don’t make me question whether or not you have actually tried to help a fellow member, or if you’re just trying to get easy OM.
  
• OM is a nice incentive but if this starts to be abused – I doubt it will continue to be a reward. Do not abuse this for easy OM. I highlighted that above already, but it deserves a separate bullet. Seriously don’t. Please.
  
• As a final point – yes you can offer suggestions as to what topics you would like to be included here next. I have no problem with that if you happen to be dying to read a given topic but need some excuse to do so.
  
• These regulations should be copied and pasted into every new Book Club topic (in case I don’t do it for some reason).

This Club’s Options:

• Monster Meets King
  Gilgamesh the self-proclaimed King of everything is making a vye for power within the Dunes. His rule will not be disputed and his Kingdom is open to everyone. A utopia that can’t be denied - since anyone that halts his progress will be put to death.
  
• Cinnabon Isle Arc
  Catch up with Luffy and his merry band of fellows in this ‘swashbuckling’ adventure. Also there’s pokemon - everyone loves pokemon. Feel free to read the entire topic if you want, but the linked post is where to start as it is the first post since the topic was last featured in the book club.
  
• Between the Velvet Lies
  Attend a Masquerade hosted by the one and only Dio. By orders of the Count the Party invites those of significant status (primes) to a manor deep within the Pale Moors. There is no limit on the number of guests allowed in, but all must be donned in the proper attired and wear festival masks. To set all of this up though, some sacrifices - mostly on the part of the servants - had to be made. So enjoy your time at the Masquerade but be wary of what lurks in every shadow. This is an Open topic meaning anyone can join and I’m sure Dio would love some participants in additions to any comments below.

Bonus: This option will be available for 4 weeks. The two weeks of this Book Club and the 2 weeks of the next book club.

• The Emperor’s Jubilee II
  The first and only ‘event’ held within the confines of the dataverse. A terrorist group by the name of the Copper Eye is attacking the servers of Coruscant and the Empire. Primes are sent in to disband and deal with the growing chaos before it is too late to save the Emperor’s celebration.

That’s all happy reading~

[Gilgamesh]

First book club lets go

Monster Meets King:

Perfect writing 10/10. Just Kidding, anyways even though this is my own topic I know I am not perfect. I feel like is use too many Pronouns or Names in a row. One paragraph I would decide to use only he and the other would be all Gilgamesh's and I feel like even though it was way worse at a point, that it still continues to be a problem for me at least. I also feel as if I develop my dialogue more than I develop the scene around it, I'm not sure if I'm the only one that feels this but I just have an easier time writing what people say, however I occasionally break character just to solve a plot problem that Gilgamesh would not do in a normal circumstance.

As for Eudocia's writing, I really enjoy the extra insight into what her thought's are and the way she speaks. While she may be polite and reserved she has an entire conversation in her head, something that I forget to do. I personally find her contradicting politeness very funny in contrast to the bloodthirsty demon that lurks beneath her innocent smile, the various scenes where she asks to eat children and where she plays with 'Gevi." Her childlike innocence is also perfect for Gilgamesh's plans…muahahah. But for real they do flow along very well and they don't clash.

One criticism I have is that it isn't really clear when she is in thought or when she is speaking. Sometimes you have her thoughts in italics and her speaking in bold and sometimes there isn't anything. During those points it disconnects me and it causes a break in the writing and I assumed she's thinking before I read any further. I also did this very atrociously before but it would be easier to read if you had speaking parts in a completely separate paragraph, it helps make the paragraphs into shorter bite-size chunks and it is much easier on the eyes. That's it though, your writing is very nice.

Cinnabon Isle Arc:

I personally couldn't find a lot to critique about, the story is very good, as i've read most of it before. I like the way you write but sometimes I find myself confused and I have to go back because sometimes you contradict yourself. Such as the fight with the Infernape i feel like I had to reread it several times because I felt like it was missing something.

On the positive side, this was very well written and I cannot help but love whenever Buggy speaks because you write him hilariously! It's so funny and the scene with the bleeding crown made me chuckle. Slowking is awesome and while Buggy may be annoyed with him, I certainly am not. You also create good suspense through the use of dialog of NPC's. I do not know what else to say, this was very well written.

