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+--- Thread: The Primordial Armament (/showthread.php?tid=1272)
Re: The Primordial Armament - Atelos - 04-28-2015
I have something I would like to post Pre-fight, so it's up to Alain and Kuzan if his situation gets better
Re: The Primordial Armament - DioBrando - 04-28-2015
Proto Man Wrote:In the interest of 'I don't think I have anything substantial to add IC,' I'll probably not post for this 'pre-fight' stuff and save my mojo for the actual fighting stuff.
I vote that we do this just like we did when we fought the actual monster - 2 posts with all the other standard fight rules.
That sounds fine to me.
Re: The Primordial Armament - Alain the Carnedge - 04-29-2015
Same case as Proto in that I don't think I've got anything to add, and probably won't post in the pre-fight stuff. As such, the dragonslayer can post next.
Re: The Primordial Armament - Proto Man - 04-29-2015
Dio - Were you planning to expend SP to heal a damage point? It seemed that way in your post, but I just thought we should clarify.
This applies to anyone else with the regeneration power (which is almost everyone ... </3 Alain)
Re: The Primordial Armament - DioBrando - 04-29-2015
Proto Man Wrote:Dio - Were you planning to expend SP to heal a damage point? It seemed that way in your post, but I just thought we should clarify.
This applies to anyone else with the regeneration power (which is almost everyone ... </3 Alain)
Expending 2 SP out of my total 4 to heal 2 damage points. Going from 6 to 4 Damage points and from 4 to 2 SP.
Re: The Primordial Armament - Atelos - 04-29-2015
i just posted, Pretty sure People ain't gonna be happy.
Word Limit: 800
Posts Per Player: 2
Time Limit: 36 hours
Random Elements: On
Damage Meter: On
This ok with you guys for an official rules?
Re: The Primordial Armament - Proto Man - 04-29-2015
What's the battle post order?
Re: The Primordial Armament - DioBrando - 04-30-2015
Atelos Wrote:i just posted, Pretty sure People ain't gonna be happy.
Word Limit: 800
Posts Per Player: 2
Time Limit: 36 hours
Random Elements: On
Damage Meter: On
This ok with you guys for an official rules?
I dunno I'm pretty happy about it. It's refreshing to not be the obvious target.
As for Post order just rate it by unpowered up SPD?
Which I believe would end it up with..
Whirda
Dio
Alain (Given a tie here it makes sense from our plot perspective that we've agreed on to have Dio go first here.)
Proto
Atelos (Poor guy)
Re: The Primordial Armament - Proto Man - 04-30-2015
I'm cool with that.
I'm going to send a message to Whirda and ask him to confirm everything. Once he posts that here, the timer will officially begin.
That okay for everyone else?
Re: The Primordial Armament - PepsiWhirda - 04-30-2015
I'm good with everything. I'll post tonight. Will be on Skype to coordinate with the crew.
Re: The Primordial Armament - PepsiWhirda - 05-04-2015
Since Dio is bowing out we'll continue with the regular post order of Alain -> Proto -> Atelos, and then Sarah can judge the outcome.
Re: The Primordial Armament - Atelos - 05-05-2015
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Done
Re: The Primordial Armament - Zelda - 05-05-2015
Will try to get to this over the weekend~
First Round Impressions - Zelda - 05-08-2015
Preamble:
Since I feel like I should say something about the couple posts before the official start of the fight: they were brilliant. In the sense that they perfectly riled me up to enjoy the upcoming 'battle' for the Artefact. Whirda and Proto defying Dio's initial deception; the latter's rants in an attempt of vain diplomacy, and finally the precipice where all hell breaks loose and Hades is unleashes himself upon the Spartan Atelos.
Round 1
Whirda
Style: Direct with just enough detail for my mind to wander and paint of picture of what is happening. I never felt confused once reading your post and out of the entirety of your first post I found only one sentence phrase that struck me as awkward. Other than that you have written in a manner that demands attention, and in a tense battle, that is the way to go. It's action as it should be.
Realism: Only minor gripe I have is, it kinda felt like everyone was still in top form at the start of combat - despite having to topple a massive beastie to begin with. That is not to say I found anything that completely I said 'no' that couldn't happen with. Everything fell within the bounds of what I considered your character (and others) capable of, and was described in a way that I found easy to understand.
Grammar: If there were any errors, I didn't find them myself. Nearly flawless.
Cohesion: Remarkably well done. In combat with this many participants it is hard to not have the entire post be a cluster of disjoint moments as you swap in between perspectives. However, you did so masterfully here. Every character had a role, and not only that, I felt as though everything that they did held weight and would be something that the character's themselves would do in this particular situation.
