Grumble in the Jungle: McNinja Vs Grundy

[Harlan Higgs]

"Aaaiiieee! They're eating everyone! RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIVES!" 
A screaming, anthropomorphic ice cream cone ran down peanut brittle streets, along with several other shrieking animate foodstuffs. They were persued by another group of candy people, except these ones had an unhealthy yellow glow in their eyes, with bits of themselves dropping off. A low moan of "Suuugaaaarrrr....." came from their mouths as the steadily plodded after the 'living' candy people, intent on devouring them.

Stumbling out of the thick bushes surrounding the town, Grundy's jaw has dropped open at the sight of the sugar metropolis. Houses made of cookies and chocolate dotted the streets, and gumdrop mailboxes lined the neat rows. He could scarcely believe his glowing yellow eyes, such a wonderland of delicious treats lay before him. He immediately plodded down the road, plucking up hard candy stop signs, tearing chunks off houses and devouring bits and pieces of infrastructure. 

Suddenly, a lone peppermint man came running around the corner, pursued by a group of the zombie vandies. He spotted Grundy, and ran towards him, pleading, "Oh thank Guu! Help me, mister!" Grundy looked down at him, then at the approaching mob. Then back down to the candy man. Candy....mmm. Candy was meant to be eaten, and Grundy's appetite for junk was pretty big. "GRUNDY HELP....GRUNDY HELP HIMSELF! CAANNDYY!"

The last thing the peppermint man saw, as he lay there with a large bite taken out of him, was Solomon Grundy eating his way through the crowd of zombies and architecture alike.

(Intro post complete!)

[Dr. McNinja]

Doc was busy working on the cure when he heard a scream, a high-pitched sonic boom of sheer terror and pain. McNinja shuddered. He was not aware such a horrible sound could exist in a place called “Candy Town”. Then again, he was in the middle of fighting candy zombies. Frankly, anything could happen.

He peered out the window and searched for the source of the scream.

Apparently, he was also fighting Hulk zombies.

It appeared that Solomon Grundy had hopped right out of Doc’s old comic books into Candy Town, and was currently munching on the residents that McNinja was supposed to protect. Doc asked himself the existential question of how a comic book character could exist in real life, but he remembered that he was an Irish ninja physician who had once chatted with a drunk Mickey Mouse. Again, anything could happen. And this zombie was eating his patients.

“Hey!” Doc hollered from the candy tower. Grundy paused to gaze at the source.

“I’d really appreciate it if you stopped doing that!” Doc continued, “I’m sorta supposed to be protecting these guys, them being my patients and stuff, so if you’d just… you know… stop? That’d be great!”

Grundy paused for another moment, then paused to contemplate the squirming, half-digested undead cupcake in his mouth. Then, glaring knowingly at Dr. McNinja, he swallowed the cupcake in one gulp.

This irked the good doctor.

“Man, it’s always zombies,” Doc whined quietly as he propelled himself through the window. As he fell, he latched his grappling hook onto the tower to swing himself around, landing softly on a sidewalk lined with Hershey’s chocolate bricks. Grundy was maybe four feet in front of him.

“I’m serious, man,” Doc scowled, “You need to stop now.”

Grundy ignored him completely as he lunged for a family of hard candies.

“Alright, fine!” Doc grumbled, “You want Jawbreakers? Here you go!”

Dr. McNinja rolled forward, repositioning himself in front of the candy family. He jumped up, unleashing a spin kick across Grundy’s cheek.

Solomon reeled back. As Doc watched him, it became clear that the kick did actually very little jaw-breaking, and the reeling was less of pain and more of momentum.

Doc smiled weakly. “Oooor I could help you out with something. You know, I know an excellent dermatologist-”

“RRRARGHH GRUNDY MAD”

Grundy threw a punch at Doc. Doc deftly jumped up, hopping onto Grundy’s forearm, then leaping up.

“Okay okay I’m sorry no mentioning the skin problems-”

“RRAGGGH”

Grundy smashed his other fist into Doc’s shoulder, knocking him into a nearby candy cane lamppost. He rose and brushed off his labcoat.