Between the Velvet Lies:

Reading some of Dio's past works I'm very glad to see some of my suggestions being noticed . You use a lot less Dio's now but his cockiness still continues to be a source of humor throughout the post. Your use of comedy and Dio's abusive nature even to the evils that would terrorize a normal human being is also pretty enjoyable to read. The use of dialog is very nice and the transition from the hectic beginning to the satisfaction that Dio sees at the end. Also your use of vocabulary is very nice and paints a very nice picture.

Some criticism i have is that sometimes, particularly that one LARGE speech, it feels like he is talking forever, while you could have easily broken it up into smaller chunks with some description of the servant's reaction and wincing to his verbal abuse. Also i appreciate that you broke your sentences into smaller chunks where they were more bite size, but you still tend to abuse commas while you could easily have made something into two sentences. Otherwise it was a very nice post.

[Doomguy]

Monster Meets King:
So, uh, which one is the king and which one is the monster? I have been following both Gil and Docy since they've entered the 'verse, but in this story line they have a chemistry that works very well together , and you learn quite a bit that makes them not fit the moniker given to them but also VERY much fit it. First and foremost, Gil is despicable. He's a character you love to hate. But there's still entertainment in his actions and thoughts, and some comedy, so it's not just a constant stream of evil stuff that gets boring quickly. You get an idea of nobility and superior upbringing in his reaction to others, which also works well with how much of a slimeball he is. Then there's Eudocia. You feel a bit sorry for her, considering how polite and helpful she's been to Gil (although Gil has also been the kindest to her compared to how he treats everyone else), but she's a more psychotic killer than he is! I just love their interactions and how they work off each other. It certainly helps how they have different reactions to different events. Although I would say it's unnecessary to always copy the dialogue, it does serve as an easy landmark for the reader to bridge the two writers. You two work well together, and I hope to read more.

Cinnabon Island Arc:
I missed the boat the first time this topic showed up in Book Club, so now I have a chance to comment on it. It does have the feel of the anime, partly due to the writing style of Luffy (for example. the use of amusing sound effects) and party because the collection of strange characters that have been featured. It's fun to read what strange thing Luffy will say or do, and how everyone else has to keep up with him. This is intersected with a few serious scene which really add to the overall enjoyment of the story, particularly the scene where Luffy is thinking about his old crew. Like a sweet dessert after a savory meal. The introduction of Kilala is a BIT of a Deus Ex Machina, but at least the character was introduced earlier rather than coming out of nowhere.

[Will continue with Jubilee and Velvet Lies later]

[Caira Ayryn]

Book club 9!

Between the Velvet Lies
Interestingly inviting and excellent idea to put it into book club to round up some party goers! Dio's power seems to only grow as he dominates the moors, but, humbly, he is a host for a most spacious event! I find myself really enjoying this piece because he rallies the servants in a way that they aren't used to and the diversity of instrumental command was well described in my opinion. Leniency verses his powerful wrath made for a nice foil (even in the idea of it) and was introduced and played nicely with the points made from the other secondaries.

Influence is something that I would expect for him to gain with his authoritative status in the moors, and essentially the power and the responsibility that corresponds with it. (But be warned! Secondaries have more numbers than primes!) This event, however, because it is massive, reminds me of the flier announcing the prompt: slaying of the nidhogg. (<!-- l --><a class="postlink-local" href="http://omniverse-rpg.com/viewtopic.php?f=28&t=1431">viewtopic.php?f=28&t=1431</a><!-- l -->)

I like the element of class he brings and desiring superiority even in food quality is a nice touch.

Monster Meets King
I suppose I'll start where Gilgamesh compares Eudocia to a "Lion on a leash" the comment's context amused me and I enjoyed the allegory. The change in the tide was drastic just after this point, as with the dramatic death of a citizen, conquest became only a part of the whole picture but power never left Gilgamesh's view.

