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+---- Thread: Dante's Abyss Power Rankings (/showthread.php?tid=6195)
Dante's Abyss Power Rankings - Karl Jak - 06-16-2017
Dante’s Abyss Power Rankings - Preshow
32. Tamsin Suzaku – A serving girl who seeks her green friend. The making of a best-selling young adult series. Way too pleasant and way too oblivious-looking. We’ll see.
31. Lord Zedd – No clothes? No skin? No problem for me.
30. Deadpool – Another year, another time where Mr. Wade shows up fully clothed and stands around until the game starts. Boring! Huge disappointment.
29. Madbull – Another year, another cop? I hope this one doesn’t threaten me with the cuffs (or do I? :*)
28. “The Humble Sage” – An old man with no name. I half-expect us to find out he’s “TRAPPED IN THE OMNIVERSE GOD NUMBER 2432342” by Day 2.
27. Enel – TRAPPED IN THE OMNIVERSE GOD NUMBER 2432335
26. Batman – Please stop smoking. It’s bad for your lungs.
25. Odin – TRAPPED IN THE OMNIVERSE GOD NUMBER 2432357
24. Harry Potter – A wizard. Wizard? How quaint.
23. Archer – You might not want to announce to the world that you’re a secret agent. Defeats the purpose. Also, your suit is cheap.
22. Gamzee – Are you sure you wouldn’t rather sign a sponsorship with Pepsi? They pay better than the second-rate competition you peddle.
21. Dane – I’m always a fan of the rugged look. Grow your hair a little more and you could probably make some money posing for romance novels.
20. Jak Mar – Oh, you’re back! I’m sure you’ll have a blast this time =)
19. Malon – See “Suzaku, Tamsin.”
18. Clownpiece – Some type of evil fairy from hell?! Sign me up, sounds fun.
17. Isaac – If you’re attempting to fill the ‘metal marine-looking thing’ niche, you have an uphill battle *single tear*
16. Bendy – Man, we got fairies from hell, and we got cartoon demons. And they told me I couldn’t top the cat-dog from last year.
15. Cirno – Two fairies?! Sounds like the beginning of my summer vacation.
14. Cell – Hahahahahaha. And I thought Gero wouldn’t take me seriously.
13. Illidan – What’s it like to be with Dracula? Does he bite hard or is it more of a gentle nibble??
12. Wu Kong – You don’t look Asian?
11. Abyss – You have a squid on your head. *muffling in background* Oh, that is your head. Lovely. So do you always smell the ocean?!
10. Strazio Rockwell – Oh, Mr. Rockwell. Won’t help me find my missing plane, but the moment we mention violence, you’re beating the door down. Clap, clap.
9. Dawn – A cold-blooded killer. I’m going to call you “Evil Samus.”
8. Little Ghost – Adorable. A midget with butterfly wings and a nail. And to think, the last time around all we had going for us was that little mouse guy.
7. Vic Hendy – A handyman from Coruscant. My people tell me this guy seems dumb and naïve. Has a nice look about him.
6. Shinmen – “Not Hiro.”
5. Dust – A self-described ‘lazy beach bum’. I have some nice cabanas you can stay in after this event, if you don’t have summer plans?
4. Gradawdasfsdfasd – I think this is a typo. ‘The blue girl thing with the dumb face’? Huh.
3. Tony Redgrave – What a stupid, stereotypical Caucasian name. I’m not even buying these names at this point.
2. Tearen Woever – You can change a face and a body, but you can’t change what you are. Trust me, I’d know.
1. Gildarts – Wade is a lazy bum. This is the de facto “I know how to kill people on an island” person. Comes with metal, karate-chopping action. And we don’t have any scary minority women to hack off your limbs.
RE: Dante's Abyss Power Rankings - Handsome Jack - 06-18-2017
First off: 14 out of 32? You and I both know I should be in the top spot, you pretentious pri-primadonna.
Secondly: THIS WAS A JOKE!!!? My life is ruined over your little prank to Pops!? I'ma going to... definitely NOT kill you both and drink your fluids like a milkshake. Definitely not that.
Thirdly: Come on, man. Don't laugh. Kinda thing'll hurt a guy's feelings...
RE: Dante's Abyss Power Rankings - Karl Jak - 06-20-2017
Dante’s Abyss Power Rankings
Day 1 - (kind of incomplete, since 6 people have been in a fight for the majority of Day 1). I might re-adjust rankings after that fight's over -- might not. #Deal #Smooches
32. (Down 8) Harry Potter – Invisibility spell must have gone awry, because the poor boy lost his head. <Collar’d>
31. (Down 15) Bendy – Ink splat.