“I’d also appreciate it if you wouldn’t do that either.”

Grundy roared again and started charging at the doctor. Doc whipped out his katana and, lowering his center of gravity, jammed the sharp blade into the monster’s torso, feet aligned to receive the force of the tackle. But the tackle was too strong, and Doc was knocked off his feet, hitting his head on the sidewalk. Solomon looked more or less unphased by the blade in his chest.

Doc shook off the pain and thought about his strategy. Solomon Grundy was strong enough to fight Superman in the comics. There was no way he could overpower him that way. But he could tell he was faster. He’d have to dodge carefully, using projectiles to hit him from a distance.

Luckily, he had a lot of those.

Doc threw his grappling hook at Grundy’s shoulder. Grundy tried to dodge, but the hook landed its target. Doc tugged on it, shaking Solomon’s balance for one moment, but that was all he needed. He tossed two throwing stars at Grundy’s eyes, and slashed at his stomach once for good measure. Solomon retorted by punching him back again.

“Ouchy,” Doc spat, “Okay, that’s enough.”

He hopped to dodge another savage attack, shouting into his Communicator, “Uh, Drac from my world, if you’re even there, I need you to target your moon laser at this exact location!”

[Harlan Higgs]

The zombie roared in frustration as the shuriken hit him in both eyes, causing him to blindly lash out with his heavy fists. His efforts were rewarded with a solid thwack, and Grundy reached up to his face to dislodge the metal obscuring his vision. Glaring angrily at McNinja, his sword wounds oozing green sap, he pounded his chest and yelled a challenge. 

"HAH! PUNY NINJA NOT HURT GRUNDY! GRUNDY CRUSH YOU INTO -AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHRRRLLLBBRRLLL!"

The red laser came searing down from the heavens, bathing the hulking figure in a fiery red column and melting the chocolate street into a crater. Smoke rose from the revenant's blackened and charred skin as both of them looked at each other, the ninja and the zombie. Then, Grundy gritted his teeth and inhaled, his slashed yellow eyes focusing on McNinja as the good doctor backpedaled away from the charging behemoth. "Oh, hey, wow, would you look at that, what a surprising occurrence! Maybe the sky hates you - GHAK!"

Grundy had gotten within five feet of the ninja when he exhaled with a loud whoosh. Thick, choking swamp gas poured out of his mouth and wounds, surrounding the dead man and his foe. With tears in his eyes, the doctor wiped at his face and felt the corrosive gas eating away at his lungs and mucosal tissues. 

Momentarily on top, the zombie redoubled his attack, the ninja unsteadily swaying and dodging the heavy, numerous pounding attacks, until a particularly intense cough made him stumble and he felt thick fingers wrapping around his waist with crushing force. Repeatedly stabbing Grundy in the back with his katana as he was lifted, the zombie glowered at him and squeezed even harder.

"GRUNDY MAKE YOU STOP! WHY YOU INTERRUPT GRUNDY MEAL?! GO AWAAAAY!" 

He wound up and bodily hurled McNinja through the air, towards the very tower he'd been shouting down from. Mid-flight, the doctor recovered enough to throw out his grappling hook towards a nearby window. It caught, but the zombie's monstrous strength was more than the support could near and gingerbread siding fell to the ground in chunks as McNinja sailed onwards....right into a thick wall made of stale peanut brittle.

Crashing through the wall, the physician shook his head and got to his feet, just in time to see Solomon Grundy flying through the air towards him, having leapt ten meters into the air after his target. But McNinja was ready this time, and unleashed more shuriken at the sailing hulk's outstretched hands. They hit with a surprising amount of force, severing a few of Grundy's fingers. Landing heavily, the giant smashed the ground with his oozing fists, punching through the floor and sending chunks of cookie into the air.

"NOW GRUNDY NOT FANCY AT TEA PARTY! AAAARRRGGHHH!"