I always get a bit nervous putting input into still active topics, because I consider commentary or critiques more of a retrospective process but as I reflect on the plot line I really like the two characters. They seem to round out one another rather well and it's a great duo because of the contrasts of both characters' priorities. Whether their goals are beauty or beastly oriented, together they fit unexpectedly -or so it appears- very well.

I do enjoy the dialogue and the use of qualities from both characters and continue to be intrigued more and more as the story progresses. I see a similar nobility or esteem of honor that I recognize from some of Atelos' adventures and it helps to give some perspective on Gilgamesh as well.

Eudocia is definitely her own girl and her strong traits radiate toward Gilgamesh who sees her as a powerful asset. And power indeed as she shoots red orbs of energy from her horns! (This was really cool!) To say further I think the two get along well and two Primes will almost always be more powerful (and useful) than one.

Eudocia is very distinctive and her writing is interwoven with innovative ideas, say when the scary scarabs appeared. I look forward to seeing how the story progresses from the gateway of Gilgamesh's Castle.. To the New Babylonian world!?


Cinnabar island
I hope you don't mind if I put my response to this topic in the next book club. It's a bit longer and I'd rather give it my undivided attention and time.

[DioBrando]

Given I'm in the topics present it's only fitting that I participate.

Monster Meets King: Eudocia and Gilgamesh both wrote really well in this. I can see a strong synergy between the characters that plays out really well. In fact, if anything, I'd say that the synergies between them being too strong off the bat was the biggest weakness in this thread. From the very first moment they spoke I felt like they had already known each other for a bit. As the thread goes on though, this issue disappears and it becomes clearer and clearer why the two would chose to work together. Overall, the thread is an excellent organic way to have two characters meet and establish the origins of a kingdom.

The other issue I had is that Gil somehow managed to use King as much as I use Dio, and we both know that's a problem.

The final issue I had with the post comes with the fight, with Gil essentially being bullet proof there at the end. Blasters hit him, bullets pierced his armor, but there never seemed to be any lasting damage done to a character who doesn't have regeneration or especially high def. In fact, Gil has a Def of 1. It shouldn't have been an issue of piercing his armor in that case but rather discovering that the armor he wore wasn't any better than normal clothes thanks to Omnibalance. This hurt the immersion of what I believe was the climax of the thread. With his Tec of 5 I believe you could have just had the flying swords disarm them and had this all be a lot more believable.

Otherwise, descriptions were spot on, Gilgamesh was as arrogant and as in character as he should be. Eudocia, while a bit servile at first, seems like the kind of dependent personality that would have fallen into that anyways and your interactions are beautifully done.


Between the Velvet Lies:

As the joke has already been made I wont say this was perfect.

In my opinion my first post could have been done a lot better. I felt jarred going back and reading it, seeing how quickly things were resolved at the pace it was going through. How Dio resolved it with a threat and a demonstration of force without ever having to really work for it himself is a flaw that I sincerely wish we had the edit button around to let me fix.

The thread from there progresses well in what I hope is a form of comedic drama / action that takes away a bit from the horrible nature of The Undead faction itself. When creating the secondaries I was attempting to establish a kind of dichotomy between their perceptions and their jobs. A kawaii maid that is a dried out corpse underneath her bandages, a Gourmet Chef who can't taste most of her dishes but manages to make good food anyways, and a terrifying Skeletal Head Butler. This was my attempt to make the secondaries interesting and identify The Manor Owner's habit of picking up oddities to entertain him.

As the thread rolls on and the primes show up I believe Dio initially handles things well, his ability to work with the nobility of The English in his own world giving him the experience he needs to lie to and manipulate the primes of this world. I especially loved the touch where he manages to use the fact that the undead faction in The Pale Moors has always been oppressed to play down the requirements for drinking blood and dining on the flesh of the living to actually make a prime feel bad.

And then there was the Inlumia problem. Honestly, I feel this was as much my problem as it was his. I hate using Primes to handle issues but when one of the two people Dio couldn't handle showed up I didn't have a choice, Dio's vulnerable to mental powers in the first place, so getting past him was easy for Inlumia after that was resolved though in as tidy a manner as I could mange I like to think that Dio was able to go out of his way to make the event a pleasant and memorable experience for all involved.