Alain
Style: Your post made me smile and laugh - in a good way. I loved how much I could practically see of your character bleeding through and into your post. You take roleplaying so literally it almost feels like (from this post) that your character is writing the events. You focused on yourself - which is fine - and provided humor to an otherwise all serious kill and death filled situation.
Realism: I did have to question whether or not (even in stealth) anyone present - despite how involved in combat they are - would notice Alain's moves towards the objects of their desire. But, as with Whirda I didn't think anything was really out of place. You played to your character's strong suit: analyzed the situation and tried to act upon the information you garnered.
Grammar: A few awkward phrases for my tastes; a couple of imprecise words and a few instances of passive voice. Other than that, completely solid. Nothing really distracted me from my reading.
Cohesion: I liked the perspective transition from focusing on the fight as a whole, to then pulling it in and making the happenings relevant to you on a personal level. It's a good counter-balance to Whirda's initial post.
Protoman
Style: I've always liked the way you write. It's less roleplaying and more actual storytelling in that regard. Both styles (as you can see with my comments regarding Alain's work) are inherently appealing to me. But, it is so refreshing to see it done in a way that has just enough direction to hone the focus of a topic back in and remind me that this IS a battle royal with a single prize.
Realism: You highlighted the chaos of a entire field of battle. There should be chaos. Everyone attacking everyone else. Tentative alliances questioned, and doubts about everyone all around. It becomes a question as to whether or not even friends are out from themselves. And that last heart-wrenching bit with 'Blues' wondering if Whirda would kill him to claim the prize was the kind of desperation I've been longing to see from the start. The act of firing his Finish Buster made it all the more 'real.'
Grammar: Like Whirda, nearly flawless. I myself couldn't find any outright errors in your work.
Cohesion: Excellent work here. I'm finding it hard to come up with other things to say other than that. Every aspect of the battle is considered, you brought everyone back together, and drew the story as a whole back into a focal point; all-the-while keeping everyone important and in their combative roles. In addition to urging the action forward into the starts of a climax.
Atelos
Style: It's great to see such improvement from your first works on this site. Having read your quest for the Dragon's Maw, I can see that advancement in every facet of your writing style. Like Alain, you again brought the focus upon your character. The transformation was not only well done, but short enough in prose to make it a significant altercation.
Certain phrases I did find redundant, and at times I felt as though you were slipping back into your old ways of. Atelos did this then he did that. Atelos. Just with different words. However, this wasn't significant enough to distract me from a solid post.
Realism: You matched Proto's Super Move with your own. Exactly how I predicted and I honestly didn't really expect anything more from you. With your transformation you went above what I expected, but that only served to help me understand this 'control' Hades has over Atelos and just how vicious of a character he is in his own right. Although not spoken directly about, the actions you took alone cite the desperation and the strain on your character's body and health, and I didn't find anything that would be outside the realm of Atelos' capabilities.
Grammar: Solid. A couple run-on sentences, and like I pointed out above some misused words and had some repetition. However, nothing significant enough that would make your post any less awesome.
Cohesion: Like Alain you provided a nice counter to Proto's storyteller. Drawing me back in to your character in an attempt to understand more about him and the others fighting him. Although slightly different, your writing works well in a response to Proto's own, and that's probably because you have written with him so often.
Final Round 1 Thoughts: I'll see how Round 2 plays out, but if you all do just as good of a job, you're going to force me to nitpick and crunch some stat numbers and damage points to make a final decision. Great read so far.
Second Round Impressions - Zelda - 05-09-2015
Round 2 Comments
Whirda:
Style: I pretty much said it all in my first round post. Your writing style really shined when you wrote about your created maelstrom. That scene was amazing and so, well, pretty to think about.
Realism: Dragging Proto out with a shadow tether - also a nice touch and your descriptions of injuries and fatigue spot on. I'm having trouble finding any fault in your depiction of the events following Round 1. Although, I will say this, I felt this post of yours was far superior in this category than the last - simply because of how fluently you described something that is rather complex. And, how fairly you did so.
Grammar: Uh, perfect? I'm not sure what else to say here. If you had any errors at all my eyes were straining to find them.
Cohesion: You set up the final climax perfectly. Essentially pressing reset on the battle with your Super Move and Transformation, and saying go on have fun with it.
Alain
Style: I found this second post of yours slightly harder to follow. However, as before, you kept your character consistent in your posts, to the point where I could almost imagine what Alain would have been thinking at the time - without actually needing to see the thoughts. The only suggestion I have is use a bit less passive voice next time.
Oh, and keep up that battle analyzing stuff. It suits you so well.
Realism: The depiction of the serpents and burning them off is a nice touch. The slight insights into your character immediately after the maelstrom also helped ease the tension in an otherwise chaotic situation. Thereafter only to add it back by slashing Proto apart. Simply, well done setting up one final push for Proto and Atelos to resolve things.
Grammar: Nothing really distracting. A couple errors and a little too much passive voice. In short solid.