Long, wide swipes forced the doctor to leap, duck, and roll over them, countering with quick swipes of his katana that bit deep into the spongy undead flesh of Solomon Grundy. However, the room they had landed in was not a large one, and it was rapidy getting cluttered. Not a problem for Grundy, who's tremendous boots buffeted debris out of way, but moreso for the ninja, who could only dodge for so long before he slipped on a half melted gummy carpet.

The giant stood over McNinja's fallen form, his hands held high and fists clasped together, oozing sap onto his foe. Before the doctor could scooch out of the way, the monster brought his clenched fists down into his enemy's torso with horrifying force.

"GRUNDY CRUUUUSH!"

Grundy tanked the Super Move, no counter
Grundy used: Grave Rot, Death Grip, Fastball Special, Grundy Crush
McNinja used: Grappling Hook, Lucky Seven, Ninja Scalpel.

600 words even

[Dr. McNinja]

Doc coughed, blood splattering the inside of his mask. He’d taken worse. He was once put into a coma by a gigantic gorilla in college, and he kept on strutting regardless. What was really bugging him was whatever toxic gas Grundy sprayed on him.

Seeing Grundy charge up for another massive hit, Dr. McNinja rolled out of the way. This time, he managed to barely dodge the hit. He landed in a crouch, taking a moment to recover from the harsh beatdown.

“You know-kalk-something tells me you were never really popular at tea parties anyway.”

Grundy roared and threw another punch. By now, Doc was starting to get a better read on his opponent’s moves. He sidestepped, watching the fist sail not two inches from his face. The sheer force of the punch raised the hairs on the back of his neck. Doc latched onto the zombie’s forearm. Grundy furiously recoiled his arm upward, launching Doc upward almost 7 feet. Unbeknownst to the behemoth, this was part of Doc’s plan.

“Say cheese!” Doc hollered, pulling out a flashbang. He split his legs in mid-air, throwing the grenade at Grundy’s face. Solomon covered his eyes, expecting another Lucky Seven barrage. The flashbang landed on Solomon’s palm, which was good enough for what Doc was planning.

As the small pellet detonated, it flashed a blinding light that covered a small area with stunning brightness. Grundy roared in annoyance as his already damaged eyes attempted to process the shine.

“TOO BRIGHT, GRUNDY NOT LIKE”

“Then you’re definitely gonna hate this,” Doc mocked. He busted open a smoke capsule in mid-air, enveloping him in a thick obscuring cloud. If Grundy could see right now, he’d wonder why the mean ninja man wasn’t falling out of the cloud, but Grundy was already having far too much trouble looking for Dr. McNinja.

“GRUNDY NOT NEED SEE” Solomon roared, “GRUNDY CRUSH NINJA ANYWAY”

Doc, in fact, was planning on how to approach the zombie. Grundy was swinging his fists, blindly and dangerously, and though Dr. McNinja had landed a safe distance away, just looking at the whirling flashbang was difficult. Once he entered close enough to do any real damage, he would be blind too. He’d have to time this right.

Dr. McNinja cracked his fists and deftly leaped forward, aiming very carefully for Grundy’s neck.

Most fighters had fairly predictable movements when caught off-guard, and this was even more so for zombie giants. They didn’t have much in the way of planning anyways, so being caught off-guard meant that skilled ninjas like Doc could read the blows like it was a metronome. He landed on Grundy delicately, alerting the zombie to his presence.

“GRUNDY SMASH YOU”

Doc, eyes shut to block out the light, blindly shot two fingers where Grundy’s shoulder would be. Luckily, Grundy’s muscles still required tendons and such. Helpful information. As soon as the needle-like shot landed, Doc felt what used to be a nerve cluster seize up and stiffen. Grundy, mid-swing, collapsed to the floor, taking Doc with him.

They both fell hard onto the floor. Grundy, undead Hulk he was, was barely shaken. But Doc, who had previously taken some severe blows, took a second to jump to his feet. Enough with the tricks. It was time for the classic zombie killer.

