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+--- Thread: Judge needed for canon fight.(OOC too) Amber vs Sabrina. (/showthread.php?tid=3848)
Judge needed for canon fight.(OOC too) Amber vs Sabrina. - Dawnika Snow - 02-18-2016
Amber and Sabrina are about to have a "friendly" bout. Rule are in the thread "The leader of Team AMBR." If you're interested in being our judge please respond in this thread.
Re: Judge needed for canon fight.(OOC too) Amber vs Sabrina. - Albert Wesker - 02-19-2016
:frog:
*slowly raises hand*
For consideration: If you would prefer me to, I will gladly use the 'standard' judging/grading template. Otherwise I will make use of my own template for fight grading. That decision likes entirely with you.
Re: Judge needed for canon fight.(OOC too) Amber vs Sabrina. - Amaterasu - 02-19-2016
I'm happy with either option for the grading :yay: Thanks for volunteering though!
Re: Judge needed for canon fight.(OOC too) Amber vs Sabrina. - Dawnika Snow - 02-19-2016
I do enjoy colonels grading system.
RE: Judge needed for canon fight.(OOC too) Amber vs Sabrina. - Dawnika Snow - 03-08-2016
I am unfortunately gonna have to ask for an extension on the fight. Something has been weighing down on my mind rather heavily lately and I can't find inspiration to write at all...Sorry Yana DX I'll need like another week if that's alright.
RE: Judge needed for canon fight.(OOC too) Amber vs Sabrina. - ElFailzalot - 03-26-2016
Just posting here to note that I have begun reading and grading this. Shouldn't take too long (hopefully).
RE: Judge needed for canon fight.(OOC too) Amber vs Sabrina. - ElFailzalot - 03-29-2016
General Fight Notes
SABRINA'S FIRST POST
Right, so. As always I didn't read the thread leading up to the start of the fight so let's see if I can gather what's going on through the course of the fight itself.
Weird single linebreak there. Odd.
"raised her hand and pointed it at the other." Other what? Her other hand? The other person? Excuse me what :psy:
Aerial energy ball bombardment. Fun times. Though I can't help but feel like a 3 second minimum charge time would impede the whole....actual "bombardment" part. Maybe that's just me.
"strands" of hair. The word you were looking for is strands.
"and fell landed after the jump" This is either a punctuation or tense error....probably both. It just reads really weird.
keptic: Throwing one shadow ball after another....obviously very slowly.... No wonder she kept missing. It's not a very good tactic. Silly psychic.
"Maybe it could be turned into some other bladed weapon – a scythe maybe?" :fry:
Side note: dodging an uppercut to your legs by moving sideways seems really odd to envision. Unless you were too far back to be hit anyway, in which case why dodge in the first place? eh. Mind's eye might be messing with me.
"You’re predictable when you leap into the air, little bunny, so I can dodge your attacks." Yeah....to you she'd be predictable, but being able to see something coming and being able to dodge it are two different things....and considering the speed difference....
keptic: Ah well. ON TO AMBER'S POST
"Caution would be Amber's best approach; caution and aggression." Those two things are complete opposites. Amber you are silly. :frog:
"Even though her Aura Projection helped her move quickly and jump high, Amber still couldn't get close enough." silly. yes you can, do the fast :frog:
"What do I do dammit? Grimm don't use magic like that, and I'm not used to fighting humans. Especially, when their only tactic is running away and attacking from a distance. Jeez this is frustrating me, but keep your cool cat. Anger will only blind me." Missing comma, unnecessary comma, missing comma, SUDDEN TENSE SHIFT what even is this
"She swung Razorback over head and into it's holster. With this, she could maneuver more quickly." excuse me what how does that work
"but not before Sabrina charged another Shadow Ball. Unsure of how this move might affect her, Amber reacted with her Semblance. A barrier of pink color formed in front of Amber's forearm, like a shield, and absorbed the blow." So.....you did this....after she had already thrown the thing at you.... Something moving at the speed of an arrow....from a few feet away....and you had a whole second to put up a shield.... :fry: *marks down notes*
"Razorback searched for flesh as it's blade carved through the air with nearly keen precision." "nearly keen precision" I didn't know something could BE nearly keen. :frog:
"It was obvious that Sabrina had a talent for running and dodging effectively." except for the running part
"Sabrina was now thinking of a way to get back at Amber for the bruise she left on the left side of her chin." :psy: I had to go back and re-read this post and the one before it to figure out where this came from. Might want to...note where you're hitting people in the future.
