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+--- Thread: C&C Proto Man (/showthread.php?tid=1094)
C&C Proto Man - Sasuke Uchiha - 03-20-2015
Just a heads up if you haven't read Proto's threads (You need to!) there may be some spoiler here and there. So, read at your own risk. Alright, here we go!
The Scramble:
Such a monumental thread to be a part of with one of the most diverse group of players and I find myself enjoying your posts that have nothing to do with other players like the interaction with The Judge. Animosity right off the bat and with a pretty major site npc no less. Not that I would expect any less from you of course. I am excited to see if and how this progresses and where it takes us!
I also rather enjoyed the perspective you have with Proto here. You do a good job of making us believe he is little kid with a childs mind. For example his take on grownups and their social dynamics as well as the struggle of being shy and not having many friends when you’re growing up. Like with your example of watching ‘normal kids’ play sports and pick teams from afar. Good stuff!
The Shiny City:
Pretty sound motive for Protoman to choose Coruscant over Camelot. I find it funny that The Joker kept ‘splashing’ in your posts. It’s a shame he didn’t stick around. =(
I also like that Proto didn’t automatically ‘take’ to summoning items he needed and had the robot butler fetch the items for him. Btw, robot butler ftw! xD
Hope Rides Alone:
Proto man has to install the latest Omni patch. I <3 this idea. Very clever!
I like how you go into dreams and the difference between humans and androids. At first I thought Proto couldn’t dream and this made me a saaaad panda
But wait, second paragraph plot twist: Proto does dream! =O
Okay, so pretty much everybody except Megaman is here? xD Oh and the two doctors… but otherwise the whole cast? Lol
So, I am waaay excited to see this celebration parade. I feel like you are setting up for a nice arc and can’t wait to see further Judge Dred/Proto interaction.
Oh, I really enjoyed the ‘Proto has a break in’ scene. Seriously, your work is so good that if I am cooking food in the microwave while reading… I hit the space bar to pause it when I have to get my food. It’s that good! xD
With that said I know these things are s’pose to be constructive so, some food for thought:
I think I would have enjoyed this scene more if you had introduced the gang afterwards. For instance if you had waited to post everyone teleporting into your restroom and breaking out after we get the crime scene post instead, we all would have been guessing as to what happened? Why does it look like they broke out and not in? Who could it have been? What was their motive?
I feel it would have added more suspense and mystery for the reader if the order of these posts had been reversed. (Yay, now it’s not just all ass kissing! xD)
…
OH MY GOD BIG BROTHER!!!! F*CK THE EMPIRE AND THEIR INVASION OF PRIVACY!!!!
*Ahem*
Poor officer Joe. I really enjoyed that and didn't see it coming.
I feel like new people, or anyone who needs a better perspective on how to flesh out Coruscant and the Empire should read this thread. Good stuff, mang.
The Emperor’s Jubilee:
Staff Story ohhhh yeeeeaaaaah! *Fists bumps*
Wait, what? Imperial Space Marines? This is a thing? I love things! Look at this thing! I’m going to play this thing out! *Is Stoked*
I like how Protoman contemplated doing his super hero thing to get a better view of the parade but thought better of it because it’d look absurd. This is a real character grounded in rationality who… just happens to be also be a super powered android.
So, we find that the Empire is basically Corporate America of the future and Proto gets spiritual on us =O
I can tell that I am going to like Proto as much as any other character I have read of yours. Kudos ^_^
I liked the comparisons to the bible and hell that then turned into actual history lessons of the underverse. It’s well written, good job.
Proto Man Wrote:Samus shrugged her rounded shoulders. “I’m not su—”
Whatever statement she was about to make was cut off by the earthquake that struck from nowhere. Just as they had less than two minutes prior, the pair was jostled and lost their equilibrium. To make matters worse, the moment he hit the ground with a dull thud, Proto Man something crack apart as the earth continued to spasm. Looking to his left, he realized that the ground was fissuring, and the expanding crack was heading their way.
This paragraph troubled me for a long time, but now I think I got it as it was just a simple typo, but I think you meant:
To make matters worse, the moment he hit the ground with a dull thud, Protoman ‘felt’ something crack apart as the earth continued to spasm.
Without the word ‘felt’ in there I was stuck trying to read and comprehend it for like 2 whole minutes xD
Awe man, your enemy is someone who has hacked the dataverse… and you’re in the dataverse! Get ready for the first wave =O
Sound strategy focusing on one mount instead of all three; clever.
Well, Protoman just happened to find himself in the midst of a robot battle... Convenient, but it doesn’t diminish how pumped I am for it! Lol
Sometimes when we write battle scenes it’s hard to portray exactly what you have going in your head to the reader. This is a problem that is absolutely nonexistent in you work, for example the imagery here came without any effort on my part:
Proto Man Wrote:Kicking off the ground, his leap augmented by boosters built into his large boots, the Robot Master charged the Proto Buster and released the oversized burst at the nearest machine. While it looked stronger and more capable than the members of the first few waves, the humanoid machine’s alloy erupted all the same, as the plasma punched through its chest and exploded against the floor behind him. The kickback was enough to jostle the android midair, but it was nothing he hadn’t already calculated into his trajectory.
Flawless and quiet epic in my own head if I do say so myself.
YES! Sword battle! This is why Zero > Megaman.
It’s funny, I was just thinking that I hadn’t seen enough of the battle from your perspective and wa-la, you deliver. This battle adds drama as we don’t know if they can hold out long enough to get those bikes summoned; especially with the new threat in those tanks! Also, I liked the love hate he had for his opponent once the third wave dropped. With that said, I was looking forward to bikes… but, still, overall a good post here.
Saved by the library…
Proto Man Wrote:He knew what a library was from memory, and he’d seen a few in major cities as well. Unfortunately, he’d never been inside one himself, and given that he was in a digital world that was inside a futuristic city which was part of an alien multiverse, he figure he’d be lost either way.
Oh bother! Lol, you can taste the despair.
I dunno if I trust that AI Librarian. Mentioning the ‘Copper Eye’ right before throwing you into some holo-deck place =/ *Shakes fist angrily at the AI*
Proto Man Wrote:“I don’t believe that name fits the setting,” the android remarked as he shook hands with the boy, who was probably a year or two his senior.
^^This line made me chuckle.
This post is really cool. It reads like a dream sequence and before you know it we’re getting real intel. Also, I’m quite curious as to who J’hath’s teacher was, hmmmm?
Oh hey guys, don’t mind me I’m just going to have an epic pirate story right in the middle of your saga! I f*cking love it!! Because Omni.
And Pirates don’t have Proto Buster’s, ya weirdo. Geez, this guy with his Proto Buster… xD
Proto Man Wrote:The android had never actually seen such an antique firearm, but he imagined it had to share the same basic functionality of point, pull trigger, and pray.
^^This is well written. I can’t explain exactly why I like the segment so much, but I do. It’s just good.
Well, and here I thought that holo-deck adventure was just some random fun. I never thought it would come full circle and progress the story, right on. Guess I owe that Librarian an apology, haha.
...
Well damn, Proto’s pirate fun was actually essential to the story’s plot. I’ll be damned… I had no idea, kudos again…
Oh no… it’s all Proto’s fault…
Daaaaaamn, and we thought Proto had a problem with the judge before…
Okay, so that sums it up for now. I’ll surely get to the rest at some time or another. Great read as anyone would expect coming from you!