30. (Down 10) Jak Mar – Waiting for that explosive moment.
29. (Down 4) Odin – Beaten and bloodied, will God #4 stage a comeback?
28. (Up 2) Deadpool – He’s plotting, folks. Lurking and scheming.
27. (Down 8) Malon (Fight)
26. (Down 5) Dane – The saying is “break a leg” …
25. (Down 17) Little Ghost (Fight)
24. (Down 1) Archer – Secret agent man ain’t a secret no more! Have fun.
23. (Up 9) Tamsin – Still alive? This one’s still alive? Cute.
22. (Up 6) “The Humble Sage” (Fight)
21. (Down 4) Isaac – Sorry about your blue girlfriend, Mr. Gray.
20. (Up 6) Batman – The hero we deserve?
19. (Down 4) Cirno – Ice-cold .
18. (Up 4) Gamzee – Trolls are fun. I find some many on the Dataverse. Such lovely opinions, those Trolls.
17. (Up 1) Clownpiece – Hellfire and brimstone!
16. (Down 5) Abyss – Battered but never (stir) fried!
15. (Down 2) Wu Kong – Heart of steel. Face of… less stable steel.
14. (Up 17) Lord Zedd – Anyone let this guy know he should try acting? The charisma.
13. (Down 3) Strazio Rockwell – Let’s be honest, I think being bloody makes this guy work harder.
12. (Up 2) Cell – Can you enlighten me about the perks of Pepsi cola, Sir?
11. (Up 2) Illidan (Fight)
10. (Up 19) Mad Bull – You seen this dude’s chest?
9. (Down 4) Dust – Proved your gusto. Now get some shinies.
8. (Down 3) Shinmen – Swords and beasts. That’s a combo.
7. (Down 4) Tony Redgrade – Resolve.
6. (Up 3) Dawn – Did she reach the climax (of her journey) in that colosseum fight or will she become a force on the island?
5. (Down 3) Tearen Wover (Fight)
4. (Down 3) Gildarts (Fight)
3. (Up 1) Gradasdawawdasda – Have we learned what this thing is called yet?
2. (Up 25) Enel – Good job there, Trapped God #2
1. (Up 6) Vic Hendy – Still a handyman? Let me know when he puts on the necklace.
RE: Dante's Abyss Power Rankings - Handsome Jack - 06-21-2017
Look Karl.
1) Pepsi is the beverage of Champions. Like Pepsi-Man always says: Drink Pepsi or I'll fucking kill you! (Shocked again, but worth it)
2) Thanks for pumping me up a couple slots, I guess, but you put Double Bubble in 3rd place and left me at 12? What? She giving you sexual favors?
3) If that's what it takes, I'm down.
RE: Dante's Abyss Power Rankings - Karl Jak - 06-21-2017
Dante’s Abyss Power Rankings - Day "1.75"
30. (Down 1) Odin – Never found that spark.
29. (Down 4) Little Ghost – Avoided the bug zapper! (for now)
28. (Down 2) Dane – #StillAlive #ICan’tBelieveIt’sNotButter
27. Malon – Farmhand survives a monumental clash of egos
26. (Up 4) Jak Mar – *insert dynamite pun + Wade Wilson insult*
25. (Down 3) “The Humble Sage” – Enigma, this one.
24. (Down 1) Tamsin – I think she got distracted cleaning or something.
23. (Down 8) Wu Kong – Ruh oh.
22. (Up 6) Deadpool – Have fun with that.
21. (Down 5) Abyss – Bonus points for guts.
20. (Down 2) Cirno – Don’t hide too long
19. (Up 1) Batman – Hey, he has friends now. Cute.
18. (Up 6) Archer – You seemed like the type to like blue women and green men. I got some phone numbers you can have after this is over.
17. Clownpiece – Stay burnin’
16. (Down 2) Zedd – Stay angry. No Snickers for you.
15. (Up 6) Isaac – A breakup on the island!? A first. How quaint. I mean tragic.
14. (Down 1) Strazio Rockwell – The worst tracker in the history of forever.
13. (Down 2) Illidan – Scary guy on the prowl now. Scary guy with a scarier friend.
12. (Down 2) Mad Bull – He’s on patrol. Guard your donuts.
