11-14-2014, 12:59 AM
In the perpetually dark depths of the seventh layer of Coruscant, a window flickered with an artificial light. The window led to the apartment of a bearded young man, who was watching television after a long day of being a taxi dispatcher. His name was Greg and his lanky brown hair lay about his bare shoulders as he flipped through channels in his underpants.
“Ugh...” he groaned, his thick British accent plain even in this simplistic sound. In the best of times, he could barely make it through an entire show without changing the channel. But after a day like this one, he was changing the station within seconds. There just wasn't anything decent to watch. Greg nearly gave up, figuring he could probably put some work into the play-by-post roleplaying site he moderated, until...
“Don't change that channel!” the television instructed Greg. Never one to go against the wishes of his beloved viewing device, he set aside his remote and prepared to watch. A portly gentleman, likewise bearded, appeared on the screen, a sycophantic smile plastered on his face. He immediately began speaking, and it soon became apparent that he wouldn't be shutting up any time in the foreseeable future.
“Billy Mays here with a special T.V. offer!” the man exclaimed, hands gesturing excitedly. The camera panned out to show the display table in front of him, upon which a gently mewing infant lay.
“New from Gero-Genjuro Labs, creators of such great products as Ultra-Acid and Robby the Tiny Homicidal Robot comes: Franken-Baby! Franken-Baby is unlike anything else on the market. With me today is Ms. Lizzy Borden to help me give you guys the details on this wonderful product.”
A young, brunette walked onto camera, a similar smile to Billy's on her face.
“Thanks Billy! Now, I know what you folks at home are wondering: What IS Franken-Baby? Well, it's pretty much the best thing ever! Everyone loves being a parent. Everyone loves children. That is, until it starts crying. Or pooping. Or wants to eat. Or the bills come in. Franken-Baby solves all those little inconveniences, so you can experience the joys of parenthood without the problems that come along with it.”
“That's right, Lizzy,” Billy replied, gesturing to the naked babe before him.
“Franken-Baby never needs to be fed, never gets tired, never needs to relieve itself, and best of all, it never cries. Why, you ask? Franken-Baby's patented construction gives the impression of having a live child, without all the mess. But, how? Well, let's break it down to you. Gero-Genjuro Labs takes only the finest aborted fetuses and lovingly amalgamates them into a viable newborn body via alchemical and technological magic. You need only plug Franken-Baby into any standard socket at home for 20 minutes, and boom! You have yourself an undead child.”
Lizzy continues to description from this point, pointing to the various body parts on the child on the table.
“Because Franken-Baby is dead already, it cannot die. So, you save thousands by not having to buy things like child safety devices, car seats, food, a crib, or even clothing! Best of all, you can still have that fast-paced lifestyle you've grown accustomed too, without needing to worry about leaving it at home alone!”
“You might be asking yourself,” said Billy. “If this kid isn't alive, does that mean it won't grow up? Of course not! Part of the joy of parenthood is watching your children grow into fine adults. And Franken-Baby delivers on this at well. At every 6 month interval, Franken-Baby's limbs and organs will begin to necrotize. When they turn fully black, you need only replace them with the provide limbs and organs to bring your child to their next milestone. As you can see...”
Billy gestures to the table once more, as Lizzy places various human limbs upon it.
“Franken-Baby only comes with two extra sets of parts. But this doesn't mean that Franken-Baby is doomed to stop growing at a year. Nor does it mean you'll need to purchase more parts from the supplier. Gero-Genjuro Labs have graciously programmed their product to retrieve replacement limbs, from suitable donors in the area, after it learns how to walk, with no need for you to do anything but sit back and watch your child grow!”
Lizzy speaks again, “You might be wondering just how much a wonderful product like this would cost you. One thousand OM? Two thousand? Well, as part of this special promotion, Gero-Genjuro Labs has authorized us to sell their Franken-Baby product for the low, low price of only three easy payments of twenty-five OM, plus shipping and handling! Our number is on the bottom of the screen! Quantities are limited. Call now!”