"A shadow ball formed in Sabrina's hand and came down on Amber's shoulder." it would take much less than three seconds for Amber to land again and be ready to avoid that you people are silly :crossedarms:
"Let us see who will get the second first then!" punctuation is important, m'kay?
ON TO SABRINA'S NEXT POST
Oh dear. Late post. :woah: That is the opposite of good. :poop:
"Sabrina looked down at Amber with her Shadow Ball in hand but she didn’t throw it, instead remaining focused. Amber remained on the ground, knowing better than to attack an opponent that was ready to dodge her if she tried another attack. She would just get hit by another Shadow Ball. “You took my Shadow Ball with little damage, even without that Aura of yours…”" WANNA HEAR ME SAY SHADOW BALL AGAIN :zany:
“It seems like you’re not entirely reliant on that shield of yours, to take all the blows for you." comma not entirely necessary. makes emphasis weird and hard to judge intent
"The aura around her flared up before she threw her Shadow Ball down and simultaneously stopped her flight, which made her fall towards the ground." so you just...threw it straight down...? :psy:
"Amber sidestepped to dodge the Shadow Ball and brought Razorback around in a broad swing that would cleave Sabrina in half." so wait Amber was right below you? when and how :psy:
"However, the Psychic stopped herself just beyond the range that Razorback reached and took back to floating, though now with her body upside down and facing Amber." adam is confused please send help :gaite: you were above her....falling to the ground and she tried to cleave you in half but you stopped out of reach and.....what :psy: so you are now still above her but you stopped out of her reach and and and :psy: she would not have been able to cut you in half from that angle what is happening this is a fustercluck of vaguery :froggonk:
“You may have the strength to attack someone with effort. I, however…” She raised a hand with her fingers forming a claw, and Amber found herself surrounded by the same Aura that the Psychic was using to keep herself floating. “… can defeat you with my mind alone.” this is a bad analogy you are silly that still requires effort it is just mental as opposed to physical. :crossedarms:
“What the hell is this?!” Amber yelled and attempted another swing at Sabrina’s head, but the Psychic turned her entire body to dodge the deadly blow – although she wasn’t quite fast enough and the edge of Amber’s blade opened a lengthy cut along Sabrina's cheek and temple," i feel it pertinent to point out that if that was one continuous cut Sabrina would've lost an eye. and it would be very, very difficult for a sword that large to just leave a bare grazing blow like that....even with anime/omni-physics at play. this is silly. :crossedarms:
"Her quick reflexes, accumulated in numerous battles against Grimm and spars with her team- and classmates, kept her from sustaining larger injuries however – she brought her Aura back up and conjured a shield around her forearms, then used that to dampen the impact." those hyphens are really out of place and i'm not sure where the break for inserting the relevant bit of information is supposed to start and end. what are you on about :psy:
"Anticipating another attack she rolled off to the side as soon as she had recovered, but Sabrina didn’t follow up, instead backing away and landing, holding her cheek and gritting her teeth." so wait did you release Amber from your psychic grip or....? also holding your cheek is all well and good but what about your temple. your hand is not that big you cannot cover the entire gash at once.
"But she was far from defeated… five of the bricks that made up the pavement around the fountain were lodged out of the ground and floated around Sabrina, each surrounded by its own psychic aura. Then she flung her hand forward and sent the bricks flying at Amber." that would've been better as a regular period and new sentence. And wow look at that the first indication you're actually fighting by the fountain.....after all that running back and forth all over the nexus you were apparently doing until now.
ON TO AMBER'S NEXT POST
Oh dear, late post... :ohdear: But hey, Sabrina is willing to let you go without penalty!
quee: okay so where are all these bricks coming from that Amber is dodging and powderizing? :frog:
"As the faunus grew within 15 feet, Sabrina was really getting nervous now; she was getting to damn close." that'd be 'too damn close' there, chief.
"Amber's plan was already in motion though, just a little close and with a spin and a duck to dodge the next brick, the psychic hears a mechanical hum." not sure if typo or sudden and jarring tense shift :fry:
"Amber swirled around with Razorback in rifle mode and started to take shots, assuming a crouching position to help her accuracy." Amber is now ice cream, and is delightfully swirled. Lovely. It must have been one slow swirl, too, if she was able to switch from sword to rifle mode.