Cinnabon Isle Arc:

First, I need to say how perfectly you capture the essence of Monkey D. Luffy. If I'm the perfect character / player match for Dio, then you are the perfect match for the King of Pirates. I honestly have no idea how you could play the character any better. With that said though, let's move on to the plot.

Sometimes while reading through your posts Luffy I felt a little confused as to who was speaking at a given moment, there always seemed to be a good distinction in the text but ultimately it felt really blocky because there was no separation of action and speech. This is fine in a novel, but from a general readability standpoint I'd recommend assigning colors to your NPCs speech in order to break up what can feel like walls of text.

As for the rest of the story, if anything I could say that it was almost TOO comedic. It felt like it was a fun adventure sure, but even when there was peril it never felt like there was real danger being encountered. This is further reinforced by the immediate resolution of the conflict by Slowking.

However with the thread just coming up on it's biggest battle that may change; with that said though.

I know it can be difficult to try to be serious with Pokemon, One Piece, and Jak and Daxter though so believe me when I say that this isn't honestly a very big issue. These characters come from the kind of universe where losing a fight simply has you faint.

Thus, it seems almost appropriate that things are so light and cheery in this. It simply wouldn't fit any of the characters involved if this were a really dark and serious thread. I feel you capture the energy and intent of these characters really well, and I look forward to seeing more out of you.

The Emperor's Jubilee: I hope you will forgive me for saving this for the next Book Club, but I've already done quite a bit of additional reading and review today.

[Proto Man]

I did the feedback literally post-by-post as I read your thread. If at times it feels like I’m nitpicking small things like grammar or other conventions, it just means that I have zero complaints about your actual story but I still want to offer (what I believe to be) feedback to improve your writing.

Eudocia
[1] - Ah, I love a character who comes to the Omniverse with a purpose that isn’t ‘CRUSH DOMINATION WAAAAAGH SMASH.’ While I liked your first post, I did have some confusion over the town she ran into. Was it Carrefore? Town with No Name? I’m someone who loves the world as much as characters, so I would have like some more details woven in there. You don’t have to reveal, but some clues to help me as a reader go “AH! That’s where she is…” are something I appreciate.

Gilga
[2] – I kind of liked how jarring the phrase ‘lice-infested shithole’ was, seeing as how it came from out of nowhere. As someone who (I apologize) could stand to re-read your previous thread, that and the following remarks about masseuses really helped to clarify to me that I’m not reading about a nice guy. Nice touch with the failed summoning.

Personal flavor remark here - I don’t think I’m a fan of the whole cross-out you did. Don’t get me wrong, I know what you were going for, but it felt a bit jarring and as a reader pulled me back a little from the suspension of disbelief. Maybe opting for a quick mental correction by Gilgamesh instead? Like I said, this could just be my personal tastes flowing through, as I try to mostly write in a third-person limited scope through the eyes of character.

Okay so he’s a serious asshole. Check. Arrogant? Check. Potentially delusional? Maybe check.

Eudocia
[3] – I understand the importance of you writing the same events from the previous post from your character’s point of view given this is their first meaningful interaction. Usually that kind of thing on play-by-posts bugs me as a reader because nothing new happens, but like I said, I didn’t let this one get to me. I knew it’s important to know how Eudocia feels about meeting someone in the Omniverse.

That said I don’t like the reversal of the bolding. Even though I had just read the same text conversation, I kept confusing who was speaking because my brain told me that Gilgamesh was in bold. If you guys are going to format your text, you should use colors or have one person use bold and the other not bold or something.

This might be me, but I’m used to thoughts being italicized, so I don’t think you need the quotes #PersonalPreference. Be cautious, because you did fail to italicize some thoughts in this post.

Be wary of comma splices (having two independent clauses connected with commas when they should be separate sentences).

I think this has to deal with your backstory (note to self – read Nexus post), but Eudocia doesn’t seem vile or corrupted… she just seems like a lady with horns.

Gilgamesh
[4] – The bit about curled lips was weird. Like aesthetically pleasing to look at, right?