11. (Down 3) Shinmen – Drew a bad lot (or did he?!)
10. (Up 2) Cell – I hear Snickers are nice. What can you tell me about those?
9. (Up 9) Gamzee – Troll has quick feet. Watch out.
8. (Up 1) Dust – Petty.
7. (Down 1) Dawn – Addicted to bloodshed.
6. (Down 2) Gildarts – I think people are gonna be sadder you’ll be roaming.
5. (Up 2) Tony Redgrave – More friends for Mr. Redgrave. How cute.
4. (Up 1) Tearen Wover – Scary gravity man and his farmhand are on the loose.
3. Graw – How simple of a name is this? You’d think these people would be more efficient, since I made them from scratch.
2. Enel – #Fatality
1. Vic Hendy – Respect your elders, man.
RE: Dante's Abyss Power Rankings - Handsome Jack - 06-23-2017
Come on, man... why are you doing this to me?
Ugh...
While I don't possess a digestive system nor a biology that requires sustenance, you DO! When hunger strikes, strike back with a delicious Snickers! Because you're not you when you're hungry.
You're also not you when I'M hungry. Because I'ma drink you.
RE: Dante's Abyss Power Rankings - Karl Jak - 06-24-2017
Dante’s Abyss Power Rankings - Day "2.5"
29. (Down 8) Abyss
28. (Down 5) Wu Kong
27. (Up 1) Little Ghost – Napping?
26. Jak Mar – Looking for the perfect combination?
25. (Down 5) Cirno – Hello?
24. (Up 4) Dane – That’s a bold strategy Cotton, let’s see how it works out for him.
23. (Down 13) Shinmen Takezo – And we thought you couldn’t roll snake eyes twice in a row.
22. (Up 5) Malon – Farmhand travels with creepy eldritch pseudo-dad. Fuses to make scary cosmic farmhand. Good luck with that.
21. (Down 2) Batman – Has yet to find the promised land.
20. (Down 9) Dust – Scattered. How’s that feel?
19. (Down 7) Mad Bull – Got two suspects; First-degree murder and conspiracy to commit first-degree murder.
18. (Up 6) Tamsin – oooh, combat … do you have a wolf partner, too?
17. (Up 5) Deadpool – No friends for you, Wade.
16. (Up 1) Clownpiece – My little fairy… is friendship really magic?
15. Isaac – Is this lonely road the only road you’ve ever known?
14. Strazio Rockwell – Now, with friends! (wait this guy has friends?)
13. (Up 3) Zedd – I’m sure those friends you had for 12 seconds are watching and supporting you =)
12. (Up 13) “The Humble Sage” – Oh, I guess he can make plays.
11. (Up 6) Archer – Still the least bling from your friends. Sad!
10. (Down 3) Dawn – Crazy girl on the road again.
9. (Up 2) Illidan – Still scary.
8. (Down 3) Tony Redgrave – Swapping out parts of the utility belt??
7. (Up 3) Cell – Still alive. Still managing to get stuff.
6. Gildarts – Call me when the steamroller starts.
5. (Up 4) Gamzee – Done with the running?
4. (Down 2) Enel – Guy has buckets of charisma, apparently.
3. (Down 2) Vic Hendy – Still holds the nuclear option.
2. (Up 2) Tearen Wover – Violence. This man/thing can’t resist the violence.
1. (Up 2) Graw – Cardio. Lots of cardio.
RE: Dante's Abyss Power Rankings - Karl Jak - 06-28-2017
Dante’s Abyss Power Rankings - Afternoon, Day 4
27. (Up 1) Little Ghost – Dirt nap
26. (Down 3) Shinmen Takezo – We’re all very heartbroken about this one.
25. Cirno – Walking corpse.
24. (Down 5) Mad Bull – Walking corpse redux.
23. (Up 1) Dane – Still Alive!
22. (Up 4) Jak Mar – Oh, Jak Mar
21. (Down 5) Clownpiece – Bloodied but not (yet) murderkilled! Onward!
20. (Down 6) Strazio Rockwell – Nice hand job on that samurai
19. (Up 3) Malon – Fight onward!
18. (Down 3) Isaac – It’s all in your head.
17. (Up 1) Tamsin – Can apparently hold her own
16. (Down 9) Cell – Have fun with that
15. (Down 2) “The Humble Sage” – What’s his next move?
14. (Down 3) Archer – Do you have a holy hand grenade on you?
13. (Up 4) Deadpool – Utility belt full of companions.