"WHY GRUNDY NOT MOVE" the zombie hollered.

"You're still moving that mouth of yours," Doc muttered as he stood up, legs shaking from the impact. He prepared his latest weapon.

Solomon's muscles rippled as they reactivated. The Nightshade Strike was wearing off. It was time to move.

VROOOOM

“NINJA NOT SMART” Solomon taunted triumphantly, “GRUNDY HURT YOU NOW”

Grundy threw a punch where the sound seemed to come from. Instead of the satisfying sensation of spindly flesh, Solomon felt his own knuckles rip apart as something large, sharp and burning hot entered his right hand.

“GAH” the zombie cried out, “WHY NINJA SHARP AND METAL?”

“I apologize, Mr. Grundy,” Doc chirped happily, “I appear to have amputated your cute little fingers.”

“GRUNDY FINGERS NOT LITTLE” Solomon shouted, swinging again. Doc, eyes still closed, listened to the rasping gasps of his undead opponent. He made a wide arc with the chainsaw nunchucks, each chainsaw landing and causing large gashes in Solomon’s left armpit.

He ducked another swipe and hacked at Grundy’s left leg, not enough to do serious damage but enough to weaken it a bit. But doing serious damage was less important. All Doc needed was Grundy to get low enough for the killing blow.

Solomon, roaring in sheer fury now, swung his left hand forward. Doc hopped over it like a hurdle, then jumped higher into a spin. He gripped the nunchucks, preparing to behead the zombie once and for all.

“GRUNDY SEE NOW”

Alarmed, Doc glanced at the zombie’s face. Grundy was now grinning evilly, charging up his next attack.

Doc cringed. “This is gonna suuuuuuu-”

"GRUNDY CRUSH"

Grundy slapped him, knocking McNinja across the ground. Doc, with shaky arms, felt his chest. He was too numb with pain now to check for broken bones. The nunchucks were knocked somewhere else, probably broken. Chainsaw blades didn't take bouncing on rock-hard candy very well.

Grundy was stronger, Doc reminded himself, but not faster.

He dashed forward, wielding his katana, preparing for another rapid attack.

McNinja used: Flashbang, Nightshade Strike, Chainsaw Nunchucks [No longer available]
Grundy used: Grundy Crush
923 words

[Harlan Higgs]

The undead monster was steaming mad, now that he'd lost most of his fingers. Wounded all over, bones and green ichor showed through his tattered white flesh from the deep wounds the chainsaw had inflicted on him. Still, he fought ferociously, the ninja's sword biting over and over into his forearms, his legs, and his torso. 

There was no pain, just a dull thudding and a feeling of lost weight as more flesh was sheared off his limbs. McNinja was infuriatingly fast, and now that he'd found his rhythm, he easily dodged each and every one on Grundy's swipes and punches. Again and again the pale monster tried to crush the quick little bastard, but to no avail.

This was getting nowhere. What little intelligence was in his dead brain made a few stray sparks. If Grundy couldn't hit him on the ground, he'd have to take away all of that space that he was using to run around on. Grundy stopped trying to attack the good doctor, and started stepping backwards, away from his slicing and shearing sword.

Dr. McNinja saw his foe retreating and took the opportunity to give himself some space too. He would do better at range anyway, so he nimbly flipped backwards and on top of a car made out of lollipops. Aiming carefully at the zombie's face, he let loose another Lucky Seven pair towards his opponent's vulnerable eyes. However, this attack was thwarted as Grundy swatted the stars out of the air with an evil grin on his face, and leapt 30 feet in the air.

Sailing upwards, Grundy growled and cracked his one fist with all it's fingers still attached. At the apex of his ascent, he let loose an angry yell. "STUPID NINJA CAN'T DODGE ON HOLES!" McNinja was still trying to puzzle out what this mean as Solomon Grundy slammed into the ground at terminal velocity, shattering the chocolately street into jagged chunks of shrapnel and potholes, cocoa dust billowing into the air and obscuring vision somewhat.