While the double quotes around the word monster are grammatically correct, I tend to prefer single quotes around anything that isn’t dialogue.

I can see why you’d leave it vague, but I would have liked some inkling as to how Gilgamesh felt about Eudocia. The fact that you use the phrase ‘appearance of honesty’ leads me to believe that he just plans to use her, which would make sense given his character. I guess I’ll just have to read more to find out!

Shouldn’t it be ‘shall conquer’? >_>

Eudocia
[5] – Okay, so Eudocia’s equal parts girl who wants to feel like she belongs and equal parts sadistic monster who revels in murdering people? Interesting dichotomy. I’m not turn off by the fact that she enjoys killing people, as I’m sure that’s probably rooted in the character history and previous threads, but I’m curious as to why she went along so easily with Gilgamesh (I mean she’s already playing the role of loyal servant here).

Gilgamesh
[6] – I agree, Gilgamesh, this girl is disgusting and vile… it’s just on the inside more so than the outside.

I always think it’s strange when people summon food and water. Isn’t that kind of like eating part of yourself? #omnilogic

I’m amused by how… I’m not sure what the word is that I’m looking for, but I was amused by Gilgamesh’s lackadaisical announcement that he’ll be conquering everyone today.

Eudocia
[7] – A bit quick with the summoning, since I don’t imagine Gilgamesh keeping his mouth shut for three minutes.

…How is there no bounty for you?

Okay, so we have the megalomaniac and the maniac. Interesting dynamic. Nice little mortifying bit with the marionette’d corpse.

Gilgamesh
[8] – I like the whole concept of Gilgamesh and his gates. I think it would have been nice to have him get a little more messed up than he did.

------

I’mma just do a few paragraphs of general input about the rest of the thread, because this is taking too long doing this post-by-post.

I found it strange that these two, after reducing an unknown number of storm troopers into bloody bits, were able to go and stay semi-peacefully at a hotel in a town that’s not that huge. Isolated and lice-infested as it was, I imagine that they should have expected torches and pitchforks after butchering troopers and putting a horn through poor Kevin’s throat. That said, I did like the little scene with the poor lady. Even in doing something that looks nice from the outside, it reinforced my running belief that Gilgamesh is a slimeball.

I like the shift when the two actually left Carrefore to venture out into their own place. It kind of reminded me of a game of Minecraft, with two players avoided monsters in a wasteland until they run across an abandoned town that they intend to fix up. The scene where they get attacked by a monster reinforced this in my head. If only Minecraft had OM, it would be so much easier for me to build castles and palaces… *sigh*.

Gilgamesh is Sumerian!

Go into more detail about the palace. I want to learn more about the type of place that an egomaniac would create.

Final Notes:

All and all, I did like the story overall. I did feel like the first part was a little bit of a stretch in terms of believability, but I started to finally gel with the story once it shifted to the Dunes and then to what will one day be Gilgamesh’s kingdom. That’s the story I think I’m most interested in—how he takes all this coal and turns it into diamonds. I found Eudocia and Gilgamesh’s relationship a bit… strange. I didn’t like the way in which she just nonchalantly fell under Gilgamesh’s sway. The speed didn’t justify the degree of devotion she acquires so quickly (I mean, she calls his king and he calls her ‘his pet’… not exactly the healthiest relationship).

Then again, I’m not one to judge. I don’t judge those people who like to spice up their sex lives with stuff from 50 Shades, so I can’t fault a monster for her choices either I guess?

Also, I’d recommend that you try and not keep recycling the dialogue. There were parts where you had entire posts that were just the dialogue from the last post with different thoughts. It is possible to sum up a character’s reaction to the other’s words without reusing content, especially since we make a point of making new members not copy the Omni stuff verbatim into their Nexus posts.