Cohesion: Great job setting up Protoman and Atelos for the next couple of posts. Again the counter of focusing on parts of your character before applying them to the fight was a nice transition between Whirda's style.
Protman
Style: Pulling out all the stops. Your transformation, the attack on Dio and upping the ante into the climax of the battle really drew me back into the thick of things. Battles aren't pretty. Your writing highlighted that as it needed to. Nothing really confused me and again I got a rather clear picture of the happenings.
Realism: Oh, that opener paragraph so sweet. With the description of Proto's inner anatomy. And without a blink swiping through the roles of the other participants and simply what is going on still. Bonus points for roleplaying Dio's character quite to what I would except of him even in desperation: one last ploy of appeal. Also a few nice touches when your 'stats' were upped were great addition: "horrifying thud." Just a slight hint of how more powerful Proto had become.
Grammar: Nearly flawless as before. I feel really awkward trying to judge you and Whirda in this regard because I am really trying to find something to nitpick, and I really uhm can't.
Cohesion: Back to reality again and the overall spread of the final bits of the battle. The transitions between styles has just been remarkable throughout this entire battle. All enjoyable and it's hard to give any subtraction of a score in this field for almost anyone.
Atelos
Style: That line. That is all I'm saying. You know what line. Because, it's that line. Your second post is far superior to your first in many ways. But, that line. Oh, that line. I can't stop laughing. So, great; simply an enjoyable post all around.
Realism: Protoman did a number on you as expected in his transformation. I mentioned the part that I found most enjoyable above. But, realistically, that is something Protoman would have been able to do and I can't fault you for it in any respect. I felt the desperation in Hades' final words and throughout the majority of the post. And, by far this was the best in making me like yes you guys are seriously hurt, and someone will die if not all.
Grammar: Actually quite good. Nearly flawless this time around as well. Must have proofed a bit more. Well done.
Cohesion: A perfect finisher for the 'official' part of the battle. Leaving it open enough for the last few posts and resolving or at least hinting at the 'end' of the fight to come. I'm running out of praise for this field in this battle, so I'm just going to stop writing now and get with the results.
Final Comments: I want everyone to know. You all did an amazing job in this thread. It has forced me to nitpick in order to pick a clear cut winner, and I honestly feel bad that anyone has to 'lose.' You told a great story in the form of a battle and you should all be commended for your efforts in this battle royal.
Results will be in the next post.
The Verdict - Zelda - 05-09-2015
Whirda
Style: 5
Realism: 4
Grammar: 4
Cohesion: 4
Total: 17/20
Alain:
Style: 4
Realism: 4
Grammar: 3.5
Cohesion: 4
Total: 15.5/20
Protoman:
Style: 4
Realism: 4.5
Grammar: 4
Cohesion: 4
Total: 16.5/20
Atelos:
Style: 4.5
Realism: 4
Grammar: 3.5
Cohesion: 4
Total: 16/20
Victor: Whirda (your awesome maelstrom plot device and scene put you over the top just so you are aware).
I seriously want to express how much I enjoyed this thread. It was a great read and I am really sorry that anyone had to lose. I had to nitpick to arrive at these scores and ultimately it came down to what final post I thought was the best written and enjoyed the most. Thank you and I hope the ultimate resolution of the thread is just as fun to read.
Re: The Primordial Armament - PepsiWhirda - 05-09-2015
Wow, thanks so much for the praise and all the work you put into grading, Sarah. I wish there was an artefact for everyone. Barring the drama in the battle with the tarrasque, this was for sure the most fun I've ever had role-playing. You guys all have major talent. Let's keep it going! :-)
Re: The Primordial Armament - PepsiWhirda - 05-09-2015
So how do I go about taking the artefact? If everyone's still alive I can't well just walk up and grab it and everyone understands, right? Do I have some leeway here or is there a preferred method?
Re: The Primordial Armament - Proto Man - 05-09-2015
Atelos KOs Alain, Proto KOs Atelos, Whirda kills Dio.
As long as Whirda isnt a sociopath, Proto ain't about to get in a tizzy.
Re: The Primordial Armament - Proto Man - 05-09-2015
*puts on Proto Man Staffer hat*
So this quest, aside from the more unpleasant stuff outside-of-character, obviously became much more than I had intended when I made what was just supposed to be your token 'monster hunt' quest.
To commemorate this, everyone who participated in this and didn't win the artefact (this includes Aang) can get the option between the following two bonus.
1.) The participation bonus (whatever it may be -- it'll differ for everyone)
2.) 300 OM + 1 of the following items (Protein Pill, Iron Pill, Carbos Pill, Calcium Pill)
--Whirda -> You'll have to live with the participation bonus and yer artefact. I HOPE THAT IS AN OKAY DEAL.