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+--- Thread: Two Koopas, One Wario (/showthread.php?tid=7576)
Two Koopas, One Wario - Wario - 06-23-2018
Wario grinned his iconic toothy smile as his bike rumbled through the portal. It wasn't his first time falling through a portal. In fact, it seemed to happen very often. So the fat man was actually gently surprised when he realized that this was less of a wormhole or swirling endless abyss through which Wario had to fall, and more of an instant doorway. After all, he had just repaired his bike, and Wario figured that dropping through a wormhole with a bike wouldn't end well.
Wario instantly realized that he absolutely should have checked the signs before entering. This was a world of fire and ash. Wario's... unique physique meant that any sort of heat would be very unpleasant, indeed. The sweltering heat instantly drenched Wario's face with sweat and he felt his clothes starting to dampen already.
If Wario had any insight, he would have been worried about the state of his tires as they spun over the rough igneous rock of the Ashen Steppes. The relatively smooth path Wario had chosen was still bumpy from the cooled lava that froze mid-flow. In the distance, a giant volcano dominated the horizon, half of it split open and leaking like a cracked egg.
"Mamma-mia," Wario groaned, his words barely audible over the roar of his bike.
Wario had planned to ride aimlessly for a few minutes, when suddenly his bike jumped upwards, along with the squeak of a living creature. Wario shifted his weight accordingly, teeth gritted and eyes wide in surprise. The bike landed heavily on the craggy rock, miraculously still intact and carrying its passenger. Wario stopped the bike and hopped off. The fat man waddled over to where the bike had jumped. He wasn't concerned for the well-being of whatever he ran over, but in his experience, inciting incidents like these led to great treasure.
And he wasn't wrong. He had seemingly run over a Koopa Troopa, one of the ones from back home. Its shell was smashed to smithereens, but the turtle itself was still crawling around. The Troopa spat blood from its mouth and glared at Wario.
"Just my luck," the Koopa Troopa snarled, "I go looking – erk – looking for Apokalips Troopas and I find – cough – Wario."
"No need to sound disappointed, asshole," Wario cackled, stepping on the Troopa's trampled back with his foot. The turtle screamed as he did. “Is Bowser here? Seems like his kind of place. Very World 8.”
“Why should I tell you?”
“‘Cause I’m looking for work and if you tell me I won’t snap your back,” Wario cackled, “You remember how heavy I am, don’t you, Koopa?”
Wario put some more pressure on the turtle’s raw back, causing it to scream again.
“Okay, okay!” the Koopa Troopa wheezed, “I’ll tell you! Please, just stop!”
Wario lifted his foot and crossed his arms expectantly.
“He’s... he’s in the castle. To the north.”
“How far north?”
“Maybe 4 levels distance.”
“Levels?” Wario scowled. “Your king ain’t gonna throw me any of his welcome parties, is he?”
“Not if you bring me with you,” the turtle wheezed, pulling out a black and red flag from, well, frankly, who knew where Mushroom Kingdom creatures stored their things. “And this flag.”
Wario looked at him thoughtfully, before grinning widely again. If you were at Wario’s mercy, that was a smile you never wanted to see.
“Okay,” Wario smirked, then promptly threw his whole weight into an elbow slam.
***
Kevin Koopa grinned as he laid down his cards.
“Read it and weep, bitch,” Kevin chortled.
Kyle Koopa groaned and let his cards drop to the floor. He could never beat Kevin at cards. He wanted to just sit quietly for his shift, but noooo, Kevin wanted to play. What was more, the top platform of this guard tower was very tight, with just enough room for maybe three Koopa Troopas. It was awful enough that the tower was made of constantly hot stone, and captured all the sweltering heat into where they were. Now he was burning through his money too.
Kyle disdainfully tossed two coins at Kevin. The other Koopa continued to chuckle as he pocketed them.
“Something to do,” Kyle muttered as he looked away.
The tower was at least 60 feet in the air, and didn’t have much in the way of hand railings. The only way to get to the top was to climb the carved divots that the boss called a “ladder.” The inside of the tower was hollow, but Kevin could swear he heard something rumble every now and then. Kyle was less convinced. Who the hell would want to live in the towers?
Kevin’s eyes perked up at something. “Do you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
Kevin stood up, listening.
“Uh uh, I’m not falling for that again. Last time you did this I chased my shell for two hours-“
“Shut the hell up, Kyle. I hear something.”
Kyle groaned and rose to his feet as Kevin drew his binoculars. Kevin scanned the horizons before his jaw dropped.