[Guu]

I’d like The Pokemon Philosophy to be featured next time if that’s ok. <3

Monster Meets King
Finally I get to read this! <3

First of all, Gilgamesh x Eudocia. If I didn’t already blow my OTP card on Kito’s topic, I’d used it here.
Seriously, I really like the dom/sub relationship between the two. You guys play off each other well. It’s really cute in a monstrous S&M sort of way. ^^
Also, I like the perspective based narrative. How you two write for each other, but fill in the blanks at the same time to give character development for both of you.
Battles were great; I particularly like the part when Docy stabbed Kevin. Really milked the tragedy of the situation there.
The character moments were great. I like the mere conflict you have just scratching an itch. xD
Anyways, fun, gripping, and slightly terrifying. This was worth the read! ^^


Cinnabon Isle Arc
Fantastic!
I think I said this last time, but I’m genuinely impressed how well you captured the spirit of One Piece in your writing. The interactions between Luffy and the crew remind me of something I’d see in the show!
It was an incredibly good idea to set this on Cinnabar; the world of Pokemon is just silly enough to merge well with One Piece. Also I like how you’re setting up the royalty of Cinnabar, as well as a cute moment with the prince and princesses. <3
It is a little weird having Kilala there, but she’s a cute addition none-the-less.
Oh yeah! Flabebe was adorable! ^^ I love how Luffy just kind of immediately accepts things. Also, did she seriously refer to Luffy as an “Ignorant Lout?” xD

I also enjoyed Michael’s posts. His slow bounding with the young Charmander is really cute. ^^ I don’t know yet how you intend to get involved with the coliseum thing but I look forward to seeing how that plays!

Anyways, quite enjoyed this!

[Vulre Oakenlimb]

Monster Meets King
Originally, I thought this was going to be the innocent young Eudocia being corrupted by Gilgamesh. Turns out, that's only partially true. The entire thing was very well written, with sensory imagery being used liberally. The amount of detail that was put into each post was incredible, and it really fleshed out the characters. If I had any complaints, it would be that the dialogue wasn't too well written. Some of it seemed a little shoe horned in for character development, and unnatural, but that's just my opinion. All in all, a lovely piece of work. I look forward to reading more!

Cinnabon Isle Arc
A lovely tale of swashbuckling. The entire story seemed bursting with energy, as the characters blazed their way across the sea. Combat was fast-paced, well-written, and displayed the strengths of the characters very well. The characters were every bit the rogue, and their rapscallion ways were amply demonstrated. Buggy seemed a bit insane, but I suppose that's his character. Overall, it was a very exciting and quick-moving story. It was quite enjoyable.

Between the Velvet Lines
I admit, I had to rush through those lovely walls of text in order to make this deadline. Nonetheless, the amount of effort and creativity that went into it is astounding. It was worth a chortle to watch the magnificent Dio attempting to hold things together as the superhuman nature and differing personalities of his guests started to wear at him. I do hope I encounter the chance to participate in something of this caliber in the future, as the sheer volume of story that was present in that piece was magnificent.

[Dark Link]

Cinnabon Isle Arc - I read this thread back when it was featured the first time and I really enjoyed it. My impressions of the posts that were made since then are no different. In fact, if anything, I would say they are even better than the earlier ones.

The nice thing about this arc is that it's just a plain fun read. This is partially because Luffy's writing perfectly matches the atmosphere he aims for. I particularly enjoyed the fight scenes, who's descriptions were equally as (no pun intended) flashy as the fights themselves. They were described quite in detail, but without ever getting too bogged down and disrupting the fast pace. While I'm on the subject, I would also like to note that the author has a really impressive vocabulary. I'd almost say it's actually a bit overwhelming how the reader is bombarded with all sorts of different phrases in practically every sentence.

Other things I liked were the unique personalities of the different Pokémon. While none of them are particularly deep or unique, they do just enough to make the various Pokémon seem different in more than just appearance. Also, I liked the twist with the kitten being able to turn into a powerful creature and helping the crew in their most dire moment. Again, nothing we haven't seen before, but it's nice that the cat isn't just background scenery and actually plays some role in the plot.

Michael's posts were decent, but come off as rather simple compared to Luffy's posts. However, he does at least seem to be in tune with the tone and atmosphere of the rest of the thread, so his posts didn't feel out of place. I hope his participation will help him improve, since with enough practice, I think he could definitely become a valuable RP partner.