Greg blinked as the infomercial ended. That was weird. Briefly, he considered purchasing one... but then he remembered that Dataverse Porn existed and gleefully left to room to retrieve his laptop.
“Ugh...” he groaned, his thick British accent plain even in this simplistic sound. In the best of times, he could barely make it through an entire show without changing the channel. But after a day like this one, he was changing the station within seconds. There just wasn't anything decent to watch. Greg nearly gave up, figuring he could probably put some work into the play-by-post roleplaying site he moderated, until...
“Don't change that channel!” the television instructed Greg. Never one to go against the wishes of his beloved viewing device, he set aside his remote and prepared to watch. A portly gentleman, likewise bearded, appeared on the screen, a sycophantic smile plastered on his face. He immediately began speaking, and it soon became apparent that he wouldn't be shutting up any time in the foreseeable future.
“Billy Mays here with a special T.V. offer!” the man exclaimed, hands gesturing excitedly. The camera panned out to show the display table in front of him, upon which a gently mewing infant lay.
“New from Gero-Genjuro Labs, creators of such great products as Ultra-Acid and Robby the Tiny Homicidal Robot comes: Franken-Baby! Franken-Baby is unlike anything else on the market. With me today is Ms. Lizzy Borden to help me give you guys the details on this wonderful product.”
A young, brunette walked onto camera, a similar smile to Billy's on her face.
“Thanks Billy! Now, I know what you folks at home are wondering: What IS Franken-Baby? Well, it's pretty much the best thing ever! Everyone loves being a parent. Everyone loves children. That is, until it starts crying. Or pooping. Or wants to eat. Or the bills come in. Franken-Baby solves all those little inconveniences, so you can experience the joys of parenthood without the problems that come along with it.”
“That's right, Lizzy,” Billy replied, gesturing to the naked babe before him.
“Franken-Baby never needs to be fed, never gets tired, never needs to relieve itself, and best of all, it never cries. Why, you ask? Franken-Baby's patented construction gives the impression of having a live child, without all the mess. But, how? Well, let's break it down to you. Gero-Genjuro Labs takes only the finest aborted fetuses and lovingly amalgamates them into a viable newborn body via alchemical and technological magic. You need only plug Franken-Baby into any standard socket at home for 20 minutes, and boom! You have yourself an undead child.”
Lizzy continues to description from this point, pointing to the various body parts on the child on the table.
“Because Franken-Baby is dead already, it cannot die. So, you save thousands by not having to buy things like child safety devices, car seats, food, a crib, or even clothing! Best of all, you can still have that fast-paced lifestyle you've grown accustomed too, without needing to worry about leaving it at home alone!”
“You might be asking yourself,” said Billy. “If this kid isn't alive, does that mean it won't grow up? Of course not! Part of the joy of parenthood is watching your children grow into fine adults. And Franken-Baby delivers on this at well. At every 6 month interval, Franken-Baby's limbs and organs will begin to necrotize. When they turn fully black, you need only replace them with the provide limbs and organs to bring your child to their next milestone. As you can see...”
Billy gestures to the table once more, as Lizzy places various human limbs upon it.
“Franken-Baby only comes with two extra sets of parts. But this doesn't mean that Franken-Baby is doomed to stop growing at a year. Nor does it mean you'll need to purchase more parts from the supplier. Gero-Genjuro Labs have graciously programmed their product to retrieve replacement limbs, from suitable donors in the area, after it learns how to walk, with no need for you to do anything but sit back and watch your child grow!”
Lizzy speaks again, “You might be wondering just how much a wonderful product like this would cost you. One thousand OM? Two thousand? Well, as part of this special promotion, Gero-Genjuro Labs has authorized us to sell their Franken-Baby product for the low, low price of only three easy payments of twenty-five OM, plus shipping and handling! Our number is on the bottom of the screen! Quantities are limited. Call now!”
Greg blinked as the infomercial ended. That was weird. Briefly, he considered purchasing one... but then he remembered that Dataverse Porn existed and gleefully left to room to retrieve his laptop.
Quote:Based on a dream I had the other day where one of my year old sons' limbs were dying off, because he was a "Franken-Baby". Also based loosely on Omni's life.