“What?” Kyle asked, visibly more nervous.
“Erm,” Kevin attempted, “I, uh... You should take a look.”
Kevin handed Kyle his binoculars, his gaze unmoving. Kyle snatched them and looked where Kevin had looked.
He saw an obscenely obese man dressed in yellow and purple riding a motorcycle almost equally as large. Red plumes of dust chased its large wheels.
“God dammit, it’s Wario,” Kyle groaned bitterly, setting down the binoculars. “How the hell did you even hear-“
“Would you keep fucking looking!” Kevin snapped.
“A’ight, chill,” Kyle replied, looking again.
Once again (after briefly losing sight of the bike), Kyle saw Wario on his motorcycle. Badly attached to his handlebars, flapping in the red ash of the Steppes, was a black flag with the red outline of His Majesty’s head.
“Where the fuck did he get...”
Kyle peered more closely and noticed a rope tied around Wario’s engorged belly. As the bike jolted on the rough earth, a familiar Koopa’s unconscious face slid out from behind him.
“Is that Kenny?” Kyle exclaimed.
“Wait, Kenny? Gimme that.”
Kevin snatched the binoculars from Kyle and looked through. After a few seconds, he lowered the binoculars.
“Oh my God, he killed Kenny!”
"Blow the fucking horn, Kevin!" Kyle hollered, grabbing his flare gun.
Kevin dashed over to the giant horn perched at the top of the tower. He breathed in deeply and loudly, then blew into the horn. After an awkward second where the horn didn't make a sound except for amplified exhaling, the horn bellowed a note into the crimson skies. Meanwhile, Kyle fired the flare gun upwards, a bolt of blue light and smoke clashing against the red and grey ash clouds.
***
Wario had heard a loud horn earlier. He had ignored it. That was a poor choice.
A line of a dozen green-shelled Koopa Troopas were holding spears forward, completely blocking the path. As if that could injure Wario. Still, it would probably do some damage to his bike, and that would be a hassle. Wario growled as he jerked the bike to the side, sliding it and grinding the stone underneath into fine red dust.
"The fuck do you want?" Wario shouted.
From between the green-shelled soldiers marched forth a red-shelled Koopa Troopa. It had a long scar on its beak, visible even to Wario from his bike meters away.
"You seem to have killed one of ours," the red Koopa said, his voice deep and lordly, "That cannot stand. Get off the vehicle and surrender immediately in the name of His Burning Majesty, the Koopa King-"
"I don't wanna," Wario shouted back.
The red Koopa Troopa's jaw tightened irritably.
"Then we will be forced to apprehend you and bring you in for-"
"Wait, you arresting me for this one?" Wario yelled, pointing backwards with his thumb at the very dead Koopa Troopa, "I didn't kill him. It was an Apoka-whatever Troopa."
The red Troopa sneered. "You expect us to believe that the Apokalips Troopas killed a fine soldier like Kenny Koopa?"
"It was the last of them," Wario asserted, "They're all dead now, I guess. Good ol' Kenny here died fighting them."
"The Apokalips Troopas are all dead," the commander shouted back.
Wario pulled out the picture that he found on "Kenny".
"I don't fucking know, I’m new here. He said he was hunting them and offered a reward for helping. He died in battle, but so did the other exploding fuckers. Where's my reward?"
The wall of Koopa Troopas shuffled uncomfortably and started whispering. The Apokalips Troopas were still alive? The red Koopa Troopa raised his hand to quiet them.
"This seems more complicated than I expected," he said, "I should take you to His Burning Majesty."
"Where is the fucker, anyway?" Wario chortled.
The red Koopa Troopa scowled. "His Burning Majesty is in Castle Seven Dash Eight. One of our scouts can accompany you-"
"No thanks," Wario said, kicking the pedal of his bike. It roared to life, and the wall of Troopas broke in half to make way for his outrageous motorcycle.
The red Koopa Troopa sighed. He had heard Luigi was in the Omniverse not too long ago. He wished he stayed. At least Luigi was polite when he massacred them.
Quote:1549/5000 words.
- Get an assignment from Bowser
- Meet partner/rival
- Do the assignment before rival
- ???
- Profit
RE: Two Koopas, One Wario - Wario - 06-29-2018
King Bowser, his Burning Majesty, the Koopa King, Scourge of the Mushroom Kingdom, had a headache. He was sitting on his throne, a formation of volcanic rock with a purple cushion on the seat. It seemed out of place in throne room, with the dark gray bricks lining his walls and torch sconces made of vicious black steel lining the bricks. A long red felt carpet, somehow kept clean through all the ash, ran from the large doors of the throne room to the throne.
Those large doors slammed open. Wario, who was standing on the other end of the doors, lowered his foot and raised his arms, grinning a wide, toothy smile.
"Bowser!"
The Koopa King looked up, his head still resting in his hand.
"Oh, no," Bowser groaned, "Wario."
"Itsa-me," Wario cackled mockingly, "I like what you've done with the place."
"Right," Bowser said, crossing his arms, "What can I do for you?"
"It's more about what I can do for you," Wario said, still strolling down the throne room, "You know my deal. Always looking for a job, me. Even if the white dude dragged me to this world. Got a Mario for me to take care of?"
"You couldn't handle Mario in Sarasaland and you couldn't handle him now."
"I don't know about that, Bow Bow," Wario said, causing Bowser to flinch, "Remember that party he used to throw? Kicked his ass in a few of those."
"Party games," Bowser scoffed.
"Tennis with fireballs," Wario scoffed back.
Bowser felt another pang in his head and he snarled, "Scouts report that he's disappeared a year ago."
"Damn shame," Wario sighed, noticing his pain, "What about that brother? The green one?"
"Luigi?" Bowser thought, "He actually was doing a little better than that red scum, for once. Took down some Vulcan Drakes. Sent one of my sons after him. They both disappeared."
Wario hesitated. "My bad, Bowser. Didn't know."
Bowser nodded sadly. "I keep hearing rumors of Ludwig here and there. Maybe he's alright, you know? Just wanted to get away from his pop."
Wario nodded. "I can track him down, if you like?"
"No," Bowser said, scowling again, "My kids have come in and out. Maybe they're home now. Doesn't matter."
"Cold son of a bitch," Wario mumbled to himself.
"What does matter is that these damn Apokalips Troopas are converting my Koopas in their cultish efforts to undermine my rule."
"Okay," Wario nods, "How much you gonna pay?"
"Your Burning Majesty!"
Wario turned around and saw a red Koopa shell spinning down the throne room towards Bowser. Right before he reached Wario, the Koopa spun into a kneeling position before Bowser. Bowser rolled his eyes.
"I don't know why they give me all these titles," he said to Wario, his face embarrassed.
"My King Bowser, don’t trust this grotesque bounty hunter!" the Koopa said, not daring to look up, "Trust me with this task, my king. I've already tracked them to their hideout!"
"Where?" Bowser said, leaning forward.
The Red Koopa glared at Wario, lips sealed.
"Where are they, Kandy?" Bowser repeated.
"Kandy?" Wario cackled, "Kandy Koopa? That's your name?"
Kandy ignored Wario and cleared his throat.
"There's an active volcano twenty levels to the east," Kandy said begrudgingly, "Scouts have reported that this is where Apokalips Troopas regroup. We believe there is a network of caves underneath the volcano. Green Koopas aren't suited for the heat of the volcano, but I can lead a squad of Dry Bones down and-"
"You think those things are hiding under a volcano?" Wario said, grinning nonchalantly but his eyes focused.
Kandy glowered at Wario. "Wario, I swear, if you interrupt me one more time-"
Bowser raised a hand, instantly silencing Kandy. Wario glowered.
"Fine, fine," Bowser sighed, "Kandy, take 8 Dry Bones and investigate the volcano. You find something, shoot a flare. Immediately."
Kandy nodded and turned to leave. Bowser cleared his throat and said, "Take Wario with you."
The Red Koopa turned, his face wracked with horror.
"He's been effective in the past. And he's a Prime, sounds like," Bowser explained, "Take him with you."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I never said I was gonna go."
"Two bags of gold coins."
Wario sneered. "It's not that Omnilium shit."
"Not those coins," Bowser snickered, "You really are new here, aren't you?"
The Koopa King flashed Wario a gold coin (from who-knows-where). After squinting at it, the coin dissolved, releasing a kaleidoscopic energy that spread out wide enough to surround even Wario. The fat man's grin widened, the expression of greed spreading between his teeth.
"Let's go, Kandy Koopa," he chuckled, patting the Red Koopa hard on the shell before waddling back down the throne room. Kandy glared after Wario and followed him.
Quote:2342/5000 words.
- Get an assignment from Bowser
- Meet partner/rival
- Find Apokalips Troopa camp
- Wipe out the Apokalips Troopas before rival does
- Profit