NEO HYPER Book Club #1 (14-28 May)

[Gilgamesh]

Post 1-

I haven't read the precursor to this but I already get invested in these characters. Quick man is a bit of an ass while I like bubble man. BUBBLE MAN 4 LYFE.

Heat Man wasn’t exactly the coolest head in their ‘family.’

You always sneak in a pun when I read your work. It never fails to make me smile.

Somewhere beyond the gate was Heat Man, fresh off an apparent attack on the region of the Tangled Green that also boarded the verse that stood before the preteen and his chocobo. Hopping off of Salsa,

Is this Proto's Thoughts? I thought he was looking for someone else, not heat man.

Post 2-

This is a solid post. I don't have much comments but that's only cause I'm pretty invested. I'm trying to get used to Proto being called the Prodigal

Post 3-

Proto Man was no geologist, but he didn’t exactly enjoy how active the magma appeared. Was this normal for volcanos or was he about to get an up close and personal sauna experience?

You have this knack for sliding in subtle humor into your posts with literally very character you do. I see it in Shang, I see it in Proto, and I see it in 17. You don't even break character while doing it and that just makes me enjoy the story 1000000 times more.

It gave him the appearance of a pez dispenser or a zippo lighter with limbs

Again I love this. A+ humor

. “Sometime soon. I hadn’t seen a real-life volcanic eruption until I arrived here. In that time, I’ve seen roughly two or three every six hours. When it’s darker, the skyline sometimes looks as if it’s on fire.”

I like this. I can see vivid imagery from dialogue and it works to your benefit.

Despite his suspicions, Proto Man had to admit that the other robot’s finds sounded pretty cool. “What about those travelers? The ones who were burned alive by a fire-breathing android?” He knew he’d have to cut to the chase sooner rather than later, and with the volcano simmering beneath them, the preteen figured it was time.

OOH SHIT PLOT TWIST. I'm invested now.

Post 4-

This. This had impact. So far I think it's the shortest but best post. I now believe that Proto is the bad guy and Heat man is the good guy. Your dialogue as always is phenomenal

Post 5-
I like the conflict Proto has. This seems like it would be a large change to his character and gives an interesting insight. Also I would have thought that all of the "cliffhangers" you leave at the end of your posts would get old but it gets me more invested.

Post 6-
Pretty good introduction to your villan. Some of your descriptions can be a bit awkward so I don't know who it's talking about.

Proto Man lifted his eponymous blaster and frowned. He didn’t know who this machine-man was, but he wasn’t an ally. Without realizing it, the red robot had edged in front of Heat Man, shielding the smaller android from their mutual adversary.

You say smaller prime but I thought Proto was smaller than heat man.

Post 7-
I like how Heat man shows some humanity by saving Proto and then all Proto can think about is how he's special. It gives him a childish vibe.

Post 8-
STOP BRINGING IN CELL DELTA WHEN YOUR CHARACTERS ARE HAVING A MOMENT. iM SO INVESTED. You have such a good moment, and then ruin it with action, Gosh.

Post 9-
YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!! WHY!

Post 10-
I'm still angry about loosing heatman but this fight scene was well done.

Post 11-
Same thing as post 10. Your fight scenes are always fluid.

Post 12-

Before Proto Man could utter a response, Heat Man lurched up into a seat position and threw out his gun arm, releasing a concentrated stream of fire that caught Cell Delta square on the chest and face. The cyborg let out a roar of pain as his mangled form turned into a walking inferno. By the time the stout android let up on his attack, their adversary had already fled into the ash clouds.

Fuck yeah! This was satisfying. Heat man is the best. Also the parting was very bittersweet.

Overall great story and I have no negative comments. You as always write good dialogue and fight scenes and managed to make me like a character and then instantly kill him. Congrats you ass.