"However, the psychic had better reflexes than she thought and only suffered a wound in the shoulder, the bullet found a new home in her shoulder, not passing all the way through." that bullet would feel right at home in the department of redundancy department. But on a more serious note, sentence structure and idea phrasing are important. There is either some wonky punctuation or very poor sentence formatting going on here. Also just to point out....at the close range that this is apparently at, dodging a bullet with only 1 SPD just ain't gonna happen -- not without Foresight anyway. These lucky, quick dodges are getting very silly. :crossedarms:
"She cringed in pain, but was still able to dodge the rest of the bullets by side stepping and floating around." :crossedarms: :crossedarms:
"Great, I'm glad you can have reaction speed. I would've hit you in the head if you didn't see that coming." i do not think Amber knows how reaction speed works
"I'm not dumb enough to reveal all of my tactics at once friend. "Whether or not I have anymore up my sleeve is a mystery." since when is Sabrina a friend. since when do you need extra punctuation marks in the middle of a sentence. what is going on
"Razorback went back into Zwei mode as the clip clicked back into it's reload slot." yes. it went back into two mode. sometimes shorthand doesn't work.
"I knew you would reveal it's tricks soon, only when I got the upper hand."
keptic: [faint sounds of Word Crimes in the distance]""This is a most invigorating fight, friend. However, it isn't over yet!" Amber off guard this time and a shadow ball hit her in the arm as she moved to stop it from hitting her chest. " who is a friend to who what now what is going on :psy: Amber is off guard from what with the who now-- HOW DO YOU GET CAUGHT OFF GUARD BY A BIG GLOWY ENERGY BALL THAT TAKES THREE SECONDS TO CHARGE UP?! :froggonk:
"Sabrina's onslaught of shadow balls began again." yes....onslaught....with three seconds between shots.... :frog:
"It is quite annoying to have to chase down her prey." tense shifting
"Amber was gaining and out of bullets now." excuse me what
"Her hand reached out for her stomach, but Sabrina felt something pierce her abdomen. When she looked down at Amber's hand to see the pink strikes of Amber's claws impaling her skin." Okay, I'm sorry, but what? Oddly worded, and described. :psy: Also, 'pink strikes of Amber's claws'...what? I just....what?
"Amber laughed at her, "you should have known something like that. Someone with mental powers not thinking so simply?"" let's play spot the capitalization error! :frogbon:
"Sabrina was being mocked now, and that was pissing her off. Her hand reached out and punched Amber in the face with a shadow ball formed and exploded on her head." Again. Three second charge time. And it doesn't explode. And Sabrina doesn't even have Physical Strength. That would have been a love tap at most, not really much of a punch.
""Not being smart enough to think I wouldn't retaliate? That is just down right dumb, cat."" i would think that thinking someone wouldn't retaliate would be the dumb thing, yes...but to not even be smart enough to think that? what did you think? that she would break into song and dance? I don't think you wrote what you meant to here.
"Amber stumbled to her feet and shook her head." when did she fall? :psy:
ON TO SABRINA'S LAST POST
"On the other hand, Amber had gotten her good… the bullet in her shoulder was hurting like hell, and the stabs in her stomach only slightly less so." the bullet that she pulled out of her shoulder last post? :frog:
"She needed to take care of that bullet first." :frog: :frog:
"Amber slowed her steps and kept Razorback at the ready but still drew closer to Sabrina. Then suddenly, her instincts and reflexes prompted her to raise the massive blade and defend herself with the flat side when Sabrina sent something small flying at her." you mean the blade currently in its rifle form, strapped to her back? :frog:
"She exclaimed when she noticed the bloodied metal piece that bounced off her blade and fell to the ground – the bullet that had been lodged into Sabrina’s shoulder moments ago, before the Psychic had pulled it out with her Telekinesis anyway." again the bullet was already pulled out in Amber's last post....but even with that contradiction, when did Sabrina pull it out in your post? :psy:
" Plus, Sabrina only had one hand she could use with her left one still being on her cheek and her concentration was nowhere near as good as it had been at the start of the battle." again i must point out what about the cut on her temple? :frog:
"Amber was only two steps out of reach from striking her with her sword," once again, when did she actually draw it and turn it back to sword-mode?
"She ripped another two bricks out of the pavement behind her opponent and flung them at her back." when did she get behind Amber?
"And Sabrina took that moment to bring out her last trump card: she had turned her hand to face the palm at the incoming sword and used her Barrier to create a glass-like wall that redirected the blade upwards diagonally, allowing her to dodge under it although the barrier shattered from the impact and she nearly toppled over herself. What she had not taken into account was that because Amber was falling forward and she had ducked, their heads were coming to equal height, and sure enough...