12. (Up 8) Dust – Played that situation pretty well.
11. (Down 2) Illidan – Oh, the poor fairy.
10. (Up 11) Batman – Caught the stride.
9. (Down 1) Tony Redgrave – Hope you have more guns.
8. (Up 5) Zedd – Anger’s today’s fashion
7. (Down 2) Gamzee – The fuck did you sign up for?
6. (Up 4) Dawn – Resourceful upgrade.
5. (Up 1) Gildarts – Choo choo.
4. (Down 2) Tearen Wover – You’re the thing the poor, heartbroken space man probably has waking nightmares about.
3. (Up 1) Enel – Don’t go batty (I’m here all week, Ladies and Gentlemen)
2. (Down 1) Graw – I DON’T NEED TO WALK AROUND IN CIRCLES, WALK AROUND IN CIRCLES, WALK AROUND IN
1. (Up 1) Hendy – SCREAMS BREAK THE SILENCE, WAKING FROM THE DEAD OF NIGHTTTT
RE: Dante's Abyss Power Rankings - Karl Jak - 07-02-2017
Dante’s Abyss Power Rankings - Day "5.5"
25. (Down 16) Tony Redgrave – Wasn’t your Abyss :*
24. (Up 1) Cirno – Cold as a corpse.
23. (Down 15) Zedd – That’s what all that anger does to you.
22. (Down 15) Gamzee Makara – Troll to the very end.
21. (Up 3) Mad Bull – Die with your boot on.
20. (Up 3) Dane – Nice stick.
19. Malon – Farm harder.
18. (Up 4) Jak Mar – You got this.
17. Tamsin – I walk this lonely road…
16. (Down 1) “The Humble Sage” – Fighttttttt
15. (Up 3) Isaac – What shall his next move be?!
14. (Up 7) Clownpiece – On fire? Or flaming out?
13. (Down 3) Batman – Fight, Batman!
12. (Up 1) Archer – Limp.
11. Illidan – What’s the next move for big scary?
10. (Up 5) Cell – Hey, you’re still alive.
9. (Down 6) Enel – Are gods supposed to bleed like that?
8. (Down 2) Dawn – Rogue element here.
7. (Up 5) Dust – Kissing Booth: 25 cents
6. (Up 7) Deadpool – Has stuff. Will the long con work out?
5. (Up 15) Strazio Rockwell – Why is this guy still alive?
4. (Down 3) Vic Hendy – Who shall emerge from the crucible?
3. (Up 1) Tearen Wover – Prove yourself.
2. (Up 3) Gildarts – Fist of fury.
1. (Up 1) Graw – We meet again.
RE: Dante's Abyss Power Rankings - Karl Jak - 07-12-2017
Dante’s Abyss Final Standings
21. (Down 6) Isaac – Got to his head.
20. (Down 1) Malon – Fertilizer.
19. (Down 5) Clownpiece – Burned out.
18. (Up 3) Mad Bull – Died with his boots on.
17. (Down 1) “The Humble Sage” – Left the ace up his sleeve.
16. (Down 4) Archer – Whose mother did you pork?
15. (Up 5) Dane – Danes are friends, not food.
14. (Down 5) Enel – Electric.
13. Batman – Didn’t keep his head in the game.
12. Cell – The power of friendship is just enough to get your squashed.
11. (Up 7) Jak Mar – Not a dynamite finish.
10. (Down 3) Dust – Expect more next time.
9. (Up 2) Illidan – Scary and silent.
8. (Down 6) Gildarts – Does vaporizing that poor man make you feel better about how you did?
7. (Up 10) Tamsin – Almost untainted by battlefield ‘friendships’
6. (Down 1) Strazio Rockwell – This probably feels like blue balls, right?
5. (Up 3) Dawn – Was losing for nothing worth letting her escape?
4. (Up 2) Deadpool – Ahh, Mr. Wilson. Always the perennial non-winner.
3. Tearen Wover – Lord of Colosseum is an okay consolation prize.
2. (Up 2) Vic Hendy – Outlives fake friends. Rakes it in. Well played, “Mr. Hendy,” don’t disappear too quickly into all that “handyman work” you do down there in Coruscant.
1. Graw – “The Girl Who Ran”
RE: Dante's Abyss Power Rankings - Handsome Jack - 07-13-2017
Come on, man! I think I did pretty good, all things considered. At least made it to 12th place out of 32 peeps. Give me a little credit, bruh!