Coughing and leaping off the car to duck behind it, the medical ninja scanned his immediate vicinity for something to escape to, but it was too late. The car went flying and Grundy was right behind it, his tremendous, sap dripping hands reaching for the labcoated figure. Trying to desperately escape from his grasp, McNinja almost made it. But the zombie's sticky blood only aided his grip, and he felt his leg being snagged.

"HAHAHA GRUNDY HAVE YOU NOW SLIPPERY MAN!"

He leaped into the air once more, the ground falling away beneath them as the zombie kept a tight grip on McNinja's leg, before tucking him underneath his own rotting body for an atomic powerdrop. Once more the doctor tried to alter his fate with frantic katana stabs and face blows, but Grundy held tightly to him, his massive bulk adding that much more speed to their terminal descent.

KRAKTHOOOOM

Grundy and the ninja impacted at the same time, throwing up even more chunks of broken, stale chocolate from the ruined street. The doctor had managed to wiggle out from under the titanic monster seconds before impact, but he still bore the brunt of a thirty foot fall, and struggled to his feet. Grundy got to his feet as well, panting heavily, one side of his face slanted to the right from where he had smashed it on a stray mailbox coming down. He pointed a finger at the doctor and growled through broken teeth.

"NOW! NOW YOU DIE, NINJA MAN!"

He got a running start, running unevenly at his foe, who looked left and right before realizing the the broken and pitted ground around him left him little room to maneuver without risking a fall or trip. Grundy launched himself from ten feet away in a football tackling, shouting all the way.

"SOLOMON GRUNDY.....BURIED ON SUNDAY!" 

Grundy used Tier 1 Super Attack: Buried on Sunday 0/1 SP remaining
McNinja used: Ninja Scalpel, Lucky Seven
Wordcount: 678

[Dr. McNinja]

Dr. McNinja winced as he felt the earth rattle beneath his feet. He was stuck in this mini-canyon that Grundy trapped him in, allowing the fight to be more or less a side-scrolling business. While Doc could easily jump out of the canyon, Grundy was now moving quickly enough that, if Doc attempted to jump out of the canyon, Grundy could easily leap in the air and Hulk Smash him anyways. 

As Doc prepared to jump as high as he could in the air, Grundy roared one more time. Doc's bones were sore just from the shaking of the ground. Chocolate chip rubble was streaming around him, and the zombie trailed green sludge from his wounds as he charged. 

Dr. McNinja grit his teeth, watching his inevitable death approach him-

"GREETINGS FROM THE FUTURE YOU SON OF A KALK"

Chuck Goodrich inexplicably dropped out of the sky, a multi-colored bubble of electric arcs tracing his fall. Having landed on the ground, presumably to stop Grundy, Solomon accidentally tripped over him and his face crashed into the ground, triggering a small earthquake. Doc just stared curiously as Chuck slipped into another portal as quickly as he appeared.

"GRUNDY KILL WELCOMING MAN"

"He's already gone, buddy."

"OH" Solomon roared, "HE GOODBYE MAN NOW! GRUNDY CRUSH NINJA!"

"Oooor-"

Grundy bellowed again, mucusy saliva drooling from the edges of his rotting mouth. He charged again, not as quickly this time. Dr. McNinja rolled between his legs, which was harder now because the ground was no longer even. Grundy took advantage of this by bending down and snatching Doc in his hands. The toxic smell of his breath made Doc want to just stop breathing altogether.

"SOLOMON GRUNDY, BURIED ON-"

"Yeah, yeah," Doc interrupted, "I heard you the first time. But correct me if I'm wrong..."

Dr. McNinja prepared the glands in his eyes.

"Today is Saturday."

Doc sprayed the stored toxin in his eyes into Grundy's. Solomon blinked away the liquid, confused.

"NINJA CRY?"