BUNK!" I feel like this would make much more sense if I could actually envision what was going on. Because it sounds like another big fustercluck of chaotic movement that just doesn't....sync up. :psy:
"... their foreheads were knocked against each other, Sabrina stumbled backwards from the hit and Amber needed to let go of Razorback to avoid its momentum slamming it into her opposite-sided shoulder, whilst she landed face-down on the pavement." what kind of momentum was there that turned her arm into a noodle so that she could actually hit her opposite shoulder with it :psy:
"Then she pressed her left hand on her right hip where her injury was, and used her Aura Projection to create miniature shields around the spots where the internal bleeding was, forcing the blood back." wait what can she even do that :psy:
ON TO AMBER'S LAST POST
"In a swift wrist movement, the blade spun in her hand and ended up underhanded, and her free hand lit up pink." why is her hand glowing what is this
"The cat could wield a sword larger than her body and a tenth her own weight, yet still she had tricks with it?" how does she know how much Amber's sword weighs? :psy:
"The brick flew as fast as a bullet, striking Sabrina in the gut, aggravating the claw wounds in her stomach and surprising her." :frog: you would need more than 4 ATK to throw a brick as fast as a bullet, you silly person. and a bullet-speed brick would do a lot more than 'surprise' someone with only 1 DEF. :crossedarms:
"Sabrina focused completely on dodging now. If she didn't, Amber would definitely hit her, and good. Amber spun and swung crazily. The blade was like a tornado, intending to tear down everything within it's vortex. Her hand reached out many times to claw the psychic as well. Sabrina proved illusive for now, but for how long was the question. Amber couldn't be anymore pissed at this moment, "hold still!" The barrage continued, then it was time to use the note she made earlier. Amber quickly trid to move behind Sabrina and slash her in the back. She of course had ample time to dodge but kept backing up as Amber led her into a trap." Okay, I get what you're saying here, but in the future pay more attention to your punctuation and sentence transitions. It's quite jarring in a few places, jumping from one idea to another one entirely, within the same sentence.
My comments for the last paragraph hold true for the next two, as well. Watch that punctuation.
"As Amber approached, she got ready to dodge the imminent attack from her own sword. Sabrina watched as two black shadows appeared behind Amber, splitting off in opposite directions. The boy had joined the fight now, and he was using some ability. He was all black, and the second was as well. Were both of them real? Best to attack everyone then, if that would be possible for her to take on three opponents." :frogsiren: VIOLATION, VIOLATION! :frogsiren: Using NPCs that aren't registered specifically as a move or Assist in an officially-graded fight? Oh you best believe that's a penalty.
keptic: .....except no, because it just won't contribute anything in any way at all.FINAL THOUGHTS
All in all, it was an interesting fight to read...though I feel like it might have been better/made more sense with the information leading up to it. I could easily read that on m own, yeah, but if there's nothing to point back to it in the fight itself then eeeeeeeeh. Watch out for the things I pointed out above, and keep in mind the inconsistencies that were noted for next time around.
Sabrina
Word Count: 0
Time Call: 1
Missed Posts: 0
Quality: 6
Technical: 5
Realism: 5
Scale: 5
Skill: 4
Bonuses: 0
Penalties: 1
Total Score: 4
Amber Veritz
Word Count: 0
Time Call: 2 (Not being penalized)
Missed Posts: 0
Quality: 6
Technical: 4
Realism: 3
Scale: 6
Skill: 5
Bonuses: 0
Penalties: 1
Total Score: 4.8
Sabrina: 4
Amber Veritz: 4.8
WINNER: AMBER VERITZ
RE: Judge needed for canon fight.(OOC too) Amber vs Sabrina. - Yu Kanda - 03-29-2016
Thats a very detailed judging post. My respect goes out to Adam for taking the time to create such an extensive review. Both writers can learn allot from this ^^
RE: Judge needed for canon fight.(OOC too) Amber vs Sabrina. - Dawnika Snow - 03-31-2016
(03-29-2016, 04:19 AM)Yu Kanda Wrote: Thats a very detailed judging post. My respect goes out to Adam for taking the time to create such an extensive review. Both writers can learn allot from this ^^
Yes i really enjoy having Adam as a judge, and that is the exact reason why. Thank you for taking your time to make that review Adam. :frogbon:
RE: Judge needed for canon fight.(OOC too) Amber vs Sabrina. - Undyne - 04-21-2016
I'm hyper late on my reply here OwO
Only just got to read Adam's judging cause I had forgotten this thread exists n whatnot... I'm cringing so hard at my post when I read it a second time. 4 points... Am skrub ;_;
But as always, thank you very much Adam! Very detailed, in-depth judging that I am more than okay with, and I hope I can do something less cringe-worthy the next time.