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+--- Thread: No Right Answer (OOC advice thread) (/showthread.php?tid=6405)
No Right Answer (OOC advice thread) - Gildarts - 07-13-2017
Didn't want to put this anywhere other than the ooc forum.
We all have our demons and trials that test us in life. Often when I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.... and another rock... and then two more boulders, when I move to make one decision, the other mounds clatter or shatter... In this analogy's sense.
Usually I follow my heart, and it tends to pay off. But I look at the rubble and debris and wonder if it's worth it. Mistakes are supposed to be made. You're not supposed to go dormant in life, as not choosing is also a choice. You're choosing not to live and participate in your life. You're supposed to choose.
The tough choices are the ones that change us as people, but we always get to choose who we want to be. Not everyone will ever approve of how you live your life, not everyone will be my "bestie" and I know it. But it sucks when those closest to you don't respect your decisions, because they deliver you in a different direction than them.
Basically, how do you respond to life when it feels like there is no right choice?
Nothing is going to be 100% the right thing, I know that much, but all the directions are tugging me in fractions and I sometimes feel I'll get ripped apart, or when my future is on the line, that something worse than simply failing will happen. Something much more conclusive than a simple mistake. And I don't mean debt, but in causing others emotional pain, which will always irk me on some level.
You'll probably say "people will get over it eventually" or that mature people forgive, so they'll eventually mature and forgive, or that my family or others shouldn't make me feel this way. But that's life. People hold eternal grudges. Some things aren't forgiven.
Part Two: How do you live with your own success and still watch other people struggle after offering help to them ?
(Part two somewhat regards "when" it is acceptable to cut toxic people from your life.)
RE: No Right Answer (OOC advice thread) - Handsome Jack - 07-13-2017
I deal by ignoring the problems until they either goes away or become too huge to handle. Because I hate to hurt, so I push it all deep inside where it can't hurt me. Obviously not healthy, but it's an ingrained survival skill from when I was a child.
As for the second part, I can't relate. I've never been to the point where I feel like I've had a success.
RE: No Right Answer (OOC advice thread) - Gildarts - 07-13-2017
(07-13-2017, 09:14 PM)Cell Wrote: I deal by ignoring the problems until they either goes away or become too huge to handle. Because I hate to hurt, so I push it all deep inside where it can't hurt me. Obviously not healthy, but it's an ingrained survival skill from when I was a child.
As for the second part, I can't relate. I've never been to the point where I feel like I've had a success.
For me personally they habit isn't good. There's someone who wants to be outspoken and strong within me and I don't feel like I have the tools 100% of the time to be. But I'm growing steadily enough.
Jeff I think you're successful, I see those things from the distance of the exterior. You have a beautiful, wonderful family and try to act with a compassionate heart. (Idk if it's cool for me to say other more specific things) but for me, I see those things as successes in life.
RE: No Right Answer (OOC advice thread) - Handsome Jack - 07-13-2017
Well, yes. They are. But they aren't the kinds of successes you can use to help others which is what your second questiin alluded to.
RE: No Right Answer (OOC advice thread) - Gildarts - 07-13-2017
(07-13-2017, 09:35 PM)Cell Wrote: Well, yes. They are. But they aren't the kinds of successes you can use to help others which is what your second questiin alluded to.
I don't never mean money. Families can be a good support system too. But that can endanger your family on some levels depending on dynamic.
Also some constant support can cause emotional or mental strain/drain to the point of it being bad for the helping individual.
RE: No Right Answer (OOC advice thread) - Handsome Jack - 07-13-2017
I've helped folks before by taking them in. And while I'll do it again, I'll be more careful due to what happened then.
RE: No Right Answer (OOC advice thread) - Gildarts - 07-13-2017
Thanks for your input Jeffer.
RE: No Right Answer (OOC advice thread) - Jaixe Furiael - 07-13-2017
I'm not sure if taking advice from a Heartless is a good idea, but I'll throw in my two-cents anyway. (And probably get judged for it.)
For your first question:
That's a difficult one that I think you're putting two queries into one on... Firstly, there is no right answer to life, there is only your answer to life. You make up the story of your life through the challenges you face, the paths you take, and the people you walk with. Just don't regret it and realize that it's usually never too late to try something else.
Secondly, the best you can do is only what you can do. Try not to worry about what's impossible, but have the confidence you need to make it through such tough times. Life's shitty sometimes, and you don't usually get a say in the matter.
As for your second question: your challenges and triumphs have no true value to the life of another, only to you. That's not to say they can't be dealing with the exact same problem as you, but their circumstances leading up to it, and what they become as a result of dealing with it, is all up to them. The best you can do is try and give what advice you can, what support you can offer, and wait to see if they'll make it. If not, then don't blame yourself for their failure. If they do, then congratulate them on their success. It's their life, not yours, and nobody has the right to play the "comparison" game.
Now then, I'm off to write my own self-help book.
RE: No Right Answer (OOC advice thread) - Gildarts - 07-13-2017
(07-13-2017, 10:07 PM)Jaixe Furiael Wrote: I'm not sure if taking advice from a Heartless is a good idea, but I'll throw in my two-cents anyway. (And probably get judged for it.)This is all appreciated.
For your first question:
That's a difficult one that I think you're putting two queries into one on... Firstly, there is no right answer to life, there is only your answer to life. You make up the story of your life through the challenges you face, the paths you take, and the people you walk with. Just don't regret it and realize that it's usually never too late to try something else.
Secondly, the best you can do is only what you can do. Try not to worry about what's impossible, but have the confidence you need to make it through such tough times. Life's shitty sometimes, and you don't usually get a say in the matter.
As for your second question: your challenges and triumphs have no true value to the life of another, only to you. That's not to say they can't be dealing with the exact same problem as you, but their circumstances leading up to it, and what they become as a result of dealing with it, is all up to them. The best you can do is try and give what advice you can, what support you can offer, and wait to see if they'll make it. If not, then don't blame yourself for their failure. If they do, then congratulate them on their success. It's their life, not yours, and nobody has the right to play the "comparison" game.
Now then, I'm off to write my own self-help book.
I also find I do tend to blame myself.
RE: No Right Answer (OOC advice thread) - Sam - 07-15-2017
Bump bcs advice is still mostly needed >_>;