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+--- Thread: Fight: Alexyana VS Dawnika Snow (OOC Thread) (/showthread.php?tid=2646)
Fight: Alexyana VS Dawnika Snow (OOC Thread) - Undyne - 09-30-2015
OOC discussion, rules and such for the fight between Dawnika and Alexyana.
The Fight thread.
Judge: Blarghmaster Adam Gaite
Rounds: 3
Word limit per round: 1.000
Time of reply: 36 hours or opposer wins.
Order of posting: Dawnika => Alexyana => Dawnika etc.
Extra: Alexyana's dialogue wil be highlighted in blue and Dawnika's in purple, to distinguish who is speaking more easily.
Re: Fight: Alexyana VS Dawnika Snow (OOC Thread) - Dawnika Snow - 10-01-2015
@Alexyana, Dawnika can use shapeshift to change into animals, mainly a wolf.
Re: Fight: Alexyana VS Dawnika Snow (OOC Thread) - Undyne - 10-01-2015
Alright
Though I'd rather see you do this first before I do it as well, as I'm not sure what Dawnika might use the shapeshifting in combat for, how long it takes etc.Let me know if you want her to shapeshift during one of my posts, by the way.
Re: Fight: Alexyana VS Dawnika Snow (OOC Thread) - Dawnika Snow - 10-01-2015
You can use it as you see fit. When is use it, I become a wolf to bite at limbs or to get close to someone quickly. It roughly takes 2-4 second pending on movement speed and vice versa to return to human.
Re: Fight: Alexyana VS Dawnika Snow (OOC Thread) - Dawnika Snow - 10-01-2015
To make a note, since Alexyanas claws have ripped up the chest of Dawnika's shirt, things will be seen. I do not intend to be lewd or anything of the sort, I only wish to keep the experience and atmosphere realistic.
Re: Fight: Alexyana VS Dawnika Snow (OOC Thread) - Undyne - 10-01-2015
The fight's done and up to be judged ^^
Note for Dawnika: We can finish the fight depending on Adam's judgement of who "wins". I'd also be happy to discuss what it'll end like (conceding, knockout, passout or whatever) on Skype or through PMs
Re: Fight: Alexyana VS Dawnika Snow (OOC Thread) - Roger Smith - 10-01-2015
Judging is in progress. It will be done sometime fairly soon.
Re: Fight: Alexyana VS Dawnika Snow (OOC Thread) - Roger Smith - 10-01-2015
Alexyana
Total Word Count: 1541
Less than 1000 Words Per Post: CHECK
Over Time Limit: NO
Description and Clarity: 3.5
Your descriptions and overall way of keeping things clear enough to follow were fairly well done. There were a few points here and there where I was left fuzzy on the specifics of what exactly was happening, but a quick re-read got me enough of an understanding to go off of that it wasn't a major detraction from my following of the action. A bit of a personal gripe but I can't help but be ever so slightly disappointed and distracted by the overall lack of mention of the surroundings, bar some minor mentions of grass and the like.
Voice: 3
This is a subject I've never given much in the way of serious thougt to before recently, I admit. But, looking over the fight I can definitely see that you have your own preferred way of writing and describing actions, and it flows consistently. There were a few instances where it felt like the level of detail or speed of flow/focus jerked around a bit, but it wasn't anything major.
Character: 3
It was clear, while reading, that Alexyana wanted to shake off the rust and get ready for the upcoming tournament. She's focused on that, on getting ready and winning this fight, even if it just a training bout. Unfortunately, that's about all I managed to get out of it. In a fight there isn't a huge amount of time to focus on growth and character development, internal thoughts and the like due to the word limits and action requirements, but there's always room for a little bit. I got a little further insight with her way of thinking from the way she fought and such, but it was difficult to really get a solid grasp on things.
Story: 3
I must confess, I have not read very much of the thread preceding the fight, so perhaps that was a fault of mine, but I prefer to take events such as a fight by themselves, and try to grasp context and such from the fight itself and the actions immediately surrounding it. There isn't really much to the story, I feel, beyond just "we're both going to be in this tournament, let's make sure we're both in fighting shape or something", which isn't necessarily a bad thing, and it works for a basic scenario. Things did get a little repetetive here and there, essentially being "Dawnika presses an attack, Alexyana defends and counter attacks, the combat breaks off for a moment, then repeats". There were variations in each clash, but that was how it felt at the end of the fight. It's not bad by any means, but it wasn't exactly...good, either.