Dr. McNinja crunched his brow and swore under his breath. "I may need to check my calendar-"

"RRRAGGHH"


Grundy chucked Doc through the chasm again, smashing him into a nearby wall. Doc pulled out more ninja stars, flailing them toward the approaching zombie. When Grundy was close enough, Doc managed to slip through under his damaged right arm, slashing at Grundy's ribs in the process. Grundy marched on as if nothing had happened. Doc slumped his shoulders.

"Seriously, do you not feel pain or something? 'Cause that'd just be unfair-"

Grundy roared again, slapping Doc with the back of his hand, sending him bouncing from the wall of the chasm. Dr. McNinja landed painfully on a pile of milk chocolate rubble, then, rubbing his head, pushed himself up.

"Okay, fine. Time for me to cheat."

Doc closed his eyes, meditating. He felt cosmic forces join inside him, swirling together in a whirlpool of violence. The very concept of conflict itself manifested in his lungs - he now breathed war. In one swift motion, he threw off his coat, threw off his tie and bound it around his forehead, and tore off the sleeves of his shirt. Grundy was slowly making his way towards the ninja physician, unaware of the danger he was now in.

Doc, feeling ninjutsu replace the blood in his veins, leaned on his left foot and raised the right. His fingertips touched delicately, his hands over his stomach. Suddenly, he snapped into a combat stance. Dr. McNinja smirked.

"The doctor will see you now."

Doc used: "GREETINGS FROM THE FUTURE" Super Def I (1/3 SP)
Lucky Seven, Ninja Scalpel, Like a Toad (No Effect),
ONE MAN ARMY for Grundy's post (0/3 SP)
Grundy used: Death Grip, Fastball Special

[Hiro Protagonist]

McNinja came at him, almost to fast to see. The zombie was pushed back as lightning fast strikes pummeled his face and chest, forcing him backwards on his huge boots. He tried to raise his fists in some sort of rudimentary defense, but they were both smacked and sliced with fist and blade. The zombie was slowly collapsing underneath the assault, forced down onto one knee. He lowered his head, and it was almost immediately snapped up backwards by a well placed kick.

The souped up doctor executed a flawless spinning butterfly kick, and Solomon toppled over into his back slowly, like an oak tree. Leaping into the air and spinning with a flourish, McNinja planted his katana deep into the zombie's chest, panting as he landed on the spongy torso. Grundy didn't move, his eyes glowing dimly and staring up at the sky. It seemed he'd been finally beaten. The doctor was wary though, and stepped off the undead flesh, leaving the katana impaled through the zombie's chest. Regarding the immobile monster with some suspicion, he walked around to the ruined cranium and gave it a kick. No response. Another kick brought the same result.

As the doctor turned slightly to retrieve his katana for a decapitation, Grundy's ruined but powerful fist shot out and wrapped itself firmly around the doctor's leg. Crushing strength dragged McNinja off his feet, as the white hulk rose to his damaged legs. Dangling the doctor upside down by his leg, even as more blows thudded into his wet and spongy flesh, he roared with unrestrained rage and whipped the puny human over his head, into the street. Each smashing impact on either side of him was punctuated with a word. 

"WHY! YOU! NOT! STAY! DOWN!"

Flinging his limp foe away from him, Grundy took a deep and uneeded breath, before following the flying ninja. Just as his frame recovered, landing unsteadily on his hands and knees, skidding backwards, Grundy hit him with another full on blast of that rotten swamp gas. The choking, thick cloud evened the playing field somewhat, and Grundy felt his fists thud into his opponent several more times, until finally two quick katana swipes had lopped off his pulped hands. Grundy retaliated with a wild headbutt downwards and felt bone crack under the assault. Whether it was his or his opponent's, he couldn't be sure.

With no hands, the zombie had little avenue of attack left and flung his body towards McNinja. If he couldn't punch him, than he would simply have to crush him underneath his weight. That damned katana entered his torso once more, keeping him propped up above the doctor's damaged form. They were at a stalemate that would soon break. If the doctor could force Grundy off of him, he could chop off his head. If not, he would be crushed under 900 pounds of dripping swamp matter. It ended here, with one last action.

500 words, sorry for the long ass delay.