Grammar and Spelling: 3
Overall there isn't much I can say here. No major spelling mistakes I could spot, no major mistakes in grammer or anything either. But something about the structure of your end of the fight felt a little....lacking. Maybe it was just the way descriptions and actions were set up and some minor repetetive word choice that threw me -- a thing I am guilty of and berate myself for upon reading things back, frequently -- but it is still, over all, quite decent. There was at least one case random interjections in the middle of a sentence, which confused me greatly, and a quick read-through before posting should take care of such things in the future.
Total Score: 15.5
Dawnika Snow
Total word count: 1023
Less than 1000 Words Per Post: CHECK
Over Time Limit: NO
Description and Clarity: 2.5
Your descriptions of events were....not bad. A little on the "this is what happened" side, straight out telling things instead of actually describing and showing how things progressed. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it doesn't exactly do wonders, either. There was also the same issue in keeping things clear, and some disjointed actions where it almost seemed like there was a missing action or sentence, and the simple straightforward nature of your descriptions of attacks and actions left me a little confused on the specifics of things on multiple occasions. I WAS able to follow the flow of events, but I had to reread things more than once. A little work on making sure things flow together better and aren't just a string of "this happened, then this, and this" would be one piece of advice.
One example I can point out is when Dawnika is luring Alexyana to charge at her, and she dodges so as to let her opponent run into a tree, you simply state:
Dawnika Snow Wrote:Suddenly, however, Dawnika had stopped running and as Alexyana approached with her attack, Dawnika used her burst movement to dodge.
This is very flat and hard to envision in my head. Did she just step aside, dash to one side or the other, dodge around the tree, jump up and over Alexyana, dodge around her? There are far too many ways you can dodge and it's hard to picture exactly what happened with just that. On top of that, just saying "she used her burst movement to dodge" is....bland. Yeah, she used her burst movement, but there are better ways to describe it, and this is a major situation of just telling readers what she did. A description of what she did and how she did it, something along the lines of "Dawnika ducked low and darted to one side, kicking off the ground with a burst of speed and dodging her draconic opponent's charge", or anything like that. Not the best, but it's a basic idea.
Voice: 2.5
You keep up a constant level of action and flow, which is a good thing. I was able to remain relatively on-track with the flow and pace of your posts. This was tough for me....I could tell who Dawnika ws from your writing, but I couldn't really get a good feel for her, what she really wanted or was up to. It felt like something was missing.
Character: 2
This was a hard call, and it may very well just be me, but Dawnika seemed incredibly mechanical and hard to read. I couldn't really tell how she was feeling or what she was hoping for beyond her mention of needing to be ready for the coloseum tournament. Even when she was injured by Alexyana's strike to her chest, and she started to let her anger take over, it didn't really.....come across. The tone of the writing stayed the same, and it felt like a dispassionate observer telling about a change in Dawnika's actions without a change in her overall demeanor. It was again a case of just telling us that she was apparently angry, andnot really providing any indication of just how that was suppsed to be indicated.
Story: 2.5
Much of what I said for Alexyana is also applicable here, with me not reading the preceding thread and there not being much of a story oveall. In a fight there are more options than just charging in and pressing the attack, or sticking to straight combat, which can get repetetive very quickly. Your use of luring Alexyana into hitting a tree was well done and something I enjoyed, but aside from that everything kind of blended together, and not in a good way.
Grammar and Spelling: 2.5
There were no major errors, but there were a few that made me stop and blink for a moment or go "huh, that's odd", and a higher frequency of general misspelled words that didn't completely detract from the reading experience -- in fact, if I wasn't reading as intently as I was, and just reading for enjoyment, might not have noticed as many as I did. One in particular, in your third post of the fight, you mentioned that the blow to her chest made Dawnika "whail in pain", which was one that made me stop for a moment in confusion. You also have a strong penchant for repeating names frequently, to an extent it got repetetive and started to come across....strangely. Try and use more pronouns or nouns in general, descriptive words and the like, instead of just repeatedly using names.
Total score : 12
Final score:
Alexyana: 15.5
Dawnika Snow: 12
Alexyana is the winner!
In closing, let me say that I did enjoy the fight itself, and I don't want anything I said to come across as anything other than an attempt to provide assistance and (hopefully) constructive criticism and feedback. It was an enjoyable excercise to judge the fight, and I look forward to seeing what you decide to do in the aftermath!
Re: Fight: Alexyana VS Dawnika Snow (OOC Thread) - Undyne - 10-01-2015
Hey Adam. I wanted to thank you again for taking it upon yourself to judge our fight - and double so for the great detail you put into every part. It's definitely something I'll save and reread a few times in parallel to our fight, to improve where I can.
I had a lot of fun with the spar and exploring the "style" that this site has for RP-fights. Definitely looking forward to doing more, and perhaps being in the judge seat some day too :yay: